The Upside of Love

“Come on. Let’s get you into bed, Lily. Do you want to change first?”

  I nodded as I lay down across the comforter. “In the top drawer is a pair of shorts and a tank top.”

  He handed them to me and I made my way to the bathroom to change. When I was done, Luke had the covers pulled back and I climbed in, laying my head on the soft pillow. He took the thermometer he purchased from the lobby shop and put it under my tongue.

  “Keep it under there.” He smiled as he gave me the snow leopard.

  After a few minutes, the thermometer beeped and he took it from my mouth.

  “Ouch. It’s 102. I told you that you had a fever.” He opened the Motrin bottle and handed me a bottle of water.

  I took the little orange pills and chased them down with water. I couldn’t believe that I was sick. I was never sick. This had to be the worst timing. I clutched my snow leopard tightly to my chest as Luke pulled the covers up over me.

  “Get some rest,” he said as he lightly put his hand on my head.

  I just wanted to sleep. Thank God the photo shoot was the day after tomorrow. Hopefully, I’d be better by then. I remembered drifting off into a deep sleep, but at the same time, I felt restless because I had a dream about me and Luke. A dream where we were having sex and it was nothing short of incredible until I looked up and saw Callie staring down at us. My eyes flew open and I sat straight up, then I fell back down. Luke was sitting on the couch and he instantly came to my side.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Why are you still here?” I asked sleepily. “And, yeah, I just had a nightmare. It’s probably the fever.”

  He went into the bathroom and wet a washcloth and then placed it across my forehead. “Feeling any better?”

  “No,” I replied as I looked at him. “You don’t have to stay here. You can go. I appreciate everything you’ve already done.”

  “I came to New York to be with you, Lily, and you’re sick. There’s no way I’m leaving you when you’re like this. Do you want to know what the best part is?”

  “What?”

  “You don’t have the strength to argue with me.” He smiled.

  “You’re right,” I said as I closed my eyes and fell back asleep.

  Once again, I woke up and looked over at Luke, who was lying across the couch, sleeping. I had to pee, so I climbed out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. My body felt like it had been hit by a train, with every muscle and joint in agony. As I was in the bathroom, there was a knock on the door.

  “You okay in there, Lily?” Luke asked.

  “Yeah,” I said as I flushed the toilet.

  I walked out of the bathroom and Luke was standing there with the bottle of Motrin in his hands.

  “You need to take a couple more.”

  “How long have I been sleeping?” I asked as I climbed back into bed.

  “Five hours.”

  “I want to take a bath.”

  “I’ll start one for you and then I have something I have to do, but I’ll be back.”

  I nodded my head, and after he started the water, I took off my shirt. He looked at me with hunger in his eyes. I wasn’t even thinking straight and I shouldn’t have done that in front of him.

  “Is it okay if I take your room key?”

  “Yeah. It’s fine.”

  “Okay. I’m leaving, but I’ll be back. Be careful in the bathtub. I won’t be gone long.”

  I gave him a half smile and he left the room. Stripping out of the rest of my clothes, I climbed into the relaxing tub and closed my eyes.

  30

  Luke

  Seeing her sick like that really upset me. I’d never known Lily to be sick unless you count the nights she got drunk and was hanging over the toilet vomiting while I held back her hair. I had remembered seeing a deli earlier when Lily and I were walking down the street. As I stepped through the door, I could smell the aroma of chicken soup with a mix of pastrami.

  “Can you I help you?” the girl behind the counter asked.

  “I’d like to order a bowl of chicken noodle soup, a corned beef sandwich, and a tuna salad sandwich with lettuce and tomato.”

  “Coming right up, sir.” She smiled.

  Once my order was ready to go, I stopped into a party store before heading back to the hotel. I picked up a few bottles of water and a few bottles of Coke. I needed to make sure Lily stayed hydrated. When I opened the door, Lily walked out of the bathroom with her robe on.

  “What did you get?” she asked as she slipped her feet into the complimentary slippers and climbed back into bed, sitting up against the headboard.

  I set the brown bags down on the table and pulled out her soup and sandwich. “I brought you some chicken noodle soup and a sandwich. You need to eat.”

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “You don’t need to eat the sandwich now, but the soup you do,” I said as I handed it to her with a spoon. “I also picked up bottles of water and coke. It’s way cheaper than what the hotel charges.”

  “Good thinking.” She smiled.

  I took my sandwich and sat down on the couch. Lily looked at me and I was surprised at what she said.

  “You can sit on the bed. You don’t need to sit all the way over there.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah,” she replied as she patted the bed.

  I took my sandwich and sat up next to her.

  “I want to thank you for taking care of me. This really would have sucked if I was alone.”

  I wanted to kiss her so badly, but I couldn’t. One, she was sick and two, she wasn’t ready. I could still sense the hesitance in her.

  “You’re welcome. You know that I’ll always take care of you.”

  “Luke, don’t,” she said as she looked down.

  “We’re going to talk, Lily. Not tonight and maybe not tomorrow, but we’re going to talk and you better be ready.”

  ****

  Lily

  I told Luke to go to his room and get some sleep. I didn’t want him staying in my room all night and sleeping on the couch. He paid a lot of money for his room and I wanted to make sure he was comfortable.

  “Are you going to be okay?” he asked.

  “I’ll be fine. I’m already feeling a little bit better, thanks to you. Plus, I have Leo to keep me company.”

  “Who’s Leo?” he asked with a confused look.

  I held up the snow leopard and smiled.

  “Ah, so that’s his name. I’m taking your room key in case you need me in the middle of the night.”

  “That’s fine. If I need anything, I’ll text you. I promise.”

  He leaned over and kissed me on the head. “Sorry. It’s a habit. Feel better and sleep well,” he said as he got up from the bed and left the room. When the door shut, I regretted telling him to leave. I felt alone. I pulled out my phone and called Giselle to see how Isabella was doing. They were bringing her home from the hospital today.

  “Lily. How are you?” she answered.

  “Sick. Can you believe it?”

  “Oh no. Flu?”

  “I don’t know. I have a fever and I’m really tired and achy all over.”

  “Make sure to stay hydrated.”

  “Luke is making sure of that.”

  “So lover boy found you?”

  “Yep. He sure did.”

  “Are you being nice?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yes. He’s taking such good care of me and it hurts,” I said as a tear fell down my face.

  “Why does it hurt? He loves you and you love him. Stop fighting it, Lily. Damn, I love you, but you are being dumb about this.”

  “You don’t understand it, Giselle. I’m doing this for him.”

  “What? What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Listen, I called to find out how Isabella is doing.”

  “She’s fine. Now back to what you’re doing for Luke.”

  “I have to go. I’m not feeling good. I’ll call you later.” Click.

>   I woke up the next morning to the smell of coffee and Luke sitting on the edge of my bed with his hand across my forehead. I opened one eye.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Checking to see if you still have a fever.”

  “Do I?”

  “It doesn’t feel like it, but we better take your temperature,” he said as he stuck the thermometer under my tongue. “I brought you breakfast. I ordered room service for us and had it delivered to my room so you wouldn’t be disturbed. I brought it over.”

  The thermometer beeped and Luke smiled as he read it. “99.5. I would say you’re getting better.”

  I sat up with ease. My body didn’t ache as bad as yesterday and my headache seemed to have disappeared. Luke set the tray on my lap and then climbed in next to me with his. I took a sip of coffee and it was so delicious. As I lifted the silver lid from the plate, I took in the aroma of bacon and eggs. I looked over at Luke and smiled.

  “Good choice, Mr. Matthews.”

  “Did you sleep well?” he asked.

  “I think so. I don’t remember waking up at all.”

  “That’s good. I think you’re on the mend. You probably had some twelve- or twenty-four-hour bug.”

  I sat there and ate my eggs as a sudden thought came to mind. I turned and looked at him.

  “Who’s running the bar?”

  He laughed. “Is that what you’re thinking about?”

  “For some strange reason, it just hit me.”

  “Maddie, Candi, and my parents are holding down the fort.”

  “You mentioned that Cody quit. May I ask why?” I said as I spread the strawberry jam across a piece of toast.

  “She was hitting on me and I had to put a stop to it. I guess she felt that she couldn’t work for me anymore.”

  “You said you were over me, yet you showed up here.”

  “I said a lot of things I didn’t mean, Lily.”

  We were interrupted by the ringing sound of my phone. I reached over and grabbed it from the nightstand.

  “Hey, Adalynn.”

  “Hi, Lily. I have bad news. The photo shoot has to be rescheduled for next month.”

  “What? Why?”

  “The damn designer didn’t get the complete outfits done in time. Something about his sick mother. I don’t know. But anyway, he was supposed to have overnighted them yesterday to the hotel, but how could he if he didn’t finish them up? He was afraid to call me to tell me he was running behind.”

  “That’s too bad.”

  “Tell me about it. But you stay the rest of the week and enjoy New York. Do me a favor and scout out some different locations for the shoot. You’re creative and I know you’ll find something amazing.”

  “Thanks, Adalynn. I’ll talk to you soon.” I hung up and sighed.

  “What was that about?” Luke asked.

  “The photo shoot isn’t happening now until next month. She told me to stay the rest of the week and scout out some locations.”

  “That’s too bad,” he said.

  “Yeah. But on the bright side, I get to come back. Isn’t that right, Leo?” I said as I kissed my snow leopard’s face.

  31

  Luke

  We finished eating breakfast and I took the trays over to the table. I happened to look out the window and noticed it was raining.

  “It’s raining.”

  “Rain? What’s that?” Lily laughed.

  “Yeah, no kidding. It’s been quite a while since California has seen some.”

  Now that the photo shoot was cancelled, I wondered if it was the right time for our talk. I really needed to do this because I was desperate for her. Even though things between us the past day had been amazing, we needed to talk. I walked over to the bed and grabbed her hand. She knew exactly what I was doing because she had a look of fear in her eyes.

  “Babe, we need to talk and we need to do it now.”

  She took in a sharp breath and pulled her hand away. “I know.”

  “That night was a shock for both of us and I’m not proud of how I handled myself. I never should have walked out on you and I’m so sorry. I want to erase that night and start over.”

  “You never should have left me.” She started to cry. “You should have stayed and we could have talked about it. I was in just as much shock as you and you didn’t love me enough to stay. You walked out on me like everyone else in my life!” she yelled as she pointed her finger at me.

  “Lily, I’m so sorry. You also need to understand what seeing that picture meant. What I felt. The things going through my head. To think that we’d actually had a conversation before you moved to Santa Monica, and that we looked into each other’s eyes before we even knew each other’s names is extraordinary. Lily, you were meant to be in my life, starting from the day you walked over to my table.”

  ****

  Lily

  Oh God. I couldn’t do this. I didn’t know what to say; my throat felt like it was closing. He was broken right now, but he would heal. When he didn’t have to see me anymore, he’d heal. I started to shake and my breathing became constricted. I threw on a pair of yoga pants and a sweat shirt.

  “Lily, what are you doing?”

  “I can’t do this.”

  “What do you mean?” he yelled.

  I threw open my suitcase and dug for my tennis shoes. When I found them, I forced my feet into them as quickly as I could and I grabbed my purse.

  “I’m sorry, Luke. I promise you’ll be okay,” I cried as I flew out of the hotel room.

  The elevator doors were open because a young couple had just stepped on. My face was soaked in tears and my nose was running. The pretty brunette looked at me and handed me a tissue.

  “Thanks,” I cried.

  The doors opened and I ran. I ran through the lobby and out onto the soaking wet streets of New York City. I could see Central Park. He’ll be okay. He’ll be okay, I kept chanting over and over again. I figured if I said it enough, in time I would believe it. The rain was pouring from the sky and I was soaked, as were the people leaving the park and trying to seek shelter.

  “Lily!” I heard Luke yell. “You can’t do this. You can’t just walk away from me. I love you and I refuse to live without you.”

  I stopped in the middle of the grass. “You don’t understand!” I screamed as I turned around and looked at him. He was soaked, standing there, looking at me like a lost soul.

  “Make me understand because I don’t know who the hell you’ve become. I love you and I know damn well you love me. You’re still in love with me, right?”

  I turned away and closed my eyes. If I told him no, I’d be lying because I loved him more than my own life.

  “Lily, answer me!” he yelled as he walked up to me. He grabbed my arms. “Are you still in love with me?”

  I broke out of his grip. “Yes. Yes, I love you and I am in love with you. But it’s too late; we can’t ever be together. We can’t go back to how things used to be.”

  “Why? What the hell is your problem?”

  I wiped the rain from my forehead as I stood there soaking wet, crying and shaking, not only from the cold, but from my own fears.

  “Make me understand,” he cried.

  “I gave you the tickets. You had a great time, a time you didn’t think would be your last with her. You were broken, so broken after her death and then I came along and put you back together. You didn’t know that I was the girl who gave you the tickets. I didn’t even know I was the girl. I didn’t remember you. How could I? I was in my own turmoil of my fucked up life and when I saw you and Callie holding hands and smiling at that table, I knew you were the perfect couple and I wanted something good to come out of the hell I was trying to climb out of. But instead, my hell turned into your hell, and I will never forgive myself for that, and every time you look at me, you’re going to be reminded of how I was the one. It will always be in the back of your mind that I was responsible for Callie’s death, especially when you s
ee or hear something that reminds you of her. I can’t live the rest of my life causing you any more pain. Don’t you get it? I caused you pain before we even met.”

  He stood there, crying as he stared at me. “You’re wrong, babe. I don’t blame you. I’m so sorry that I even said that. I didn’t mean it. I was in shock. You don’t cause me any pain and I don’t think about that when I look at you. All I see when I look at you is my soul-mate and my best friend. The girl that rescued me and fell in love with me. The girl who I love so damn much that I would give up my life for. Lily, don’t do this to us. Don’t do this to me. You stand there and talk about causing me pain. The only pain you’ll cause me is if you walk away from me.”

  I stepped closer to him and placed my hand on his cheek. “I can’t. You’ll move on and you’ll find someone who will love you just as much as I do. I’m doing this for you. You have to understand that.”

  “No! I will never understand your reasoning. Congratulations, Lily, you just caused me the worst kind of pain imaginable. Have a great life,” he said as he turned around and walked away.

  As I watched him, I fell to my knees, sobbing and wanting to run after him. What was I doing? Did I even know anymore? I couldn’t think or see straight as I made my way out of Central Park. I was walking down the streets, dazed and confused and crying. He said that he’d give up his life for me, but what he didn’t understand was that I was doing that for him. I was giving up my life for him.

  After walking for what seemed like hours, a man called out to me.

  “You’re welcome to use my umbrella, miss.”

  I looked over in between the two buildings and saw a homeless man seeking shelter under a large overhang. He was sitting on the ground, looking up at me. His clothes were tattered and worn. He wore a tan-colored coat and had the hood up, covering his head. I could see the dirt spots on his face and fingers. He was older, I would say in his fifties. I stopped because this man who looked like he had nothing had offered me his umbrella.

  “Thank you,” I said as I took it from him and sat down on the cold wet ground.

  “You look pretty beaten up. I haven’t seen you around here before.”

  “I’m not from here. I live in California.”