In The Dark

  I help him smooth the blanket down onto the sand and then I sit on one edge of it, hoping he sits on the opposite end. But he doesn’t, of course. Nope, he sits right next to me, so close I can feel his heat, smell his scent and I close my eyes, trying my best to ward off the tsunami of emotions sweeping over me.

  It feels so right, sitting with him like this. As if we never parted. But I also feel like a liar. He wonders why I work, why I have a shitty car, why I bargain shop and act like a regular girl. He told me once that I was the most refreshing privileged girl he’d ever met.

  At the time, I hadn’t the heart to tell him that I’m not a rich girl at all. That I really am a regular girl who has to bargain shop and work and drive an old, slightly beat up vehicle. This is my life. This is me, yet somehow he doesn’t quite see the real me.

  Maybe it’s because he doesn’t want to. Or worse, that he chooses to believe my lies.

  In other words, he’s going to be super pissed if he ever finds out the truth.

  “Can I admit something?” he asks, his voice low, reminding me of sweet, thick syrup being poured over my skin.

  I nod, unable to say any words. Logic has fled and that’s so freaking dangerous. I knew if he got me alone out on this beach I’d do something stupid. Like let him do whatever he wanted to me.

  He takes my hand and laces our fingers together in such a sweet gesture I almost want to cry. Well, not really. More like I want to grab him and roll around in the sand with our mouths locked and hands wandering everywhere.

  Clearly I’m getting ahead of myself.

  “I’ve missed you.” His gaze meets mine, such a deep dark blue, so full of uncontained emotion. I’ve never seen him look at me like this before and I brace myself for what he’s about to say next. “I’ve never said that to a girl before.”

  “No one?” I croak out when he brings our linked hands to his mouth and brushes it against my knuckles.

  “Not even my mother.” He kisses the back of my hand, his lips lingering and such a simple gesture should not feel so deliciously good. “I shouldn’t bring her into this particular conversation.”

  I laugh nervously. “No, you shouldn’t.”

  “I did miss you, Luce.” He takes a deep breath, I feel the warm gust of air against my skin and then he’s dropping our linked hands into his lap. Perilously close to that particular spot between his legs I have the sudden urge to touch. I know just what to do to make him groan and having that knowledge is quite a powerful thing. “More than I like to admit.”

  “So why are you admitting it?”

  “Because I want to be honest with you. No more bullshit between us.”

  My heart aches. His admission is so…ugh. Meaningful and sweet. Yet I’m still a liar. A rotten, filthy, no good liar.

  I look away from him because the intensity of his gaze is going to undo me if I don’t watch it. I might say something I’ll regret and though I want to be honest, I’m not ready to make him angry yet. “You’re the one who cut me off first,” I say, sounding like a miserable child.

  “Is this a contest?” When I turn to glare at him he sighs, runs his free hand through his hair. He’s frustrated, I can tell, and that’s fine because I am too. “When you ran away from me in class on Monday, that hurt.”

  Oh. “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I whisper. “I was really only trying to protect myself.”

  “From me? That’s crazy.” He shakes his head.

  A breeze washes over us and I shiver at the chill in the air. It may still be August but the nights get cool around here. “You were the last person I expected to find here, Gabe. And when I first saw you in the marketing class, I wondered if I was seeing things. I thought I was losing my mind. Then I realized you really were there and I didn’t know what to say, how to react. So I did the first thing that came to my mind.”

  “Run,” he adds.

  “Yep.” I nod. “I ran. And I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I wasn’t thinking of anyone else at that moment. Just myself.” I sound incredibly selfish but at least I’m being honest.

  We’re quiet for a moment and he plays with my fingers with his own, his touch so light it tickles, making me all tingly everywhere. I could probably sit like this with Gabe forever…

  “I want a do over,” he suddenly says and I frown at him.

  “A what?”

  “A do over,” he repeats. “I want to start fresh. Start over with you. Forget all that summer fling talk and everything else. It wasn’t a fling for me. I don’t think it was for you either.” He squeezes my hand, shifting closer to me. “I want another chance with you. With us.”

  Oh. Crap. He’s serious. I can see it in his eyes, the expression on his dear, wonderful face. Unable to help myself I reach out and touch his cheek, feel the familiar prick of stubble beneath my palm and God, I want him. Just like that. I want him to lay me down on the blanket and press his big warm body into mine. I want to give up everything for just one more chance with him, to have exactly what he’s asking for.

  But it would be a huge mistake. He doesn’t want to hear my truth. He expects me to be a certain thing and I am so not what he wants. A rich girl to bring home to the parents, someone they could approve of, someone with a proper background and whatever the hell else they want.

  I don’t know if Gabe would really care if I’m just your average working girl from So Cal or what but I’m scared to take that chance. Scared I’ll ruin everything between us once and for all and I don’t want to risk that.

  “You touch me like that and I think you still want me,” he whispers, his voice all husky and full of promise. I didn’t realize I was stroking his cheek with my thumb.

  I smile though it’s tremulous at best. Let him down easy. Tell him you can just be his friend. Lie and tell him you have a boyfriend or something stupid like that. Say anything to end this once and for all. Do what’s best. Do what’s right.

  “I never stopped,” I admit like a total idiot. I blow out a shaky breath. I’m going against everything I told myself I’m supposed to do. “I’m sorry for all the stupid—”

  “Sshh.” He rests his finger over my lips, silencing me, his face in mine. “I accept your apology. I’m sorry too. I thought I was doing the right thing by cutting off all communication with you. Instead, not talking to you just made me want you even more.”

  He traces my mouth with the tip of his finger and I close my eyes, my lips parting. “Gabe…”

  “I’m going to do this right.” His hand drops from my mouth and he releases his grip on my other hand. I frown at the loss. There’s nothing better than having Gabriel Walker touching you, trust me. “Starting now.”

  “Do what right?” I ask as he stands and offers his hand to me.

  “Properly woo you, of course.” He grins.

  I think I’m in serious trouble.

  “…And then I said I was going to properly woo her,” I finish, leaning back against my seat. “Was that stupid?”

  Shep frowns, then leans across the table, his gaze never leaving mine. “What the fuck does woo even mean?”

  I chuckle. We’re having breakfast sans Tristan because he would just give me endless shit and I wanted to have a serious conversation with Shep about…girl problems.

  Me. With girl problems. Who would believe it? Definitely not Tristan. I don’t think Shep can wrap his head around it either.

  “I’m trying to win her over. Start a relationship with her,” I explain. “You know, like you and Jade.”

  “Wait a minute. Didn’t you already have something with her over the summer?” His frown deepens. I think I’ve seriously confused him.

  I already bought him breakfast and proceeded to tell him everything that happened between Lucy and I over the summer. The push and pull, how I denied myself at first until finally, I gave in. And once I gave in, we were all over each other, culminating with her giving me her virginity.

  Yes. I even told him that particular fact because I wanted him to
realize just how serious this was. Lucy’s not some random girl I fucked over the summer and happen to like. She’s special. I want to be serious about this girl.

  I firmly believe I could even…love this girl. I’ve thought this through enough to not feel like my head was going to explode every time the word love comes into the mix.

  Mostly.

  “We were together over the summer, yeah. But we established what we were doing as just a fling from the very beginning.” Sort of. Hell, I don’t know what to call what we were doing.

  Shep shakes his head. “I’m fucking confused, man. Just pick up where you two left off and keep it going. It’s as simple as that.”

  “But I want to prove to her that I’m serious,” I stress. “She gave her virginity to me, we banged like rabbits and then I packed up and left. After a while I didn’t return her texts and yes, that makes me a total dick but I said I was sorry and I think she forgave me. So I want to start over. Start fresh and remind her that I can be a nice guy. At least for her, I can be.”

  Shep’s quiet for a moment, contemplating me. Making me uncomfortable. Wish he’d say something and put me out of my misery once and for all.

  “You like her,” he finally says.

  Fucking duh. “I like her a lot,” I reiterate. “Actually, this is beyond like.”

  Shep raises a brow. “You’re in love with her?” He sounds incredulous.

  “I don’t know.” I shrug, waiting for the panic to wash over me but it doesn’t. Shocking. “I don’t think it’s love. Yet.”

  “So you care for her.”

  I nod. “A lot.”

  “Wow.” He shakes his head. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

  “See the day of what? Me eventually falling in love? To be honest, I never thought it would happen either.” Ever. Love sucks. That’s what I always thought. So did Shep. We bonded over our equally shitty parents.

  Now look at us.

  “It still hasn’t happened, the falling in love part,” Shep points out. “According to you.”

  I say nothing because he’s right. And I’m already done with this conversation. I feel anxious. I’ll see Lucy today in marketing class. We have it together twice a week and though I have no idea how she’s going to react upon seeing me, I can’t help but admit that hell yeah, I’m anxious. Excited.

  Anticipating seeing that pretty face and asking her out on an official date. Will she accept? I hope so.

  That I worry about her accepting my offer of a date or not is pretty hilarious.

  “Remember back in the day when we used to get any chick we wanted?” There’s a fondness in Shep’s voice I find surprising. I thought he was perfectly happy being a taken man.

  “Yeah, it wasn’t that long ago.” Especially for me, though technically not for Shep either.

  He nods, looking nostalgic. “The three of us could walk into a bar and start a poon monsoon within seconds of our arrival every single time.”

  I grimace. Seriously? How old are we? “I guess you could say that,” I agree slowly.

  Shep laughs. “I’m serious. Girls would go nuts every time we made an appearance together, all of them fighting to see who could get one of us first. Wet panties galore, everywhere. And we fucking loved it. It was great.”

  “Yeah.” It was. But I can reflect on it now and it was sort of lonely. I could never remember the girl’s name. One pussy after another, one mouth after another…there wasn’t anything special about any of it. I was just fucking for fucking’s sake. How sad and empty is that?

  “Why you looking so down?” Shep nudges me. “You once lived for that shit.”

  “So did you,” I return. “But now you’ve changed.”

  “You’re right. I don’t miss it anymore,” Shep agrees.

  “So what did it? What made you change?” I already know the answer but I want to hear his explanation. We sound like a couple of chicks, talking about our feelings and shit but damn it, I need some advice. Some guidance.

  Shep’s expression turns serious. “The right girl. I can’t even tell you what exactly possessed me. Only thing I can tell you, is that it was Jade. She possessed me. More like I had to possess her.”

  I completely understand. That’s how I feel about Lucy. The need to make her mine is just…it’s there. Bubbling up inside of me, threatening to take hold and never let go until I conquer my goal.

  And my goal is…Lucy.

  “Bro, you are way too quiet.”

  I shrug. “I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

  “Like how to make that girl yours? Easy. Chase after her.” Shep shakes his head. “Another one of us has fallen. Looks like Tristan is finally on his own. Wonder if he can create a poon monsoon all by himself?”

  “That’s fucking disgusting. Why do you keep having to say it?” If he says those two words one more time I might walk out. Leave him with the breakfast bill.

  Shep starts to laugh in earnest and I scowl at him in return. Lately I feel like I’m a big joke at his expense. I know Tristan and I thought it was pretty fucking hilarious—and strange—as we watched Shep do stupid things to make Jade his. That our best friend was falling for a girl when he could have any and every girl he could ever want confused the hell out of us. I didn’t understand it.

  Now, I get it. I’m the idiot trying my best to win over a girl and no doubt I’m also about to make an ass of myself.

  Hell, I’ve already made an ass of myself. Passing out in the middle of kissing Lucy? Thank God no one knows about that beyond the two of us.

  “So you’re telling me you’re so gone over this girl, you can’t even handle the words poon monsoon anymore?” Shep snickers.

  He said it again, the bastard. I jump to my feet. “Gotta go.”

  Shep’s laughter dies. “I thought you were buying breakfast.”

  “Sorry bro, when you keep saying shit like that, I can’t stick around.” I throw a couple of dollars onto the table. “I’ll cover the tip though.”

  “Asshole,” Shep calls as I exit the diner, making me laugh.

  The smile stays plastered on my face the entire walk back to campus.

  He sits by me in class. Like, literally sits by me, in the desk next to mine, his arm brushing against my arm as he settles in. The physical contact with Gabe makes my skin tingle, makes me blush and stutter and when he flashes that easy grin in my direction and says hi in that sexy, low drawling voice, it’s like he zaps all of my brain cells with a mere bearing of his perfectly straight, perfectly white teeth.

  How am I going to survive an entire semester with him in this class? I’m on the path to fail I’m sure.

  No. I refuse to let my reaction to Gabe cause me to fail. Mama would freak out if she knew there was a man in this class who could distract me. They’re the devil. Men are sent straight from hell to tempt a woman to sin. She told that to me once when I was sixteen and hot to go out with Ricky Torres. Oh, he’d been adorable. Seventeen, tall with black-as-night hair and flashing dark brown eyes, with a smile that promised all sorts of things, things I couldn’t begin to comprehend, I was so sheltered. He’d asked me out to the movies and I’d said yes.

  Mama had immediately squashed that date with Ricky by letting me know not so nicely that he was the spawn of Satan. At first, I thought she was joking. But no, she was serious. And frightened—seriously frightened that I would go out to the movies with Ricky and return home knocked up, scared and all alone.

  She put all of her past fears on me. I know it was unfair but she couldn’t help it and I forgive her. But by putting her fears on me, she kept me back. Kept me from experiencing things like…getting a quiet thrill out of a boy sitting next to me in class and smiling at me like I’m the only thing he ever wants to see.

  Sort of how Gabe is smiling at me right now.

  The man is in serious pursuit of…me. All that talk of wooing me on Saturday night, I admit to being a total girl and letting it go completely to my head. I’d entered my tiny apartment like I
was walking on a cloud that night. He’d followed me home to ensure I got there safely and with that one gentlemanly gesture, I’d found myself hooked all over again.

  What woman doesn’t like the idea of a man going after what he wants? And being the sole object of that man’s desire?

  Every other female in the room is straining her neck trying to get a look at Gabe but he doesn’t even notice. He smiles at me, reaching out to tuck a stray hair behind my ear, his fingers brushing against the top of my earlobe and I shiver at his touch.

  “Missed you Luce,” he says in this low, sexy murmur that plucks at my nerve endings and turns them into jelly.

  I smile and glance down at my desk, trying to figure out what to say next. He wanted to see me last night but it was a Sunday and I had a few assignments to work on. It’s my one day off from work and school and I needed to play catch up. That’s also Mama’s main day to call and drill me—ahem, ask me questions to ensure I’m alive and well.

  Plus, as Gina told me yesterday afternoon when I lamented over whether I made a mistake in telling him I was busy, there’s nothing wrong with playing a little hard to get…

  “What did you do yesterday?” I ask him, not acknowledging his missing me. Let him think I wasn’t affected by his saying that, though I was. It’s not like me to play games.

  But then again it’s not like me to blatantly lie either so…

  “Hung out with my friends. Worked a little.” He shrugs, his gaze zeroing in on my face, noticing my shock no doubt. “Yeah, um, I haven’t told you yet, but I run a…” His voice drifts and he glances around the room to ensure no one’s paying attention to us before he leans in closer, his mouth right at my ear. “A sort of casino in my living room.”

  I rear my head back. “A what?”

  He smiles, looking faintly embarrassed. “An illegal gambling house. We have tables there and dealers. Me, Shep and Shep’s cousin Tristan, we all run it. All three of us invested in it too, and the entire operation is run out of my place.”