His Selfish Love

  “Come on, little Luca, let’s leave the fucked-up adults to sort their shit out,” I sigh and accidently forget to close the door on our way outside.

  We don’t go far, Leo knowing what I’ve done. He gets on his phone and rattles off a text, no doubt to India to let her know not to come down for a while. This is huge news, if it’s true. After the conversation I heard Lily have with Slade yesterday, I don’t think she’s lying.

  What a way to blurt it out though. What’s Harper going to think when she comes home and finds out she’s known her father her whole life?

  The door slams shut, blocking us out of their impending fight of all fights and I turn to Leo.

  “I guess it’s a good job you were all loved up with India when Harper came to town, imagine finding out you fucked your sister.”

  “JJ? I love you, man, I’ve known you my whole life, but shut the fuck up. She is not my sister, dad is not her dad, and whatever the hell Lily is trying to pull, she’s gonna regret it.”

  Another Jackson son who doesn’t believe her. I keep my mouth firmly shut and keep my opinion to myself.

  “Yeah, well, whatever is going on in there, they haven’t got their minds on Harper now so no matter how you’re feeling about it, we have to do something to find her.”

  This might not be the old timers first rodeo, but it’s sure as shit mine and I can’t stand around while who knows what is happening to Harper.

  “Do you believe that I’d do anything if you asked me to help you?” I blurt out.

  “Sure.”

  “Good, because I’m asking you to help me and I’m pretty sure your old man ain’t going to be happy when he finds out, definitely not happy considering what’s going on now.”

  He doesn’t hesitate, he asks, “What do you need?”

  “I’m not waiting around for a fucking phone call that may or may not come. She was taken on Main Street, we’ll start from there and look for her ourselves.” It beats sitting around.

  He nods, and I head for my bike. He grabs my arm and pulls me in the direction of his truck.

  “If we find her, we might not want to be caught on our bikes with her.”

  He makes sense and I swing open the passenger door while he jumps behind the wheel. I’m about to pull myself up onto the seat when a commotion from the gates sends a shiver down my spine.

  “Get Cas.” One of the prospects hollers. “It’s the girl they’re looking for.”

  My feet hit the ground, I take off running and I’m through the gates before they are fully opened. Looking both ways, she’s walking up from the direction of town and she’s stumbling all over the place.

  I set off running and I’ve never pushed myself so hard. It feels like I’m never going to reach her, but I do see her clearer and clearer the closer I get to her. Sick fills my mouth as I take in the blood smears and purple tinges to her skin.

  My boots pound the ground hard and I take in her hair, all a mess. Her lips move, JJ, she cries silently keeping her eyes on me, and then she’s collapsing against me. My arms snake around her to save her falling to the ground.

  “I got you,” I grunt, taking the impact hard.

  At first, she holds herself up, then after she takes one look at me, like she’s making sure I’m real, she falls, but I catch her. I’ll always catch her. Scooping her up into my arms, she dazes in and out of consciousness.

  “I got you now, I got you.”

  I don’t know if she’s hearing me, but I hope she is.

  Brothers are waiting by the gates as I walk back, and I try to gage how hurt she is. Her face is covered in cuts and bruises. The sheet covers her body, but the blood stains tell me she’s hurting under the sheet too. Her feet are a covered in dirt and blood. I don’t know where her shoes are, but she’s walked from wherever barefoot and in pain, and it all makes me want to kill someone.

  I shouldn’t have pushed her away last night thinking I was doing the right thing. From now on, the right thing is what makes me feel good. I tried to step aside so someone worthy of her could look after her and love her, but I love her, and my love is worthy of her. The guy from the Blue Waters place might be good for her, but she’s never going to find that out.

  Slade comes up to us and goes to take her from me, I shake my head and walk past him. No one says a word as I walk into the bar and over to a couch to lay her down, Lily sees her daughter and starts to shriek. All talk about daddies is forgotten and Cas stays where he is by the table watching Harper with dead eyes.

  “Shut her up, Harper doesn’t need it.”

  It’s not until I go to take my arms out from underneath her, does she cry out, coming too.

  “It’s okay, I’m here,” I urge her.

  Her eyes flutter open and her eyes roll around her sockets. She’s freaking me the fuck out. Her movements are slow, almost like she’s had too much to drink.

  “Harper, talk to me, babe.”

  I get nothing.

  “Harper.”

  Still, nothing.

  She’s awake, she should be able to talk.

  Slade nudges me out of the way and takes my place. He goes to stroke her hair but stops just before he makes contact with her.

  “Hey, darling. I need you to talk, to tell me what happened.”

  He gets nothing from her. She stares at him; her eyes are frozen as one lone tear seeps out from her eye.

  “Do you know who took you, who done this to you?”

  She doesn’t even try to speak, but her face scrunching up gives her away. She knows something.

  “Let me try.”

  I don’t expect my mom to come forward, and I sure don’t expect Slade to nod at her and move out the way for her.

  Mom kneels beside the couch and leans in to whisper in Harper’s ear. I don’t catch what she says but whatever it is, she gets a small head shake from Harper.

  Mom continues to whisper to her and Harper’s cry cuts straight through me. Just the one cry and then harsh breathing that my mom helps her through. When my mom turns around, she looks up at me and I see many things in her eyes. I see fire and anger, I see strength and fight, and I see a little fear. I’m hoping it’s not fear for Harper.

  “JJ, carry her up to her room.”

  I don’t need to be asked twice, and after I’ve carefully picked her up, she shies away and turns her head into my chest.

  I couldn’t care less if she can’t look at me right now, she’s here, in my arms and safe. That’s all I care about at the moment.

  The bar is silent as I head for the stairs and mom follows closely behind me, opening Harper’s door to save me having to do it when we get to her room.

  I lay her on her bed, I didn’t have any plans to leave but my mom does. She shoves me towards the door and doesn’t hold back till I’m on the threshold.

  “She’s safe now.”

  Then she’s closing the door in my face. Lily rushes up the hall and slips into the room, and as the door opens my mom is taking the sheet off Harper and I catch a glimpse of the marks on her body, then the door is closed, and Cas is beside me. His hands are fisted tightly, and his knuckles are turning white. There isn’t an inch of her that isn’t hurt and we both saw it. I need to know what happened and who done this to her, so I can hunt them down.

  It takes ten minutes before her door opens again and my mom steps out, closing it behind her. Slade came up five minutes ago and has barely looked at Cas, let alone said a word. I have no idea what’s going on right now, but my first concern is Harper. She briefly takes me in and then focuses on Cas and Slade.

  “She needs a doctor to take a look at her, she might even need to go to the hospital.”

  “Is she any worse than you when you rocked up here?” Cas asks, forcing my mom to flinch.

  I know all about her past and he’s a prick for bringing it up. My mom’s father put her through hell growing up, emotionally and physically. For years she spent every day under his control, even witnessing him kill her mother whe
n she was a young kid. I couldn’t believe the stories I was hearing when my mom explained why I didn’t have any family on her side. Her dad didn’t give a shit about her, he didn’t even care or try to help her when a guy from his club put it on her and beat her numerous times. Her brother, who would’ve been my uncle, didn’t help her either. In the end she was the one who killed him. He tried to hurt me and take me away so my mom stabbed him and then shot him when he didn’t go down. The respect I have for my mom is infinite. Which is why Cas, who knows everything about her, should keep his tone light with her.

  “I’m not sure, if there isn’t any internal damage, she should be okay.”

  “Then we’ll keep an eye on her and if she needs the hospital, we’ll rush her in.”

  “Bon, is there any damage we…can’t see?” Slade asks, and it takes me a beat to figure out what he’s asking, then my blood runs ice cold.

  “She hasn’t said much, and I don’t know about that. If she has, I imagine she’ll tell her mom.”

  I highly doubt that. Lily would probably be the last one she’d talk too, especially when she finds out about Cas.

  “Does she know who took her?” Cas asks next.

  “No, but…”

  “But what, Bon?”

  “She was given a message to pass on to you while she bled apparently.”

  If it’s a message for Cas, then it’s no doubt from the Black Crows.

  “Apparently, you’re all going to burn before him, but Leo Jackson will die first. She kept repeating it, word for word, and now I’m going to see my husband.”

  She walks around Cas, going to seek safety from dad. Cas turns to Slade. “We’re going to make this right, brother, I promise you.”

  “I’m not sure any of this will ever be right.”

  “Don’t do that, don’t fuckin’ put this on me. I didn’t know she had my kid, she…”

  “She what? You slept with my sister, Cas.”

  Slade gives him one last look of disgust before leaving and then Cas turns to me. I don’t give a shit what went down over two decades ago, I care what happens now.

  “I take it you’re going to hang around up here?”

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t want anyone going in and if Lily comes out, you tell her I want to talk to her. I’m going to call the doc.”

  I nod and with heavy shoulders, he walks down the hall and then down the stairs.

  I’m left alone in the hall and through the door, I can hear Harper crying out and Lily trying to soothe her.

  I knock softly, and I’m surprised when Lily answers.

  “Harper doesn’t want to see anyone,” she says before I can speak a word.

  “Tell her, I’m right here if she needs anything…if she needs me. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Her weak ass smile doesn’t fill me with hope as she closes the door and I slide down the wall. I pull my legs up and rest my head on my knees.

  I don’t care how long I have to sit here, I’m not moving from her side, even if there is a door separating us.

  Each cry I hear through the wooden door has my teeth grinding together. The doctor needs to hurry his ass here before I take her to the hospital myself, explanations be damned.

  I concentrate on the footsteps I can hear coming up the stairs and partially relax when I see Leo and India bringing the baby up to their room.

  He’s cradling the baby in his arms and transfers her to India when he sees me sitting on the floor. Her eyes are watery and red and yet I can’t bring myself to worry about how she’s feeling regarding her cousin. I suppose I don’t see them as close because I have never seen them spending time together. Harper is far different compared to India, I guess they’re still family and shit hurts when one goes down.

  With Rayna in her arms, she offers me a one-sided smile and carries on to their room. Leo leans against the wall and slumps down beside me.

  “Are they not letting you in?” he asks.

  I shake my head and look at the shut door, wishing it would open because Harper’s asking for me.

  “I don’t know what to say, brother, she looked bad.”

  I nod, unable to speak to agree with him.

  “Are you going to sit out here all night?”

  “If I have to,” I say, finding my voice.

  “Do you want me to sit with you? Apparently, she is my sister,” he shrugs.

  “Nah, you go be with your girls. If anything goes down, I’ll come and get you.”

  “Don’t do anything stupid,” he groans, heaving himself off the floor.

  Fuck he acts old sometimes.

  “Leo?”

  He looks down on me from his tall height and jerks his chin, waiting for me to speak.

  “I have no idea what me and Harper are, I don’t know what I feel for her, I don’t know where her head is going to be at when she finds out about your dad, but I do know when we find out who did this to her, I’m going to kill them. I’m going to hurt them so bad.”

  “And I’ll have your back, brother.”

  “Always.”

  Harper

  Oh god. My head feels like it’s inside a washing machine, spinning so hard to get rid of the excess water. But in my case, I have to get rid of excess sleepy thoughts.

  I can barely keep my eyes open and when I do, Lily is pacing back and forth by the bed. Lily never paces, she doesn’t worry about anything enough to warrant a pacing of this proportion.

  “What’s your problem?”

  My voice cracks with every word I speak, and I remain as still as possible. The last time I woke, it hurt to breathe let alone move.

  Her movements come to a sharp end and she sits on the edge of the bed, careful not to get too close to me.

  Ever since I came back, she has been hovering around like an annoying bumble bee, but never gets close.

  “How are you feeling?” she asks.

  “Stiff and sore. Why were you pacing?”

  She looks away and now I’m really intrigued. Lily can never hide anything from me. I know her every facial expression. This one she’s wearing is screaming she has something to tell me, but she doesn’t want to.

  “Has something happened?”

  Has Ellis shown up? Do the club know who he is now? Come on, Lily, fucking speak to me.

  “I’ve never quite got it right with you, have I?”

  That would be an understatement. It wasn’t as bad as I got older and was able to look after myself.

  “If you’re blaming yourself for this happening to me, don’t. It happened because I lied my way out of the club and I bet people can’t wait to tell me how wrong I was and how right they were.”

  “I told you your father died in an accident and I let you believe he was a good guy.”

  I wasn’t expecting this, and my heart hammers in my chest at the endless possibilities she could be going in. I keep quiet and hope she doesn’t take too much time explaining what the hell she is going on about.

  “I lied. Your father is very much alive, in fact, you already know him.”

  I go to lick my lips, but my mouth dries faster than the dessert and my breath sounds like it’s being dragged against sandpaper.

  “W…Who?”

  Lily hasn’t spoken much about my father over the years. When I was younger I needed every detail and she gave me none.

  “Before I tell you, will you hear me out and let me tell you what happened?”

  I snort and a burst of pain dances across my forehead.

  “Get on with it.”

  “I came back to Willow’s Peak to see Slade, he didn’t move away with me and grandma and I missed him. Anyway, he was busy when I arrived, and I settled in down in the bar. I got drunk, as you can imagine and then…”

  “Fuck, just tell me.”

  “It’s Cas.”

  No.

  “He was all dark and moody and so hot. I forgot all about Slade that night as Cas gave me his full attention. God, he made me feel like I was
floating on air,” she sighs wistfully.

  “Get to the part where you were pregnant and didn’t tell him about me, or did he know?”

  It wouldn’t surprise me if he knew and pushed me out of his mind, deciding to carry on with his perfect little life. Why bother with me when my mom kept me a secret. I wasn’t a threat to him and his family.

  “No, he never knew until yesterday. I came back when I found out I was carrying you, but he was already with Alannah. You have to understand that he was very different back then, he was a whore, he didn’t care about anyone and he made sure you knew it, but Alannah was the one he adored, she was his one, so much so, he called me by her name when we were, well, you can guess what we were doing. Anyway, he acted like he didn’t even remember me when I came back, so I decided I would raise you and I told everyone that your dad was a one off and left the morning after before I woke up.”

  This can’t be true. Cas Jackson is not my dad. Leo is not my half-brother. This is straight up madness.

  “You’ve truly outdone yourself this time, Lily. Cas isn’t my fucking father…”

  “He is, Harper, I’m not lying.”

  Something tickles my cheek and I realise it’s a tear falling from my eye. I stopped crying over Lily a long time ago, the last time she forgot to pick me up from school, and I can’t remember the last time I cried over my lack of having a father.

  A soft knock on the door has Lily jumping up, grateful for someone interrupting us and opens the door.

  Uncle Slade walks in with a tray of food, a glass of water and I’m hoping for more of his pills that he gave me last night. I woke up into a nightmare and I want to go back to sleep now.

  I don’t care what Lily has to say, there are no words I want to hear from her.

  “Hey, I was hoping you were awake,” he smiles and sets the tray down on the bottom of the bed.

  He feels the tension in the room and turns on Lily.

  “You told her?”

  “Did you know?” I ask him, ignoring the fact she’s still in the room.

  “No, and if I did, I would’ve told you,” he promises, and I believe him.

  “Can you get her out of here. I can’t bear to look at her.”

  “Harper, please don’t be like this.”