Behind Your Back

  I take a breath and then figure I’ve come this far now; I might as well keep going.

  “He wants you to work for him.” He goes totally still. Not even blinking.

  It takes him a long time to move.

  “I knew it,” he says in a quiet voice. “I knew he wanted something else from me.”

  “It’s not like that. You both have the same goals. To bring down corporate corruption. You’re so much alike.” I didn’t mean to say the last part, but it comes out anyway. His head snaps around.

  “I am nothing like him.” He’s furious. I’m actually grateful for some sort of emotion from him. I know he’s been holding himself back for a while.

  He gets to his feet and starts to storm toward the door.

  “Wait, Sylas!” I race after him and he rips the door open.

  “Don’t, Saige. Just don’t.” Pain. Sharp, brilliant, naked pain replaces the anger in his eyes and I freeze. He takes one last look at me and then he’s gone.

  I call Dad after Sylas leaves. Mostly to tell him that I blew it. To say he’s not pleased would be an understatement.

  “How could you, Saige? All that work for nothing.”

  “I know, I’m sorry. I just couldn’t hold it in anymore.” Dad doesn’t know I love Sylas. I told him I was playing the game and I guess he didn’t know the difference.

  Dad sighs and I picture him raking his hand through his hair. Sylas does the same thing sometimes. I wasn’t lying when I said they were alike. They are. In so many ways.

  “Well, now I’m going to have to regroup. Figure out how to approach him again.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I know you are.” Dad never stays mad at me for long. “How did your visit go?” I was going to call him anyway and tell him about my day with Lizzy. That’s a much better subject to talk about.

  “It was so good. She’s wonderful. I know she’s different, but she’s so smart. She sees the world in such an amazing way. And she didn’t let go of my hand the whole time.” I smile when I remember how hard she held me. Like she was afraid I was going to run away.

  Dad coughs and I wonder if he’s crying.

  “That’s great, Saige. It really is. I used to think about the two of you together and what it would look like.” We should have taken a picture. I didn’t even think of it at the time.

  “She drew a picture of me,” I say as I take out the frame that I carefully wrapped up before putting it in my purse. “It’s really good. She got my hair and everything.” I pop the stand out from the back of the frame and set it on top of one of the tables in my living room. It somehow fits right in with my other décor and that makes me smile.

  Sylas might not believe in fate, but I do.

  Dad and I talk about other things and he says that he’s going to contact Sylas and set up a meeting. As much as Dad wants Sylas, he also wants the rest of his team. The ragtag group of Robin Hoods that have somehow managed to elude capture by their adversaries or police for several years.

  I haven’t met them, but I’ve seen them all when I’ve been on surveillance.

  One other thing I haven’t told Sylas is that I was the one who sent him the messages. One of Dad’s minions did the hacking, but I did the message sending because Dad didn’t trust someone else to. Dad was the one who took the pictures he also sent to Sylas.

  It was fun. At first. Sylas was always on edge and stressed when he’d get one. I could read it all over him. And then I started hating it because it was just one more way I was lying to him.

  There were other things I did and I’m not proud of it. Not at all. I’ve never thought about the people I’ve lied to in the past. Things were black and white. They were bad people and they were getting what they deserved. Sometimes that still didn’t feel like enough.

  But with Sylas… I regret it. I actually regret it. And I don’t want to do it anymore. I’ve spent my whole life learning to be my father’s protégé and now I want to throw it away. I want to live a real life. A life not filled with lies and deception and pretending to be someone I’m not.

  Not that I was pretending with Sylas. Deception has always been easy for me, but with him, it was difficult for the first time. Sylas challenged me. He made me feel things I hadn’t felt before. I had it all planned out, but then he started talking to me and I just found myself saying what I would normally say.

  Like being with him broke down all my walls and stripped me bare.

  I throw myself back into homework and finally get caught up on all the things I’d been putting off.

  It’s Saturday night and I’m home in my pajamas. Wild times.

  I could call Lo and go out with the gang. She’d asked me to go earlier in the week, but I wasn’t feeling it. Besides, I didn’t know how long we’d be gone to visit Lizzy and there was no way I was going to cut the visit short.

  I want to go and see Sylas, but that’s probably a terrible idea. I do send him a text, letting him know, again, that I’m sorry. I don’t know what else I can say to him now. Maybe things with us are beyond repair. I have a wild idea of showing up at his place wearing just a trench coat or something, but that only works in movies.

  And then I have a somewhat crazy idea, and run to find some of the information Dad gave me on Sylas and his crew.

  The phone rings twice before Cash picks up.

  “Hello?” he says, and I know he doesn’t know who’s calling.

  “Hi. This is Saige.” He inhales sharply and I wait for him to respond.

  “Well hello, Saige. It’s nice to finally speak to you.” His voice is deep and rich, which matches his stature. Cash is one of those fellows who looks like he flips tractor tires with one hand for fun and can rip phonebooks in half. He almost has to walk sideways to get through a standard doorway.

  “Same here. You’re probably wondering a) how I got this number and b) what I’m calling about.” He chuckles and the sound rumbles through the phone.

  “You’re right. I am wondering both of those things. Although I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t impressed that you got this number.” This is his personal cell phone that even Sylas doesn’t know about.

  “You have people and so do we,” I say mildly.

  “It would seem so. Are you going to answer the second question, or am I going to have to guess?”

  “Yes, I am.” Although it would be kind of fun and string him along to pass the time. I take a breath to prepare. “I need your help with Sylas.”

  My declaration is met with silence.

  “Well. I can honestly say I was not expecting that at all. Well-done, you.” I almost think he’s going to give me a round of applause.

  “What I can’t understand is why you would come to me to help you with Sylas. What exactly would you need my help with?” Now comes the tricky part. I have to throw the dice and hope they turn up in my favor.

  “I love him,” I say, not beating around the bush. “I did the whole time. It wasn’t a lie and now he’s angry with me and can’t seem to get past what we did to one another.”

  He just starts laughing. And laughing. It seems like it goes on forever.

  “Well, that’s two surprises in tonight. I feel like I should give you an award.” I don’t want an award. I just want him to help me, or at least give me some advice.

  “Do you believe me?” I ask.

  “Well, I don’t know you very well, Saige Beaumont, but I believe you. I’m pretty good at spotting a liar, even when I can’t see them.” I bet he is. He’d have to be, to work with Sylas.

  “Good. That’s good. So, will you help me?” I wait for him to laugh again and tell me to go fuck myself.

  “Well, I know you must be desperate if you’re coming to me. Maybe we should meet and hash this out in person. How about the coffee shop near campus.” It’s the coffee shop I first met Sylas in. The coffee shop that will never be the same to me now because I’ll never go in there without thinking of Sylas.

  “Half an hour?” I say.


  “You’re on.”

  He ends the call and I wonder what the hell I just did.

  Nine

  I’m a few minutes early, so I get a seat near the back so we can have some privacy. Cash walks in just as I’m wiping the table with a napkin. He’s pretty hard to miss. Actually, he’s impossible to miss.

  Several people stop talking and watch him walk toward me. Well. I guess the table in the back isn’t going to stop people from noticing him. He’s too conspicuous.

  His face lights up into a smile as he walks toward me and I can’t really tell what it’s supposed to mean. Is he happy to see me? Or does he smile when he’s nervous?

  My hands are shaking a little as I toss the napkin I was using to clear the table.

  “Well. Here you are,” he says, gesturing to me.

  “Here I am,” I say, not sure what to do next. He settles it for both of us as he gathers me in his enormous arms and gives me the hug to end all hugs. I have to turn my head to the side so I can actually breathe. He lifts me up until I have to balance on my toes¸ but he sets me down gently.

  “It’s so nice to finally meet you,” he says, sitting down. “What would you like to drink?” This feels almost disturbingly like a blind date.

  “I’m okay,” I say, but he just winks at me and goes up to the counter to order. A few minutes later he comes back with two cups of coffee. Mine has a little cream and a little sugar. Just how I like it. How did he know?

  I look up at him suspiciously as I sip. He just keeps smiling.

  “I know things about you, too, Saige.”

  I suppose he does. Besides, Sylas got the information from somewhere. Or maybe Sylas told him what kind of coffee I like. I hope he didn’t tell them about other things that I like.

  Then again, he probably did.

  Cash figures out my train of thought and starts laughing. He’s definitely not what I expected at all. Whenever I saw him in public with Sylas, he’d always been rather stoic, but maybe that was his game face. The mask he wore when he was on the job. Total focus.

  “So, Saige Beaumont, what can I do for you?” he says, leaning back in the chair. I worry about its structural integrity, but don’t comment.

  “Well, I was thinking… maybe you could… I’m not even sure what I’m thinking anymore. All I can do is think about him.” I look up into his eyes. They’re blue, but totally unlike Sylas’. Cash’s eyes are more of a lighter blue, which contrast with his dark hair. They’re very nice.

  “Sylas would murder me if he knew I was here talking to you about this. But Sylas doesn’t always know what’s best for himself.” He’s known Sylas for years. If there’s anyone who knows him better than I do (if I even know him at all), it’s Cash, which is why I need him.

  “You probably hate me,” I say. This was a bad idea. Hell, he could kill me if he wanted to. I know he’s got weapons on him. I’ve just got a little knife in my boot, but up against Cash’s strength, I’d be doomed.

  His eyes narrow and he studies my face for a long time before taking another sip of coffee.

  “No, I don’t hate you. I hate some of the things you did, but I understand why you did them. And it’s not like I’m a paragon of virtue either.” That’s definitely true. None of us are innocents. We’re all a bunch of criminals.

  “I hate them too, so that makes two of us,” I say. He laughs again.

  “He loves you, you know,” he says.

  I shake my head.

  “No. He loved the game. He loved playing the part. Whatever we had before is gone.” Notwithstanding the amazing chemistry we have between the sheets. Or up against the door. Or on the couch.

  He shakes his head slowly.

  “I’m going to be straight with you, Saige. I don’t trust you.”

  “Fair enough,” I say. I don’t trust him either.

  “But I’ve never seen Sylas the way he was when he was with you. He seemed calm and happy and it was nice to see him focus on something. He’s been a little lost lately.” So had I, before I met him. “You took a huge risk coming here and telling me about your feelings. I have to respect that.” I’m waiting for the “but.”

  “I think you’re good for each other. So, yes, I’ll help you.” I exhale a shaky breath and clench my hands together.

  “Why?” He has absolutely nothing to gain by helping me. In fact, if Sylas found out, it would cause a huge rift between the two men. I have the sense they don’t keep many secrets from each other.

  He shrugs.

  “Because one of us should be happy. And… maybe I’m a romantic.” His cheeks go just a shade darker. He’s blushing. Cash is blushing.

  “You’re a romantic?” I say, raising an eyebrow. This guy is… something else. I can almost see why he and Sylas would be friends.

  “Absolutely. If I don’t believe in anything else, I believe in love.”

  “What about revenge?” I ask. He waves that off.

  “Oh, I believe in that too, but love does a lot more good in the world.”

  I’m… stunned. Actually stunned.

  “I told him I’d be honest with him from here on out,” I say when I can form words again.

  “And are you going to stick to that?” I put both hands around the coffee cup.

  “I just wish we’d met outside of all this. Run into each other naturally.”

  “But you didn’t and now you have to figure out how to move on from where you are. You’ll be connected for the rest of your lives by Lizzy.” I flinch a little at the mention of her name.

  “Have you always known Sylas had a sister?”

  He sighs.

  “I suspected, but I didn’t have confirmation until he told me after your little kidnapping drama.” Wow. So Sylas doesn’t tell Cash everything. Interesting.

  “I must say you’re not my favorite person right now. I was supposed to be on a beach with a topless blonde next to me, but here I am, back in the city.” Does he want an apology?

  “I’m sorry?” I say and it’s more like a question.

  He chuckles.

  “It’s fine. Life sometimes takes you in different directions than you intended and it’s like you were supposed to be going in that direction all along. I know your father wants to meet with Sylas and offer him a job.”

  “Not just him,” I blurt out and then want to kick myself. I’ve lost it. I’ve lost all my ability to keep a goddamn secret.

  Cash raises a dark eyebrow.

  “Really?”

  “I’m not supposed to be talking about this, but yes, he wants all of you. Not to work for him, but to work with him. Like… private contractors. Off the books, of course. He wants to expand his operation and he wouldn’t even have to train you because you already know what you’re doing. Plus, he has resources to keep you safe and out of jail.” I need to shut my mouth now. I clamp my jaw shut and wait for him to speak.

  “Well, that all sounds interesting, but I highly doubt the rest of the guys will go for it. They don’t trust anyone, and your lovely father just screwed us all over.” He says it all with a smile, though, as if he thinks it’s a funny joke. I can’t get a read on this guy.

  “That’s what I expected,” I say. I’m not going to tell him Dad has files on each of Sylas’ buddies and could very easily blackmail them into the job if necessary. I’ve said more than enough.

  “Are you going to tell Sylas about any of this?” I ask.

  “No, I’m not. It would only cause more trouble than it’s worth. But if you really want to try the honesty thing with him, you should. If you want him to trust you, ever, you’re going to have to rip yourself open and show him everything. All the ugly little corners of your soul.” I close my eyes, thinking about that.

  “And what if he doesn’t want me, even after I do that?” When did this turn into a twisted therapy session?

  He shrugs.

  “Then at least you’ll know you gave it your best shot and it just wasn’t meant to be.” That’s not comfort
ing at all.

  I finish my coffee. Cash finishes his and takes both our cups to return them so they can be washed.

  “I didn’t mean for this to happen,” I say.

  “Love is almost never planned. It happens and when it does, you no longer have a choice.”

  I feel that way. Like Sylas and I were somehow inevitable. If we hadn’t met like this, we would have been drawn together another way. I wish it would have been another way.

  “Buck up, sweetheart. He loves you too. So you’re already halfway there,” he says, patting my shoulder, nearly knocking it out of the socket as we walk out.

  “Thanks. For everything.”

  “Just give me a shout if you ever want to talk,” he says, giving me another hug. This time he does lift me off the ground and I’m a little wobbly when he sets me back down.

  “See you later,” he says, walking away. Well, Cash doesn’t walk. He lumbers. I stand there, staring after him wondering what the hell just happened.

  I want to do something for Sylas. Not a gift but something I can give him that shows I’m serious. That I’m not lying anymore.

  My first inclination is sex, but I know that’s not going to be enough. I get home from my little coffee date with Cash and pace my apartment, hoping something will jump out at me.

  I go to my bookshelf, seeking inspiration and then it hits me.

  A letter. I’m going to write him a letter.

  By the time my alarm goes off the next morning to tell me to get up, I have a stack of paper on my bed, sore hands and crumpled and torn bits everywhere. It took all night, but I did it. I wrote everything out. Everything I always wanted to tell him when we were together. All the secrets.

  It’s just what Cash said. Showing him the ugly corners of my soul.

  I fold the pages together and shove them in a manila envelope because there are too many to just shove in a regular one.

  I scrawl his name on the front and hurry to get ready.

  The BMW is nowhere to be found when I park down the street from his apartment, but that doesn’t mean anything. He might have returned it to the garage, or be riding around with one of the other guys.