Guy Mannering, Or, the Astrologer — Volume 01

  CHAPTER V

  You have fed upon my seignories, Dispark'd my parks, and fell'd my forest woods, From mine own windows torn my household coat, Razed out my impress, leaving me no sign, Save men's opinions and my living blood, To show the world I am a gentleman.

  Richard II.

  When the boat which carried the worthy captain on board his vessel hadaccomplished that task, the sails began to ascend, and the ship was gotunder way. She fired three guns as a salute to the house of Ellangowan,and then shot away rapidly before the wind, which blew off shore, underall the sail she could crowd.

  'Ay, ay,' said the Laird, who had sought Mannering for some time, andnow joined him, 'there they go--there go the free-traders--there goCaptain Dirk Hatteraick and the Yungfrauw Hagenslaapen, half Manks,half Dutchman, half devil! run out the boltsprit, up mainsail, top andtop-gallant sails, royals, and skyscrapers, and away--follow who can!That fellow, Mr. Mannering, is the terror of all the excise andcustom-house cruisers; they can make nothing of him; he drubs them, orhe distances them;--and, speaking of excise, I come to bring you tobreakfast; and you shall have some tea, that--'

  Mannering by this time was aware that one thought linked strangely onto another in the concatenation of worthy Mr. Bertram's ideas,

  Like orient pearls at random strung;

  and therefore, before the current of his associations had driftedfarther from the point he had left, he brought him back by some inquiryabout Dirk Hatteraick.

  'O he's a--a--gude sort of blackguard fellow eneugh; naebody cares totrouble him--smuggler, when his guns are in ballast--privateer, orpirate, faith, when he gets them mounted. He has done more mischief tothe revenue folk than ony rogue that ever came out of Ramsay.'

  'But, my good sir, such being his character, I wonder he has anyprotection and encouragement on this coast.'

  'Why, Mr. Mannering, people must have brandy and tea, and there's nonein the country but what comes this way; and then there's shortaccounts, and maybe a keg or two, or a dozen pounds, left at yourstable-door, instead of a d--d lang account at Christmas from DuncanRobb, the grocer at Kippletringan, who has aye a sum to make up, andeither wants ready money or a short-dated bill. Now, Hatteraick willtake wood, or he'll take bark, or he'll take barley, or he'll take justwhat's convenient at the time. I'll tell you a gude story about that.There was ance a laird--that's Macfie of Gudgeonford,--he had a greatnumber of kain hens--that's hens that the tenant pays to the landlord,like a sort of rent in kind. They aye feed mine very ill; LuckieFinniston sent up three that were a shame to be seen only last week,and yet she has twelve bows sowing of victual; indeed her goodman,Duncan Finniston--that's him that's gone--(we must all die, Mr.Mannering, that's ower true)--and, speaking of that, let us live in themeanwhile, for here's breakfast on the table, and the Dominie ready tosay the grace.'

  The Dominie did accordingly pronounce a benediction, that exceeded inlength any speech which Mannering had yet heard him utter. The tea,which of course belonged to the noble Captain Hatteraick's trade, waspronounced excellent. Still Mannering hinted, though with due delicacy,at the risk of encouraging such desperate characters. 'Were it but injustice to the revenue, I should have supposed--'

  'Ah, the revenue lads'--for Mr. Bertram never embraced a general orabstract idea, and his notion of the revenue was personified in thecommissioners, surveyors, comptrollers, and riding officers whom hehappened to know--'the revenue lads can look sharp eneugh out forthemselves, no ane needs to help them; and they have a' the soldiers toassist them besides; and as to justice--you'll be surprised to hear it,Mr. Mannering, but I am not a justice of peace!'

  Mannering assumed the expected look of surprise, but thought withinhimself that the worshipful bench suffered no great deprivation fromwanting the assistance of his good-humoured landlord. Mr. Bertram hadnow hit upon one of the few subjects on which he felt sore, and went onwith some energy.

  'No, sir, the name of Godfrey Bertram of Ellangowan is not in the lastcommission, though there's scarce a carle in the country that has aplough-gate of land, but what he must ride to quarter-sessions andwrite J.P. after his name. I ken fu' weel whom I am obliged to--SirThomas Kittlecourt as good as tell'd me he would sit in my skirts if hehad not my interest at the last election; and because I chose to gowith my own blood and third cousin, the Laird of Balruddery, theykeepit me off the roll of freeholders; and now there comes a newnomination of justices, and I am left out! And whereas they pretend itwas because I let David Mac-Guffog, the constable, draw the warrants,and manage the business his ain gate, as if I had been a nose o' wax,it's a main untruth; for I granted but seven warrants in my life, andthe Dominie wrote every one of them--and if it had not been thatunlucky business of Sandy Mac-Gruthar's, that the constables shouldhave keepit twa or three days up yonder at the auld castle, just tillthey could get conveniency to send him to the county jail--and thatcost me eneugh o' siller. But I ken what Sir Thomas wants very weel--itwas just sic and siclike about the seat in the kirk o' Kilmagirdle--wasI not entitled to have the front gallery facing the minister, ratherthan Mac-Crosskie of Creochstone, the son of Deacon Mac-Crosskie, theDumfries weaver?'

  Mannering expressed his acquiescence in the justice of these variouscomplaints.

  'And then, Mr. Mannering, there was the story about the road and thefauld-dike. I ken Sir Thomas was behind there, and I said plainly tothe clerk to the trustees that I saw the cloven foot, let them takethat as they like. Would any gentleman, or set of gentlemen, go anddrive a road right through the corner of a fauld-dike and take away, asmy agent observed to them, like twa roods of gude moorland pasture? Andthere was the story about choosing the collector of the cess--'

  'Certainly, sir, it is hard you should meet with any neglect in acountry where, to judge from the extent of their residence, yourancestors must have made a very important figure.'

  'Very true, Mr. Mannering; I am a plain man and do not dwell on thesethings, and I must needs say I have little memory for them; but I wishye could have heard my father's stories about the auld fights of theMac-Dingawaies--that's the Bertrams that now is--wi' the Irish and wi'the Highlanders that came here in their berlings from Ilay and Cantire;and how they went to the Holy Land--that is, to Jerusalem and Jericho,wi' a' their clan at their heels--they had better have gaen to Jamaica,like Sir Thomas Kittlecourt's uncle--and how they brought hame relicslike those that Catholics have, and a flag that's up yonder in thegarret. If they had been casks of muscavado and puncheons of rum itwould have been better for the estate at this day; but there's littlecomparison between the auld keep at Kittlecourt and the castle o'Ellangowan; I doubt if the keep's forty feet of front. But ye make nobreakfast, Mr. Mannering; ye're no eating your meat; allow me torecommend some of the kipper. It was John Hay that catcht it, Saturdaywas three weeks, down at the stream below Hempseed ford,' etc. etc. etc.

  The Laird, whose indignation had for some time kept him pretty steadyto one topic, now launched forth into his usual roving style ofconversation, which gave Mannering ample time to reflect upon thedisadvantages attending the situation which an hour before he hadthought worthy of so much envy. Here was a country gentleman, whosemost estimable quality seemed his perfect good-nature, secretlyfretting himself and murmuring against others for causes which,compared with any real evil in life, must weigh like dust in thebalance. But such is the equal distribution of Providence. To those wholie out of the road of great afflictions are assigned petty vexationswhich answer all the purpose of disturbing their serenity; and everyreader must have observed that neither natural apathy nor acquiredphilosophy can render country gentlemen insensible to the grievanceswhich occur at elections, quarter-sessions, and meetings of trustees.

  Curious to investigate the manners of the country, Mannering took theadvantage of a pause in good Mr. Bertram's string of stories to inquirewhat Captain Hatteraick so earnestly wanted with the gipsy woman.

  'O, to bless his ship, I suppose. You must know, Mr. Mannering, thatth
ese free-traders, whom the law calls smugglers, having no religion,make it all up in superstition; and they have as many spells and charmsand nonsense--'

  'Vanity and waur!' said the Dominie;' it is a trafficking with the EvilOne. Spells, periapts, and charms are of his device--choice arrows outof Apollyon's quiver.'

  'Hold your peace, Dominie; ye're speaking for ever'--by the way, theywere the first words the poor man had uttered that morning, exceptingthat he said grace and returned thanks--'Mr. Mannering cannot get in aword for ye! And so, Mr. Mannering, talking of astronomy and spells andthese matters, have ye been so kind as to consider what we werespeaking about last night?'

  'I begin to think, Mr. Bertram, with your worthy friend here, that Ihave been rather jesting with edge-tools; and although neither you norI, nor any sensible man, can put faith in the predictions of astrology,yet, as it has sometimes happened that inquiries into futurity,undertaken in jest, have in their results produced serious andunpleasant effects both upon actions and characters, I really wish youwould dispense with my replying to your question.'

  It was easy to see that this evasive answer only rendered the Laird'scuriosity more uncontrollable. Mannering, however, was determined inhis own mind not to expose the infant to the inconveniences which mighthave arisen from his being supposed the object of evil prediction. Hetherefore delivered the paper into Mr. Bertram's hand, and requestedhim to keep it for five years with the seal unbroken, until the monthof November was expired. After that date had intervened he left him atliberty to examine the writing, trusting that, the first fatal periodbeing then safely overpassed, no credit would be paid to its farthercontents. This Mr. Bertram was content to promise, and Mannering, toensure his fidelity, hinted at misfortunes which would certainly takeplace if his injunctions were neglected. The rest of the day, whichMannering, by Mr. Bertram's invitation, spent at Ellangowan, passedover without anything remarkable; and on the morning of that whichfollowed the traveller mounted his palfrey, bade a courteous adieu tohis hospitable landlord and to his clerical attendant, repeated hisgood wishes for the prosperity of the family, and then, turning hishorse's head towards England, disappeared from the sight of the inmatesof Ellangowan. He must also disappear from that of our readers, for itis to another and later period of his life that the present narrativerelates.