Ma and Pa Dracula

  “Oh,” said Tobi.

  They screeched to a stop at an intersection. “Turn right,” Tobi instructed Mrs. Primave, as she struggled to sit up straight, “where that sign says ‘Straight ahead for the blood bank.’”

  To the blood bank? Jonathan gulped. He glanced at Ma. Her mouth was open slightly so that her fangs showed. And her stomach was growling. Loudly. Jonathan was glad Tobi was sitting in the backseat.

  Mrs. Primave sped through the intersection. Her stomach was growling and her eyes were blazing. She was not paying any attention.

  “Right, right!” Tobi was shouting.

  Jonathan leaned across the front seat to Ma. “Go back, turn right, and close your mouth,” he whispered.

  Ma obeyed. She seemed to return to normal.

  When the car finally jerked to a halt in the Brownsboro Mall parking lot, Jonathan felt relieved.

  “Big Video is this way, right nearby,” Tobi said eagerly as they crossed the parking lot. “I hope you have lots of quarters, Jon.”

  Quarters? Jonathan looked at Ma. She nodded wearily.

  “Goodness, I am hungry,” Ma commented a few moments later.

  “Well, there’s a Cookie Heaven in the mall,” said Tobi, “a Burger King, a little deli, and a Chinese restaurant.”

  But Ma wasn’t paying attention. She had spotted something. Jonathan looked where she was looking and saw … the body of a dead squirrel.

  Ma bent down.

  “No!” hissed Jonathan. “Ma, you’re in public! You can’t eat that. I mean, drink it.” He looked at Tobi, who was frowning. “Ma—Ma can’t stand the sight of dead animals. She thinks they should be buried somewhere,” he explained.

  “Oh,” said Tobi knowingly, “then my mother is just like yours.”

  Not exactly, thought Jonathan.

  The video arcade was nearby, and it was dark. Ma sighed with happiness when she spotted an empty chair in the darkest corner of the arcade. “I will sit down over there while you play your games,” she said to Jonathan and Tobi, and she headed wearily toward the chair.

  “You mean your mother’s going to stay with us?” exclaimed Tobi in a loud whisper.

  “I—I don’t think she’ll get in our way,” replied Jonathan. He hoped Ma would go to sleep.

  “But mothers never stay here. Ever. It’s practically a rule.”

  “I can’t help it,” Jonathan replied. “She’s tired. She got up early today.”

  “So I guess she’s not going to go shopping or anything, is she?”

  Jonathan shook his head.

  “Well,” said Tobi, looking at Mrs. Primave, “her clothes are … interesting. Kind of fashionable. I mean, they’re bizarre and weird. Which is good. Maybe the kids will think she’s, like, a video queen.”

  Jonathan didn’t have the vaguest idea what Tobi was talking about, but it didn’t matter. He saw Sharrod and Eric and Rusty and a few other kids. Everyone was playing games, and no one teased Jonathan, not even Sharrod. So Jonathan and Tobi began to play, too. They laughed and shouted and won free games. Nobody gave Ma a second glance.

  Nobody but Jonathan. He kept checking on her to make sure she was still in her chair. The moment she got up, Jonathan rushed over to her.

  “Where are you going, Ma?” he asked nervously.

  “Oh, just to the refreshment stand,” she replied. She smiled at Jonathan. “Don’t worry about me.”

  “Okay,” Jonathan replied.

  Ma was halfway out the door before Jonathan began to wonder about something. Did Ma eat or drink anything besides blood? He didn’t think so. Then where was she going? And had Tobi mentioned a refreshment stand? No.

  “Tobi? Tobi?” said Jonathan urgently. He pulled on her shirtsleeve.

  “Not now, Jon, I’m in the middle of a game.” Tobi never took her eyes off the screen.

  “I’ll be right back!” Jonathan shouted at her. Then he dashed to the entrance of Big Video. Where was Ma? He scanned the mall—and spotted a figure with a hat and gloves and a long coat. She was headed toward … a bloodmobile.

  Jonathan ran through the crowd, darting between shoppers.

  “Ma!” he exclaimed, catching up with her. He was just in time. Mrs. Primave was only a few yards from the bloodmobile. “Don’t do it!”

  Mrs. Primave turned around. “I am so hungry.”

  “I’m sorry,” said Jonathan, “you’ll have to eat tonight. How did you even know this was here?”

  “I could smell it. I was sitting in that awful, noisy room just smelling it.”

  “How were you going to get inside? How were you going to get to the pints of blood?”

  “I was going to turn into a bat.”

  “Where?” asked Jonathan, exasperated.

  “In a phone booth,” joked Mrs. Primave.

  “Ma,” said Jonathan, “it’s time to go home.”

  “All right,” she agreed with a sigh.

  So Jonathan found Tobi, and rushed her and Ma out to the car just as darkness was falling.

  One thing is sure, thought Jonathan, when you’re the son of vampires, there is never a dull moment.

  7

  The Scariest Night of the Year

  “NO FAIR! NO FAIR! No fair!” the kids in Jonathan’s room were chanting.

  Miss Lecky rubbed her hands across her eyes. She looked tired.

  Tobi remembered to raise her hand for once.

  “Yes, Tobi?” said Miss Lecky.

  “Well, I just wanted to say,” Tobi began, “that it really isn’t fair about our Halloween party—”

  “I agree, Tobi—”

  “But,” Tobi went on, “maybe we could do something about it. I mean, we don’t have to take this lying down.”

  Jonathan looked around the classroom. Everyone was seated. He got prepared to lie down, but no one was moving. Hadn’t Tobi just said, “We don’t have to take this lying down”? Jonathan shook his head. Nearly every day, somebody said or did at least one thing he didn’t understand.

  Everyone in Jonathan’s class was raising his or her hand. Miss Lecky called on someone else.

  “We have never,” said Marion Safire, “had no Halloween party. One year, the PTO couldn’t hold it here at Littleton, but they gave it in the gym of the high school. We have never not had a Halloween party,” she said again.

  “It’s especially not fair since we can’t go trick-or-treating,” added Rusty. “How can you go trick-or-treating in the country? There are miles and miles between our houses. Well, between some of them.”

  “I know,” said Miss Lecky tiredly.

  Jonathan frowned. He didn’t understand why his classmates were so upset. Maybe this was because he’d never been to a Halloween party, or to any other kind of party, for that matter. All he knew was that every year on Halloween night, Littleton Elementary held a huge party for all the Littleton students. The money for the party was raised by something called the Peeteeyo. The kids would dress up in costumes and come to the gym where they could play games, eat candy, march in a parade, and win prizes for their costumes.

  But this year, the Peeteeyo didn’t have enough money for the party, so now there was nothing for the kids to do on Halloween night.

  “I have the best costume of my life,” said Caddie Zajack. “I worked on it all summer. Now there won’t be any reason to wear it.”

  “Boys and girls!” Miss Lecky held her hands up. “Quiet down for a few minutes, please. I know you’re upset. I understand that. I really do. So let’s think about what Tobi said. Maybe we could do something about it.”

  “Raise enough money for a party for the whole school in just three weeks?” asked Tara Pushanski.

  “No, I don’t think that’s possible,” replied Miss Lecky. “But what about having a class party of our own?”

  “In school?” said Rusty.

  “During the day?” said Caddie.

  “With cupcakes and room mothers?” said Sharrod.

  “No way!” exclaimed Tobi.

>   Miss Lecky sighed.

  “We want to do something at night,” said Tobi. “Something really fun. Couldn’t we have a class party at someone’s house?”

  “Mine’s too small,” said Tara.

  “My parents wouldn’t let me,” said Sharrod.

  “Mine probably would,” said Tobi, “but I bet my brothers would ruin everything.”

  Timidly, Jonathan raised his hand.

  “Yes?” said Miss Lecky.

  “I—I think we could have the party at my house.” This was the most daring thing Jonathan had ever said or done.

  “Yeah! He’s got a real Halloween house!” Tobi exclaimed.

  “Right … The old Drumthwacket place,” said Rusty. “It really looks haunted.”

  “But it isn’t … is it?” Caddie asked Jonathan.

  “N-no,” he replied.

  “It’s big enough, all right,” added Tara.

  “It’s big and spooky and perfect,” said Tobi excitedly. “Jon doesn’t even have brothers or sisters who would bug us. I’ve been over there before.”

  Jonathan smiled nervously.

  “Jon will have to check with his parents,” Miss Lecky said. (Will I ever, thought Jonathan.) “And we will have to raise some money for the party… Do you really think your parents will approve of this idea?” Miss Lecky asked Jonathan.

  Jonathan paused as thoughts ran through his head. He certainly approved of the idea. A party at his house would help him fit in. It would be like going to school or playing video games at the mall. He wanted Rusty and Eric and Sharrod to like him the way Tobi did, not just to sit next to him in the cafeteria because that was the only way they could sit with Tobi. Jonathan would give the best party ever.

  Or would he? With Ma and Pa and Mr. Saginaw? On Halloween? Inviting twenty-three humans to his house was sort of like offering Ma and Pa a great big banquet. It was like saying, “Here are twenty-three necks for you to bite.”

  Of course, Ma had said that she and Pa were too civilized to bite humans. Had she meant it? They had never bitten Jonathan, and he was human. But biting a stranger was different from biting your son. With all those necks around, it would probably be hard to resist just one little bite.

  “Jon?” Miss Lecky asked again.

  “Well, um, well, I’ll just have to check with my mother and father. I don’t know,” Jonathan finally replied.

  “Tell them we’ll pay for everything,” Miss Lecky assured him. “Our class will think up some fund-raising projects.”

  “We could have a car wash!” said Tobi, without raising her hand.

  “A bake sale,” said Caddie.

  “And,” added Tara, “we could make copies of the recipes for the stuff at the bake sale, and sell recipe books, too.”

  “That’s a wonderful idea!” exclaimed Miss Lecky. Suddenly she sounded less tired. In fact, she looked almost excited.

  “Maybe we could put on a play and charge money to see it, or have a carnival for the school, with a booth where you can dunk Mrs. Hancock in a tub of water, and a—”

  “Tobi,” Miss Lecky interrupted her, “that sounds a bit ambitious. We’ve only got three weeks. And we don’t need a lot of money. Just enough for refreshments, decorations, and some prizes. And before we need any of that, we need Jon’s parents’ permission.”

  Jonathan gulped. Everyone was counting on him. Now he had to have the party at his house. If he didn’t, the kids would be really mad at him. Maybe Miss Lecky would be mad at him, too.

  Jonathan was pretty sure his parents would say yes to the party. After all, his mother had let him invite Tobi over, hadn’t she? And she’d gone to the mall. But he’d have to make them promise not to get carried away if they were hungry.

  That evening, Jonathan could barely wait for his parents to wake up. He had to talk to them before they left for the blood bank. Lately, they had been rushing off rather quickly.

  Ma and Pa woke up just as Mr. Saginaw was putting dinner on the table.

  “They’re up!” Jonathan announced. “I hear their coffin lids!”

  A few moments later, Ma and Pa appeared in the kitchen.

  “Hello,” said Ma.

  “Well, we must be off,” said Pa.

  “Please,” cried Jonathan, “before you leave, I have to talk to you! It’s urgent.”

  “Could it wait, son?” asked Pa. “Your mother and I are hungry.”

  “Quite hungry,” agreed Ma.

  Jonathan cringed. He thought his parents looked paler than usual. And their eyes were dull. There wasn’t a sign of life in them.

  “It’s really, really, really important,” said Jonathan seriously.

  “Well,” said Pa, “if it is that important …”

  “Three ‘reallys,’” added Ma.

  “And it won’t take too long,” Jonathan told them. “At least I don’t think it will.

  “All right,” said Pa, “what is it?”

  Ma and Pa sat down at the kitchen table. Actually, Jonathan thought, they didn’t so much sit down as sink down.

  Mr. Saginaw served dinner to himself and Jonathan, while Jonathan tried to figure out just what to say to his parents.

  Ma and Pa began to tap their feet and drum their fingers on the table.

  “Jonathan,” said Ma, “we really are hungry.”

  “I know,” said Jonathan. And then, since he couldn’t figure out how else to say it, he blurted out, “Ma, Pa, can I have a Halloween party here?”

  “A party?” said Pa.

  “At our house?” said Ma.

  “On Halloween?” said Mr. Saginaw.

  Jonathan nodded. He explained about the Peeteeyo party and how upset his classmates were. “I really want to have the party here,” Jonathan added. “Our house looks spooky. And it’s big enough for my whole class. Besides, I don’t want to let my friends down, or Miss Lecky either.”

  “Oh, Jonathan,” said Ma, and sighed.

  “My class will pay for everything,” Jonathan went on desperately, even though he knew that didn’t really matter. “We’re going to do things to raise money to buy food and decorations and prizes for games.”

  “I don’t know,” said Ma. “Jonathan, if you give a party, your father and I will have to be here. The other parents will expect that. We will have to stay at home, yet we must go out to eat.”

  “Couldn’t you miss just one meal?” begged Jonathan. “No, wait. You wouldn’t even have to miss a meal. Not really. Just wait until the party is over and then go to the blood bank. I don’t think the party will last too long. I could even put a time limit on it. I could tell the kids that their parents have to pick them up by nine o’clock. How would that be? And afterward, you and Pa could go out. You’d have the rest of the night to eat.”

  “I suppose,” replied Ma, “that we could find a fair amount of blood between nine o’clock and sunrise.”

  (Jonathan shivered.)

  Pa shook his head. “What if one of the children wanders into the basement and finds our coffins?” he asked. “Then what? How do we explain that?”

  “I’ll put a ‘Do not enter’ sign on the basement door!” cried Jonathan. (He was beginning to feel hopeful.) “I’ll tell the kids we’re keeping our dog there while the party is going on.”

  “What dog?” asked Ma.

  “Our pet dog,” answered Jonathan. “They’ll never know.”

  “What about our clothes?” asked Pa. “Or our fangs, or the way we start to look around mealtime?”

  “Tobi didn’t notice Ma’s fangs,” Jonathan pointed out.

  “But Miss Lecky might.”

  “Then we’ll tell everyone you have on vampire costumes for Halloween!” exclaimed Jonathan. “That would work! And you’re leaving for a costume party at nine. That’s why the parents have to pick my friends up then.”

  “Well,” said Ma.

  “Well,” said Pa.

  “Harrumph,” said Mr. Saginaw.

  “This is the easy stuff,” Jonathan sai
d. “Honest. What I’m worried about is, well, if you”—he nodded to Ma and Pa—“are going to be at home and hungry during the party, are … are my friends.

  “Safe?” supplied Ma.

  “Yes.”

  “I told you, we never bite humans. We’ve never bitten you or Mr. Saginaw, have we? Biting humans is quite impolite. At least in the United States.”

  “Do you promise?” said Jonathan.

  “We promise,” answered Ma and Pa.

  “But what if you get really, really, really hungry?”

  “Three ‘reallys’ again?” said Ma. “Hmm, I do not know.”

  “If they are very hungry, I can always shut them into their coffins,” spoke up Mr. Saginaw. “I’ll let them out later.”

  Pa nodded. “He has done it before. It is very helpful.”

  “May I have the party, then? Please?” asked Jonathan. He felt relieved. Sort of.

  “Yes,” replied Ma and Pa and Mr. Saginaw.

  “All right!” cried Jonathan. He jumped out of his chair and leaped around the kitchen. He couldn’t wait to tell his classmates the good news.

  8

  Silver and Garlic

  THE NEXT FRIDAY EVENING, Jonathan eagerly waited for his parents to get up. When he heard their coffin lids, he stood by the basement door so he could catch them on their way out.

  “Guess what,” he cried, as Ma and Pa opened the door, “everything is ready for tomorrow! Tobi says our committee will earn more money than any of the others. We’re going to have a car wash.”

  Jonathan followed his parents into the kitchen. To his surprise, they did not get ready to go out. They slumped into chairs instead.

  “What’s wrong?” asked Jonathan nervously.

  “We are … quite … hungry,” said Ma faintly.

  “But you’re always hungry at this time of day,” Jonathan replied. “Why don’t you go to the blood bank?”

  “The blood bank,” Pa replied, “is getting, er, low.”

  “We have tried to be careful,” said Ma. “A pint here, a pint there, hoping no one would notice.”

  “Did someone notice?” Jonathan asked, horrified. He remembered what Ma had said about having to move if anyone became suspicious of the Primaves.