Good Girl Gone

  “So, you want to watch some porn with me?” He chuckles.

  I laugh too. He just woke up and he’s thinking about porn? “Maybe later.”

  “It’s a date.”

  I sit up and brush my hair back from my face. “A porn date. I’m so excited.” I hug my arms around my chest and pretend to shiver. “Some guys just offer a steak dinner. You, my friend, you have a lot of class.”

  He barks out a laugh. “I know how to treat the ladies. Can’t you tell? I pretty much have to fight them off on a daily basis.”

  He sits up and swings his legs off the bed. Lifting his arms over his head, he stretches.

  “Do you have a girlfriend?” I blurt out. Oh my God, I should have asked that before now.

  “I’d be a pretty shitty boyfriend if I put you in my bed and kicked my girlfriend out of it, don’t you think?”

  “Shitty boyfriends do exist. Trust me.”

  He looks over his shoulder at me. “I want to hear more about that, but right now I have somewhere I need to be.”

  “Oh,” I say. “I’ll get dressed and get out of your way.”

  “You can stay.”

  “What?” Did he just say I can stay?

  “Stay. Sleep. Make yourself something to eat. Take a shower.”

  “You’re not worried I’ll steal something?”

  He laughs. “Because I have so much for you to steal.”

  I rub my finger under my eye and look down at the mascara that’s smudged on my finger. Oh, crap. I probably look like a deranged raccoon because I never did take my makeup off last night.

  “Well, you do have nice porn,” I tell him.

  “You can thank Sam and Pete for that.”

  “Yeah, that’s what they all say.”

  “Are you going to see the baby today?” he asks.

  I almost forgot that I’m an aunt. And I didn’t get to spend much time with little Sammy last night, not once my brother got there. “Probably.”

  “Good,” he says crisply. “You should.” He shifts himself to his chair and looks at me. “What are you going to do about your brother?”

  “Nothing,” I snap. “Are you going to work?”

  He shakes his head. “No.”

  I play with a string on the blanket. “Oh.”

  He rolls into the bathroom and I hear the shower turn on. I lie back against the soft pillows and listen to him brushing his teeth. I tiptoe to the bathroom door and see that he has rolled into his shower and shifted to a shower chair. His hair is all wet and sudsy, and he looks over at me. “Unless you’re planning to come and join me, I’d appreciate some privacy,” he says.

  “Are you naked?”

  He looks down at his lap and then up at the showerhead. “No, I normally shower with my clothes on.”

  “Do you have a spare toothbrush?”

  “I think Friday left some in the drawer from when I moved in.”

  I pull the drawer open, find a toothbrush still in its package, and brush my teeth. I know he told me to leave, but he’s naked in the shower and I’m a nosy bitch. And my breath was probably pretty bad too.

  “Do you need some help?” I ask. I look at him in the mirror from across the room.

  He heaves a sigh and turns the water off. “Just because I’m in a wheelchair doesn’t mean I need help.”

  “I was just trying to—”

  “I know what you were trying to do.” He wraps a towel around his waist and transfers back to his wheelchair. He rolls past me and into the bedroom. I follow him. “Did you want to watch me get dressed too? Satisfy your curiosity?”

  “Well,” I start to say. But I don’t know how to finish it.

  “Let’s satisfy my curiosity, shall we?” he asks. His voice is brisk and cold.

  I watch him. “What are you curious about?”

  “I’d really, really like to know what you look like without clothes.” His eyes roam up and down my body. I can feel them as they slide from the top of my head, down my neck, across my chest, and over my belly.

  When his eyes come back up to my face, I meet them. Then I pull his T-shirt over my head. His eyes don’t leave my face, though. I hook my fingers in the waistband of his boxers, which are already low on my hips, and I push them down to the floor. I kick them across the room with my toe.

  His eyes still don’t leave my face though, not even once I’m naked. His dark eyes just stare into mine, and I swear it’s like there’s an invisible cord pulsing between us. A hot wire that jolts and hums. Or maybe that’s just me humming.

  I hold my arms out to the side. “Satisfied?”

  “Not even close,” he says.

  I turn and walk naked into his bathroom, and I turn on the shower. My hand trembles, despite my bravado.

  He follows me. “Do you need some help in there?” he calls to me.

  “I think I’m okay for now,” I call back.

  “Let me know if you change your mind.” Then he rolls out of the room. When I get out of the shower, he’s gone from the apartment completely. And I can’t help but think that I deserved what I just got.

  Josh

  Motherfucker. That was an awful thing to do. It was terrible for me to do that to her. And even worse to do it to myself because now I have to ride the whole way to the gym with my coat in my lap.

  I shouldn’t have taunted her, because I’m quickly learning that Star will step up to pretty much any challenge I offer to her. I happen to admire her for that, but the idea of her naked… Damn. Narrow waist. Long legs. Boobs that might be almost a handful. I tried to look at her face and not glance once at her body, but I sneaked a peek when she turned to go into the bathroom. My eyes jumped from hers and trailed all the way down her body.

  “Dude, you going inside or what?” a voice asks from behind me. I realize that I’ve stopped right in front of the door to the gym. “You need me to get the door for you?”

  “No, I got it,” I answer. I pull the door handle and roll inside. He holds the door open behind me and walks in.

  I see Daniel, the physical therapist from hell, waiting for me in the entryway. He’s holding a clipboard, flipping through my file. I know it’s mine because I can see my name on the outside of it. He looks up. “Morning,” he says with a grin.

  Daniel is a friend of the Reeds, and that’s how I met him. He used to be in the military, but he lost his leg in Afghanistan and was discharged. Then he had some mental health issues, which I still don’t know anything about. It’s none of my business, I guess. I know he’s married to a woman named Faith and that I’m one of his first clients.

  I also know that he kicked my ass the last time I saw him. I have never been so sore in my life.

  “Morning,” I mumble back.

  He motions for me to follow him into a small room. “How’s it going?”

  I nod. “Fine.”

  “Any new challenges this week that you want to discuss?”

  Aside from Star, no. And I definitely don’t want to discuss her. “Not really.” Heat creeps up my cheeks and he tilts his head and stares me down.

  “You’ve got something on your mind.”

  A girl. I have a girl on my mind. “Nope.”

  He doesn’t crack a smile. “Liar.” He waits a beat. “Medically speaking, then, anything new that I need to know about?”

  “Like…?” I’m new to all this. I have no idea what he does and doesn’t need to know about.

  “Any new pain? Muscle issues? Weakness?”

  “Nope.” Aside from having a constant hard-on, I got nothing new.

  “You’re still able to urinate without a catheter?”

  “Yep.” Nosy bastard.

  “Good.” He makes a few notes. Then he grins at me. “How’s Star?”

  Hot as hell. “Who?”

  He flashes his teeth at me.

  “The Reeds talk too much,” I mutter. Daniel has been a friend of the Reeds for quite some time, and they even had him dressed up in an elf costume at Christmas
.

  “They care about you, that’s all.” He sobers. “Seriously, though, just between you and your physical therapist, do you have any concerns?” He raises a brow at me, but he’s not teasing or messing with me anymore. “I’m going to see your doctor later today if there’s anything you want me to ask him.”

  “Nothing,” I bite out.

  “You sure?”

  “Dude, I’m not talking to you about sex with Star.” I shake my head. But I really, really want to.

  “Have you had sex since your injury?” he asks. He motions from me to him and back.

  I look down at his prosthesis. “Have you had sex since your injury?”

  He grins. “Only every chance I get.”

  I don’t say anything.

  “It was difficult for a while. I didn’t quite know where to put things.”

  I make a crude gesture with my hands. “Seriously?”

  He nods and he’s not grinning. “My body was…different. I didn’t know if she would have to get on top or if I could. I didn’t know if I could do the physical job of it without having two feet to push off with, if you know what I mean.”

  I do know what he means. I worry about that, on the off chance that I do think about sex, which I’ve been thinking about a lot in the past day and a half.

  “When I was going through my depression, I wasn’t even sure if I could maintain an erection.”

  “So what did you do?” Okay, so now I’m the nosy bastard.

  “I talked to Faith. Made sure she knew about my concerns. Made sure she was aware of my limitations.”

  I’m not sure I could talk to Star like that.

  “If you can’t talk to your partner about what’s important, she’s not the right partner for you.”

  “Quit reading my fucking mind,” I mutter.

  He opens my file back up. “There’s no reason why you can’t get and maintain an erection. At least not based on the type of injury you have.” He closes the file. “Can I be really frank with you?”

  Oh crap. I shrug.

  “Are you able to get an erection?”

  I nod.

  “Is this new?”

  I nod again.

  “Is it scary?”

  “A little,” I murmur.

  “Did you get them before you met Star?”

  “Just early in the morning when I have to piss.”

  “That doesn’t count.”

  “Figures.”

  He chuckles. “But you’re getting them now.”

  Every time I look at her. “Yep.”

  “Have you tried masturbating to see if you can take it to completion?”

  “Dude, this is just wrong,” I say. And embarrassing.

  “Just answer the question.”

  “No, I haven’t.”

  “The only way to know is to try it.” He shrugs at me. “Either it works or it doesn’t.”

  “Okay,” I say quietly.

  “Communicate with your partner.”

  “Okay.” I really want to move on to a different subject.

  “Oh, I got a mobility catalog the other day with some special sex chairs and cushions and stuff. You want me to bring it tomorrow?”

  “Sex chairs?”

  He nods. “They do the thrusting for you. Might be an option.” He claps me on the shoulder. “I’ll bring one for you.”

  “Fine.”

  “And you need to use protection, okay? Don’t assume you’re sterile.”

  “You think I might not be?”

  “There’s only one way to find out.” He rocks his head back and forth. “Well, two.”

  “And they are?” Now I’m curious.

  “Get a chick pregnant. Or go get your sperm count checked.”

  “You mean jizz in a cup?”

  He shrugs again. “Or in a girl. Then wait to see what happens.” He grins again. “Jizzing in a girl sounds like so much more fun.” He laughs. “And that was the man talking to you like that. Not the physical therapist. Sorry.”

  “No harm done.”

  “I can talk to your doctor and see if he has any concerns, if you want me to.”

  “Don’t worry about it.” I doubt Star’s even interested in me that way. Right now, I’m just an escape. An almost-empty apartment for her to hide in.

  He stands up. “You ready to work out?”

  “Might as well.”

  ***

  Two hours later, my entire body aches and my arms are burning like they’re on fire. I wheel myself back to my apartment. Logan called while I was at the gym and asked me if I wanted to help him with a nipple tat for a mastectomy patient. It’s kind of his specialty. Well, one of them. He can draw just about anything. He’s going to work with me on shading and mixing the colors, but he’s going to let me do some actual tattoos. But I have to take a shower first. I lift my arm to open the door and can smell my pits. I stink.

  Daniel doesn’t hold back just because I’m in a chair. He worked my ass off. And my arms and all my other parts too. I complained once about the severity of the workout and he said, “Well, if you’d rather sit in the chair and do nothing, be my guest.” Then he started doing pull-ups by himself on a high bar.

  “Dude, I can’t even get up there,” I said.

  “Figure it out,” he told me.

  I did. I went up the side of the bar, using nothing but my arms, kind of like climbing a rope. I think he was proud of me. But then he proceeded to work the shit out of me.

  We’ve only worked out together a few times, but he has definitely done his homework on spinal injuries, because he modified exercises that mobile people would be doing. He worked me harder than I have ever worked.

  I push myself into my apartment and stop short. Star is on my couch, eating popcorn and watching TV. She jumps up, tugging at the length of the T-shirt she’s wearing. I am pretty sure it’s mine. Damn, she’s got pretty legs.

  “I didn’t think you’d be back so soon,” she says.

  “I just need to shower and then I have to go to work.”

  She follows me into the bedroom. “I thought you said you weren’t working today.”

  “Logan called and said he wanted me to be there.”

  “Oh.” She twirls a lock of hair on her finger, and I want to replace her finger with mine. I want to feel the silky smoothness of her hair against my skin.

  “I’m going to take a shower.”

  “Okay,” she replies quietly.

  “No, I don’t need any help with it.” My tone is sharp, and I immediately regret it when she stiffens. “Sorry,” I murmur.

  “No, I’m sorry,” she says. “I’m still learning about you and your needs. But just because I ask questions and make stupid assumptions doesn’t give you free rein to be an ass. I don’t know anything about paralysis. But I do know about assholes, and I don’t stay with them if I can help it.” She picks a bag up off the floor and starts to put her things in it.

  “Where did the bag come from?”

  “My sister brought it.” She continues to stuff things into the bag. “I’ll be out of your way in a minute.”

  Crap. I didn’t mean to make her leave. “I’m sorry.”

  She doesn’t look up.

  “I said I’m sorry.”

  “I heard you.”

  But she doesn’t stop packing.

  I roll toward her and stop when I am close enough to touch her. “I’m sorry. Truly. Really sorry. I shouldn’t have bitten your head off. I’m just not used to having someone around.”

  “Whatever.”

  I grab her hand and hold her fingertips tightly, tugging on her arm until she stops and looks at me. She blows her bangs back with an upturned breath. Then her brown eyes meet mine.

  “I’m really sorry. Don’t go. Stay.”

  “Are you going to keep being an ass?”

  “I’ll try not to.”

  “I’ll try not to ask you if you need help.”

  “You can ask. I won’t bite your hea
d off. I’ll just say no thank you.”

  “Okay,” she says quietly.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Maybe,” she hedges.

  “Why are you here?”

  She doesn’t reply. But I know that she’s rich, so she could have gone to a hotel if she wanted to.

  “I don’t like to be by myself,” she finally says, her voice quiet. “That’s all.” Her eyes meet mine. “Am I bothering you? Being here?”

  I love having her here. “Not at all.”

  She smiles, and I swear my heart stutters in my chest. “Good.”

  “Stop looking at me like that,” I tell her. But I really hope she’ll never, ever stop. She looks at me like there could be a spark there. A real spark between us.

  “Like what?”

  I grin. “Like you want to kiss me.” I lace my fingers with hers.

  She lays her free hand on her chest. “You think I look like I want to kiss you?”

  Yes, I know. Ludicrous.

  She smiles at me. “You’re very astute.”

  My heart skips. Suddenly, she turns and sits down in my lap. She grabs my shirt in her fists and pulls me to her. But she doesn’t kiss me. Not right away. Her lips hover over mine, and we’re breathing the same air for a minute.

  I can’t stand it anymore. I grab her face in my hands and pull her all the way to me. I touch my lips to hers, and she’s startled for a moment. Then she mumbles against my lips. I think she says “Thank God,” but it could be anything.

  But then she’s kissing me back. Her tongue enters my mouth, and I have to take control of her head to slow her down a little. I weave my fingers into her hair and tug lightly. She pulls back, her breaths falling fast and uneven.

  “Too fast,” I say.

  “Sorry,” she whispers.

  I kiss her, and this time it’s slow and hot and wet and leaves me wanting so much more. Her eyelashes lie heavy on her cheeks when I pull back, and she sits like that for a moment. “You okay?” I finally ask.

  “Yes. No. Maybe.” Her eyes flutter open. “I think so.”

  I chuckle. “Good.”

  “You won’t tell anyone, will you?” She bites her lower lip.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Can we just keep this between us?” She motions from me to her and back. “Kind of our secret.”

  “Keep what a secret?” I’m not sure what she’s asking me.