Lost & Found Innocence

  Chapter 6

  Jacob is here. I’m curt. He thinks it’s my migraine. He doesn’t normally stay for those.

  True to form, he goes.

  Comes back again, I mention the lunch with Hope. Not that I minded.

  I simply want something to fill the gap necessary for conversation between two normal human beings.

  At least he didn’t say that one didn’t take place. Score another one for Ruth.

  Jacob: “The woman was insistent. Seeing she’s your friend, I didn’t want to upset either of you. What about my request Lisa?”

  Me: “I’ve no cash right now Jacob.”

  Jacob: “You made a substantial withdrawal yesterday.”

  Me: “I told you to stop poking into my account.”

  Jacob: “A whole lot of things are suddenly off limits since I proposed to you.”

  Me: “I’m sorry if you’re going to take it that way. It’s late Jacob. I think you ought to go.”

  Jacob: “Seven o’clock, surely you’re not chasing me away?”

  Me: “Have to help Hugh with his class project.”

  Jacob: “We could do that together, then go out to dinner.”

  Me: “Are you going to take me out to dinner Jacob? Did someone die and leave you a fortune?”

  Jacob: “A guy gives you a good time, does everything you want, proposes marriage and what do you do?”

  Me: “I’m not interested in commitment. I made that clear right from the beginning.”

  Jacob: “All the time I thought it was Hugh’s father making a comeback and for him I suppose I would have deferred, only I was wrong, wasn’t I?”

  Me: “What are you getting at Jacob?”

  Jacob: “Tell me about Graham. How far gone are you with him? Is he the reason you’re turning me down Lisa?”

  Me: “Listen Jacob. I don’t have to account to you for anything.”

  Jacob: “Be careful Lisa, people in glass houses should not throw stones.”

  Me: “Are you threatening me?”

  Jacob: “Now now Lisa, why would I want to go and do that for? Your rejection hurt me but there’s no reason for me to threaten you. I love you.”

  Me: “Like you love the girls with the funny perfumes and streaked pantyhose you leave in my car?”

  Jacob: “The little escapades mean nothing. I only do that when I feel I’m demanding too much from you and you need the rest.”

  Me: “How very considerate of you. Thank heavens Hope is not gullible Lisa. She’s way beyond your class.”

  Jacob: “That woman is not worth to wipe your shoes Lisa.”

  Me: “I beg your pardon?”

  Jacob: “I’m sorry Lisa but your friend Hope? I’ve been turning her down from when she used to join us for dinner. Only, she kept at it. After you turned down my marriage proposal and refused to take my calls, she paid me a surprise visit.

  Hope begs like a dog. She gets on her knees and wimps and eats and chews and swallows and …”

  Me: (Shouting): “Mr. Simon? Mr. Alexander? …”

  Can you imagine, our very own Hope, to be so sullied by this, this good-for-nothing leech?

  The nerve of it!

  Now hear this please. I don’t, as a rule, normally get emotional or angry, but, there are occasions that call for it.

  This is one.

  I’ve instructed Mr. Alexander and Mr. Simon to never ever let Jacob in again.

  If Hope hears about this, it will not be from me. I’ve done the best I can to protect Hope, little though it is.

  It’s good to see Natalie in a period of normalcy. I ask her why she keeps running off. Natalie says she has to get out, to run to freedom.

  She doesn’t feel safe in this house.

  Only David did with his grand design of a dozen bedrooms, several lounges and countless other addendums.

  I don’t blame my sister.

  Natalie doesn’t feel safe in her clothes or skin anymore. She says that faces are tormenting her, trying to tear her to shreds.

  She has to fight. Natalie says she’s brave, I know that too. As long as she doesn’t eat or drink the poisoned food in the house, Natalie says she will be all right.

  Human News Network, alias Ruth. I asked her for a reference book a long time ago.

  Always said it was out at one person’s or the other and now, it has been miraculously found. She phoned to tell me she was bringing it.

  Ruth never visits a female being twice in a month. It’s unheard of.

  I suppose a sick relative, like a man leaving also holds attraction for some. To each their own.

  Trish came in an hour ago. She brought fruit. She was with Natalie, calming her down, covering her, rubbing her before the ambulance came. Mum went with Natalie.

  I suppose Trish would know about things like that. She’s experienced, having to deal with Isaiah and all.

  Ruth: “Was that ambulance coming from here?”

  Trish: “Hello to you too Ruth.”

  Ruth: “The ambulance, don’t tell me it’s Natalie?”

  Me: “Hello Ruth”.

  Ruth: “Trish, here again? I thought you’re away on business?”

  Trish: “Was. I came in yesterday. Brought crazy, delicious coconut tarts. Anyone for a cup of tea?”

  Ruth: “I’ll have a whiskey. Lisa can join you for the tarts. She’s substituting food for sex.”

  Me: “Let me get the tea.”

  Trish: “Sit and rest Lisa, I’ll get it.”

  Ruth: “Let me get it. Lisa, where are those men you indulge your fantasies with and pass for domestic help? And incidentally, which direction is the kitchen?”

  Trish points. Lisa sighs and Trish shakes her head gently.

  Ruth: “People, can you believe I actually lost my way to the kitchen? What exactly was that nutcase David building, a maze?”

  Me: “No. David built a Zoo. He already had the animals, Hugh and me. He was the Zoo-keeper.”

  Daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne – Calliope, Clio, Erato, Euterpe, Melpomene, Polyhymnia, Terpsichore, Thalia and Urania.

  Daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne – Calliope, Clio, Erato, Euterpe, Melpomene, Polyhymnia, Terpsichore, Thalia and Urania.

  Daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne – Calliope.

  I’m trying to read but the same sentence keeps popping up. Third time now. Most strange. Trust Ruth to give you a misprinted book.

  Another day.

  Natalie’s genitalia are red, swollen and bruised. The wounds look fresh and raw.

  Natalie sits in a corner. She’s naked.

  Her body is wound tight ready for take off. Trish calms Natalie while we wait for the ambulance.

  Mother has come too. She’s fuming over what she calls my abdicating her maternal right over Natalie.

  They don’t see eye-to-eye, Natalie and mother. I consider Natalie an adult.

  Still, a mother holds the irrevocable right to be called mother as long as one is a child of her womb. So, I take mother to see Natalie.

  Ever heard a banshee, a proper one?

  That’s it, the noise mother makes.

  It feels like forever before the ambulance arrives. Natalie again, goes to hospital.

  Trish: “Natalie is strong.”

  Me: “I know.”

  Trish: “She will pull through.”

  Me: “I truly hope so.”

  Trish: “Are you worried about her?”

  Me: “I don’t see the benefit in worrying.”

  Trish: “That’s the spirit. Chin up”

  Me: “Natalie’s words. She says chin up, always. No point in worrying.”

  Trish: “You think you’ve seen the worst, yet more comes.”

  Me: “Happens, sometimes. Mostly, it’s plain fear.”

  Trish: “What are you afraid of Lisa?”

  Me: “Not knowing what to do. Not having enough to do it with, when I know what to do when it matters, or lacking guts.”

  Tri
sh: “Are you afraid to die?”

  Me: “I used to be, before I went into my mind. Graham did something to me. He made me get out of myself.”

  Trish: “You stopped fearing death?”

  Me: “Not in the sense you mean, the physical part. I do fear death. Yet I know there are other things - bigger.

  I’m outside myself so I see me from within and without. I see myself in totality, the clear and the cloudy.

  I can be outside of it and remain there. Like peeping into a door, a part of you saying not to enter and be forever ignorant yet another saying go explore. I stand at that door.”

  Trish: “Which way will you go Lisa?”

  Me: “Only life will tell my dear Trish, only life will tell.”

  Trish: “You’re lucky.”

  Me: “What makes you say that?”

  Trish: “You’re able to define things for yourself.”

  Me: “I see with words yet I cannot live to correct anything. There’s the one and the other.

  Always parallel.

  I want to wrestle, conquer and make life subjective to the self that I’m but that appears illusive. I’m not anyway near there. Maybe I never will be.”

  Trish: “I suppose what is important is to do your bit.”

  Me: “Yes, to do your bit. Thank you Trish, for Natalie.”

  Trish: “A cuppa would do us both a lot of good. They have a new range of bras at that boutique Hope frequents. I hear they’re satiny, lacy and …..”

  Me: “Nipple less?”

  Trish: “Aha”.

  Me: “Forget tea.”

  When I get back, Hugh is home, waiting for me. David sent him back.

  They do that with children, the ones who leave, take them for the wrong reasons and bring them back for wrong reasons too.

  There’s a nasty dose of flue doing the rounds.

  We all have it, that’s, all of us except Natalie. She thinks it’s ironic that there are sick people around her. Natalie says she has never felt healthier.

  We talk a lot when she’s like this. You live in the same house, go to the same school, share the same bed and still, you hardly make time to talk about important issues.

  There’s always this pulling and pushing and grabbing and before you know it, you’re all grown and married.

  You would continue thus till death if there are no Davids in your lives.

  The man marries you, makes you believe in family, dumps you and Natalie comes to console you.

  You realize Natalie is your own sister and suddenly, you discover the very little you know of each other.

  Natalie says she wants to be good company to herself and to others. As if she never was good company. If we rate that per family, I think Nat is the best company one can have from our lot.

  She has the gift to give of her joy and laughter.

  Quotation from Natalie, “I’ve known contentment”.

  Is that not beautiful?

  Hammock, hammock, whither art thou?

  You know how you smell something when you walk towards it but cease to notice the smell once you’re in it?

  That’s about the way of life right now.

  Hugh has temporarily returned to childhood. He gave me a puppy kiss just now. Rarely get those nowadays.

  Could it be because of the girl I saw in the house the other day, the one who came looking for him?

  Yes, a girl came calling for Hugh!

  You should have seen how speedily she was whisked away from the house. They went biking.

  You think I’m a stick my nose in it type of mother? No. I simply peeped to see better and there she was, a young and extremely pretty, female guest.

  Hugh didn’t introduce her like he does with all his other friends. In fact, the young man acted funny. No, what is the word, I believe its sheepish.

  I really should get those hammocks! I’m in a good mood.

  Time for the Irish prayer, the lines I like best.

  “May the sun shine in your face and may you never go without food on your table”.

  I say Amen to that.

  I’m making a special dinner for the two of us, Hugh and me. And, tomorrow is tea day!

  Hugh: “Thanks for making dinner moms.”

  Me: “How did you know it was me? I meant it to be a surprise.”

  Hugh: “Smelt the burnt potatoes right after smelling the burnt water!”

  Me: “Young man, do you know how hard I tried to make it perfect?”

  Hugh: “It’s perfect. You don’t know how good it felt to smell that when I got in the kitchen. I prefer your cooking to the meals Mr. Alexander and Mr. Simon make, any day.”

  Me: “That’s so sweet! Thanks a bunch Hugh”

  Hugh: (imitating my mother’s voice)”Now dear, listen, if you’ve no time to monitor the cooking you must reduce heat or better still, take the pot off the stove.”

  Me: “Stop making fun of your grandmother!”

  Hugh: “I adore Gram, both of them actually. Maybe Gram slightly more than Gramps cause the woman never burnt a pot in her life. Are you absolutely positive that you’re her daughter mum?”

  Me: “Am too, all of me, never you forget otherwise I will give you one of her specials”

  Hugh: “The tongue lash? Heavens no! (pause) Its good to have you back moms.”

  Me: “That’s a sad thing to say Hugh. You say that like I went away somewhere yet I was here all the time.”

  Hugh: “Could have fooled me.”

  Me: “I saw a young girl in the lounge the other day. Is she a new friend? What’s her name again?”

  Hugh: “How would I know moms? Maybe she told you a different name. Girls do that.”

  Me: “Come, come Hugh, that girl didn’t strike me as a floosie. I don’t think she’s the lying type.”

  Hugh: “You’re right moms. Her name is Nazmin.”

  Me: “What a pretty name. Have you known her long? Been to her house?”

  Hugh: “Posh home, plenty cars, money, the works moms.”

  Me: “What do her parents do?”

  Hugh: “Thought she told you when you gave her your once over.”

  Me: “Hugh, you sound like you don’t want me to know your friend.”

  Hugh: “I didn’t put you through loops when Jacob came here moms. A friend calls for me, a friend who happens to be a girl and you interrogate her. Your men friends come and go as they please and I never ask them a single thing.”

  Me: “Hugh! What’s gotten into you? Why are you being so rude?”

  Hugh: “You treat me like a baby in front of my friends. I’m eleven going on to twelve, in case you haven’t noticed. Teenage next.”

  Me: “Hugh you’re still a baby.”

  Hugh: “Then how come you expect me to behave like an adult?”

  Me: “What do you mean Hugh?”

  Hugh: “You bring Jacob here and just because I keep quiet doesn’t mean I’m cool with him sleeping in my father’s house.

  Nazmin comes here, during broad daylight and you harass her. I keep quite but you poke and when you do, you again expect me to keep quiet. Only adults have inconsistent behavior and double standards.”

  Me: “It’s not like that at all Hugh”

  Hugh: “What is it like moms?”

  Me: “I can explain Jacob. No, I don’t need to explain anything to you. You’re my son and, I’m not accountable to you for my actions.”

  Hugh: “See what I mean moms? Thanks for supper, I’m going to bed.”

  My son’s …….reasoning like, like oh dear, his father!

  Its tea time at the usual place. You do remember that it’s at Fournos, I hope?

  Trish, Ruth and I are already seated. We are waiting for Hope. It’s unusual for her to be late. Ah, here comes Hope.

  She’s apologizing for coming late. Unfortunately too, she says she cannot stay. Hope goes.

  Trish: “Hope must be working on a new project. She looks that excited.” r />
  Me: “Yes she does.”

  Trish: “Or could be she has reconciled with Kimberley’s father”.

  Me: “I would not know about that.”

  Trish: “Hope told me they had broken up.”

  Me: “At least she tells you. I don’t even know the man!”

  Trish: “You know Hope. She will have us meet him when we are sick with curiosity. I don’t know how she does it.”

  Me: “If he’s anything like Kimberly, he’s cute. Kim’s mouth looks like another I know.”

  Trish: “Honestly Lisa, you and cute mouths! Hey, you know what, the time Hope and Kimberly’s father broke up, it was the same week she brought Kimberley to you to baby-sit for her. You remember?”

  Me: “I remember Kim’s tantrum, had to blackmail her with candy.”

  Trish: “Hope told me about the candy. She was furious.”

  Me: “She did? I suppose I should not have given Kim the candy but Kimberly threw a tantrum so beautiful it needed rewarding.”

  Trish laughs.

  Me: “There were no other trophies at hand so candy it had to be. Ruth, you’re awfully quiet today, is everything alright. Ruth? Ruth!”

  Ruth: “Are you for real, you two?”

  Me: “Is anything the matter Ruth?”

  Ruth: “You want to know why your Hope cannot stay put Lisa? I’ll tell you. It’s because she cannot get enough of your toy boy Jacob.

  Do you mean to tell me that I’m the only one sitting at this table sick of seeing them together every whichever way I turn?”

  Me: “Ruth, … ..”

  Ruth: “I hear Hope didn’t waste time the day you turned down toy boy’s proposal and gave him the boot.”

  Me: “Ruth, for Pete’s sake…”

  Ruth: “While I like the new Lisa, who is as should be, according to my book, of course, I’m also forced to admire your toy boy. Axe from Lisa straight into Hope. How come Graham played you for a fool?”

  Me: “What is it with you and Hope? Why do you make up nasty stories about each other?”

  Ruth: “Lisa, Lisa. What will it take for you to see Hope for what she is?”

  Me: “Ruth, you sound exactly like Jacob badmouthing Hope.”

  Ruth: “I’m surprised he badmouths her because Jacob has the goods all right. No one has ever made Hope this crazy, not even Kimberley’s father!”

  Trish: “Ruth, I think ..”

  Ruth: “No-one asked you to butt in Trish. Why don’t you tell Lisa what happened between you, her adorable Hope and Bernard?”

  Silence.

  The sound of a long, difficult and deep breath.

  One normally caused by temper fighting reason and reason just managing to convince temper of reasoning’s wisdom by the hair of a breath, which breath you just heard.

  Trish: “Look Ruth. I see no reason why we should not have tea. I think skeletons should keep where they belong. Lisa here is going through a patch. Why don’t we stuff ourselves and have a grand ole’ time?”

  Trish is a person who turns common days, days that start off foggy, into indescribably beautiful warm and happy ones.

  And so we sat, talked, had tea, and laughed.

  Friends do that.

  ***************