Redemption

  For some reason, I suddenly found myself pulling away. “Tyler…” I didn’t know what to say. How could I hide from her? How could I protect her from myself? I never wanted her knowing this side of me.

  “Stop hiding from me, Dean. Don’t shut out this side of you. I’m not a little girl anymore. You can’t shield me from the horrors of this world. I’m not stupid enough to think that bad things happen to good people and that bad people also have it coming when they do something bad.”

  I gripped her face in my hands and sighed. Lovingly, I trailed my thumb across her lips as she shuddered. How did I, the man unworthy of such fucking beauty before me, get to feel her wither at my touch?

  “How do you stand me, Tyler? How can you even look at me when you know what kind of man I’ve become?” A single tear slithered down her face and I raced to capture it with my mouth. I told her I was going to kiss all her tears away and I meant every single word.

  Tyler smiled. “That’s how.”

  My heart thudded in my chest. How could two insignificant words render me helpless? Render me speechless? Render me completely under her spell? I didn’t know she loved me so much. I just trusted that she did.

  “What does this mean, Tyler?” I had to ask. I had to know what she was thinking. She looked at me with such adoration and so much awe in her eyes, but I had become a monster. It was just who I was, who I had been trying to run away from, who I could never seem to escape from.

  Tyler closed the distance a little and placed her hands on my arms. She snuggled into my neck and inhaled like she was trying to savor my aroma. Finally, she looked up at me with a smile so tender, it almost took my breath away.

  “It means I want you here with me. It means I need you here with me. I lost you once, Dean. I can’t lose you again. I’ve been denying it to myself for too long. Without you, there is no me. That’s not a life I want to live. That’s a life I cannot bear.”

  Her green eyes pooled with tears, making the color stand out as bright as a twinkling star. She was so beautiful. And she was so mine. “I’m never going to let you go.”

  She nodded with an exhale. “I know, Dean. I know. And, for the first time, I can admit that I don’t want you to.”

  I pulled her into my arms and fiercely hugged her. I didn’t want to take her, despite the raging hard-on I now pressed into her belly. I wanted to feel her close for a moment. Bathe her, worship her like I knew she deserved to be worshipped.

  “Does this mean I get to wake up with you in my arms tomorrow? Does this mean I get to be woken up by our son and make him pancakes whilst you lie in bed?”

  I felt Tyler chuckle in the crook of my neck. “Yes,” she simply whispered. “I would love that.”

  So I bathed her and she bathed me. We took time with one another, then I went to bed, Tyler wrapped in my arms. We made love that night. It wasn’t the angry sex I knew Tyler loved at times. This time, I knew she wanted us to take our time. She wanted the slow, agonizing passion to sizzle and boil over. And I wasn’t done until I heard my name several times before she collapsed in my arms. By the time we had finished, Tyler was fast asleep, morning was well and truly upon us, and I could hear the gentle tip-tap of tiny feet as the handle to Tyler’s room suddenly turned.

  At first, my heart was in my mouth because I didn’t know how Jeremy would react to me being in Tyler’s room, in her bed, with her asleep right beside me.

  With a finger to my lips, I grabbed my t-shirt next to the bed and slid it over my head. Jeremy just stood there with his little Spiderman pajamas on. His blonde hair was tousled from sleep as he tilted his head to one side, watching me. I couldn’t tell from looking at him just what he felt by seeing me there. I had stayed there before, yes, but it had always been sex with Tyler and then sleeping in the spare room. But that was where Jimmy and Tara were now. I was armed with an excuse, but would that wash with my son?

  Grabbing his hand, I walked us both out of the bedroom and softly shut the door. I was fucking knackered after last night, but I did tell Tyler I would make our boy pancakes in the morning. It was becoming a daily ritual now.

  Once we got downstairs, I picked Jeremy up and set him down on the kitchen island. I smiled at him and ruffled his hair a little. “What will it be this morning, grown-up, or do I need to ask?”

  Jeremy just sat there, swinging his legs a minute before he spoke, “You were in Mommy’s bed.”

  Fuck. I thought I had gotten away with that. “Erm, yes. The thing is, Tara had an accident last night and she is staying in the spare bedroom with Big Uncle Jimmy.”

  Jeremy gasped a little. “What happened to Tara?”

  I cupped his face in my hands. “Don’t worry about Tara. She’s fine. Your mommy and Jimmy helped take care of her last night. She fell and hurt herself, but she will get better.”

  I hated lying. I used the same lame fucking excuse that women used to protect their husbands who had just beaten them, but Jeremy needed to be shielded from this ugly side of the world. Right now, all he needed to know was that he was surrounded by people who loved him, and that Santa did visit every Christmas. And I couldn’t wait to be around to see Christmas.

  “I don’t like it when I fall and hurt myself. I get a boo-boo and it hurts like hell.”

  I raised my eyebrow at him. “Did you just use a naughty word?”

  Jeremy giggled and nodded his head, so I tickled him. He giggled with his arms and legs violently waving around, but I held him steady until I heard him trying to catch his breath. I stopped, and Jeremy giggled some more. Once he calmed down, he stared at me a moment.

  “Are you going to marry Mommy now?”

  My eyes widened and I stepped back. Getting married to Tyler was all I ever wanted to do since I was a little, scrawny fuck.

  I smiled and shook my head. “I can’t get married to your mum just yet.”

  Jeremy frowned and a little crinkle formed at the top of his head, making him look just like Tyler. It made my heart swell and my belly dance. Man, I was turning into a fucking girl. What was wrong with me?

  “Why not?”

  I smiled down at Jeremy and flicked his nose. “Well, you see, there is one person I need to ask first before I can marry your mother. I was under strict instructions.”

  I saw Jeremy inhale and was about to speak when something caught his eye. Turning, I saw Tyler rubbing her sleepy eyes as she paraded her long, silky legs into the kitchen. She never fucking failed to make me want her all over again. It had only been a couple of hours since I had her legs wrapped around me, but I craved her again. I needed her again. It especially didn’t help that it was right in the heart of summer because all she had on was her tank top and a pair of very short shorts. She was like a fucking magnet. I was her negative and she was my positive.

  “What do we have here?” She smiled at the scene and I could tell that the smile she gave was one of pure happiness. She loved that we looked like a family and I was going to do everything in my power to give her what she wanted.

  “Tara fell and she has a boo-boo. I don’t like boo-boos, Mommy. Did you kiss Tara’s boo-boos away?”

  She laughed, but I could tell there was a hint of sadness in that laughter. What happened last night affected us all. “I did, but she will be a little sore for a while. You’re okay with her staying here until she gets better, aren’t you?” She looked up at me briefly before casting her eyes back to Jeremy.

  “Tara is a nurse and nurses help people get better.”

  Tyler nodded. “That’s right.”

  “So Tara needs to have someone look after her now. She’s always helping other people. Now it’s her turn.”

  I was so proud to call Jeremy my son, but even more so now. For someone who was yet to turn four, he was so wise. He was my little champ.

  Tyler had tears in her eyes as she nodded with a smile. “Yes, that’s right. Tara needs to be taken care of for a while.”

  Jeremy nodded. “Then Tara stays and we put her broken piec
es back together again.” We all smiled for a moment, then Jeremy frowned. “Does that mean Big Uncle Jimmy can stay, too?” His eyes suddenly lit up. I think there was no denying he liked having Jimmy around.

  Tyler nodded. “Jimmy cares for Tara very much, so I think he will want to stay. It’s only fair.”

  Jeremy threw his hands up and cheered. “I’m going to have two mommies and two daddies.”

  In shock, Tyler and I stared at one another. I think we knew the time to tell him was going to come soon, but we also knew how difficult it could be. What if the truth ended up with him hating me? I couldn’t live with that. He might blame me for not being around all this time, and I would have to agree with him. The circumstances surrounding it were beyond my control, but there was no way of explaining that to Jeremy. The whole situation was fucked up.

  Once the shock wore off, Tyler ruffled Jeremy’s hair and smiled. “I suppose you’re right. How lucky are you?” She winked at Jeremy and he giggled.

  “Can I have pancakes now?”

  We both laughed. “Coming right up, grown-up.” I winked at him and got straight to work on the pancakes. Funny how something so small could make you the happiest fucking chump alive.

  Chapter 16

  Tyler

  It’s funny how letting go could make you feel the biggest relief ever. That was how I felt now. It was how I felt once I realized that no matter what, I couldn’t let Dean go. It was the worry of last night. The tossing and turning in my bed, the agonizing wait, the relief of hearing Dean turning the shower on when he came in. He was trying to be so quiet so as not to wake me, but how could I sleep when he was out there doing what I knew he was doing? I wasn’t blind. I didn’t know the details and I didn’t want to. I just felt relief for Tara, relief that he was back, and the immense relief of finally giving in to him.

  When I saw him in the shower, his head hanging down, all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him. When I did, I saw the blood. Dean tried to hide me away from it. Even after all this time, he was trying to protect me from the ugly outside world. It made me frustrated, It made me smile. Most of all, it made me love him even more. I should have been shocked at the sight of the blood, but I knew it wasn’t Dean’s, and instead of being shocked, the only emotion I felt was relief of knowing Tara was finally free and she’d never have to look over her shoulder again.

  That night, after we had eaten dinner, we all sat around with a glass of wine. Jeremy had been very attentive towards Tara today. After the initial shock of seeing her bruises, he kissed each one and hadn’t left her side all day. He was being every bit the nurse that Tara was on a daily basis. He made me so proud, and I could tell he made Dean proud, too.

  Dean was currently chasing Jeremy around the living room. He had just had a bath and was supposed to be getting ready for bed. Instead, Dean was winding him up and I thought he’d never calm down. The amount of cheering, giggling, and shouting made my eardrums nearly burst. It was at the point when I found Dean on the floor, his legs in the air and a flying Jeremy on top of his feet that I had to step in.

  “Will you children stop this ruckus?!” I had my hand on my hip for good measure.

  Dean winked and flashed me his swoon-worthy smile.

  Bastard!

  “Don’t be a spoilsport. We’re having fun.”

  “Yeah. Don’t be a spoilsport, Mommy.” Jeremy giggled and I huffed.

  I turned back to Dean. “He’s not long eaten. You’re going to make him—” And then it happened. Jeremy threw up all over Dean’s neck and chest. I could have shouted I told you so, but then Jeremy pouted and ran up the stairs. I was about to go when Dean stopped me.

  “I’ll take care of this. It was my fault. I’m sorry.”

  He looked so damn sorry, I couldn’t be mad at him. Instead, I ran to the bathroom, wet a towel, and came running back, seeing Dean taking his shirt off. It was totally inappropriate of me to gawk at his smooth, flawless chest right now, but I couldn’t help myself. I was a fucking addict whenever Dean was concerned.

  “Thanks.” He stared at me, then wiped himself down. Once finished, he handed the towel back. We didn’t say a word, but sometimes a certain look spoke volumes. Dean cleared his throat. “I’ll go up and take care of Jeremy. I’ll be down as soon as I can.”

  I nodded and watched as he ran up the stairs.

  As I walked back into the kitchen, I caught Jimmy tenderly stroking Tara’s cheek. Tara went all shy, then gasped when she knew I caught her.

  “Aww, isn’t that sweet?” I pouted like a little girl and made kissy noises.

  “Uh-uh, Tyler. Don’t get me started on you, my friend.” She threw her hands in the air and shouted, “Dean, smack me. Dean, grab my ass. Dean, pull my hair. Oh, Dean, kiss me, you sexy son of a bitch!”

  Now it was my turn to gasp. “When in the hell...?” I tried to think back to when she could have heard me. The only time I could think of was when Jeremy was at another party last week, and despite the fact Jimmy and Tara were here, Dean and I still couldn’t seem to wait to get our hands on each other.

  I placed my head in my hands and Tara laughed. “Aha, now she remembers.”

  “Oh god!”

  Jimmy started laughing. “Don’t worry about it, Tyler. Your secret is safe with us.”

  I looked up and smiled at him, but I still felt utterly mortified. I really had to learn to control myself, but how could I when the man of my dreams was satisfying all my fantasies? It just seemed beyond my control.

  I bit my lip as I sat down. “I didn’t realize I was that loud.”

  Tara made a puffing sound and then stared at me. “Err…yeah.”

  She laughed a little, and I looked at her. She was healing well, but it was still hard to see her knowing that the monster she always thought was the love of her life had beaten her.

  “How are you feeling, Tara?”

  She sighed and looked at Jimmy with a smile. “I’m fine. I’ll get there, I suppose.”

  I could still see her pain. She hid it well, but underneath that hard exterior was a woman who just wanted to be loved. And she was. When Jimmy had dropped Tara off and I ran a bath for her, she told me all about her pregnancy. I didn’t know anything about it until then. Her so-called husband wanted a child, but Tara wasn’t ready. It was then that things turned sour between them. The once loving husband began beating her, hid her birth control pills, and kept her locked up in their room for three whole weeks and repeatedly raped her. On one hand, she hoped beyond hope that she wasn’t pregnant. On the other hand, she hoped she was because she knew he was willing to do it all over again if she wasn’t. When the inevitable happened, she had to pretend to be happy. After a few weeks, she managed to convince him she was ecstatic. He eventually believed her, left her alone, even started caring for her, but it was too late. She didn’t want a life to be created by violence. She didn’t want to bring a new life into her world. She said it wasn’t fair to the baby.

  She cried and I comforted her. She felt evil for doing it. She felt she had committed murder, but it was only the words of her ex-husband that floated around in her head. She made her choices for a reason and I truly hoped that, one day, she would get everything she deserved and more. I hoped Jimmy would be a part of that, but if they were meant to be, they were meant to be.

  Tara cleared her throat. “I was thinking I might go home tomorrow. I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

  Placing my hand on her arm, I shook my head. “No you don’t, Tara. I won’t hear any of that nonsense. I want you to stay here until you’re truly ready.” I looked over at Jimmy. “Isn’t that right, Jimmy?” He smiled and nodded. Tara just sighed.

  “Listen, I like having you both here and so do Jeremy and Dean. There’s no doubt that Jeremy will be calling you Auntie Tara shortly.” I chuckled, thinking how sweet Jeremy was. If he really liked you, he always had to refer you as auntie or uncle…apart from Dean, of course. I don’t know where the hell he got D.D. from.

>   “I’ve never been an auntie before, so I would love that. You’re so lucky to have him, Jessica. I bet you’re very proud.”

  I smiled and nodded. “I definitely am.”

  Just then, a knock sounded at my door. My posture picked up as I looked out towards the door, then back at Tara and Jimmy. I shrugged and Jimmy immediately tensed, sprinting for the door. I ran after him and tried to peek over his shoulder as he gently pushed the curtain aside. Once Jimmy was satisfied, he put the curtain back and looked at me with a smile.

  “Who is it, Jimmy? Tell me!”

  He started laughing. “I’m going to enjoy this.”

  “What?”

  Jimmy said nothing, so I huffed in his direction and opened the door.

  I wished I hadn’t. Boy, did I wish I hadn’t.

  “Tyler, why aren’t you answering any of my calls? I heard about you and Evan. Please don’t tell me it’s because of him?”

  Oh shit. I knew I would have to face the music one day, but I wasn’t ready right now. My parents would go apeshit when they realized Dean was here and very much a part of my life now.

  I sighed and opened the door wider so my mum and dad could come in. When they walked in, they both noticed I had company.

  “Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. O’Shea.”

  I cleared my throat. “Mum, Dad, this is Jimmy, and I think you already know Tara.”

  They both smiled. “Yes, I remember you, Tara. You’re a nurse at the hospital. My dear, whatever happened to you?” My mother walked up to Tara and placed a hand on her arm.

  Tara smiled timidly. “It’s a long story, but I’m okay.” She looked at me, then back at my mum. “I think I better leave you to some privacy.” Tara walked off, but Jimmy still stood there with a big grin on his face. “Jimmy!”

  Jimmy jumped, which was quite funny to see considering his size. I could tell he wanted to stay, but there was no way in hell he was getting the popcorn out and watching the “O’Shea Show”.