History of Tom Jones, a Foundling

  Chapter ix.

  The wise demeanour of Mr Western in the character of a magistrate. Ahint to justices of peace, concerning the necessary qualifications ofa clerk; with extraordinary instances of paternal madness and filialaffection.

  Logicians sometimes prove too much by an argument, and politiciansoften overreach themselves in a scheme. Thus had it like to havehappened to Mrs Honour, who, instead of recovering the rest of herclothes, had like to have stopped even those she had on her back fromescaping; for the squire no sooner heard of her having abused hissister, than he swore twenty oaths he would send her to Bridewell.

  Mrs Western was a very good-natured woman, and ordinarily of aforgiving temper. She had lately remitted the trespass of astage-coachman, who had overturned her post-chaise into a ditch; nay,she had even broken the law, in refusing to prosecute a highwayman whohad robbed her, not only of a sum of money, but of her ear-rings; atthe same time d--ning her, and saying, "Such handsome b--s as youdon't want jewels to set them off, and be d--n'd to you." But now, souncertain are our tempers, and so much do we at different times differfrom ourselves, she would hear of no mitigation; nor could all theaffected penitence of Honour, nor all the entreaties of Sophia for herown servant, prevail with her to desist from earnestly desiring herbrother to execute justiceship (for it was indeed a syllable more thanjustice) on the wench.

  But luckily the clerk had a qualification, which no clerk to a justiceof peace ought ever to be without, namely, some understanding in thelaw of this realm. He therefore whispered in the ear of the justicethat he would exceed his authority by committing the girl toBridewell, as there had been no attempt to break the peace; "for I amafraid, sir," says he, "you cannot legally commit any one to Bridewellonly for ill-breeding."

  In matters of high importance, particularly in cases relating to thegame, the justice was not always attentive to these admonitions of hisclerk; for, indeed, in executing the laws under that head, manyjustices of peace suppose they have a large discretionary power, byvirtue of which, under the notion of searching for and taking awayengines for the destruction of the game, they often commit trespasses,and sometimes felony, at their pleasure.

  But this offence was not of quite so high a nature, nor so dangerousto the society. Here, therefore, the justice behaved with someattention to the advice of his clerk; for, in fact, he had already hadtwo informations exhibited against him in the King's Bench, and had nocuriosity to try a third.

  The squire, therefore, putting on a most wise and significantcountenance, after a preface of several hums and hahs, told hissister, that upon more mature deliberation, he was of opinion, that"as there was no breaking up of the peace, such as the law," says he,"calls breaking open a door, or breaking a hedge, or breaking a head,or any such sort of breaking, the matter did not amount to a feloniouskind of a thing, nor trespasses, nor damages, and, therefore, therewas no punishment in the law for it."

  Mrs Western said, "she knew the law much better; that she had knownservants very severely punished for affronting their masters;" andthen named a certain justice of the peace in London, "who," she said,"would commit a servant to Bridewell at any time when a master ormistress desired it."

  "Like enough," cries the squire; "it may be so in London; but the lawis different in the country." Here followed a very learned disputebetween the brother and sister concerning the law, which we wouldinsert, if we imagined many of our readers could understand it. Thiswas, however, at length referred by both parties to the clerk, whodecided it in favour of the magistrate; and Mrs Western was, in theend, obliged to content herself with the satisfaction of having Honourturned away; to which Sophia herself very readily and cheerfullyconsented.

  Thus Fortune, after having diverted herself, according to custom, withtwo or three frolicks, at last disposed all matters to the advantageof our heroine; who indeed succeeded admirably well in her deceit,considering it was the first she had ever practised. And, to say thetruth, I have often concluded, that the honest part of mankind wouldbe much too hard for the knavish, if they could bring themselves toincur the guilt, or thought it worth their while to take the trouble.

  Honour acted her part to the utmost perfection. She no sooner sawherself secure from all danger of Bridewell, a word which had raisedmost horrible ideas in her mind, than she resumed those airs which herterrors before had a little abated; and laid down her place, with asmuch affectation of content, and indeed of contempt, as was everpractised at the resignation of places of much greater importance. Ifthe reader pleases, therefore, we chuse rather to say sheresigned--which hath, indeed, been always held a synonymous expressionwith being turned out, or turned away.

  Mr Western ordered her to be very expeditious in packing; for hissister declared she would not sleep another night under the same roofwith so impudent a slut. To work therefore she went, and that soearnestly, that everything was ready early in the evening; when,having received her wages, away packed bag and baggage, to the greatsatisfaction of every one, but of none more than of Sophia; who,having appointed her maid to meet her at a certain place not far fromthe house, exactly at the dreadful and ghostly hour of twelve, beganto prepare for her own departure.

  But first she was obliged to give two painful audiences, the one toher aunt, and the other to her father. In these Mrs Western herselfbegan to talk to her in a more peremptory stile than before: but herfather treated her in so violent and outrageous a manner, that hefrightened her into an affected compliance with his will; which sohighly pleased the good squire, that he changed his frowns intosmiles, and his menaces into promises: he vowed his whole soul waswrapt in hers; that her consent (for so he construed the words, "Youknow, sir, I must not, nor can, refuse to obey any absolute command ofyours") had made him the happiest of mankind. He then gave her a largebank-bill to dispose of in any trinkets she pleased, and kissed andembraced her in the fondest manner, while tears of joy trickled fromthose eyes which a few moments before had darted fire and rage againstthe dear object of all his affection.

  Instances of this behaviour in parents are so common, that the reader,I doubt not, will be very little astonished at the whole conduct of MrWestern. If he should, I own I am not able to account for it; sincethat he loved his daughter most tenderly, is, I think, beyond dispute.So indeed have many others, who have rendered their children mostcompletely miserable by the same conduct; which, though it is almostuniversal in parents, hath always appeared to me to be the mostunaccountable of all the absurdities which ever entered into the brainof that strange prodigious creature man.

  The latter part of Mr Western's behaviour had so strong an effect onthe tender heart of Sophia, that it suggested a thought to her, whichnot all the sophistry of her politic aunt, nor all the menaces of herfather, had ever once brought into her head. She reverenced her fatherso piously, and loved him so passionately, that she had scarce everfelt more pleasing sensations, than what arose from the share shefrequently had of contributing to his amusement, and sometimes,perhaps, to higher gratifications; for he never could contain thedelight of hearing her commended, which he had the satisfaction ofhearing almost every day of her life. The idea, therefore, of theimmense happiness she should convey to her father by her consent tothis match, made a strong impression on her mind. Again, the extremepiety of such an act of obedience worked very forcibly, as she had avery deep sense of religion. Lastly, when she reflected how much sheherself was to suffer, being indeed to become little less than asacrifice, or a martyr, to filial love and duty, she felt an agreeabletickling in a certain little passion, which though it bears noimmediate affinity either to religion or virtue, is often so kind asto lend great assistance in executing the purposes of both.

  Sophia was charmed with the contemplation of so heroic an action, andbegan to compliment herself with much premature flattery, when Cupid,who lay hid in her muff, suddenly crept out, and like Punchinello in apuppet-show, kicked all out before him. In truth (for we scorn todeceive our reader, or to vindicate the character of our heroine byascr
ibing her actions to supernatural impulse) the thoughts of herbeloved Jones, and some hopes (however distant) in which he was veryparticularly concerned, immediately destroyed all which filial love,piety, and pride had, with their joint endeavours, been labouring tobring about.

  But before we proceed any farther with Sophia, we must now look backto Mr Jones.