Worth Forgiving

  A tremble rocks through her body as she holds herself high above me. Ready to take me, she looks down at me with lust filled eyes. Ever so slightly she allows herself to drop, sheathing just the crown of my aching cock. She waits for a long moment. I have no idea if she senses my impatience or her own is just too much to bear. But instead of doing what I think is going to come next, inching me in a bit at a time, teasingly slow, she puts her hands on my shoulders and slams down on me, taking me in fully in one long stroke. It’s fucking incredible and exactly what I needed. To fill her, be inside her, skin against skin.

  I try hard to steady myself, allow Lily to set our pace – give her the control this time. But her rough plunge down unleashed something primal inside of me. Without the barrier between us anymore, I feel exactly how hot and tight she is, the sensation overwhelms me. I’m desperate to come inside her, claim her as mine.

  I give in to the relentless urge in my core to dominate her, she can have control next time. Grabbing her firmly at the waist, I take over. Lifting her, raising her up all the way, till the tip of my cock is just barely inside her. Then I slam her back down hard. It only takes a few strong thrusts, I watch as her face changes. Her lips part, breathing hitches faster and her jaw goes slack. And I’m right there with her. Together we come hard and fast. The feeling of me spilling inside of her is unlike anything I’ve ever felt.

  We both catch our breath and a goofy, yet incredible smile forms on Lily’s face. It makes me forget anything and everything else in the world exists. With all the excesses I’ve grown up with around me, I realize, I’ve got all I want right here.

  ***

  Later in the afternoon, we lay spent on the couch after two more turns exploring. The latter two slower and more passionate, but no less mind-blowing. I flick on the TV and a commercial comes on advertising the MMA Open in three weeks. A picture of my new found brother flashes on the screen. It’s a tradition that the current champion hosts the tournament. My finger rolls over the channel button, quickly responding to my innate reaction to avoid anything to do with my father and his spawn.

  “I guess I’m going to meet your brother soon.” Lily says quietly.

  I don’t really want to talk about my brother at all, or any member of my family as a matter of fact, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings by shutting her out completely. Especially after I upset her this morning. “You have entries in the Open?”

  “Yes. We’re also sponsors.” She pauses. “Can I ask you something?”

  I nod.

  “Did your brother know about you?”

  “As far as I know, he was as surprised as I was.”

  “Have you ever met him?”

  “Once.”

  “How did that go?”

  “Not too good, considering I was hitting on his girlfriend.”

  “You hit on your brother’s girlfriend?” Lily’s voice raises and eyes flash wide.

  “I didn’t know she was my brother’s girlfriend. Hell, I didn’t even know he was my brother at the time.” I chuckle thinking back to our first meeting. I was at an MMA fight and ran into a reporter who had just done a story on my family. A very pretty, sweet reporter. I leave that part out and continue, “I had no idea at the time she was writing an investigative piece on my father and his illegitimate child. Her paper broke the story a week after we met.” Lily’s brow furrows…it’s a hard story to follow. Goes to show the old saying is true, what a tangled web we weave…

  “So how did you happen to come across your brother’s girlfriend if you didn’t even know he existed at the time? That’s a pretty big coincidence.”

  “His girlfriend is the reporter. She was writing an expose on my family and my father’s secrets.”

  “His girlfriend is the one that broke the story on your dad?”

  “No. She actually buried the story.”

  “I’m confused.”

  “I was too for a long time. After everything came out, I had a friend do some digging for me. Turns out, Olivia, his girlfriend, and Vince had history together. She uncovered that Vince was my father’s child, but lied to the newspaper she was working for about it. I think she lost her job over it. Vince found out and got her job back by giving her paper an exclusive on the story.”

  “He sounds like a stand up guy.” Lily’s not half wrong. I just never let myself give him any credit. I’d basically blamed him for being born. Being the spawn of Satan doesn’t automatically make you Satan. At least I hope not. I kiss her lips softly for reminding me I’ve let my judgment be clouded about a lot lately.

  She smiles. “What was that for?”

  “Just for being you.” Another soft kiss and then, “Tell me about your family.”

  Sadness colors her otherwise happy face. I regret asking as soon as I see the change.

  “I don’t have any family anymore. Joe’s the closest thing I’ve got to family.”

  “I’m sorry.” I want to ask questions, find out more about what makes her so sad. But the overwhelming urge to see her spirit rise greatly outweighs my selfish curiosity.

  Unshed tears fill her normally sparkling eyes and it feels like someone reached into my chest and squeezed my beating heart. Each pump causing more pain. Lily looks lost for a moment, her memory taking her somewhere else, a place that obviously causes her grief. She begins to speak, but I stop her. “You don’t have to. If talking about it is half as painful for you as it is to see the sadness it causes mar your beautiful face, then don’t.”

  She blinks back tears from her big almond shaped eyes. “My mom died when I was three years old. Car accident.” She pauses. A small, but real, smile forms on her lips. Her eyes filled with remiss, she reflects back. “After she died, I had bad dreams for a long time, so my Dad would lie with me every night until I fell asleep. When I woke up in the morning, he was always gone, but he left an old pocket watch in his place in my bed.

  He left it on purpose, knowing I’d feel better just having something of his near me. The sound of that old watch grew to soothe me in the months after I realized Mom wasn’t coming back home to say goodnight to me. Then when I was five, my dad would walk me to school every day. We’d hold hands and swing our joined arms as we walked. One day in kindergarten, some boys made fun of me, calling me a baby, because I still held my dad’s hand.

  So the next day when we walked to school, Dad went to take my hand and I shoved them into my pockets telling him I was cold. I hated not holding his hand, but I thought I fooled him. Then the next day, it happened again. Dad went to take my hand and I thought my slick move had worked the day before, so I shoved my hands into my pockets again. Only that day, I found Dad’s old pocket watch in my pocket.

  We smiled at each other but didn’t say a word. He slipped it into my pocket every day for the next few years, neither one of us ever talking about it. Somehow it made me feel better having a piece of him always next to me.”

  I rub her shoulders as she speaks and hold her tight when she’s done. “He sounds like an incredible man. I wish I would have met him.”

  “He was amazing. He was my ground when I felt like the world was spinning out of control. Strong, tough, yet loving and protective.” She’s silent for a few minutes, memories filling her head. “All those years of just the two of us, we were a team.” She pauses. “I gave him a hard time as a teen. But he hung on and waited for me to get through what I needed to go through. He had the patience of a saint.” She smiles, thinking back. “The guys used to tease him that he got his name for putting up with me.”

  I listen quietly, running my hand through her hair as she talks about her father. I love how she lights up when she thinks of her dad, but afterwards the sorrow that ensues is deeper than the glow of the memory.

  “Dad never remarried after Mom. He didn’t even really date much. He used to say, when you’ve had the love of your life, anything else just pales by comparison. He threw himself into his career and taking care of me. That’s why the gyms are so important. Why
Joe and I agreed only a silent investor would work. It means the world to me to keep his vision intact and not turn it into a franchise. Plus, it makes me feel like a piece of him is still with me everyday. He worked so hard to build it to what it is today. He wanted something substantial to leave behind someday. Wanted to make sure I was taken care of when he retired.” She pauses. “He didn’t realize that someday would be so soon. None of us did.”

  I pull her close to me, wrapping my arms around her tightly, wishing I could take away the pain I see buried deep. But for now, until she’s ready to give it to me to hold, I’ll just hold her tight.

  Chapter 19

  Lily

  I’m up early, nervous about going back to work today. Even though what happened the other night was only between Jax, Caden, Joe and I, I’m sure the gym will be buzzing. You’d never guess it, but fighters can gossip better than the ladies that lunch. Sure, they prefer to call it “shooting the shit” but they could have saved Paul Revere a long ride back in the day.

  Jax insists on coming with me. I know it’s like bringing gasoline to a party filled with sparks, but I have to admit, after the other night, I feel better knowing he’ll be near.

  After ten minutes of blotting on makeup, I step back from the mirror, afraid to see what my neck looks like. It’s no use. The early pink and pale purple bruising has turned a vibrant shade of black and blue. Nothing short of a turtle neck would cover it up. Too bad it’s going to be seventy degrees today.

  Jax is sitting on the edge of the bed talking on his cell as I emerge from the bathroom, he catches sight of me from the corner of his eye as I walk out the door. His eyes drop to my neck and I watch as his jaw flexes. “I’ll meet you there at ten,” he says into his phone, before pressing a button and standing.

  Dressed in a suit, sleek and confident, he looks every bit the tycoon I’ve emailed over the last few months and far from the fighter I’ve gotten to know intimately over the last few weeks.

  “Hot date?” I tease.

  “Yep. Meeting her at ten.” Jax tightens his tie, grabs his jacket, and walks toward me.

  Irritation written clear on my face, I squint, my hands on my hips, assessing him. He had better be kidding.

  A wry grin crosses his cleanly shaven face. Honestly, he looks so delicious I’m not sure if I prefer sweaty fighter man or sexy business tycoon. “Problem?” He leans down, kissing me chastely on the lips.

  “You’re dressing up for a date?” I ask, the word date said with disdain, annoyance obvious in my voice. I can’t help but feel a little territorial when it comes to him.

  “Yep. With a banker. 10AM.” He grins knowingly, quite enjoying that he’s ruffled my feathers.

  “Very nice. I’m sure you’d enjoy it if I told you I had a hot d….”

  “Don’t finish that sentence,” Jax growls, pulling me flush against his body in a not too gentle manner.

  Inwardly my ego preens, but outwardly I goad him even more. “So you don’t want to hear about my dates.”

  “I won’t hear about them, because you won’t be having anymore.” His voice is low and gruff. I look up into his eyes, expecting to find playful, but he’s dead serious. Oddly, his possessiveness totally turns me on, whereas Caden’s was a total turnoff.

  ***

  Jax holds open the front door to Ralley’s Gym, and I hold my breath as I walk through. Joe Ralley is at the front desk and my eyes immediately begin scanning the gym before I even acknowledge his existence.

  “He’s not here.”

  I turn to face Joe and he repeats himself. “Caden. He’s not here. Told him I had a business meeting and didn’t want any trouble. He’s at the 52nd street location, working the front desk. Brought the front desk person from there over here so you can help out with the banker if we need. They’re doing a financing audit. She’ll probably need reports. You know me and that stupid computer don’t get along.”

  I exhale noticeably loud, feeling relieved. “Thank you.” I walk around and stand on my tiptoes, kissing Joe on the cheek. I’m truly going to miss this man when he retires, for more reasons than just help in running the business.

  Joe nods and leans down to me. “You’re my girl. I’m sorry things with Caden went as far as they did. Should have seen that coming. The kid’s wound too tight.” He turns his attention to Jax. “Jackson, why don’t you and I go over a few terms of the financing my lawyer asked me to clarify.” Joe steps from behind the desk and motions in the direction of his office.

  Jax nods. “Give me one minute and I’ll join you.”

  Waiting until Joe is out of earshot, Jax takes my hand as I settle in at the front desk. “You okay?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll just be in the back office.”

  “I know.”

  He gives me a sweet kiss on the lips and takes a few steps away before turning back. “Gertrude,” he says over his shoulder with a smirk on his face.

  “Gertrude?”

  “My 10AM date.” He winks.

  At precisely ten, Gertrude Waters, managing auditor at City Bank, arrives to meet with Mr. Ralley and Mr. Knight. Happily, I walk the silver haired woman back to the meeting.

  ***

  The auditor stays for hours and pores over reports. It’s nerve-wracking, I really want everything to work out for Joe. Our business is great, membership is at an all time high, though she did seem a little concerned over our tightening cash flow. But Jax was able to alleviate her concern. She left with a pile of data, seemingly pleased with her initial review. Granted the constant smile may have more to do with Jax’s presence, and the way he leans over her shoulder to help her figure out things on the reports she’s reading, than the actual numbers on the page. He’s clueless the effect he has on her, but I saw her blush a few times as he joked with her. If she wasn’t almost sixty, I might even be a little jealous at their playful banter.

  By late afternoon, with the auditor gone and my bookkeeping work all caught up, I find myself finally relaxed enough to sketch. Taking out my pad, I glance over in the gym where Jax is sparring with Marco. Low hanging exercise shorts, a sweat soaked simple white t-shirt clinging to his chiseled chest, he looks so different than the businessman in the three thousand dollar suit, but every bit as delicious. I smile thinking how lucky I am to have Jackson, the Ivy League refined tycoon pull out my chair and open my door. And Jax, the gritty, dirty talking fighter that commands my body. God, I had no idea such a man existed, he shatters stereotypes. It’s as if someone told me to fantasize about sexy men, and then they rolled them all into one perfect prototype. I sigh watching him. I never even knew I was capable of swooning, but that’s what the man does to me.

  Sensing my staring, I’m caught ogling him when he turns. He arches an eyebrow suggestively and I wave him off as if he’s wrong for thinking I was checking him out. But we both know the truth.

  My last project of the semester nearly done, I begin packing up my supplies as Joe comes to the front desk seeing Jax approach.

  “Caden’s set up a time and ref, late next week,” Joe says pensively.

  “Excellent. Can’t wait,” Jax responds.

  Joe shakes his head and looks at me, attempting to provide an explanation, “Boys will be boys. Lucky for us, it doesn’t change.” He slaps a hand on Jax’s back. “Otherwise, we wouldn’t be brokering a deal that will take me long into retirement, would we?”

  “No, we certainly wouldn’t want anyone to stop fighting before the paperwork was signed.” Jax extends his hand to Joe and the two share a smile.

  “Lily. Caden’s my nephew and I love him. But Jax is a good man, and I know you never showed Caden any disrespect. And I’ll make sure he does the same for you. Now you two get on out of here, I’ll see you in the morning. I’ll make sure he isn’t back here until the fight.”

  ***

  Jax insisted we stay at his hotel suite tonight so we could go out to dinner. After almost two weeks hiding out to avoid the media, it feels odd to get r
eady to go out in public on a date just the two of us. The paparazzi hasn’t completely disappeared yet, they still follow us and yell rude questions, but it seems to bother Jax less.

  I stand silently at the doorway to the bedroom, leaning my head lazily against the wall, watching Jax’s reflection in the mirror in the walk-in closet as he gets ready. He slips on a pair of grey slacks that hang perfectly from his slim waist. Covering up his finely chiseled chest with a crisp white shirt, a small smile forms at the corner of his mouth as he fastens the buttons at his wrists. I wonder what he’s thinking that puts the smile on his face. Too curious to keep quiet, I walk to the closet and take over buttoning the front of his dress shirt.

  “What were you just thinking about?” I look up at him through my long thick mascara coated lashes as I button.

  “I’m not sure you want to know.”

  I stop buttoning. “Well that might be true. But now I have to know.”

  Jax motions to the chest high dresser island in the middle of the closet. “I was thinking I want to bend you over that, and watch your face in that mirror while I take you from behind.” He lifts his chin, gesturing to the mirror.

  His eyes stay fastened on me. I work to keep my face unreadable, but I resume buttoning. Taking my time, I don’t respond until I reach the top button. “Maybe I should keep these on, looks like they keep us lined up much better.” I pull back a bit and look down, enough so he can catch a glimpse of the five inch heels he hadn’t noticed I’d walked in wearing. They’re silver with thin straps that wrap up my ankles.

  A dirty grin washes over his face. “Those are definitely staying on.”

  I kiss him chastely on the lips and turn around leaving him watching the sway of my ass as I walk away.