Maxie, Rosie, and Earl-Partners in Grime

  Out in the parking lot, Hannah Marshall had just been caught chewing gum.

  “Dispose of it immediately,” her teacher ordered.

  Embarrassed, Hannah walked to the side of the big can and spit her gum into her hand. Then, wanting to make sure she didn’t miss, she flung it over the top with all her might.

  Earl felt something hit his arm. A bug, maybe? A little raindrop? As he looked closer, his mouth fell open in digust. The gum was stuck to the hair on his arm. When he tried to flick it off, it stuck to his fingernail. Hoping not to gag, he finally scraped it on the side of his shoe.

  Maxie’s eyes kept darting around the top of the Dumpster. Please, just don’t let a teacher’s head appear. Please, please, please. Finally, he squeezed his eyes shut. Maybe—if you really, really didn’t want to see something—it was better not to look.

  Earl felt dizzier than ever. What if he had a heart attack in here? What a terrible place to croak. Instead of going to heaven, he’d be carted off to the dump, where he’d have to lie around with a bunch of old refrigerators.

  Finally, the bell stopped its loud clanging. Maxie, Rosie, and Earl listened as everyone began to trample back into the building.

  They looked at each other hopefully. Was it possible? Could they really be out of danger?

  The parking lot was quiet for a very long time before anyone in the Dumpster had the nerve to move.

  Maxie was the first one to his feet.

  He stood on his tiptoes and peeked over the top. There was no one in sight at all.

  He turned to the others and raised his fist in victory.

  Seconds later, Maxie Zuckerman, Rosie Swanson, and Earl Wilber climbed out of the Dumpster.

  They ran like the wind.

  6 ZUCKERMAN

  NUMBER TEN

  Earl Wilber drank Pepto-Bismol for breakfast. He put a bowl and a spoon in the sink to fool his mother into thinking he had eaten. But the thought of food made him sick.

  It was 9:30 on Saturday morning. Earl had been trying to find Maxie Zuckerman’s number in the phone book for thirty minutes. So far, he had dialed nine different numbers and gotten nine wrong Zuckermans. Only four of them had been polite enough to say good-bye.

  Earl looked at the next number on the page. This one had to be the one. It just had to. He picked up the receiver.

  “Earl? What are you doing in there?” Mrs. Wilber shouted from her bathroom. “Are you on the phone? Who are you calling?”

  Earl rolled his eyes. His mother had the biggest ears in the universe. They didn’t look that big. But even when she was in the shower with the door closed, she could hear what he was doing.

  It was spooky having a mother like that. One time she heard him sneaking a bowl of chocolate pudding all the way from Mrs. Martin’s house next door. She’d called him on the phone and said, “Put it back.”

  Quickly, Earl put the receiver back down. “No one! I’m not calling anyone!” he yelled back. Geez! The next thing he knew, she’d be peeking around corners with a periscope.

  He waited for her to turn on the shower. Then he slid the kitchen door closed and tried one more time. Zuckerman number ten.

  “Please be the one. Please. Please,” he begged.

  It rang three times before someone answered.

  “Hello?”

  Earl lowered his voice to a hush. “Hello, is Maxie there?” he said.

  At first, there was no reply.

  “Why? Who is this?” said the voice finally.

  Earl’s heart beat faster. “I need to speak to Maxie Zuckerman. Is this him? Is it you, Maxie?” he asked.

  “Yeah, okay, fine. It’s me. Now who is this? Mr. Whispers?”

  Relieved, Earl cupped his hand around his mouth.

  “No. It’s me. It’s Earl Wilber. You know. The kid from the Dumpster yesterday.”

  On the other end of the phone, Maxie frowned. “Earl? What’s wrong with your voice? Why are you talking so soft?”

  Earl listened for his mother again. “Wait a second. Hold on,” he said.

  Then, just to be sure she wasn’t lurking somewhere, he went into the living room and checked behind the couch and chairs. When he was sure it was safe, he went back into the kitchen.

  “Maxie? You still there?” he asked.

  “Yeah, but why are you acting so weird? What’s going on?”

  Earl swallowed hard. The news he was about to give Maxie was not good. He’d been trying to put it out of his mind. But now he finally had to say the words out loud. A shiver went through his body.

  “Someone saw us.”

  Maxie’s blood went cold. For a second, he couldn’t breathe.

  “No,” he gasped. “No way.”

  “Yes way,” Earl said back. “I saw him, Maxie. I saw him see us.”

  This time, there was no response at all.

  “Are you still there?” asked Earl. “Don’t you want to know who it was?”

  Earl waited a few more seconds, then blurted it out.

  “Mr. Jim, Maxie! It was Mr. Jim!”

  Maxie groaned. He’d been trying to brace himself. But the news was worse than he thought.

  He closed his eyes. “Are you sure, Earl? Are you positive it was Mr. Jim? The custodian who hates kids? The one with the bleeding dragon tattoo on his arm?”

  Earl nodded. “Yup. That’s the guy. He was coming around the corner with his bucket with the wheels on it, and he saw me fall out of the Dumpster. You and Rosie were already running for the gate. But he saw all of us. I know he did. I wanted to holler at you guys, but I couldn’t exactly scream out your names. So I just took off running, and I didn’t stop till I got home.”

  By this time, all the color had drained out of Maxie’s face.

  “But you’re totally positive it was Mr. Jim, right? Was he wearing black high-tops? And did his bucket have a skull and crossbones painted on the side?”

  Earl shivered again. “It was him, Max. I swear. What are we going to do?”

  Maxie put the phone down on the kitchen table and laid his head next to his cereal bowl. He knew Earl was still there, but he needed to think.

  Outside, Maxie’s father was mowing the lawn. Maxie could see him between the slats of the mini-blinds. Just looking at his father made him uneasy. Mr. Zuckerman was not a reasonable man about things like this. They would never look back on this and laugh, for example.

  On the other end of the line, Earl Wilber was going crazy.

  “Psst! Maxie! Maxie! Are you still there? Come on! Answer me! Oh geez, you didn’t hang up, did you?”

  Maxie could hear Earl blabbering. The kid was driving him crazy. He picked up the phone. “For crying out loud, Earl! Give me a second here, would you? Would you just give me a second? I’ve gotta think!”

  “Yeah, well, while you’re thinking, maybe I should call that girl Rosie,” said Earl. “Maybe she can help us figure out what to do. We need to get our stories straight. That’s important, don’t you think? That we all tell the same story?”

  Maxie was still staring out the window at his dad. For some reason, his father looked bigger than he used to. Could he have grown? Had he been working out?

  “Geez, Maxie. Say something. Don’t just keep me hanging on like this,” Earl said. “The three of us should meet somewhere and come up with a story. It’s important.”

  He paused for a second to listen for his mother. “We can’t meet here, though. That’s for sure. My mother has these gigantic ears you wouldn’t believe. I mean, they look normal, but—”

  Maxie didn’t hear the rest. Mr. Zuckerman had just come in the kitchen door.

  “Dad! Hi! Hi, Dad!” Maxie blurted, way too loudly.

  Calm down! he ordered himself. Act normal!

  Maxie took a deep breath. “Been mowin’ the lawn, Dad?” He glanced out the door. “Yeah, you’ve been mowin’, all right. Hot out there today? You need a drink of water?”

  Mr. Zuckerman looked at his son oddly. “Are you feeling okay?” he asked. br />
  “Me? Oh yeah. Sure. I’m fine, Dad. Fine, fine, fine.” He held the receiver out to show his father. “I’m just sitting here talking to my friend Earl.”

  “Ted!” yelled Earl. “Call me Ted!”

  Maxie was more flustered than ever. “I mean Ted … Earl Ted … my good friend Earl Ted.”

  He put the phone back to his ear. “So … how are you doing today, Earl Ted?”

  Mr. Zuckerman got a drink and went back outside.

  Maxie felt sicker than ever. Why had he acted so insane? His father didn’t believe a word he was saying. He had to pull himself together.

  “I need to call you back,” he told Earl. “I think I just had a mental breakdown or something.”

  “No!” Earl hollered. “You can’t hang up yet! We’ve got to set up a meeting. We have to, Maxie! I’ll bring Rosie. Just tell me where to meet.”

  Maxie’s head had started to pound. “Okay, okay. We’ll meet behind my garage at noon. It’s the yellow house across from the junior high. I’ll see you then.”

  After that, the line went dead.

  Earl put his mouth closer. “Hello? Hello? Maxie?” He called into the receiver. But there wasn’t a sound.

  When Earl finally hung up, he sat back in his chair and took some deep breaths. At least now he wasn’t alone with the terrible news. At least now there was someone who felt just as sick as he did.

  He sat there a few minutes longer. Then he walked to the sink and took another swig of Pepto-Bismol.

  7 EXCUSES,

  EXCUSES

  Rosie Swanson left her house at 11:45 A.M. and headed for the yellow house across from the junior high. It had been two hours since she’d gotten the phone call from Earl.

  Rosie wasn’t used to spending the afternoon with kids her own age. When she was little, she used to play with other kids all the time. But sooner or later, she almost always had to tattle on them for their own good. And now she hardly got invited anywhere.

  This time, though, she wasn’t going anywhere to play. This time it was serious. Very serious. She still didn’t know why she’d let herself chase those two boys into the parking lot yesterday. Her grandfather had warned her over and over that people who broke the rules got caught.

  One time when she visited him at the police station, he even showed her an actual criminal being fingerprinted. His name was Lloyd Boyd, and he’d stolen an old lady’s purse. Lloyd Boyd said he’d only been looking for a hankie. But even though his nose was running, no one believed him.

  Rosie was almost to Maxie’s now. His house was just across the street from where she stood. She stopped at the school crosswalk and looked both ways to see if any cars were coming.

  That’s when she spotted the jaywalker. It was a boy, she thought. And he was wearing a hooded Eskimo parka and a ski mask.

  Rosie adjusted her glasses. She couldn’t be sure, but for some strange reason she thought it might be.

  “Earl?” she hollered. “Hey, Earl Wilber! Is that you?”

  The kid in the parka tensed up for a second. Then he pulled the hood of the big jacket down even farther over his forehead and ran across the street.

  Rosie ran after him. “Hey! Stop! Wait for me, Earl! Wait up!”

  The kid didn’t stop running until he was behind Maxie’s garage. Then, huffing and puffing, he pulled off the wool ski mask and threw it on the ground.

  Earl’s face was red from running. His eyes looked tired and bloodshot. “Great! Perfect! Scream my name to the whole world, why don’t you?” he snapped.

  Just then, Maxie yanked open the back door of the garage and pulled them both inside. “Shh! Be quiet!” he growled. “Do you want my father to hear you?”

  But as soon as the door was closed again, Earl kept right on yelling at Rosie. “Why would you shout out my name like that? Huh? You totally blew my cover!”

  Normally, Earl was not an aggressive person, but his disguise had been very important to him. After all, sneaking the old moth-eaten fur parka out of the house without being seen had not been easy. It had to be moved in stages. First, from the attic to the laundry room. Then, from the laundry room to behind the sofa. And then finally, out the back door and behind the bushes.

  It had been worth it, though. Not one person who saw him walking to Maxie’s that morning could have identified him. At least, not until Rosie the big-mouth had started blaring his name all over the universe.

  Rosie wasn’t bothered by Earl’s anger at all. She crossed her arms and stared at him. “I don’t get this. What’s the big deal about saying your name? In fact, why were you wearing a disguise in the first place?”

  Earl hesitated. Sweat drops from his forehead were making wet spots on the garage floor.

  “Um, well, it’s not a disguise, exactly,” he said finally. “It’s more like … a costume, sort of. I just felt like dressing like an Eskimo today. What’s wrong with that?”

  “Maybe nothing,” said Maxie. “But if that’s all you were doing, why didn’t you want Rosie to say your name?”

  Nervously, Earl began rocking back and forth on his feet. Maybe it would be better just to tell them the truth and get it over with.

  “Let’s just say it sort of went through my mind that I shouldn’t be seen with you guys, that’s all,” he said.

  Rosie frowned. “Why? How come?”

  Earl stretched out the neck of his shirt so he could breathe easier. “Because you two have gone to this school since kindergarten, right? So I bet you anything Mr. Jim knows exactly who you are. But as for me … well, you know …”

  He forced a sick smile. “I’m a new kid.”

  “Yeah, but you said that Mr. Jim saw your face,” said Maxie.

  “He did,” said Earl. “But only for a second. And I’m positive he doesn’t know my name.”

  Just then, a light went on in Maxie’s brain. “Oh, I get it now,” he growled. “Just in case all three of us get caught, you’re here to get your story straight. But if it turns out that Mr. Jim can only identify Rosie and me, you’re going to let us take all the blame.”

  Earl reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of Rolaids. “Is it warm in here to you?” he asked.

  Rosie and Maxie were disgusted. What kind of a kid was Earl Wilber, anyway? What sort of person would just look out for himself and not care what happened to anyone else?

  They were both about to let him have it when Earl spoke up.

  “Of course there’s another side to this, you know,” he said. “Maybe I’ll be the only one caught. Who knows? Maybe Mr. Jim didn’t actually see your faces, so he won’t be able to identify you at all. But he saw mine for sure. I’m positive of that much.”

  He narrowed his eyes at Maxie. “So what will you do if that happens, huh? If I’m the only one who gets caught, are you and Rosie going to come running into the office and tell Mr. Shivers that you were in the Dumpster with me?”

  Maxie and Rosie looked at each other. They never actually answered the question, though. Everyone already knew the answer.

  Finally, Maxie sighed and pointed to an old car parked in the garage. “Let’s sit in there,” he said. “It’s more private.”

  The car was a ’55 Chevy. Its paint job was chipped in spots, and it was resting on four flat tires. Maxie opened the back door and motioned for Rosie and Earl to get inside. After they were settled, he looked out the garage window to make sure his father wasn’t nearby. Then he got on his knees on the front seat and faced them.

  “Okay, you guys. I know we’re all worried about Mr. Jim seeing us. But he’s not the only person who knows we left school. There’s also that little foozle who saw us in the hall. That little fub with the name tag. Emily something or other.”

  “Sweete,” Earl said quickly. “Emily Sweete. Daughter of Vincent Sweete. She lives on North Lily Lane. Phone number: 555-2215.”

  Maxie’s eyes opened wide. “How did you know that? Did you call her, Earl? Oh my gosh. What did you say?”

  Earl
squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. While he’d been making phone calls that morning, he thought he could take care of the Emily problem, too. But it hadn’t worked out exactly the way he’d planned.

  “Um, well … I thought that maybe if I scared her a little, she wouldn’t squeal on us. So I told her that I was the bogeyman. And I said that if she told anyone about the two boys in the hall on Friday, I’d be paying her a little visit.”

  Maxie looked excited. “Yes! Way to go, Earl, baby!” he said. “And so what did Emily say? Did she promise to keep her mouth shut?”

  Earl turned his head and stared out the car window. It was obvious that he didn’t want to answer.

  “Earrrrrl! Come on. Tell us. Was she scared of you? What did she say?”

  Earl folded his hands in his lap and stared down at them. He cleared his throat.

  “She said if I came to her house, I could watch her skip.”

  Rosie groaned. “Oh no. I told you this would happen. I should never have come outside to get you. Now I’m in just as much trouble as you are, and I didn’t even do anything.”

  Maxie glared at her. “Listen, you. It doesn’t help to keep throwing that in our faces, okay? You could have gone back to the school any time you wanted to, but you didn’t. You hid in the Dumpster and cut class just like us. So I don’t care if you never did one wrong thing in your whole entire life … you’ve done one now.”

  Rosie didn’t like to be scolded. She hid behind her hands and stuck out her tongue.

  Maxie went on. “Unless we can come up with a good excuse for why we hid in the Dumpster and ran away, we’re all going to get suspended. Now come on, you guys. Let’s put on our thinking caps and figure a way out of this mess.”

  Earl put on his ski mask and began to think.

  Except for the sound of breathing, the car was totally quiet.

  “Think, people. Think, think, think,” Maxie urged.

  A few minutes later, Earl clapped his hands together. “I’ve got it! I’ve got an excuse for why we left school! My mother used it one time when she got caught for speeding, and the cop didn’t even give her a ticket!”

  Rosie nodded hopefully. “Yeah? So? What did she tell him?”