Mutant Bunny Island

  I picked up the receiver and, using the credit card number my dad gave me, called home. It took seven rings before my father picked up.

  “Hi, Dad.”

  “Hello, Perry. You were exactly who I was hoping would call. I’d ask how you are, but I can already hear adventure in your voice.”

  “Really?”

  “For sure. So you arrived safely?”

  “Yes,” I answered.

  “I miss you already. Also, do you know where you left the remote?”

  “In the drawer near the footstool.”

  “Of course. So how’s your uncle? Remember, he’s a little . . .”

  “Free-spirited?” I guessed.

  “For sure. When we were kids he used to eat his pancakes with his hands. He’d roll them up like breadsticks and dunk them in syrup.”

  “I do that, too,” I reminded my dad.

  “Well, I suppose you two will have a great time together then,” my father said with a contented-sounding sigh. “So is your uncle nearby? I’d like to talk to him.”

  “He’s not here,” I said. “I’m in the phone booth he always uses. It’s just down the street from his house.”

  I really wanted to tell my father everything. He had always been my biggest champion, and I knew he could probably say some things that would make me feel better. But I also knew he would freak out and worry.

  “How exciting,” he said. “I bet the kids here in Ohio aren’t getting the chance to use phone booths.”

  “I bet you’re right.”

  “Soak it all in.”

  “I’m soaking.”

  “Tell me, Perry, do they have wheat on Bunny Island?”

  “Yes,” I said. “In fact, Zeke has wheat crackers.”

  “Good, I’ll rest easy knowing that. Were you aware that if you chew on grains of wheat long enough they become a delicious gum?”

  “Of course, but only because you’ve told me that my whole life.”

  “Wheat gum. What can’t wheat do?”

  It was nice to hear my dad’s voice, but I had an uncle to find.

  “Dad?” I asked. “When was the last time you talked to Uncle Zeke?”

  “Well, I suppose it was about a month ago. He called me to tell me about some interesting carrots he was growing.”

  Bam, bam, bam!

  Someone knocked on the phone booth. I jumped and spun around to find a girl standing on the other side of the glass smiling at me.

  “Are you all right?” my dad asked. “Why are you screaming?”

  “It’s nothing,” I said, trying to catch my breath. “I thought I saw a bug.”

  “You really haven’t spent much time outside, have you?” He laughed. “That’s why it’s great you’re there. Play in the sun, get a bit dirty. The almanac says this could be a big year for beneficial insects!”

  The girl knocked on the glass again. This time I screamed at a lower volume.

  “I should go, Dad. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Before you hang up, I need to ask you something, Perry. Didn’t we go shopping for groceries a few days ago? Our kitchen cabinets are practically bare. I thought we had a whole summer supply of chips and treats.”

  “That’s weird.”

  “Maybe we have mice?” my dad suggested.

  “I bet that’s it,” I said.

  The girl knocked again, and this time, it was less friendly sounding.

  “I gotta go,” I insisted.

  I should warn you that whenever my dad calls me, we always end our phone calls by saying the same cheesy thing to each other. This time was no different:

  “Go forward with wheat in your sails, Perry.”

  “Yes, sir, kernel.”

  Hey, I warned you.

  I hung up the phone and opened the door of the glass booth. The girl who had been knocking shoved past me as I stepped out.

  “Sorry, I . . .”

  “No time,” she said urgently. “So sorry.”

  She picked up the phone, shoved some coins into the slot, and rapidly dialed a number.

  “Come on, come on,” she pleaded into the device. “Someone pick up.”

  I didn’t usually let girls my age push me around. Actually, I had never really had the chance before.

  Also, I know it’s impolite to listen in to other people’s conversations, but with my uncle’s life in the hands of some cold-blooded newts, I needed to pay close attention to everything. Admiral Uli always insisted that those who fought injustice with him had to keep their ears open and their blowholes closed. So as the sun beat down on my neck, I eavesdropped as carefully as I could as she talked into the phone.

  “What number am I?”

  So, she was numbered? Maybe the number was written on her foot like the newts of Tally Island. They were all numbered because they looked alike, and it was the only way to tell them apart.

  “Did I make the cut?” she asked the phone.

  I could only guess what she was hoping to make the cut of—a secret academy, a spy school? Or maybe she was trying out for the Rudely-Pound-on-the-Phone-Booth team. Either way I needed to be prepared. So I reached my hand in my pocket and prepared to pull out my mask.

  Things were about to go down.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  SIDEKICKS AND UNLOCKED DOORS

  “Argh,” the girl complained as she hung up the phone. She sighed like I did whenever my comic books ended. “Dumb contest. Just once I’d like to win.”

  She spun around and looked at me.

  She was more cute than newt. I think I might have gotten paler as all the ink drained from my face. Whoever she was, she was about my age with hair the exact same color as the popcorn I got at the movie theater near my house. Her long popcorn hair was pulled into a side ponytail that swung wildly whenever she moved. She had seriously green eyes. I’m serious. They looked brighter than Admiral Uli’s underwater lawn. Her lips were covered with some sparkly junk and she was wearing a white T-shirt and a bunch of bracelets. She also had a pair of old-fashioned headphones around her neck and a bright green plastic watch on one wrist.

  I slipped my mask back into my pocket.

  “Sorry,” the girl said as she stepped out of the phone booth. “I’m just a little upset.”

  There was something about her that made my head feel as if it were leaking helium. Could she be putting me under some sort of newt hypnosis? I had to know the truth. I reached into my pocket, grabbed a fistful of baking soda, and held out my powdery hand to see if she would shake it.

  Not only did she shake it, but she didn’t wince or dust it off or shrivel up. She was not a newt! I wanted to say something smooth and cool to her, but what came out was . . .

  “I thought you were a newt.”

  She smiled. “A newt?” she asked. “Why would you think that?”

  I could feel my cheeks glowing red. “No reason, I’m just trying to make conversation because I don’t really know what to say or why I’m still talking.”

  “Well, that’s odd. Interesting, but odd. I’ve never liked newts. They seem shifty.”

  I liked the way she talked.

  “I’m Juliet Jordan,” she said.

  “I’m Perry Owens.”

  Juliet glanced at her watch. “Nice to meet you, Perry, but I’ve got to go.”

  I didn’t want her to go, so I blurted out the first thing I could think of. “I might need some help. I think my uncle’s house was broken into?”

  “That’s horrible,” she said biting her lip. “You should call the police.”

  “Everyone knows the police are just newt agents,” I explained. “Are there any secret squid agents you’d recommend around here? Preferably some that are familiar with underwater crime.”

  “Wow,” she said with wide eyes. “This all sounds exciting. Just so you know, I’ve solved and figured out a few things in my life. Maybe I could help.”

  “You’ve solved things?”

  “Well, not like any great mysteries, but
I found my father’s missing glasses, and once at the library I figured out who was taking all the pens.”

  “Who?”

  “It was the librarian.”

  “Were they her pens to begin with?”

  “Yes, but seriously, Perry, let me help. This island is kind of blah sometimes, and I’m not crazy about blah. I’m crazy about whatever the opposite of blah is.”

  “Halb?”

  “Exactly! Besides, I love doing favors for people. That way, they owe me something in return. You never know when you might need some favors of your own.”

  “You never do,” I agreed. “Okay, you can help.”

  “Good.” Juliet smiled at me. “Now, I just need to deliver this package to Mrs. Ruth, and then I can start solving things. Come with me?”

  I don’t have much experience hanging out with girls or boys or humans. But for some reason, I wanted to give it a try with Juliet.

  “Me go with you.” My mouth was acting like an idiot.

  I thought Juliet might just run away from me, but instead she said, “You say things in a weird way, but that’s okay. Now come on.”

  We started walking toward Mrs. Ruth’s house.

  “So how come I’ve never seen you before?” she asked. “Do you live on the far side of the island?”

  “No, I just came to visit my uncle.”

  “You did?” She was fizzing with excitement like a bottle of soda that had been shaken up. “So where are you from?”

  “Ohio. And we need to walk faster.”

  “Wow! Ohio? I’ve always dreamed of going there.”

  “Well, I’ve never dreamed of coming here, but my uncle’s in trouble.”

  “What’s Ohio like?” she asked. “Do you have computers? What about escalators? I’ve seen them in movies. Have you ever been on an escalator?”

  I nodded. “Doesn’t your mall have escalators?”

  “No,” Juliet said sadly. “It doesn’t even have a second floor. What about music? I bet they have tons of great music in Ohio.”

  The only music I really liked was cephalopod whale chanting, and I didn’t think that was what she was talking about.

  “Uh, yeah. Totally,” I said.

  “Totally,” Juliet echoed.

  “What were you listening to?” I asked, pointing to the headphones around her neck.

  “Oh, nothing,” she said, turning a bit pink. “These aren’t plugged into anything. I just wear them because they look cool.” Juliet showed me how she put the headphone jack in her back pocket.

  “It does look cool,” I said.

  “Thanks.”

  “So what was up with that phone call you had to make?”

  “I was trying to win a contest,” she answered. “The KBUN radio station is giving away a whole case of sugar-free gum. We don’t get much gum here. Have you had a lot of gum?”

  “Yeah,” I bragged. “But not the sugar-free kind. It does a number on my stomach.”

  “A number?”

  “Two mostly.”

  Juliet laughed. “You’re funny, Perry.”

  I liked having someone think that about me.

  “So where are we going again?”

  “I need to drop off this package to Mrs. Ruth. My mom makes homemade granola, and I deliver it to the old people on the island.”

  “Granola?”

  “I know, it’s not my favorite, but I like the old people. They have funny stories. Plus, sometimes they give me some of their old magazines.”

  “I like magazines because there’s tons of pictures. Not that I don’t like words, it’s just that I’m into comics, and magazines are more comic-y than normal books.” I didn’t know what I was saying, and I could feel my cheeks getting red. “I’m going to stop talking now.”

  “You don’t have to stop talking,” Juliet said. “Sometimes life is better when you stop trying to make sense.”

  We walked between two bamboo shacks that looked more like old props from a TV show than actual places to live. Past the shacks, there was a sandy road that led to a round house with a flat, square roof. The grass in front of the house was as messy as a newt swamp. We stepped up onto the porch and Juliet knocked.

  When nobody answered I said, “Maybe she’s out?”

  “That would be weird,” Juliet said. “Mrs. Ruth has bad legs and a bad back and kind of a bad attitude. Usually, she doesn’t leave her house. She just has people bring her the things she needs.”

  “Let me try knocking. I’ve got really solid knuckles.”

  I rapped on the door using a secret knock that only a follower of Uli would know. I was hoping Juliet would recognize it, but she didn’t. Also, there was still no answer from Mrs. Ruth.

  “I hope nothing’s wrong,” Juliet whispered.

  Without even thinking about it, I pulled my mask out of my pocket and put it on. Juliet looked at me in shock.

  “What’s that?” she asked.

  “It’s my mask. I wear it when things get tough.”

  “Really?” she said, smiling.

  “I know, make fun of me, everyone else does.”

  “Actually, I like it. It makes your blue eyes pop.”

  Great, now I also had to worry about popping eyes.

  Juliet grabbed the doorknob and pushed it open a couple of inches.

  “Mrs. Ruth!” she yelled. “It’s me, Juliet.”

  There was still no answer, so I did my part and pushed the door open farther. The inside of Mrs. Ruth’s home looked like my uncle’s: a total mess. Lamps were tipped over, and there were clothes and books scattered about.

  We stepped inside and searched the small house for any sign of Mrs. Ruth. Neither she nor her bad attitude were around, but the back door was open a few inches.

  “I think Mrs. Ruth is missing,” Juliet said.

  The words caused chills to run down my spine, which I didn’t like. One, because it meant I was scared, and real squids don’t get scared. And two, because squids don’t have spines, and feeling mine tingle reminded me that I wasn’t as squid-like as I wanted to be. I got even more chills when I set my hand down on Mrs. Ruth’s table and discovered that it was covered in slime.

  “Unbelievable,” I whispered.

  While I was wiping my hand off on my pants, we both heard the front door opening. Juliet screamed and my pulse quickened as we turned to see what was coming.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  QUESTION EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE

  Sorry, but nobody was at the door. I thought at first that we were up against some invisible attackers, but upon further investigation I could see that it was just like at my uncle’s: the door swung open due to bunnies trying to get in.

  “That scared the glitter out of me,” Juliet said.

  “I hope I never had glitter in me.”

  We chased all the bunnies out of the house and then closed up Mrs. Ruth’s home. Standing in the front yard, my forehead and knees began to sweat.

  “What are we going to do about Mrs. Ruth?” I asked.

  “Maybe she’s at the doctor,” Juliet suggested. “That’s the one thing she leaves her house for.”

  “I don’t think so. Besides, my uncle’s not at the doctor.”

  “So he’s missing?”

  “Yes, and I promised I would find him,” I told her. “I just can’t figure out why the newts would mess up my uncle’s place and Mrs. Ruth’s before they took them. Were they hiding something?”

  “You know, newts can’t mess up houses. They’re small, right?”

  “Normal newts might be.”

  “Does everyone in Ohio believe in things like giant newts?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t get out much.”

  “Do your brothers and sisters believe in giant newts?”

  “No brothers, no sisters. Just a dad.”

  “Where’s your mom?” Juliet asked.

  “She died when I was little. Or maybe . . .”

  “Don’t say the newts took her.”
>
  “I won’t,” I said. “But a real cephalopod doesn’t rule out anything.”

  “For Salty’s sake, a real what?”

  For Salty’s sake? I couldn’t believe the words that had just come from Juliet’s mouth. There was only one other person I knew who said that, and that person was Admiral Uli’s girlfriend, Stacy Horse.

  “What did you just say?” I asked.

  “What’s a cephalopod? Is it like an iPod? Because I’ve seen pictures of those in magazines.”

  “No, not that, you said something about salty.”

  “For Salty’s sake?”

  “How do you know that saying?”

  “I’m not sure, but I always have,” she said. “I probably got it from my mom. She says it, too.”

  I looked up at the blue sky expecting to see a double marinebow or some celebratory inkworks going off in the sky. Juliet definitely wasn’t a newt. In fact, she was showing signs of being a squid cadet. I couldn’t help but smile and breathe a sigh of relief. It felt amazing to know that there was someone here I could trust.

  “Okay,” I said solemnly. “Don’t laugh, but my uncle and I have a deal. We promised each other that if we were ever hassled by newts, we would contact the other one. We both love the Ocean Blasterzoids comics, and we both know that newts are a menace that want to rid the oceans of salt water. Well, this morning I got an envelope and in it there was a card that said . . .” I pulled the card out of one of my pockets and showed it to her. It was a little bit smudged from getting wet, but still readable.

  “What does it say?”

  “Oh yeah, I forgot you don’t speak Cephalopodian. It says help.”

  “Wow. So you flew out here just to help him?”

  I nodded.

  “And your dad is okay with that?”

  I didn’t answer.

  “Does your dad even know?”

  I kept silent.

  “You came here all by yourself to help find an uncle that sent you a card with some weird scribbles on the back?”

  “There was also a message chewed into the last page of the comic. It said ‘MEL.’”

  “I’m impressed,” Juliet said.

  “Don’t be. Time is ticking away, and I’m no closer to finding Uncle Zeke. It’s a well-known Ocean Blasterzoids fact that newts put on trench coats and hats and walk right up out of ponds and rivers at night to snatch their victims. Once they have them, they drag them to a cave or cove and keep them there until they have all the information they can get. After that they usually feed them to the sharks. We’re lucky because with the amount of things my uncle knows, it will take the newts some time to learn everything.”