The Space Between Us

  I eyed her. “Yeah.”

  She shrugged. “He didn’t even remember me. He came into that other shop a few times a week for months, and I waited on him every time. We went out, we had dinner, it was awesome. And the sex was…”

  She sighed, looking dreamy, then focused on me. “Joe made me feel beautiful, Tesla. He really made me feel like I was beautiful. But then… I dunno, I was a little too aggressive or something, whatever. And then he didn’t even recognize me. I know I lost a lot of weight and stuff, but still.”

  I knew how much it meant to have someone make you feel beautiful. I could give her credit for admitting she’d been a douchetard, but not a whole lot. “What you did was really dumb and just nasty.”

  “I know. And when she comes in again, I’ll tell her I’m sorry.” Brandy looked contrite. “I mean it. Don’t hate me, Tesla, please.”

  I made a face, grateful we didn’t have an audience for the schmoopfest. “I don’t hate you.”

  “You don’t like me.”

  “I hardly know you, that’s all.” I didn’t want to be mean, even though she was right.

  Brandy shrugged. “Whatever. But I work here now, and it would be cool if we could get along.”

  “Have I made you feel like we don’t get along?”

  “No, but you don’t really like me. I can tell.”

  Great, now I had to worry about hurting her feelings. I didn’t have time to hold her hand through this. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. Listen, I’ve got Darek coming in to take over for me when I leave early.”

  “The guy who got fired?”

  “He quit, but yeah. Him.”

  Brandy frowned. “I can handle things until Moira comes in.”

  “Joy doesn’t want you and Moira here alone. Darek’s cool. You’ll like him. I promise.” I looked at the clock. “Damn, it’s empty in here.”

  She glanced around. “I guess everyone’s out shopping and stuff.”

  “Just what I need to be doing. I have half an hour before Darek gets here, I’m going to go do some prep in the back. Can you handle it out here?”

  She gave me a look. “You mean can I handle the total lack of customers? I think so.”

  Forty minutes passed while I did my prep, trying to get ahead for the next day. Annoyed that Darek was late, I went out front, only to find the place bustling once more with customers and Darek and Brandy casting each other flirtatious glances from either side of the dessert case.

  “Hey,” I said.

  He looked at me. “Hey, I made it. Brandy was just showing me what’s new.”

  The only thing that was new was her, but I didn’t point it out. In cartoons, characters with hearts beating out of their chests and flying from their eyes means true love at first sight. Well, it sort of happens like that in real life sometimes, too, minus the cartoon hearts, and with the addition of smoldering glances across refrigerated pastries.

  I left them to it. I had a long list of things I wanted to pick up so I could get them in the mail, mostly odds and ends of strange things like the snack foods native to central Pennsylvania that my mother missed out in Cali. I picked up a few bags of groceries for Cap while I was at it. Money well spent as far as I was concerned, since he ate like a rhino. I found some toys for Simone and Max, as well as the cutest little snowman plushie for the new baby.

  And then, crossing from one overcrowded store to my car, passing by a shop window I’d never looked in twice, I felt my entire world grind to a shuddering, stuttering stop.

  I’d heard of the Green Bean, of course. On the other side of town from the Morningstar Mocha, it wasn’t exactly competition, but was probably one of the better known coffee shops in the area. And there in the front window, tapping away at her laptop, sat Meredith.

  I stopped in the parking lot, shielded between two cars, my hands loaded with bags that were quickly growing too heavy. She sat alone at her table, but close enough to the other customers that it was obvious she could take part in the conversation. She looked up and laughed as I watched.

  She tossed her hair over her shoulders, leaning forward to talk to the man next to her. He gestured broadly, and they laughed together again.

  It was the equivalent of finding her naked and sucking some stranger’s cock, that’s how horrible it felt. Harsh and breath-stealing and painful. She’d told me she was working from home in the cold winter so she didn’t have to go outside. That she had the coffee girl at home and didn’t need to go out anymore to get her. Meredith had told me a lot of things, and it looked as if at least some of them were lies.

  Chapter 34

  I didn’t tell her what I’d seen.

  It would’ve sounded silly, accusing her of cheating on me with a coffee shop. And who knew, maybe it had been a whim. Maybe like me, she’d been out shopping, and decided just to stop in for something hot to drink. After all, no matter how it felt, it wasn’t out of line for her to drink her coffee wherever she wanted to.

  She didn’t notice that I was quiet, but Charlie did. He didn’t ask me why, just pulled me close to press a kiss to my temple and smooth my hair off my forehead. His squeeze comforted me. I leaned into it, breathing in his good, soap-and-water smell. His heat.

  “I think we should bag the ski vacation.” Meredith tossed this out over the dinner she’d cooked and had ready for us both by the time we got home.

  Pasta, sauce, salad, garlic bread. It was the first meal we’d all had together the entire week, but it tasted a little sour to me. It tasted like a bribe.

  “What? Why?” Charlie sopped up some sauce with his bread. “I thought you’d already booked something.”

  “Yeah.” Meredith gave him a sideways glance. “Of course you did. Well, it’s been hard as fuck trying to find something for three, that’s all. Lots of packages for two and four. None for three. We’d have to get two rooms, which is twice the cost.”

  I had a bite of spaghetti halfway to my mouth and used that as an excuse not to answer with anything more than a shrug. Meredith turned her attention to Charlie again. He was twirling his fork but not eating, and his fork scraped the plate. He didn’t say anything at first, then looked at me.

  “What about a room with two beds?” he suggested.

  Meredith caught his look and frowned. “I’m not paying all that money to sleep crammed up in a double bed.”

  “You can have your own,” he offered. “I’ll share with Tesla.”

  I cringed. “You two go. I’ll stay here.”

  He turned to me. “But you took the time off already, didn’t you?”

  “It’s okay. You two go.” I didn’t want them to go alone; I didn’t want to be left behind. I’d been looking forward to the ski trip. Jacuzzi tubs, a bedroom with a fireplace, the works.

  Charlie drank some of the red wine Meredith had poured him. “I guess…”

  “No.” She shook her head. “I can’t get anything now. It’s too late.”

  Charlie put his fork down with a clink. “I thought you were taking care of this, Meredith.”

  I wanted to leave. I so did not want to be here during the showdown. But all I could do was stare at my plate and pretend to enjoy the dinner that was now like eating sand.

  “I told you. I tried.” She frowned. “It’s impossible.”

  “You could’ve let me know you were having trouble. I’d have helped you. Looked up some stuff online,” Charlie began.

  “Jesus, Charles, I’m not completely impaired. I told you, I looked up everything, but you do realize that Vermont at Christmastime is booked up pretty far in advance, don’t you? What would you like me to do, perform miracles?” She stabbed at her pasta. “I told you, there’s nothing reasonable for three. That’s just the way it is.”

  “You don’t really need me to go,” I said.

  She looked at me, her smile fading a little and something dark flittering in her gaze. “No. I guess we don’t.”

  “Of course we do.” He turned to me. “I thought you w
anted to go.”

  “No. It’s fine.” I shrugged and drank some of my own wine. “You two go, if you can get reservations. You should.”

  Charlie didn’t look happy, but he didn’t say anything more about it. Later, when I was washing the dishes, Meredith came up behind to slip her arms around me and put her chin on my shoulder.

  “Mmm,” she murmured into my ear. “You smell so good.”

  “Did you have a good day?” I asked without turning around. My hands were full of suds.

  “Oh. Yeah, it was okay. Kind of slow. I got caught up on my receipts and followed up on all my party leads. Hey, what do you think about me taking on another party business?”

  I scrubbed at the pan she’d used to sauté the onions and garlic. “Like what?”

  “Oh. Well, there’s this really fun adult novelties and toys party company I was thinking of trying out. Under Where?”

  “Underwear?”

  “Under Where,” she said. “Like a question. Under Where?”

  Her hands moved in slow circles over my belly, as mine did in the sudsy hot water. “You sell Kitchen Klassics, Wix Alight and Jangle Bangles already. When will you have time?”

  Her hands stopped moving. “You don’t like the idea.”

  “What does Charlie say?”

  “Haven’t asked him. Why should he even care?”

  I rinsed the pan and dried my hands, then turned to face her. “For the same reason he cares about everything. Number one, he’s your husband. Number two, you probably need money for the start-up kit, right? And three…adult toys? Meredith, that stuff is…well, you know how he is about the school.”

  She frowned and pushed away from me. “I have plenty of money for the kit. I have parties scheduled every day this week and next, and two on the weekend, plus the orders that come in from my website sales. And I’m so tired of worrying about Charlie’s damn school. For fuck’s sake, Tesla, he lives with two women. You think it would matter so much if anyone knows his wife sells dildos?”

  “I don’t know. So do it, then,” I said, annoyed. “Why should I care?”

  She frowned at my response. “Wow, what’s with the bitch face?”

  I shrugged.

  Her eyes narrowed. “What is up with you? Seriously, Tesla. I’m trying to share something with you that I’m excited about, and you act like I’m kicking a puppy. Is this about the trip?”

  I opened my mouth to confront her about the coffee shop, but she stopped my words with a kiss. A long, lingering kiss that took my breath away and made me forget I was upset. Her tongue stroked mine and her hand slid under my skirt to press between my legs.

  “I’m sorry, baby,” she said against my lips with that smile that always did me in. “I tried my best, I really did. But next summer we can go on a trip together, the three of us. To someplace sexy. I promise.”

  It was so hard to resist her, and the truth was, I didn’t want to. I let her push her fingers inside my panties to pinch my clit. She bit at my neck as she pushed her fingers lower, inside me.

  “Let’s go find Charlie,” she said. “I think he needs to eat this pussy.”

  What, was I going to argue? But after, when they’d both fallen asleep, I went to my own bed and lay awake for a very long time.

  Chapter 35

  It was going to be the first Christmas since Simone and Max were born that I wouldn’t be there when they woke up to see what Santa had brought them. Elaine had told me I was welcome to spend the night, in my old room, but since things with me and Vic were still cold, I didn’t want to. Whatever had been broken between us was taking an extra long time to fix. I didn’t like it, but wasn’t sure I was ready to change it.

  Cap, to my surprise, was spending Christmas with Missy.

  “But what about Lynds?” I handed him the wrench he’d pointed at.

  He shrugged and bent over the engine he was working on. Since Vic had taken up undercover detecting again, Cap had been spending more time at the garage. Well, when he wasn’t fucking Missy, apparently. It was weird to think of it, not that I spent a lot of time on the details or anything because…gross. Just that he was with someone other than Lyndsay. I’d always assumed he’d end up with her, if both of them could get their heads out of their butts about how they felt.

  “What about her?”

  “You’ve spent Christmas morning with her the past two years.”

  “Not this year.” Cap straightened. “What about you?”

  “I’ll go over to Vic and Elaine’s for dinner, I guess. She wants me. You coming?”

  “Vic wants you, too, you know.”

  I shrugged. Cap rolled his eyes. I sighed.

  “Anyway,” I said. “I’ll be with Meredith and Charlie for the morning, and then they’re going to her mother’s house. I can’t exactly tag along. So.”

  Cap put the wrench down and wiped his hands on a rag. “So. How long are you going to keep doing this?”

  “What? Helping you? I have to be at work by three.”

  “Not this,” Cap said. “What you’re doing with them.”

  My jaw tightened, though it was a question I’d certainly asked myself often enough. “As long as I do it. And it’s not a ‘this’ or a ‘what.’ It’s a relationship. Just like the one you have with what’s-her-face.”

  “Uh, no. Not like the one I have with what’s-her-face. There’s only one of her and one of me.”

  “Missy,” I said. “Her name’s Missy.”

  “I know what her name is.” My brother frowned. “Don’t play dumb with me, Tesla. You know what I mean. How long are you going to be the side piece?”

  “I’m not the side piece. I’m a part… I’m… We have an agreement. We’re… It’s not like that.” I paused. “It’s not like Mom and Dad, either.”

  “They’re married to each other, not you.”

  I swallowed bitterness, hating that I couldn’t argue, hating that I felt like I wanted to lie. “Yeah. Well. Who says I want to get married?”

  “You don’t ever want to get married?” Cap shook his head. “Shit, Tesla, that’s a bunch of crap. I know you do. And you want kids, don’t you? Someday?”

  “Someday isn’t today.”

  Cap’s mouth twisted. “It could be tomorrow. You never know.”

  “What about you?” I challenged. “You ready to pop the question to Missy? Knock her up? All you really want’s a front door?”

  Cap, unlike Darek, didn’t fail when it came to quoting Adam Ant. “All I really want’s a place in the country. Right.”

  “With Missy?”

  He didn’t say anything. He didn’t really have to. I patted his shoulder.

  “So,” I asked, “how long are you going to do this?”

  “Ahhh, fuck,” Cap said.

  That about summed it up.

  Chapter 36

  Everything looks prettier in the light from a Christmas tree. I didn’t shake any of the boxes under the tree, but did slip a couple beneath it, surprises in addition to the few I’d put there when Meredith and Charlie placed theirs. Opening gifts on Christmas Eve felt like cheating, but if that’s what Meredith wanted…well, Charlie and I were again along for the ride.

  “We go in age order,” she explained, after our expansive and delicious dinner of roast ham with all the trimmings. “Charlie, then me, and you go last.”

  I didn’t care. It was as much fun to watch them opening their gifts as it would be to get mine. Charlie looked incredibly sexy in the sweater I’d picked out for him, and Meredith oohed and ahhed over the handmade glass jewelry I’d bought her. She said nothing about the milk frother, which Charlie loved, but she had bought him a travel mug set along with some specialty coffee, so our gifts went together really well.

  “Your turn, your turn!” Meredith grinned as she handed me a heavy package. “Can’t wait to see you open it.”

  I hefted it. It felt weighty enough to be books. Or tools. Not light enough for clothes. It could’ve been a pair of new boo
ts…maybe ski boots. Maybe she was going to surprise me, after all. Maybe she’d found a way to make the trip work.

  “Open it,” Meredith ordered. “The suspense is killing me.”

  I picked at the tape. They were both rippers, but I liked to ease open a package and save the paper for later, though I never ended up using it. Laughing, Meredith lunged at me until I tore the paper away from the box.

  There’s always that moment before you open a gift when the possibilities are endless, when it could be anything and you hope it’s just what you wanted—no matter what it is. Especially, sometimes, if it’s something you’re expecting not to get, but desperately want, anyway. Those few seconds when the paper falls away and before you open the box can last forever, and when you finally get the package open and see someone knew you well enough and cared about you enough to get you just the right thing…it’s magic.

  Or in this case, not.

  I stared down at an array of thick, hot pink and purple dildos and vibrators. One was shaped like a butterfly, with a complicated-looking set of straps and a cord running to a remote. A set of metal Ben Wa balls. Some tubes of lube. Some of the items had an unfamiliar logo with a name I recognized—Under Where?

  I couldn’t speak. Not because I had nothing to say—there were plenty of words working their way up my throat like vomit. Meredith didn’t seem to notice, rattling on about the different toys and their uses. This was worse than that episode of The Simpsons where Homer buys Marge a bowling ball because he wants one. Worse than getting a dictionary instead of a video game system. Worse even than clothes in the wrong sizes, meant to encourage a diet.

  “With all of that, you won’t need me anymore,” I murmured.

  I looked at Charlie, whose smile took away the sharpest part of the edge from Meredith’s gift. “Plastic and batteries can’t replace you,” he stated.

  “You don’t like it.” Meredith’s smile soured. She pushed the tissue paper over the toys and sat back. “I thought really hard about which you’d like best, Tesla.”