Hidden Leaves

  "That might be trite, but..."

  She shook her head. "I will not have our child destroyed, Claude. Is that what you want?"

  "No," I admitted, "but if we reveal what has happened--"

  "We won't. We'll find a way. You'll find a way," she insisted, "Promise me. Claude. Promise me you will."

  In the face of such determination_. I would have promised to pull the moon from the sky.

  "Give me some time," I said, and she relaxed and smiled.

  Later I was sorry I had made such a promise. No matter how I racked my brain. I couldn't come up with a solution that would leave Grace unscathed, never mind myself. The whale reputation and future of the clinic was at stake as well. Willow. There were dozens of other patients being treated and many waiting for an opening so they could come to our clinic. My staff. Ralston Price, everyone's future were in jeopardy. Ralston had put as much of himself, his time and energy into developing our clinic as I had. How horrible all this would be for him. I thought.

  Guilt never weighed down on my shoulders as heavily as it did those days after Grace had confided her situation in me. At home Alberta was becoming more strident, her complaints about our home practically greeting me at the door each and every time I returned. No matter how late the hour, she was at me, telling me how embarrassed she was about our grounds, the poor job the gardeners were doing, the fading paint, the aging driveway, on and on, declaring she was too ashamed of it now to bring any of her friends around.

  I wasn't eating well. I lost weight, and when I gazed at myself in the mirror. I saw how gaunt and troubled I appeared. This all reflected on my effectiveness with my other patients, of course. And then there was Grace, looking to me for same solution, her eyes full of confidence and love and expectation. She was more fragile than ever, just teetering on a tightrope of sanity. How much longer did she have before someone else discovered her condition? I had to be careful about her medications, too, and without telling him who she was, confide in a obstetrician friend of mine to be sure I wasn't giving her anything that could harm the fetus.

  In the end. Willow, it was your mother, ironically, who moved it all forward, who pushed us into a solution. Once again the patient was the doctor. She quietly took note of the changes in me, the struggle I was undergoing, and on her own, because she was so concerned for me, she decided to take things into her own hands. She didn't tell me what she had done.

  One afternoon just before my last therapy session of that day was completed. Edith Hamilton interrupted with a call into my office. Whenever the phone rang and I was with a patient. I knew it had to be something serious and significant or else it had to be Alberta demanding to speak to me.

  "I'm sorry, Dr. De Beers." she began. "but Mrs. Montgomery is here and insists on seeing you immediately."

  "What?"

  She lowered her voice.

  "'She's going to make a big scene if you don't agree to see her. Doctor. She has a man with her she says is her attorney, too. What should I do?"

  "Tell them I will be right with them. Edith," I said "And tell Nurse Cohen to step into my office."

  My heart was thumping so loudly, I thought my patient heard it clear across the room.

  "Doctor?" Suzanne said, poking her head around the office door. I approached her so my patient couldn't hear me.

  "Suzanne, I have something of an emergency on my hands. Could you see that Mr. Winthrop is not unduly agitated by this interruption."

  Carlton Winthrop was precisely the wrong patient to be in my office at the moment. He was suffering from acute paranoia and would surely interpret the interruption as some sort of a criticism of him. However. Nurse Cohen was aware of all this and I had confidence she could handle the situation.

  As soon as they were gone. I called Edith and asked her to show Jackie Lee and her attorney into my office. Never did my desk seem more like a buffer and fortress than it did at that moment. I was happy to be standing behind it. I smile thinking about it now, Willow, but believe me, I was as close to, as they say, wetting my knickers as ever.

  Jackie Lee charged into the office so

  aggressively, she bumped poor Edith out of her way. The man I assumed to be Jackie Lee's attorney was right on her heels. He was a tall, lean man with very sharp facial features, highlighted by a long, thin nose that looked like he could use it to peck opponents. He carried a briefcase, and held it so closely, it reminded me of a jewel courier with a case containing valuables handcuffed to his wrist,

  "Mrs. Montgomery," I said, evincing surprise at her appearance and not daring to refer to her as Jackie Lee at the moment.

  Edith lingered curiously in the doorway until my eyes shifted quickly to her. She stepped out and closed the door instantly.

  "This," Jackie Lee began. "is my attorney. Mr. Madison, who served my late husband. Winthrop Montgomery,""

  I nodded at him, but he didn't say a word, nor did he offer me his hand to shake.

  "Please sit down." I said, indicating the sofa.

  "I'd rather stand," Jackie Lee said. Her attorney, however, pulled the chair I used when I spoke to my patients, and turned it toward the desk. He offered it to her.

  "Go on. Jackie Lee." he said. "This might take a while longer than you anticipate."

  "Yes," she agreed. It might, Thank you. Bennet," she said, and sat. He brought the other chair closer,

  "What is this all about?" I asked, lowering myself slowly to my own chair.

  "The fact that you don't know what it is all about does not surprise me," Jackie Lee said. She gave her attorney a look of satisfaction and then turned back to me. "My daughter called me this morning. very early, I might add, to tell me she was pregnant." she said.

  For a moment I thought my chair had turned to mush and I was actually sinking lower and lower and would disappear from sight. Grace must have come into my office, I thought, and made the call before I had arrived at the clinic.

  "You don't look terribly surprised," Jackie Lee said. "Again. I'm not surprised. I imagine such a thing is not unusual here."

  I started to shake my head.

  "And don't think you can put this all off on someone else. You are the head of this ... this place. It's your full and complete responsibility."

  Had Grace told her everything?

  "Of course," I said. "What exactly did Grace tell you?" I asked. At this point Jackie Lee sat back and her attorney took over.

  "Miss Montgomery informed us that she was with child. She said she believed she was raped. She said she believed someone, one of your attendants, perhaps, had come to her room when she was under some sedation or another and taken advantage of her. She has only a vague recollection of this monster, so a clean, precise identification is not possible. Because of her condition, she did not inform her mother, or vou apparently, until now, and from what Mrs. Montgomery understands, she is in a late month. She calculates it to be the beginning of the eighth, in fact."

  You would think one of your expert nurses would have noticed." Jackie Lee interjected.

  I knew how careful Grace had become when it came to anyone seeing her undressed, and cleverly she had taken to eating more so as to justify the weight gain that had started to be evident in her face. In fact, others an the staff interpreted her new robust appetite as something of a clinical improvement in her condition.

  "Nevertheless," Mr. Madison continued. "we are here to produce a solution."

  "Don't you have medical doctors examining your patients from time to time?" Jackie Lee snapped at me.

  "Well, of course, if a patient has a medical issue. we--"

  'A medical issue? What do you call pregnancy, a psychological phenomenon?" she practically screamed.

  I stared at her, not moving a muscle, not even a muscle in my face.

  "As you can see, this point astounds both of us. Dr. De Beers.

  Why wouldn't your nurses know she was pregnant?" Mr. Madison asked me.

  "Grace isn't incapable of taking care of her own bodil
y needs. Mr. Madison. She bathes herself, dresses herself. She obviously never indicated--"

  "How can she be expected to do that? She's a patient, a mental patient?" Jackie Lee interrupted.

  How could I tell her that Grace had been hiding her pregnancy with my blessings all this time?

  "Maybe it's not true." I said softly.

  The possibility stopped them cold. Jackie Lee, who had been leaning toward me, froze. Then she looked at Mr. Madison.

  "You mean, you think Grace Montgomery might be hallucinating this?" he asked.

  "It's possible," I offered. I felt very low doing this, Willow, but I also felt so cornered that I had little choice and I was searching desperately for some temporary solution.

  Jackie Lee relaxed.

  "'Well. I will want her examined immediately to determine that," she said.

  I nodded. "Absolutely," I said. "Immediately."

  "And," she continued, revving up her aggressive demeanor again, "I want to know exactly what you will do should it be true."

  "What I will do?"

  "What Mrs. Montgomery means is what we will expect you to do." Mr. Madison said with a cold, wry smile on his thin lips. He opened his briefcase and reached in to produce some papers. "First, we want you to take full responsibility for this event. You will have to have a full investigation of your staff, of course, not only for Miss Montgomery's benefit but for the protection of your other patients."

  "Oh, without doubt," I said.

  "You will do this all in such as way as to protect Miss Montgomery."

  "What he means." Jackie Lee added. "is you won't permit any of this to become public. Should you do so, we will sue you for damages that will turn you into a pauper." she threatened,

  "Which brings us to the disposition of the child." Mr. Madison said.

  "Child." Jackie Lee said, practically spitting the word on my desk.

  "Should the pregnancy continue, of course," her attorney added,

  "I see no reason for that to happen." Jackie Lee said. "Who would want such a child anyway?"

  "Why don't we wait on that. Mrs. Montgomery? There are medical issues if this pregnancy is as late as you believe it is and--"

  "I certainly don't see why Grace would want to give birth to such an thing," she insisted,

  "As I said. I need to do a full investigation and--"

  "Okay," Mr. Madison said. "Let's look at every contingency here. Should a fetus came to term, you will be responsible for it in every way."

  "Absolutely," I said.

  '1 couldn't imagine bringing such a child back to Palm Beach!" Jackie Lee cried. "No one, no one should ever know about this," she emphasized. "I'm warning you." she continued, pointing her finger at me. "You will be one sorry person should that happen."

  Mr. Madison put the documents in front of me on my desk.

  "We'll be at the Grand Hotel overnight." he said. "We expect that you gill make a full

  determination of the actuality of the situation, and you will agree and sign to all that we have stipulated here."

  "I could sue you and this clinic for thousands and thousands of dollars," Jackie Lee said, her eyes dark and fixed on me. "but that would only bring terrible notoriety to my daughter and to me. I'm sure it would end this .., this place. You're just lucky about that."

  "I'm sorry. Mrs, Montgomery. I will look into it all and get back to you as soon as possible."

  "No later than noon tomorrow," Mr. Madison said, as if he was talking about a gunfight.

  "Understood," I said.

  Jackie Lee opened her purse and took out a handkerchief,

  "I feel so guilty. I was the one who put her here," she said, wiping her eves. "I told her she would be safe, be better off, be helped!"

  I couldn't speak. Willow. What was I going to say? That Grace had been helped? That she was better off? In many ways she was. I had confidence that she would be able to return to some sort of a normal life, but my own sense of guilt was so overwhelming. I couldn't utter a sound.

  "You will note." the attorney said firmly, nodding toward the papers on my desk. "that Mrs. Montgomery will expect a total refund of all the monies she has spent here."

  "Yes." I said, glancing at the documents. "Of course."

  "And as soon as she can leave., I want her sent home," Jackie Lee said.

  She stood up.

  "I want to see my daughter now." she demanded.

  "Yes." I said. "I'll see to it immediately." I fumbled for the phone and called Edith.

  "Please ask Nurse Cohen to return to my office, or if she's not available. Mrs. Litton," I said.

  Nurse Cohen showed up so quickly. I thought she might have been standing just outside my door.

  "Nurse Cohen will take you to Grace, Mrs. Montgomery, She should be in arts and crafts, should she not. Nurse Cohen?"

  "She should be, but she's not. She's in her room." she replied, her eyes signaling some concern. She turned to Jackie Lee. "I'll take you there."

  "Thank you." I said.

  As soon as they all left. I felt as if the air had gone out of the room with them. I sat stunned and stared at the closed door. If I didn't know what to do before, I certainly didn't know what I would do now.

  I looked over the papers Jackie Lee's attorney had prepared. They detailed everything we had discussed only they also added a financial penalty should I or anyone working at my clinic publicize what had happened to Grace.

  -While Jackie Lee and her attorney visited with Grace, I sat in my office and stared out my window. Finally. I saw the two of them emerge from the clinic and go to their waiting limousine. After they were driven away. I went to see Grace.

  She was sitting in her room, staring out of her window, and turned the moment I entered,

  "Grace." I said, shaking my head.

  "Don't be alloy at me. Claude. I knew you were struggling with a solution. and I was afraid of what you might come to tell me. I made it very clear to my mother: I am having the child. but I had to agree that I would not take him or her back to Palm Beach with me. Otherwise, she vowed she would sue you and the clinic and make a big issue of it all. She would because she believes at that point it would make no difference. My bringing home the child will ruin her, as well as me, she claimed. I have no doubt she was serious about that. Claude. I'm sorry. In my

  desperation, I have only made things worse."

  "No. no." I said. "Don't think that. Don't ever think that." "What will we do?"

  "There has to be a way for us...."

  "Oh. Claude, you of all people should not live in any fantasy. Even after a significant period of time, if we should somehow be together with the child, people will know. You would be ruined. The clinic would be seriously damaged. I couldn't live happily with that sort of guilt."

  I nodded and smiled at her. How wonderful she was. Willow. How wise and strong when she had to be strong for us. It was never as clear to me as it was then that your mother would find her way in this world, that she didn't need to be in any sort of institutional environment. In a strange and beautiful way, our love, her pregnancy had brought her up from the depths of the darkness that had brought her here.

  I knelt at her feet and put my head gently against her stomach. I could feel you kicking inside, Willow. and I lifted my tear-filled eves and looked at Grace,

  "The baby knows its father." she said softly.

  I made Grace a promise. then. I told her that somehow, someway our baby would be with me. Again. I had no idea how I would accomplish this. Willow, but in your mother's presence, with her smile branded in my brain. I knew in my heart that I would find the way,

  When I returned to my office. Ralston was waiting for me. I closed the door behind me and he looked up.

  "What's going on. Claude?" he asked. "I heard about the Montgomery woman showing up here with an attorney. Does it have anything to do with Nadine Gordon leaving so abruptly?"

  I had kept the entire teddy bear incident from him, not wishing to open a
new can of worms. As far as everyone knew. Nadine had left entirely of her own accord. It was my feeling that she would have anyway, once she had seen how I had taken her actions and how I now felt about her and her work,

  "No, Ralston," I replied.

  "Well, then, what did they want. Claude?" he asked, "You had better sit. Ralston," I said.

  He did just that.

  And I told him. Willow. I told him everything.

  11

  A Little Invasion

  .

  To my surprise. Ralston wasn't all that

  surprised. He had developed suspicions for some time, but, as he said, he had hoped I would come to my senses.

  "Now that I see how you are taking all this and how disturbed you are. I see that you would never have come to your senses, Claude," he told me. "You're actually head over heels."

  I assured him I would do even-thing possible to protect our clinic, even if it meant taking some great financial loss to myself. In turn he assured me that he wasn't as concerned about anything as he was about me.

  "You're far too valuable and talented a psychiatric therapist to throw it all away. Claude. Your patients and your future patients would be the losers. I'll stand by you and do whatever we have to do." he promised.

  We hugged each other. His loyalty and devotion to me only made me feel worse. Willow. I phoned Mr. Madison at his hotel and told him that Grace was pregnant, of course, and that I would sign their documents and follow their wishes. He was coming by in the morning to pick them up. Jackie Lee would not return, he said. She was too upset to see her daughter in this environment, He did say she did not want to have Grace sent back to Palm Beach until it was all over, and the veiled threat added was if she was worse, or would give Jackie Lee any new problems, he would be making another visit to the clinic to see me.

  Miles took one look at me on the way home that night and saw the turmoil raging inside me. He thought it was all because of Alberta and her constant nagging about the house and her loss of social standing. She had been particularly difficult during the past two months, and our maid and cook had quit. Miles deliberately took every detour he could in the house and on the grounds to avoid her, but he wasn't deaf to the shouting and complaining. He had a bit of a dry sense of humor about it, telling me that "Mrs. De Beers took her first step toward firing another maid today. She hired her."