The Upside of Love

  “Ah, California. I was there once. Beautiful place, but holds a lot of bad memories for me. The name’s Philip.” He smiled.

  “I’m Lily,” I said as I held out my hand.

  He looked at me strangely, like he was unsure, and then he slowly placed his hand in mine and shook it. “You don’t mind shaking hands with a homeless man?”

  “No. You may be homeless, but you’re still a person.”

  He looked away. “That’s probably the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a very long time. It’s nice to meet you, Lily.”

  The rain started to slow down, and I was so cold. My problems seemed far and few compared to Philip’s.

  “I saw a little diner around the corner. Are you hungry? I really need some coffee.”

  “That’s sweet of you, Lily, but you don’t want to be seen with a homeless man. I’m fine.”

  “You offered me the use of your umbrella and I want to thank you. So come on, Philip, let’s go sit in the diner, have some coffee, something to eat, and dry off.”

  “You’re serious, aren’t you?” he asked.

  “Yeah. I very serious.” I smiled.

  “Well, if you insist. Who am I to turn down such a generous offer from a beautiful girl?”

  We both stood up and walked around the corner. When we stepped into the diner and I told the hostess we would like a booth, she gave me a strange look and then showed us to the only booth that was available.

  “Excuse me, miss. Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” I replied as I looked at her strangely.

  “I’m sorry,” she said as she walked away.

  I looked at Philip and he laughed. “People are strange. Just ignore her.”

  32

  Luke

  I went back to the hotel and, as soon as I got to my room, I stepped into the hot shower. I placed my hands against the smooth, tiled wall and cried. I completely broken down. My head was spinning and reeling with all kinds of emotions. How could she do this to us? She said she still loved me, yet we couldn’t be together. She was wrong. Dead wrong! I would never look at her and think of Callie. She made her decision and there was nothing that I could do to change it. I’d tried and I couldn’t do it anymore. When I got back to California, I was moving out of the apartment building. I couldn’t be near her. She was so fucking worried about me feeling pain every time I looked at her. Well, she was right. Now I would because I loved her, and it hurt way too much to look at her and know that I couldn’t have her.

  After I finished my shower, I looked up flights back home. The next flight out of New York was at nine o’clock tonight. FUCK! I needed something earlier, but I was out of luck. I put on some dry clothes and lay down on the bed. I replayed our conversation over and over again until I fell asleep.

  ****

  Lily

  “Order anything and as much as you want,” I said to Philip.

  “If you’ll excuse me, Lily, I’m going to use the restroom and clean myself up a little.”

  I smiled as he got up from the booth. The waitress came by and poured coffee in both of our cups. A few moments later, Philip walked back to the table, looking better. He had washed his face and hands, making himself look cleaner. He sat down, and when he took a sip of his coffee, he closed his eyes as if it was the best thing he’d ever tasted.

  “The aroma of coffee always gets me. I love it.”

  “Me too.”

  There was something about Philip that reminded me of my father. I couldn’t exactly put my finger on it, but there was something about him that comforted me.

  “When I first saw you, you looked like you had been crying. Would you like to talk about what happened?”

  “Not really,” I replied.

  “Sometimes talking to a complete stranger is more therapeutic than talking to a friend or someone who knows you. They just seem to tell you what you want to hear.”

  I smiled at him as I took a sip of my coffee. The waitress walked over and placed our food in front of us. As we ate, I told him everything, starting from my wedding day. He sat there and intently listened to me as I told him all about Luke, but he never spoke a word. He just listened and now it was his turn.

  “So why are you homeless?” I asked.

  “Getting right down to the nitty gritty, I see.” He smiled.

  “Sorry,” I said as I looked down. “You said that California held a lot of bad memories for you.”

  He took in a deep breath. “I had it all once. A high-paying job, a beautiful wife, two beautiful children, a dog, and the house with the white picket fence, until my wife was killed in a car accident three years ago.”

  “I’m so sorry,” I said.

  “We were having a dinner party that evening and she had asked me if I would stop on the way home from the office and pick up some extra bottles of wine. I had a crazy and bad day and I forgot. When I got home, I wasn’t in the best of moods and I wasn’t looking forward to having people over. Elise asked me where the wine was and I told her that I had a bad day and I forgot to stop and pick some up. She told me to go back out and go buy some. After saying a few choice words to her, I told that I would after I took a shower and changed. She could sense the irritation in my voice, so she told me to forget it and she grabbed the keys from the counter and went herself. After I took a shower and got dressed, she still wasn’t home. An hour and a half had passed and I started to worry. Her cell phone went straight to voicemail every time I called. Our dinner guests were scheduled to arrive in an hour and this wasn’t like Elise to be gone so long. That was when I climbed into my vehicle and drove to the party store where we get all our liquor. As I was close, I noticed a long back-up of cars. If she was in that lineup, she would have called to let me know. I sat there for fifteen minutes without moving until I got out of my car and saw flashing red lights up ahead. I walked in between the cars to get a closer look. It had looked like an accident happened. My heart stopped beating when I saw a car that looked just like Elise’s completely smashed. I asked God to please not let it be her, but when I got closer, I looked at the license plate, and it was her car. I looked over next to the car and saw someone covered in a white sheet. As I started screaming her name, two police officers ran up to me and held me back. They said that she was already dead when they got there. Apparently, she was going through a green light and a semi-truck driver didn’t realize the light was red on his side and he just went through and smashed into her.”

  A tear fell down his cheek as several fell down mine. I reached over and grabbed his hand. “I am so sorry that happened to you. That wasn’t your fault.”

  He looked down as he continued eating. “That was as much my fault as it was the truck driver’s. If I never would have forgotten to get the wine on the way home or argued with her about it, she wouldn’t have gone herself and she’d still be here today.”

  I was in complete shock by his story. “Philip. That was not your fault. We can spend a lifetime doing the ‘what ifs’ and it won’t change anything.”

  “Just like Callie’s accident?” he asked.

  I instantly changed the subject. “What about your children? Where are they?”

  “My mom is taking care of them.”

  “I’m sorry to ask this, but how could you just leave your kids like that after they lost their mother?”

  He gently smiled at me as he placed his hand on mine. “I was a constant reminder of their mother’s death. They overheard us arguing that day. They heard the things she was saying to me. The way she called me lazy and selfish and never thought about anybody but myself. They told me flat out that she would still be alive if I had only done what she had asked and they were right. I told my mom that I was going on a trip and to look after the kids. That was three years ago and I never looked back,” he said as he stared off in a daze. “Every time I looked into my children’s eyes, I would see the blame. It was too much to handle, so I had to spare them.”

  I sat there and was at a loss for w
ords. “So you gave up everything? Why?”

  “Because, my dear, I gave up on me. I lost all my self-worth, dignity, clarity. I realize now that I was a fool and I was wrong. Nothing’s really as it seems. Your perception is the one thing that pixels the truth. I didn’t cause my wife’s death, just like you didn’t cause Callie’s, and I can guarantee that Luke won’t ever look at you and see you as the woman who was responsible. I just wish that I could be with my children again and make them understand.”

  “You can. It’s not too late,” I said as I squeezed his hand.

  “It is; for me, at least.” He smiled.

  “No. No it’s not. We can call your children right now. You can talk to them and I’ll send you home. You can fly back to California with me. What’s your mom’s number? I can call her for you and then you can talk to your children.”

  He rattled off his mother’s phone number as I punched it into my phone. As it was ringing, he got up from the booth and placed his hand on my shoulder.

  “Take what I’ve told you today and rebuild your relationship. Clear your mind and see the truth for what it really is, not what you think it is. Second chances are always the best in life, Lily.” He smiled.

  Philip turned, walked through the diner, and out the door. Before I had the chance to stop him, I heard an older woman’s voice on the other end of the phone.

  “Hello,” she answered.

  “Hi, my name is Lily Gilmore and I’m calling about your son, Philip.”

  “Yes. How can I help you?”

  “He’s in New York and we just had a long conversation and—”

  “Excuse me. Is this some kind of a joke? My son, Philip, passed away a year ago from pneumonia.”

  My face dropped and I sat there in silence, looking at the door. “I’m so sorry. Maybe I have the wrong number. I’m so sorry.” Click.

  What the fuck just happened? The waitress came by and put her hand on my arm.

  “Are you okay, sweetie? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

  “That man that was sitting here with me for the last four hours.”

  “What man, sweetie?”

  “What do you mean ‘what man’? You served him food.”

  “No. You’ve been the only one sitting here for the last four hours. Do you need me to call someone for you?”

  I heard his voice in my head as I stared straight ahead where he sat. “Clear your mind and see the truth for what it really is, not what you think it is.”

  “I’m fine. I’m just really tired. Here,” I said as I pulled out my money and handed it to her. “Keep the change. I need to go.”

  “Thank you, sweetie. Take care of yourself,” she yelled as I quickly left the diner.

  33

  Luke

  As I sat on the edge of the bed with my feet planted firmly on the floor, I sighed as I cupped my face in my hands. I picked up my phone and there were no messages. I shook my head as I got up and threw my things in the suitcase. I had slept a little too long and I needed to get to the airport. After quickly scanning the room and making sure I had everything, I went down to the lobby and checked out. I couldn’t get out of here fast enough. The valet hailed a cab for me and told the driver to take me to the airport. Since I still had a little bit of time, I decided to get something to eat before heading to my gate. I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed Sam.

  “Hey, bro. Gretchen and I were just talking about you and Lily. How are the two of you? Getting along, I hope.”

  “It’s over for good, man. She decided it, not me.”

  “Luke, I’m sorry. I’m going to put you on speaker so Gretchen can hear.”

  “Luke, what the fuck happened? What did she say to you?” Gretchen asked.

  “She said that if we were together and that every time I looked at her, I would be reminded of Callie. She said that she caused me enough pain in my life and she couldn’t do it anymore.” My eyes started to fill with tears.

  “She’s an idiot!” Gretchen yelled. “What the hell is the matter with her and her fucked up way of thinking? That’s what she meant that night at Charley’s birthday party. I told her that you’re so in love with her and she said that you only think you are.”

  I shook my head as I took a bite of my pizza. This was unreal to me. “I’m at the airport now. My flight will be boarding soon. I’ll talk to you guys later.”

  “Take care, Luke, and we’re on your side,” Sam said.

  I finished my pizza and then headed to my gate. I really thought that we’d be flying home together. I was dead wrong. My phone had ten percent battery left, so I turned it off and put it back in my pocket. As I sat down in the chair, I noticed the couple sitting across me. They were smiling, holding hands, and sharing small kisses. I couldn’t take sitting there, so I moved to the other side and sat in the corner.

  ****

  Lily

  Shit. I didn’t really know where I was. When I walked here from Central Park, I was in such a daze of confusion, that I didn’t pay attention. I hailed a cab and told him to step on it to the Trump Hotel. He looked at me strangely until I held out a twenty-dollar bill.

  “It’s a matter of life and death. I need to get there NOW!”

  “Sure thing, lady.”

  He pulled out into traffic. Weaving in and out, slamming on the brakes, and almost getting me killed a few times. He pulled up to the Trump and the valet opened the door. I paid my fare and ran into the hotel, pressing the button on the elevator numerous times. The doors finally opened and I rode it up to my floor, with a few stops on the way up. I pushed my way through the crowd of people on the elevator when the doors opened and went right to Luke’s room. I knocked on the door and then called his name. No answer. I knocked again. No answer. I BANGED on it. No answer. I pulled my phone from my purse and dialed his number; it went straight to voicemail. SHIT.

  I got out my room key, went inside, changed into different clothes, and went down to the front desk.

  “Can I help you, miss?”

  “I’m trying to get a hold of Luke Matthews in room 2212 and he’s not answering and I’m worried.”

  “Mr. Matthews already checked out.”

  “Oh.” My heart sank. “That’s right; he said something about going home earlier than planned. He was going home, right?”

  “I don’t know, miss. He didn’t say.”

  “Right. Thank you.”

  I turned around and my eyes filled with tears. What was I going to do now? I tried to call him again and it went straight to voicemail. As I walked outside the hotel, I asked the valet about Luke and I showed him his picture. He told me that he took a cab to the airport about an hour ago. I thanked him as I hopped in a cab and told the driver to take me to the airport. I searched flights out of LaGuardia and the only flight that Luke would have been on was the nine o’clock flight. I looked at my watch. I still had time. I could make it.

  “Excuse me, but you need to drive faster,” I said to the cab driver.

  “Ma’am, this is New York. I’m doing the best I can.”

  We finally reached the airport and I ran to security and was instantly stopped.

  “Boarding pass, please.”

  “I’m not flying out. I need to go and get my boyfriend. I need to tell him how much I love him and that I made a terrible mistake.”

  He looked at me with irritation. “You aren’t getting through security if you don’t have a boarding pass.”

  “Have you ever been in love?” I asked.

  “No,” he said as he made me turn around and pointed to the ticket counter.

  “I can see why,” I mumbled as I stood in line.

  I was running out of time. I needed to get to the front of the line so I could buy a ticket and try to stop Luke. I couldn’t let him get on that plane. I walked up front to the next person in line. A young man. Actually, a very cute young man.

  “Excuse me. I don’t have time to stand in line. I need to get to my boyfriend before he bo
ards his plane. Can I please have your spot in line?”

  “Sorry, lady, but I’m in a hurry too.”

  I flashed a fifty-dollar bill at him. “Still in a hurry?”

  “One more person won’t make a difference,” he said as he took the money from my hand and motioned for me to get in front of him. I looked back at him. “I want you know that your cuteness factor just went out the window.”

  “Next,” the man at the counter said.

  “I need a ticket.”

  “To where?”

  “I don’t care where. Just give me a ticket!”

  He looked at me and narrowed his eyes. “You don’t know where you’re going?”

  “Fine. Give me a ticket for the next flight out to LAX.”

  “Okay. That flight leaves at one a.m.”

  “Wait. Don’t you have a nine o’clock flight?”

  “Yes, but that’s sold out.”

  I sighed. “Fine, give me the one o’clock. Just hurry,” I said as I handed him my I.D. and credit card.

  “Here you go. Do you have any bags to check?”

  “No. I don’t,” I said as I grabbed the ticket and ran to security.

  “I see you’re going on a trip.” The security officer smiled.

  I shot him a look as I waited to go through. It was all moving pretty fast, but his plane was boarding right as of this minute. I took off my shoes, threw them in the bin, got scanned, and grabbed them as I stood and looked at the monitor to find out which gate he was at. Once I found out, I looked at the signs and, oh shit, I had to run. Of course his gate would be at the other end. I ran through the airport, pushing people, saying excuse me and almost tripping over someone’s cane. I was going to tell Luke how wrong I was and beg him for his forgiveness. Why was I so stupid? How was I so stupid? I didn’t have time to analyze my stupidity as I finally reached his gate and the doors shut. I ran up to the desk.

  “I need to get on that plane.”

  “I’m sorry, miss, but it’s too late; it’s closed.”

  “No, no. You don’t understand. My life is hanging by a thread and the answer to that is on that plane. I need to get on that plane,” I said with a shaky voice as I showed her my boarding pass.