Thoughtful

  After immortalizing a few surprisingly peppy lines, I pulled on a shirt and some shorts, fixed my messy hair as best I could, and headed downstairs to make some coffee.

  While it brewed, I went to the living room to find the newspaper. Thinking Denny might like to know what was going on locally, since he’d been gone for so long, I’d started picking them up. I heard Denny and Kiera walking down the stairs. Folding up the paper, I started heading toward the kitchen to meet them. Maybe they’d like to have coffee with me?

  The article on the front page caught my attention, and I was busy reading about the future of Green Lake when I heard Denny’s voice. “Hey, man.”

  I looked up, my grin uncontainable. It had been a long time since I’d heard that voice in person, and I’d missed it. And him. I was so happy he was back. “Hey, glad you guys made it!” I clasped Denny’s shoulder in a quick hug. A few steps behind him, Kiera was watching us with a small smile on her face, like she found us cute. Her tiny grin was captivating.

  Denny looked back at her once we broke apart. “You already met Kiera, I hear.”

  Her smile instantly left her at the memory of our scantily clad encounter. A small pout formed on those perfect lips, and I knew I was not going to be able to resist teasing this woman.

  “Yes,” I murmured, imagining all the ways I could potentially make her blush. No, I wouldn’t. “But nice to see you again,” I said, as politely as possible. Resisting a laugh, I moved to the cupboard to get some mugs. “Coffee?”

  Denny was making a face when I glanced at him. “Not for me, no. I don’t see how you guys can drink that stuff. Kiera loves it though.”

  I looked over at Kiera as I set two cups on the counter. She was giving Denny the full, loving smile that I’d been hoping to see. Just as I’d predicted, she had an incredible smile. Just…beautiful. I could only imagine how it made Denny feel to have that smile directed at him. He must constantly feel like a million bucks.

  “Hungry?” he asked her, his voice soft with caring. “I think there’s still some food in the car.”

  “Starving,” she replied, biting her lip. She gave him a light kiss, then playfully rapped her fingers against his stomach. It was a quiet yet sensual display of affection. I couldn’t help but grin while I watched them.

  Denny gave her a peck, said, “Okay, be right back,” then left the kitchen.

  Kiera stared after Denny like she could somehow watch him through the walls. Did she miss him already? He was still inside the house, grabbing his keys. She was definitely attached to him. Shaking my head in delighted amusement, I walked over to the fridge and grabbed some creamer. I didn’t know how Kiera liked her coffee, but she seemed like the sweet-and-creamy type to me.

  I prepared our cups, mine black, hers toffee-colored, while Kiera finally blinked out of her trance and sat down at the table. I stirred her cup, put the spoon in the sink, then walked over to join her. Might as well learn something about my new roommate, aside from the fact that she had absorbing eyes that took in everything around her and an unbelievable smile that probably dropped men to their knees. And a solid relationship with my friend. That might be my favorite thing about her so far.

  I set the creamy cup in front of her, and her small smile shifted to a frown. Hmm, maybe she preferred it black. Well, she could have mine. I didn’t care. I’d drink any form of coffee there was. In offer, I told her, “I brought mine black. I can switch you, if you don’t like cream.”

  “No, actually I do like it this way.” She gave me a mischievous smile as I sat down. It was charming. “I thought maybe you could read minds or something.”

  I had to chuckle at her sense of humor. “I wish,” I said, taking a sip of coffee. That would be a handy superpower. I could have avoided the whole Joey mess. Although, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know what people really thought about me. On second thought, ignorance was bliss.

  Kiera raised her cup. “Well, thank you.” She took a sip. Her eyes fluttered closed and a small pleased noise escaped her throat, like she was having a mini-orgasm. Looked like she enjoyed coffee just as much as I did, maybe more. I liked that we had something in common. It was easier to live with people who had similar tastes.

  Curiosity overwhelmed me as her expressive eyes reopened. I knew why Denny was here—a new job with pretty amazing potential—but I was still a little mystified as to why Kiera was. All her family and friends were back East. She’d left school and everything she’d ever known to follow a guy she was seeing. Why? I’d never met a woman who would give up everything like that. I knew Denny thought the world of her, and she seemed to think the world of him too, but from all I’d seen in my short life, couples in our age range didn’t stay together long.

  Tilting my head, I asked her, “So, Ohio, huh? Buckeyes and fireflies, right?”

  That was about all I knew of Ohio. Kiera seemed to be suppressing a laugh, like she realized my knowledge was limited. “Yep, that’s about it.”

  “Do you miss it?” I asked, wondering if I’d ever have a girl who would give up her entire life for me. I doubted it. Girls wanted sex from me. Nothing more.

  “Well, I miss my parents and my sister, of course. But I don’t know…a place is just a place.” She paused, then sighed. “Besides, it’s not like I won’t ever see it again.”

  She gave me a smile laced with sadness, and the green in her eyes darkened to a deep jade. I just didn’t get it. She was clearly suffering from some small amount of homesickness. She missed her family, her friends, her life. The curiosity became too much for me, and even though I knew it would sound incredibly rude, I had to ask what the hell she’d given it all up for. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but why did you come all the way out here?”

  She seemed a little annoyed by my question, but she still answered it. “Denny.”

  Denny’s name rang with reverence. She really had changed her entire life just for him. To remain together as long as possible, even if it was a futile attempt. Or maybe it wasn’t. The way they looked at each other, the respect they showed one another…I’d never seen a relationship like that before.

  “Huh” was all I said in response. There wasn’t much else I could say. Good luck with that seemed a little asshole-ish.

  She blurted out her next question while I sipped on my coffee. “Why do you sing like that?” Her cheeks flushed with color, like she hadn’t meant to say what she’d just said. I narrowed my eyes, wondering what she meant. I only knew one way to sing. Open your mouth and let it pour out. Was she saying I sucked? Ouch. That wasn’t something I was used to hearing. Most people liked my voice.

  “What do you mean?” I asked slowly, bracing myself for a bad review of my abilities.

  She took forever to answer me. I didn’t take that as a good sign. She must have hated it. For some reason that thought really bothered me. I could have sworn there had been a moment last night when she’d understood me. Completely got where I was coming from. It had really freaked me out at the time, but maybe I’d misjudged her expression. Maybe she didn’t get me at all.

  Swallowing her sip of coffee, she sputtered, “You were great. But sometimes you were just so…” She paused, and I could sense her apprehension. Her criticism of my performance came out in a whisper: “Sexual.”

  Relief hit me—she liked it. The surge of good feelings was immediately followed by a good helping of humor. I started laughing. I couldn’t help it. The look on her face while saying a word as innocent as “sexual” was killing me. God, she might be the cutest thing I’d ever seen.

  Kiera’s expression darkened and her face turned bright red. I could tell she was mortified as she stared into her coffee, and I did my best to stop laughing. I didn’t want her to think I was making fun of her. I wasn’t. Not really. “Sorry…It’s just, that’s not what I thought you were going to say.” Thinking over my aggressive flirting onstage last night, I shrugged. “I don’t know. People just tend to respond to it.”

  By the look on her f
ace, I was pretty sure she knew that by “people,” I meant “women.” I couldn’t resist going in for a little dig. “Did I offend you?”

  “Nooo.” She glared at me and I had to bite my lip to not laugh. She needed to work on her stern face, if that was supposed to intimidate me in any way. “It just seemed excessive. Besides, you don’t need it—your songs are great.”

  There was no sarcasm or hidden meaning in her words. She was just giving me her honest feedback. I sat back in my chair and simply stared at her in appreciation. It had been a long time since a girl had given me an honest critique. All I usually heard was fluffed-up crap designed to get me out of my pants. Her one small suggestion was refreshing.

  She was staring at the table again, maybe embarrassed about her comment. “Thank you. I’ll try to keep that in mind.” She looked up at hearing the sincerity in my voice. Wondering what had happened to Denny outside, I asked her, “How did you and Denny meet?”

  A beautiful smile spread over her face as she reminisced about her boyfriend. It made me wish someone would smile over me like that. “College. He was a teaching assistant in one of my classes. It was my first year, his third. I thought he was the most beautiful person I had ever seen.” Her complexion turned rosy as she gushed over Denny. I kept my smile even, not wanting her to be too uncomfortable to continue. I wanted her to feel okay talking to me. I had a feeling she’d be easy to talk to. The thought was mildly unsettling. I didn’t talk a whole lot. Not about important stuff.

  “Anyway, we just hit it off and have been together ever since.” Her smile widened into a bright, carefree grin. Stunning. With a questioning expression, she asked me, “What about you? How did you meet Denny?”

  My grin grew as wide as hers as I recalled it. “Well, my parents thought it would be a good idea to host an exchange student. I think their friends were impressed with that.” My mind froze and my smile faltered as my parents’ pompous expressions entered my head. They got that look whenever anyone asked them about Denny. A look that clearly said, See how great we are? How warm and welcoming? Aren’t we wonderful people?

  Shaking the memory away, I returned myself to the present and fixed my smile. “But Denny and I hit it off right away too. He’s a cool guy.” I hadn’t been able to shake off the past as well as I’d hoped, and my dream flooded over me again. I had to turn my head away from Kiera. She didn’t need to see my pain. She wouldn’t understand it anyway. No one did. My father’s voice boomed through my ears as I wallowed in the murkiness of my past. There’s always a price, Kellan. And it’s high time you learned that.

  Almost in a trance, I whispered, “I owe him a lot.” Denny had given me hope. Clinging to that hope now, I made myself smile and return my gaze to Kiera. I could tell she wanted to question me further. Hopefully she didn’t. Shrugging, I acted as casual as I could. “Anyway, I’d do anything for the guy, so when he called and said he needed a place to stay, it was the least I could do.”

  “Oh.” She opened her mouth like she wanted to say more, but then she closed it again, giving me space. I sent her a silent thanks for that. I didn’t want her to ask.

  Denny came back into the kitchen with snacks from the car—chips and pretzels. After the pair ate their junk food, Kiera called her parents while Denny and I caught up. Tapping his arm, I asked him about the little bit of the show he’d caught last night at Pete’s. “What did you think of the band? Quite a step up from the Washington Wildcats, huh?” That had been the unfortunate name that my band in high school had chosen. They’d thought it oozed school spirit. I’d thought it sucked.

  My heart rate actually increased while I waited for Denny’s response. If he hadn’t liked our sound…I’d have to admit, I would be a little disheartened. He smiled though. “Oh yeah, you’ve come a long way since junior prom, mate. You were amazing.”

  Pride swelled in my chest, but I pushed it back. I wasn’t the only reason the D-Bags were good. Remembering my old band and that high school dance, my first major gig, made me laugh. “Do you remember Spaz? My…third drummer, I think?”

  Denny laughed with me as he nodded. “That guy earned his name…he was nuts. I wonder what he’s doing now…”

  Seeing an opportunity to tease him, I tossed out, “Maybe he married Sheri. Do you remember her?”

  Flashing a glance at Kiera, Denny murmured, “Yeah…nice girl.”

  Laughter overcame me. “Nice girl? She was your one high school hookup, if I remember correctly.”

  Denny frowned. “You’re not remembering it correctly. You literally threw her at me at prom, and we spent the night dancing. That was it.”

  Memories of being onstage and watching the crowd filtered through my mind. He’d done a bit more than dance with her. It was the only time I’d seen him with a girl while he was here. “Dancing? Is that what they call tonsil hockey in Australia?” Even though they’d only kissed that night, I still felt like I’d successfully gotten him to date. Sort of. You were stubborn as hell, but I won, mate.

  Looking over at Kiera again, Denny shook his head. “Are you trying to get me in trouble?” he asked. Before I could answer, his expression smoothed into a smile. “Besides…if I remember correctly…you were the one who hooked up with her. And her twin.”

  I shrugged in answer and he laughed. After the levity passed, he shook his head and said, “It always impressed me that you were never nervous onstage. I suppose you’re still not?” Shrugging again, I shook my head. Performing didn’t bother me. I felt more comfortable in the spotlight than I felt being alone. Denny smiled. “It’s just like I told you back then…you’re meant for this life, Kellan. It’s in your blood.”

  “Yeah…” I said, feeling uncomfortable.

  In the silence, Denny added, “I also remember what your dad said when we got home after prom.”

  Denny didn’t repeat what he’d said, and he didn’t need to. I remembered it all too well. After Denny had commended us on our playing, Dad had turned to me and said, “I’ve heard the crap kids listen to these days. A trained goat would probably be considered good music to them.” He’d then proceeded to berate me on my outfit, my hairstyle, and the fact that we were ten minutes past curfew. It had been a monumental night for me, and Dad couldn’t even throw me a bone by giving me one compliment. Story of my life.

  Clearing my throat to clear away the memory, I clapped Denny’s shoulder. “In case I never said it, thank you for making that night happen. For making a lot of great nights happen. I owe you more than you know.”

  Even though my voice was edged with seriousness, Denny swished his hand at me, like it didn’t matter. “You make too big of a deal out of it. I really didn’t do much.” Yes, you did.

  Before I could say that though, Denny moved on to another topic, and our conversation drifted to lighthearted memories. It felt good to revisit them. Sometimes the darker moments had a tendency to overshadow the good ones. And Denny and I had had a lot of good times together.

  Once Kiera was off the phone with her family, she and Denny went about settling themselves at my place. I asked Denny if I could give him a hand, but with a cringe he told me, “You’ve done so much for us already, letting us stay here for next to nothing. I wouldn’t feel good about it.” I opened my mouth to argue, but he quickly added, “No worries, mate. We’ve only got a few boxes.”

  With a laugh, I clapped him on the shoulder and left him to it. And he was right, of course. The pair of them got all of their boxes to their room in two trips. When they came back downstairs, Denny asked how to get to Pike Place from here. I told him where the market was, and he and Kiera prepared to leave.

  “Thanks. See ya later this arvo,” Denny said, grabbing Kiera’s hand.

  Kiera smirked at Denny, then turned to me. “That means afternoon.”

  I laughed and shook my head. “Yeah, I figured.” Our eyes locked as we smiled at each other, and for a second, I felt trapped. Something stirred in my chest, speeding my heart. I almost felt like I’d gone for
a run and hit my stride. I just felt…good…and all I was doing was looking at her. Sharing a moment. Sharing a connection. It was strange, but pleasant.

  It took a lot of willpower to toss my hand up in a wave and casually turn around and head toward the kitchen, but I made myself do it. I shouldn’t be having connections with Kiera, no matter how nice it felt. Some pleasures I’d just have to deny myself.

  Finding a notebook in the junk drawer of the kitchen, I pulled it out, sat at the table, and started writing down lyrics. Phrases and phrases about kaleidoscope eyes were tumbling through my mind. I thought I could write an entire song about Kiera’s ever-shifting eye color. That would be highly inappropriate though. Maybe I’d change it to another color in the final draft. No. Even as I thought it, I knew I’d never change the color. Can’t change perfect.

  When I heard the front door open, I glanced at the clock. Denny and Kiera had been gone a long time. They were laughing when they entered the kitchen, arms full of bags. After setting down their things, Denny wrapped his arms around Kiera and she kissed his neck. I knew it was wrong and kind of creepy, but I just couldn’t stop watching them. It was wonderful seeing two people so content and happy. It was also painful, stirring things in me that I’d long buried. Hopes. Dreams. But that life wasn’t meant for me. Hookups were what I had. I’d accepted that a long time ago, and I was fine with it. I had to be.

  Giving them privacy, I forced myself to resume studying my notebook. After a few quiet departing words, Kiera left the room, and I looked over at Denny. Laughing a little, I told him, “I know you’re going to say no, but I’d be a dick if I didn’t offer, so…can I help?”