Hard to Forget

  Jax says nothing.

  I look over to him, and he’s just sitting, staring at the wall. God dammit, he’s in shock. I lower the gun and turn, rushing towards him. I squat down in front of him and take hold of his hands. His big body is panting. “Hey,” I say. “Jax, look at me.”

  He doesn’t move his eyes.

  “Come on, handsome, right here.”

  He finally lifts his eyes and blinks a few times. “Fuck.” He breathes, his voice shaky.

  “You’re all right, okay? You’re safe and I’m going to get us out of here safely.”

  He nods, but his jaw is clenching and unclenching and his breathing is ragged and short.

  “Listen to me,” I say, reaching up and cupping his stubble-covered cheeks in my hands. “I’m going to protect you.”

  His grey eyes meet mine and he rasps, “You already fucking did.”

  I nod.

  “They would have shot me if you weren’t…”

  “Hey, don’t think about that. I’m going to call Nak, and we’re going to get you home safe, yeah?”

  He nods, and looks away.

  I pull out my phone and dial Nak.

  “Laney, what’s up?”

  “Drive-by shooting just occurred downtown. They were aiming for Jax.”

  “Fuck, is he okay? You?”

  “I got him out of the way before they could cause any damage.”

  “Any casualties?”

  “Not that I saw, I think the bullets were off because they were speeding past.”

  “Good girl, you did a good job. Where are you now?”

  “Safe room, doors locked. Can I get some backup to get him out of here?”

  “Absolutely, I’m sending Duke down.”

  “Thanks, Nak.”

  “No problem, and Laney?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Excellent work.”

  If I wasn’t so freaked, I’d probably smile, but I am freaked. My heart is pounding and I’m trying to keep it together for Jax. I need to keep it together for him. I tuck my phone back in my pocket and face the door, trying to steady my breathing. I’m fairly sure I’m in slight shock, too. My body feels like a thousand tiny ants are crawling all over it.

  “Kitten,” Jax rasps. “Come here.”

  I shake my head. “I’m fine, Jax. I…”

  “Now, Delaney.”

  His voice is hard, firm and offers no room to move. I turn and stare at him, and my hands start to tremble.

  “Here, now.”

  My feet move without me thinking and when I reach him, he pulls me down onto his lap. I don’t protest because my head isn’t in the right spot, it’s all over the place, and my senses are shot. I’m trembling, shaking and my heart is pounding so hard it almost feels painful. I take a few breaths, but they are broken.

  “Look at me.”

  I turn my body and look into his eyes, our faces are only an inch or so apart. His breathing is still ragged and the puffs of air are warm against my cheek.

  “You saved my life.”

  I swallow.

  “I was wrong, Delaney.”

  I nod weakly.

  “You’re fucking incredible.”

  Oh God.

  I look down, trying to control myself. I’m supposed to be cool, calm and collected, not this trembling mess.

  “I should wait by the door and—”

  “You’re going to stay right here, because fuck knows I need to feel you as much as you need to feel me.”

  I look up. “Are you … okay?”

  He shakes his head. “Fuck no, but having you right here is making it easier.”

  I stare at his mouth and my heart rate gets even more uneven and determined. “If something had happened,” I begin.

  He cuts me off. “It didn’t, because you proved everyone wrong and saved my life.”

  I nod again, swallowing.

  The air becomes thick between us and I shift on his lap, not sure what the hell is happening between us. Jax’s grey eyes hold mine and I can’t help but lick my lips. His eyes flash down to that movement and as if in a romantic movie, he starts moving closer to me. Oh God, he’s going to kiss me, and I want him to. I want him to so badly.

  His lips come closer until I can feel a whisper-soft touch against mine. My eyes flutter closed. I want him to kiss me, I want to know how it feels. God, he smells so good. His lips lightly brush across mine but before our lips even get the chance to connect fully, there’s a loud knock at the door. I jerk back, reality crashing back in.

  I was just about to kiss Jax.

  “Shit,” I say, leaping off his lap, looking at anything but him.

  “Delaney,” he starts, but I ignore him and rush towards the door.

  “Who’s there?”

  “It’s Duke and I,” Nak calls.

  Nak came too. Crap.

  I open the door and see them standing there.

  “All clear?” I ask.

  Nak nods. “I’ve got a car parked behind the restaurant, and we’ve got security watching. Go back to the apartment, Kyle is there right now making sure everything is clear.”

  “Okay,” I say, turning to Jax but not meeting his eyes. “Ready to go?”

  Jax stands and walks behind me, his body so close I want to gasp, but instead I keep my head high and try to stop my trembling hands. Nak notices because his eyes narrow and he leans close. “You okay, Laney?”

  I nod. “It was just…”

  “Your first takedown. Go with Jax, take a breath. If you need to swap shifts with Kyle to come down from this, you can. It can be somewhat of a shock, and it might not kick in until later.”

  “I’m okay, I’ll stay with him.”

  Nak nods. “You just call me if you change your mind.”

  “I will.”

  Everyone surrounds Jax as we exit the hotel. We arrive at the car and when Jax is safely in, I turn to Nak. “Does he need to make a statement?”

  Nak nods. “He will, but they’ll wait until tomorrow. I’ve given them information for now and told them he needs to process.”

  “Thanks, Nak.”

  He reaches out, squeezing my shoulder. “You did incredible out there today, Delaney. Jax’s business partners told me what you did—you saved his life.”

  I try to smile but it wobbles. I take a shaky breath. Get it together.

  “You sure you don’t want to go home?”

  I shake my head. “It’s part of the job, Nak. I can’t run every time something like this happens.”

  “It’ll get easier. You’re going to have a rough night tonight but next time it happens it’ll affect you less, and so on.”

  “I hope it doesn’t happen again to him,” I say softly.

  Nak smiles. “No, neither do I. Now go.”

  I give him my best parting smile, and then I slide into the car. Jax and I don’t speak as we head back to the apartment, and when we arrive I radio up to Kyle. He says the apartment is all clear and to bring Jax up, so I do just that, taking extra time to make sure he’s safe. When we get to the apartment, and he’s inside, I exhale with relief.

  Kyle pulls me aside. “What happened out there?”

  “Drive-by shooting.”

  His brows go up. “And you protected him?”

  “Is he fucking here?” I snap.

  Kyle steps back. “I’m not trying to be an asshole, Delaney.”

  “Oh bullshit you’re not. Thanks for checking out the apartment, but you can leave now.”

  I turn before he can answer, and a moment later I hear the front door shut. I go over and make sure the alarm system is activated, then I glance around the room. I can’t see Jax, so he must be upstairs. I walk into the library and sit on the sofa, kicking off my boots. My body is wound up tight, and I feel panicked. I need to come down from what happened, but I don’t know how to do that.

  I wonder if Jax would care if I used his bath?

  I stand and walk out into the main living area, looking up. Jax
is standing near the balcony in his room, talking on the phone. I don’t think he’ll mind. I turn back to my room, gather some clothes and head into the bathroom. I lock the door and run a steaming hot bath, pouring some nice-smelling soap in.

  Then I get undressed and climb in, sinking into the hot water. I sigh as it washes over my achy muscles, and I wonder how Jax is coping right now. He’s acting as though he’s okay, but he couldn’t possibly be okay. He nearly got killed today, and that would shake anyone up. I close my eyes and sink further into the water.

  I saved a life today.

  I thought it would feel good, but all it’s done is make me even more worried for the man out there. If they tried it once, they’ll try it again. Jax is in danger, I knew that, but this is the first time that has truly sunk in. His life is in my hands. If something goes wrong, and he’s hurt, it’ll be on me. I never looked at it like that, and the very thought terrifies me.

  Do they all feel like this? Does it go away?

  I try to focus on something else as I enjoy my bath, but the tension in my body isn’t easing any. I give up and get out, dressing in a pair of loose sweats and a tank. I leave my hair down and run my brush through it, then I empty the bath and head back out into the living area. Jax is in the kitchen. He’s gotten changed and is now wearing a pair of faded blue jeans and a black tee.

  He looks gorgeous casual.

  He lifts his eyes and looks at me when I walk out, and I don’t miss the flicker of lust go through them. So it wasn’t just me that felt the intensity of our near kiss earlier?

  “Are you okay?” he asks, his voice husky.

  “Are you?”

  He holds up a beer. “I will be.”

  “Hang on, I’ll join you.”

  He nods and I throw my dirty clothes into my room for washing, and then I head out and join Jax. He hands me a beer, and we both take a seat in the lounge, staring at anything but each other.

  “Doesn’t feel real,” he finally says.

  I look to him. “What doesn’t?”

  “The fact that I nearly died today.”

  My heart breaks for him. “I wasn’t going to let that happen, Jax.”

  His eyes grow intense. “You were fucking incredible out there, Delaney.”

  I smile weakly.

  “I was wrong about you, and I’m the first to admit when I fuck up. You saved my life and I’ll be forever in your debt for that.”

  “I did my job, Jax.”

  “Maybe,” he says. “But you still protected me with a force I didn’t think you had in you.”

  I look down at my hands.

  “I hate living like this,” he says.

  I look up. “Like what?”

  He leans back, holding his beer in his lap. “Worrying about every move I make. These men, they’re gutless. If they came to my door without hiding behind their guns and threats, I would beat every one of them to a fucking pulp. Instead, they’re hiding behind a surprise attack. Even the best of us can’t protect ourselves from that shit.”

  “Does it make you feel weak to have me protecting you?”

  He grunts. “Of course it fucking does, you’re not meant to be protecting me. I’m meant to be protecting myself.”

  “You can’t be everything you are, and protect yourself at the same time, Jax. It doesn’t make you weak.”

  He shakes his head with a bitter laugh. “My life was fucking great, everything was how it should be, and then before I know it, I see something fucking awful and now I’m trapped. I’m suffocating, unable to breathe freely.”

  Poor man, this is obviously affecting him.

  “It won’t be forever, Jax. You have to tell yourself that.”

  He looks to me. “It’s already been too long. I’m going fucking crazy, kitten.”

  I wish there was something I could say to make it better for him, but there isn’t. I can’t make it go away. I wish I could, but I can’t.

  “I was just out, minding my own fucking business,” he says and I realize he’s going to tell me what happened. “I was meeting a friend, but I ended up at the wrong club. The one I was meant to be at was only down the road, so I walked. I turned down an alley to get away from the rush of people, so I could get to the club quicker. It was long and fucking dark, and the further I walked in, the more I realized that it was the wrong turn.”

  My heart flutters with fear for him.

  “I was about to turn around when I heard a scream. It was a woman. I couldn’t just turn back, I needed to check out what was happening, make sure she was okay, so I picked up to a run and went to check it out. I came into a dark clearing, and under a dull streetlight, I saw eight men. They had a woman on the ground, and they were…”

  I swallow and look away, because I know what he’s going to say.

  “They were…”

  “I get it,” I say softly.

  His eyes flick to mine and there’s pain in their depths.

  “It wasn’t just that, they had guns and knives. She was so battered, so bloodied, it was horrific. I stood there, frozen to the ground, wanting to kill every single one of them. I’m not stupid though. They had guns and knives. If I went in there, I’d be dead in a matter of seconds. So, I did something fucking stupid.”

  I wait, holding my breath.

  “I got my phone out and I recorded them. I figured if I took it to the police, I’d have a better chance of getting the girl the help she needed. I caught all their faces, and then I turned to call the police when one of them saw me. I don’t recall a great deal after that, all I know is I ran, two of them caught up to me and a huge fight broke out. I was beating them, they were beating me and then I was knocked out.”

  Oh God.

  “I woke in the hospital. The police told me someone had been walking by and heard the commotion, and called them. They got to me in the nick of time, quite literally—I had six stab wounds, a broken nose, a black eye and a seriously fucked-up body.” He turns and lifts his leg, rolling up his pants and showing me some angry purple scars. Then he drops his pants slightly and shows me more on his hips. God, poor thing.

  “Anyway, I showed them the video and they recognized a few of the faces. These men are what I suppose you could call members of a gang that’s directly linked to a massive drug cartel. It’s a messy situation. It was enough for the police to make an arrest, but only on the ones they could locate. It opened up a world of trouble for the gang and before I knew it, I was receiving threats against my life. People like that don’t take kindly to people like me, who expose everything.”

  “Jax,” I say softly.

  He shrugs. “It was a fucked-up situation, and the worst of it is, it was just me in the wrong place at the wrong time. I should have walked away, but me taking that video was the only way I could help that girl. It killed me that I couldn’t have gotten in there and fucking beat every one of those assholes to a pulp, but I’m not a stupid man.”

  “They would have killed you,” I say.

  “Yeah, they would have. They killed her.”

  I flinch. “Oh, Jax.”

  “So I chose my life over hers.”

  Oh, no.

  “No, you chose not to try and be a hero when you knew where it would have ended. You took care of yourself, but there’s nothing wrong with that. You didn’t know her.”

  “They were fucking hurting her,” he rasps.

  “And you did the best you could with what you had. God, Jax, you can’t be expected to get killed protecting a woman you don’t know. It’s a cruel, heartless world and things like that happen every day. It’s horrible, and unfair, but it’s fact. It wouldn’t have made any difference if you stepped in except that you’d be dead too. You did the right thing.”

  He says nothing, because he doesn’t believe he did the right thing. That makes my heart ache for him.

  “It was a bad situation,” I say gently. “It wasn’t your fault.”

  “And in the end I wasted my fucking time, didn’t I?” h
e snaps. “Because they’re going to get me any fucking way. Those men won’t sit back and just let me live peacefully after revealing so much to the cops. They’re going to want revenge, and they know who I am and where to find me.”

  “How did they find out who you were?”

  “One of them got hold of my wallet.” He barks a laugh. “Can you fucking believe that?”

  “Jax…”

  “Livin’ every fucking day looking over my shoulder, wondering when they’re going to make their move. Today they started, and now it won’t fucking end.”

  “I won’t let them get close to you,” I say and his eyes flash to my face.

  “You’re amazing at what you do, Delaney. But you’re still just one person. You’re like me against them. If they want to get to me, they will.”

  He stands and walks up the stairs to his room, and I want to scream with frustration. I want to help him. I want him to believe this will all be okay, but I also understand why he thinks it won’t be. If it was me in his situation, I’d be terrified too. I sigh and stand, throwing my beer bottle out. I can’t have any more than one.

  Especially not after tonight.

  I go into the library and try to get some rest, but it’s pointless. I lay in the bed until the sun sets and night falls, but I’m not having any such luck. I get up and peek out into the living area to see Jax sitting on a stool by the kitchen counter, shirtless, beer in hand, head lowered.

  I should leave him be, but I can’t. Instead I step out and walk towards him, wanting to help, knowing how terrified he must be. He will never show it, because he’s far too rugged for that, but it has to be there, deep down. He’s human, and any normal person would be shaken up after what he’s been through.

  “Hey there, handsome,” I say, sitting beside him.

  “Sorry about before,” he mutters. “Not trying to be a dick.”

  I laugh softly. “You’re not being a dick.”

  He glances at me, his grey eyes tired and worn. “You’re a good woman, Delaney. Too good for a job like this. Too good to be risking your life for me.”

  I shrug. “That’s your opinion, but it isn’t mine.”

  “Did it feel good to do what you did today?” he asks.

  “No, Jax, it didn’t,” I tell him truthfully.