Good Girl Gone

  She comes and sits down beside me. “Thank you,” she says.

  “For what?”

  “For helping me last night. I was kind of a mess.”

  “A beautiful mess.” Damn, did I say that out loud?

  She smiles softly, her cheeks flushing.

  The door opens and Wren walks into the room. She holds the door open and someone follows her in. Star stiffens. “What’s he doing here?”

  “Where the fuck have you been?” Wren asks. “I’ve been trying to find you everywhere.”

  The guy with Wren looks a lot like Star. They have the same hair color and the same eyes. The same thin body and wiry build. Although on Star, I’d have to call it willowy instead of wiry.

  Star jumps to her feet. “Why did you bring him here?” she asks. “He doesn’t belong here.”

  Wren puts her hands on her hips. “Yes, he does.”

  People start filing out of Sam and Peck’s room, and I watch as they all leave, one by one. They throw their hands up at me as they walk by, and Paul asks me silently with his eyes if everything is okay. I nod to reassure him, but in truth I’m not completely sure.

  Star gets up and walks down the hallway.

  “Well, that went well,” Wren says as she flops into a chair. She points to the guy beside her. “Oh, this is our brother, Tag. Tag, this is Josh. He works at the tattoo shop I was telling you about, with the Reeds.”

  Tag sticks out his hand and I take it. He looks me in the eye and I like that. His grip is firm, and I like that even more. What I don’t like is how much Star doesn’t seem to like him. “Nice to meet you,” I say. I look at Wren. “Are you going to see the baby?”

  “Is it here?” she cries.

  I nod and smile. She shrieks and gets to her feet, then runs down the hallway.

  I sit silently with Tag for a minute. But curiosity is killing me. “Where are you from, man?” I ask.

  “From the past,” he says. He makes a face. “And apparently I should have stayed there.”

  “What brings you to New York?”

  He shrugs. “I needed a change.”

  Something is off with this guy, but I can’t put my finger on it. “So, you thought looking up long lost sisters was the way to go?”

  He chuckles. “It was now or never, you know? I needed to be in the city. I just didn’t expect to walk into a mess.”

  “Some call it a mess. Some call it a baby.” I hold my hands up like I’m weighing two things, lowering one and raising the other.

  “Yeah, Wren filled me in on the way here. Babies are pretty special. A gift from God.”

  We talk about nothing for about twenty minutes, and I’m starting to worry that no one is going to come back and take him off my hands. “I’m going to go and find Star,” I tell him, and I start to roll myself down the hall. He doesn’t follow me. He stays where he is.

  “See you later, man,” he says.

  A nurse points me to a room and I push the door open. I look in and Sam is sitting on the edge of the bed, holding his son. He motions for me to come into the room and smiles at me. I roll inside, and I see that Star is lying on her side in the bed with Peck. Wren is sulking in a chair in the corner.

  “Congratulations,” I say quietly. I look over at Star and see that her eyes are closed. She’s clutching tightly to Peck’s hand, but she’s not saying anything and neither is Peck.

  Sam looks up. “You want to hold him?”

  He doesn’t wait for me to answer. He just gets up and comes toward me. I start to protest, but he doesn’t care. He sets the baby in my arms and sighs. “Samuel Emilio, meet our friend, Josh. He’s kind of cool.”

  “He sure is,” I whisper, looking down at the tiny little bit of perfection in my arms.

  “I was talking about you, dude.” Sam laughs.

  “Oh,” I breathe. Well, I try to breathe, but the little guy has taken all my wits away when he blinks his blue eyes at me. I’m breathless and amazed.

  There was a time when no one would have trusted me with a baby, but then I’d never met a Reed before. I swallow hard because my throat is suddenly clogged with emotion.

  “Dude, if you cry, I’m going to take a picture of it and send it to everyone.”

  I laugh. “Fuck you.” Then I remember I’m holding a child. “Oh, shit,” I say. “I mean shoot.” I just cursed twice in front of their kid.

  Sam laughs and goes back and sits down next to Peck on the edge of the bed, crossing his feet at the ankles. Apparently, he’s more amused than angry at my slip-up.

  “Can I do anything for you guys?” I ask. “Do you need anything?” I didn’t get them a gift.

  Sam shakes his head. “I don’t think so.” He nudges Peck with his elbow. “Do we need anything?”

  “Babysitting,” Peck murmurs.

  I choke on my own spit. “What?”

  She grins. “Not right away. But maybe sometime.”

  I point a finger at my chest. “Me?”

  She shrugs. “You asked.”

  A grin tips my lips. I try to hold it back, but it’s like happiness is tugging at my heart and showing itself on my face.

  “Damn, he’s handsome when he smiles,” Wren says, and then she whistles. It takes me a minute to realize she’s talking about me, and then heat creeps up my cheeks.

  “Dude,” Sam says. “They have no boundaries. They asked me about my equipment. Be glad she’s just talking about your looks.”

  Wren wiggles her brows. “For now.”

  I laugh. The sound is almost foreign as it slips from my soul.

  A knock sounds on the door and it opens enough for Star and Wren’s brother to stick his head inside. “Can I join you?” he asks.

  Star sits up and says, “No, you may not.”

  “Oh, shut it, Star.” Wren motions him into the room and makes introductions. Sam looks curious. And Peck looks like a mother bear guarding her cub, and I’m not talking about Baby Sam.

  After a few minutes of awkward silence, Peck yawns and I say, “I’m going to go home so you guys can get some rest.” Sam comes and takes the baby from me. The baby is so warm and perfect and foreign.

  “Where’s he going to stay?” Star asks, nodding toward her brother.

  Wren heaves a sigh. “He’s going to stay in Peck’s old room for a few days.”

  “No, he is not!” Star jumps to her feet and punches her hands into her hips. “No!”

  Wren closes her eyes and massages her forehead. “The room is just sitting there empty. He doesn’t have anywhere to go.”

  “And this is our problem why?”

  “Because he shares our DNA!” Wren yells. The baby startles and Sam growls at them both.

  “Knock it off,” Sam warns.

  “Why can’t he get a hotel room?” Star asks.

  “Because he doesn’t have any money!” Wren whisper-hisses back.

  “Money,” Star bites out. “That’s what this is about.”

  “He’s going home with us. That’s all there is to it.” Wren clenches her teeth so tightly I can hear them grinding.

  “Then I’m not.”

  Wren sighs. “If that’s how you want it.” She glares at her sister.

  “Fine.” Star leans over and kisses Peck on the head, whispers in her ear, and then kisses Sam’s cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Then she walks out of the room.

  “That didn’t go very well,” Tag says.

  Sam catches my eye and nods toward the door. He wants me to go after her. And to tell the truth, I feel like there’s an imaginary tether between us, and it’s getting tighter and tighter the farther she walks down the hall.

  I rush to catch up with her and follow her to the elevator, enjoying the click of her stiletto heels and the sway of her ass. She jams her index finger against the elevator button.

  The elevator doors open and she leans in the corner. Then I hear her sniffle.

  “You okay?” I ask.

  “Fine.”

/>   “Can I walk you home?” I’m going to, no matter what her answer is.

  She snorts. “I’m not going home. Not while he’s there.” She blinks furiously, refusing to let the tears fall over her lashes.

  “Then where are you going?”

  “I’ll go to a hotel.”

  “You could come home with me.” The words came unbidden to my lips. But I don’t want to take them back.

  She leans up off the wall. “Really?” Finally, a tear falls from her lashes and she brushes it away with the back of her hand.

  I nod. “Sure.”

  “Okay.”

  I take a deep breath and wonder what the fuck I’ve just gotten myself into.

  ***

  “So, were you thinking you’re going to get lucky?” she blurts out as we enter my apartment.

  I throw my keys onto the counter with a loud clatter. “I’m feeling pretty lucky already,” I tell her.

  I get myself a beer from the fridge and hold it out in silent question. She scrunches up her nose and makes a noise, and then she reaches around me and pulls out a bottle of water.

  “Make yourself at home,” I say.

  She motions from me to her and back. “We should probably discuss your expectations.”

  “I expect that I’m going to go to bed. And I expect you are too.”

  “And?” She arches her delicate brow at me.

  “And you snore, but I’ll deal with it.”

  “I do not snore!”

  I grin and take a large swig of my beer. “Okay.”

  She growls at me and stomps her foot.

  “You’ll need something to sleep in.”

  “You mean like a bed?”

  I laugh. “I mean like clothes.” I nod toward my room. “Go look in my top drawer. There are some new things in there. Take what you want.” Give them back to me smelling like cotton candy and I’ll sleep with my face in them after you’re gone.

  She goes into my bedroom and I hear her rumbling around. “Oh, fuck,” I whisper to myself when I remember what else is in my top drawer. I roll into my room and find her laughing as she stares down into the drawer.

  “That’s interesting,” she says. She tilts her head so she can look at it. Her cheeks get rosy, but she doesn’t slam the drawer shut.

  “A gift from Sam and Pete.”

  Her brow lifts. “Seriously? They didn’t get me any porn. I feel left out.”

  “Single guy. I think they felt sorry for me.”

  “You haven’t even broken the seal.”

  “Haven’t had time to watch it.” Not that I would anyway. Hell, I didn’t even know my dick worked until Star crawled into my lap.

  She’s still staring down at it.

  “You’re not a fan of porn, I take it.”

  She shrugs. “Never been turned on by a dick slamming into a pussy, no.”

  I choke on my beer. “What?”

  “Porn is kind of male-centric.”

  “Oh.” I thought for a moment she was telling me she wasn’t into dicks. “Not all of it.”

  She grins at me. “Watch a lot of porn, do you?”

  I choose not to answer.

  She pulls a T-shirt and a pair of brand new boxers from my drawer and then sits on the edge of my bed. She bends over and unbuckles those ridiculous high heels. The strap on her left shoe gets stuck, so I roll over and wrap my hand around her shin. I look into her eyes, asking for permission. She nods and bites her lower lip.

  I lift her foot into my lap and unbuckle the shoe, then slide her foot out of it. I squeeze her delicate pink sole, not really wanting to give it back. “Your feet are freezing,” I say. I get a pair of socks from my drawer and motion for her to put her feet in my lap.

  “I can do it,” she says.

  “Humor me.” Let me touch you. Even if it’s just your feet. Please.

  With a sigh, she lifts her feet into my lap and leans back on her hands. I bunch a sock up in my hand and slip it over her pink toes. Then I follow with the other foot.

  “So…” she says, drawing the word out.

  “So,” I reply.

  “So…expectations.” She’s still leaning back on her hands, and her breasts are pushed forward.

  I turn and roll myself out of the room. At the last moment I turn back, but she gasps when I do, and I see her clutch the T-shirt to her naked breasts. She turns to face away from me and I can see the length of her back. She has a tattoo on her shoulder, but I can’t tell what it is. And another on her lower back. I’m glad she has ink. I hope it means she cares enough about something or someone to permanently mark herself with the idea of it.

  “Sorry,” I say. I really didn’t mean to catch her without a shirt.

  Holy shit. My heart is pounding like I just ran a mile. I go out and turn the TV on, and wait for her to come out and join me. But then I hear the light click off in the bedroom, and I realize that she’s going to bed.

  I only have one bedroom set up. Only one bed. I’d planned to sleep on the couch anyway, just because she’s not my girl and I don’t want to get too used to her being around.

  Two hours later, I’m still wide the fuck awake. I roll to my doorway and peer into the darkness. I can almost see the delicate lump that is Star in the darkness of the room. Suddenly, she fidgets and makes a noise.

  She cries out.

  “Are you okay, Star?” I ask.

  But she doesn’t answer me. She fidgets and rolls, her arms flailing. She’s dreaming. And it’s not a very good dream.

  “Star.” I shake her shoulder.

  I can tell when she wakes up, because she freezes.

  “Are you okay?” I ask her again.

  “Yeah. Just a dream.”

  “Okay.” I turn to roll back out to the couch.

  “Josh,” she says quietly.

  I turn back to her. “What?”

  “Will you come and hold me? Like last night?” She stops talking for a moment, then continues quickly. “I mean, I’ll have sex with you if you want to. But will you?”

  Holy shit. “I don’t want to have sex with you.”

  “Oh, okay,” she whispers. She rolls to face the wall. “Never mind.”

  “Move over.” I poke her hip with my index finger.

  She looks at me over her shoulder. “Really?” She sounds almost hopeful. What’s that about?

  “Yeah. Move over.” She scoots to the other side of the bed, and lifts the edge of the blanket, inviting me inside.

  I pull my shoes off my feet and take off my jeans, which isn’t an easy feat. She waits patiently, holding the covers for me. I slide into the bed wearing my T-shirt and boxers, and I’m pretty sure she’s wearing the same thing. I adjust my legs and lie back. She lets the covers fall over me, and her cotton candy scent tickles my nose. And my other parts. Holy crap, I’m getting hard.

  “Come here,” I tell her, my voice rough. I lift my arm and she settles into the spot between my neck and shoulder and wiggles until she finds where she wants to be.

  “Are you sure this is okay?” she asks quietly. Her voice trembles.

  “I can tolerate it.” I try to sound gruff. But I’m afraid I just sound needy. I haven’t needed anything for a very long time. It scares the shit out of me that she’s making me want things.

  She giggles and her hair tickles my nose. I smooth it down between us and she wraps her arm around me, tucking it under my other side like she did earlier.

  I lift the edge of her shirt and lay my palm against her naked back. She’s so warm and so soft. I tilt my head toward her hair and breathe her in. Because later, she won’t need me anymore. But right now, she does. And I’m afraid to say it, but I need her too. Need her. Want her. Don’t deserve her. Don’t deserve any of the good fortune that has come my way. I know that better than anyone, and I can’t let her forget it, any more than I can forget it myself.

  “You won’t tell anyone, will you?” she whispers.

  “Tell them what?” I whisper back. r />
  “You won’t tell anyone I begged you to hold me, will you?”

  “Your secret is safe with me.”

  She snuggles in closer, which I didn’t really think was possible, and throws her leg across my lap. She freezes when she feels my dick, because now it’s pressed against her inner thigh.

  “Sorry,” she whispers.

  “I’m not.” I kiss her forehead and I hold her until she goes soft in my arms. Soft and pliable and not mine. Not at all.

  Star

  I can’t figure out what Josh’s game is. I wake up with his arms around me, all warm and snuggly. But he doesn’t cop a feel or do any of the things that normal guys do. He doesn’t accidentally graze my boob. Or hump my leg, pressing his dick against me. He just held me all through the night.

  I’ve never slept very well. It started a really long time ago. Things move in the dark, and I got used to taking care of my sisters when we were all in the group home. I woke up with every little sound, just waiting for someone or something to threaten one of them. Then we were adopted by Emilio and Marta, and I didn’t have to worry anymore. I didn’t have to, but I still did. Do. I still do. I still don’t sleep well.

  “You okay?” I hear him ask right beside my ear.

  I nod against his chest. “You?”

  “My arm is asleep and I need to piss, but aside from that…”

  “Oh. Sorry.” I lift my head from his arm to scoot away from him, but he just pulls me back to him.

  “Don’t go,” he says quietly. “I like holding you.”

  I like being held.

  “You smell good,” he murmurs into my hair.

  I grin against his shirt. But I don’t thank him, because that would just be silly, right?