Becoming Calder

  "My morning glory," he said.

  And then his now-wet finger moved back to that magical spot and all thoughts vanished as I submitted to the pleasure.

  "Is this . . . show me if this isn't—" Calder said, sounding uncertain.

  "No, that's perfect. That's . . . ohhhh, Calder," I moaned.

  He moved his finger back and forth slowly and then faster as I panted out and moved my head from side to side, not knowing if I could handle the thing I felt swirling through me, ready to drag me under.

  And then as suddenly as the thought came, overwhelmingly intense pleasure washed through me as I cried out, all the muscles in my body contracting so deliciously I thought I might die from it.

  The pleasure slowly faded and I sighed, relaxing. I opened my eyes and Calder was looking down at me, his face filled with something that looked like love.

  He leaned down and kissed me tenderly. "That was beautiful," he said, leaning back up.

  I nodded, awe-struck by everything that had just happened and not able to form words. Calder smiled at me and then I followed his lead as we both stripped off our still-damp bottoms and washed ourselves in the spring.

  We held our clothes over our heads as we crossed to the other side and then dressed on the bank.

  We laid down on the grass in our underwear, leaving our clothes to dry on a rock.

  "I don't want to go back," I said, my eyes suddenly filling with tears.

  He didn't speak for a minute, pursing his lips. "I know. I don't want to send you back. If there were any other way . . ."

  "Please come up with something," I begged.

  He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and wiped a tear from my cheek. "We'll need to leave here. There's just no other way. Are you ready for that?"

  I nodded my head. "Yes. I want to leave."

  Calder looked worried. "It will take some preparation though. We'll need money . . . and somewhere to stay. I'll need to figure out a few things about how the big community operates before I can know I'll be able to keep you safe, provide for you."

  "I don't need much," I whispered. "Just you."

  Calder smiled and then flopped back on his back. "You make it sound easy, Morning Glory, but it won't be easy. Hector's left us completely unprepared. I don't know if that was purposeful or . . ." He looked over at me. "In any case, we need to make sure we have a shot."

  "I trust you."

  Calder studied me for a minute and then smiled, but his smile looked more worried than anything. "I know you do," he said very seriously. Then he gathered me to him and held me against his chest as the clouds moved slowly above us and the warm sun dried our clothes.

  When we were both dry and dressed, Calder stood looking at me and then leaned forward and kissed my lips softly. I suddenly felt slightly shy, standing there after we'd just touched each other in such an intimate way.

  "Leave another note for me when you can meet me again," he said.

  I nodded and then we walked hand in hand to the base of the trail where he kissed me one more time before I left him to ascend alone. I felt alive. Invigorated. Hopeful. I never wanted to feel any differently again. Could we make our dreams come true? Could we leave?

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Calder

  Calder,

  My thoughts are only of you. There are six hundred, seventy-seven steps between my front door and yours. I'm sure of it. I've counted them. I walk them in my mind. I step out of my front door and I come to you in the night. I slip into your bed and your heat burns into me as we quietly touch. Your mouth finds mine in the darkness and the taste of you makes every part of me ache with want—my body, my skin, and my heart. I know you in the dark, just as I know you under the bright daytime sun. I'll know you in Elysium, and in any other place the gods deem to send me for loving you. I'm not afraid. But I miss you, and I don't want there to be any steps between us. I want my bed to be your bed, and I want your nighttime heat to be within arm’s reach. Every night before I fall asleep, I pray that day comes quickly.

  Yours always and forever, Eden

  P.S. I suppose my academic lessons have ended for now. I have to say I like the new curriculum very much, E.

  I grinned down at the paper and then hid it under my mattress with the other note Eden had written me. I flopped down on my bed, which was really nothing more than a straw-stuffed mattress and a wool blanket, and lay there trying to cool my body down. I'd probably be wise to go jump in the river quickly before I went back to the fields. Eden's note had the blood coursing through my body and images of us in bed together filled my mind. I groaned and put one arm over my eyes, trying in vain to empty my brain.

  After a minute, I sat up and unfolded the blank piece of paper Eden had provided with her own note.

  Eden,

  My thoughts are only of you. When I bathe in the morning, the water running down my skin is your fingertips, touching me everywhere. When I work in the fields, the feel of the velvety plant leaves reminds me of your skin. As I stand in my doorway, looking toward the main lodge and you, the deep blue twilight sky is your eyes. I burn for you, so intensely I feel like I could light every worker cabin, all fifty of them, and we'd no longer need candlelight. I'm going to take you away from here, to a place where my bed is your bed, and my home is your home. And in that place, I'll never be more than an arm's reach from you, my beautiful, brave Morning Glory.

  The spring festival planning is underway for the workers and I've been assisting where needed. I won't be allowed to come near you during it, but I'll see you, and I'll know you see me, too.

  Yours always and forever, Calder

  I turned the paper over and did a quick sketch of myself, standing in the doorway of our cabin, looking toward the main lodge. I drew light emanating off my skin and cast a glow over all the cabins surrounding my own. I smiled as I folded it up.

  I left the cabin and walked the half-mile to the edge of the field where Xander was standing, leaning against some sort of light green box by the side of the dirt road.

  Xander turned when he heard my footsteps and cocked an eyebrow. "Decided to come see where all the action is?" He laughed.

  I grinned at him. "Is this what you do all day? No wonder you're mostly crazy."

  He snorted. "I'd disagree with you, but . . ."

  I smiled and leaned against the box next to him. I patted it with my hand. "What is this anyway?"

  He looked down at it and then back toward the road. "It's an electrical box. It houses some wires or something that bring electricity to the main lodge."

  I nodded, furrowing my brow. "So aren't you supposed to be walking around or something?"

  "What's the point, Calder?"

  I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "Hector would say it's how safety is ensured."

  Xander let out a humorless laugh. "More like how slaves are ensured."

  I stared at him. "Slaves?"

  "Isn't that what we are? Don’t we work out here all day for no pay?"

  I stared at the road for several minutes not knowing exactly how to answer that.

  Xander turned toward me, seemingly reading my mind. "Hector would say we work for our family, but Calder, if the floods don't come, if Hector's wrong about that, then we're going to end up old men out here."

  I shook my head. "I wanted to talk to you about that." I let out a deep breath and turned to face Xander. "I need to leave. It's not safe here for me anymore. I need to take Eden with me and leave." I looked around to make sure there wasn't a soul in sight.

  Xander didn't look surprised, but he studied me for a few beats before responding. "Yeah, you do."

  I let out another breath. "I need help."

  Xander laughed softly. "Yeah, you do."

  "Will you come with us?"

  Xander nodded. "Yeah."

  Relief flooded me. "Seriously? So we're really going to do this?"

  Xander squinted up into the sun. "We're gonna try." He turned toward me. "But, listen, I'm gonna be
honest, we have a lot going against us here. Hector educated us only because the state would've cleared us out if he didn't. But we're gonna be like fish out of water out there." He waved his arm in the direction of the city miles beyond us, maybe to the entire world beyond us. "I mean, we're eighteen-year-old men, and we have no skills other than farming and walking around for hours a day." He laughed, but it was hollow.

  I was quiet for a minute. "I've been wondering," I massaged the back of my neck for a second, "that woman from the school system came out here every month to look at our lesson plans."

  "Yeah, I remember her," Xander said. "That's what I meant about Hector educating us because of the state laws."

  I nodded. "Right. So why didn't anyone ever check up on Eden? How did Hector get away with not educating her?"

  Xander stared out at the road and then shrugged. "I have no idea. Maybe since he's her guardian, he can do as he pleases?"

  I furrowed my brow and let out a breath, not having any idea what to make of that. "Do you think Kristi would help us? I don't even know where to start."

  Xander nodded. "I think so. Let me talk to her and I'll let you know what she says."

  "Okay." I looked at him. "Thank you."

  He extended his hand. I gripped it. "Whatever I have, you have half."

  I let out a breath, feeling emotion wash over me. "Same goes for you, brother," I said solemnly.

  I looked back at the road, steeling myself for what might be to come.

  **********

  A few days after I talked to Xander on the edge of Acadia, I was walking home after my work in the fields when, from a distance, I saw Eden entering the Temple. I was far away, but she couldn't be mistaken with that long fall of golden hair. Mother Miriam stopped at the front and sat down on the small, stone bench to the side of the doors as Eden disappeared inside.

  I turned hastily and made my way to the other side of the field where I was able to walk straight to the back of the Temple without being seen from the front or the sides. I looked around and when I didn't spot anyone nearby I tried the back door, found it unlocked and quickly ducked inside, latching it behind me. In Acadia, there was little reason to lock doors. Our security walked the perimeter so we felt secure that the only people inside were family.

  I stood listening for a minute and then I peeked around the open doorway that led directly to the front stage. I spotted Eden alone, kneeling in prayer in front of the twelve candles on the left wall, each one representing one of our gods. Her eyes were closed and her lips moved ever so slightly.

  I walked forward, my footfalls creating no noise at all, and stood with my hip propped against Hector's podium.

  "I thought you only prayed to one," I said softly.

  Eden startled, her eyes flying open as she brought one hand up to her chest. She simply stared at me for a beat and then her face broke out in a stunning smile.

  "In my mind, I do. The other ones just happen to be represented here."

  I tilted my head, studying her. "Does he ever answer you?" I asked, raising my eyes heavenward.

  Eden shrugged, as her eyes met mine. "If you mean does he talk to me like Hector says the gods talk to him, no." She shook her head. "But every once in a while . . ." She stood and the candlelight behind her in the dim, windowless room, outlined her shape under her white skirt and blouse. My body stirred. "Every once in a while I hear something . . . something between a feeling and a whisper." She began walking toward me, a small smile on her face. Gods, she was stunningly beautiful. Sometimes she seemed unreal to me—a vision. Had I really just touched her so intimately? How could that not have been a dream? "Do you ever hear them whisper?" she asked on a smile.

  "No," I said, standing up straight and turning fully toward her as she approached me.

  "Maybe you're not listening closely enough." She raised a delicate brow. She was teasing me.

  My lips lifted in a small smile. She was so beautiful, I felt something close to fear looking at her—like no matter what I did, no matter what I tried, I'd never get enough of her. I'd never resist her pull. But I had no desire to resist anymore. "Maybe."

  Eden smiled a mischievous smile and reached her hands up and around my neck. "Perhaps they told me to come here today," she said softly. "Maybe the feeling of claustrophobia that overcame me in my room and made me tell Mother Miriam I was feeling pious, was really the gods whispering to me, letting me know my arrival would be perfectly timed to you coming off the fields for the day."

  I let out a breath and chuckled softly. "Will she come inside?" I asked, nodding toward the front door where Mother Miriam sat outside.

  Eden shook her head. "How can I properly say the Twelve Petitions if I'm interrupted? Then they have to be started all over again . . ."

  I gazed down at her and her lips parted. I groaned and leaned in and took her sweet mouth, my tongue pushing between her lips to gain access. I hardened and instinctively pressed into her, moaning again. She let out a little gasp and pulled me in closer. Oh, Morning Glory.

  As her tongue wrapped around mine, she reached down between our bodies and rubbed me through my pants. Oh holy hell. Pleasure pulsed through me and I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, reaching up with my hands to cup her cheeks as my tongue plundered deeper. I was dizzy with lust, with the taste of her in my mouth and her smell—apple blossoms and springtime—surrounding me.

  I pressed toward her hand and felt her body bump something behind her. Hector's podium. Thank the gods it was attached to the floor and wouldn't tip right over.

  Eden continued to rub me through my pants, leaning back slightly against the podium. I went down on my knees in front of her, and looked up at her beautiful face, worshipping her. Worshipping at the altar of Eden. She smiled gently at me, and ran a hand through my short hair.

  Suddenly, I needed to taste her, more than I needed to draw in another breath. I bunched her skirt up and put my face against her soft mound. Eden sucked in a breath and moaned softly, igniting me. Her other hand came up to my hair as well and she ran her fingers through it.

  I brought her underwear down her hips and heard her breath pick up. "Calder," she moaned, but didn't say more.

  I brought my face to the soft patch of blonde curls and inhaled. Heat pulsated through my body, accompanied by half-formed thoughts and visions: instincts that told me to thrust into her, plant my seed inside her, protect her, lay a bounty of food at her feet. Gods above. Her scent had turned me into a caveman.

  But when I opened my eyes and looked up into hers—filled with tenderness—it was my heart that swelled and clenched. She had every part of me. I was hers.

  I turned my face back to her and licked down the crease of her sex with my tongue. "Oh!" she gasped, pressing herself into me. I couldn't help the moan that came up my throat either. My tongue found that little piece of flesh that made Eden moan and pant, and I circled it with my tongue. She tasted so good—sweet and musky—like a more intense version of her skin. I loved it. I loved her. Her hands gripped my hair and I smiled against her. I laved my tongue around and around that small spot until Eden was crying out and grinding herself into my face. I felt animalistic, needy, like I wanted to devour her, mark her, and claim her as my own.

  Eden froze. I moaned as she tensed and shuddered and panted out her climax right against my mouth. It was the most intense thing I'd ever experienced in my whole life. I wouldn't be able to get up now if I tried though. I was hard as stone. Pulsing with my need for release.

  After several still seconds of me breathing against her, I pulled her underwear back up and let her skirt down. My eyes widened at what I saw. "Oh no. Eden, I . . . I'm so sorry. I didn't even consider that I . . ."

  She tilted her head, still a little dazed, a confused look on her face.

  I brought my hands up, my palms still smeared with dirt from the fields. I had forgotten and apparently she hadn't noticed my hands in the dim room.

  Her eyes widened and she looked down at herself, her white ski
rt covered with dirty marks where my hands had been. It looked like a dirty dog had pawed her. I felt ashamed by my dirtiness compared to her purity all of a sudden. Was she thinking the same thing?

  She stared at the dirt for a minute and then burst out laughing, clutching her stomach and leaning back against Hector's podium. I started laughing, too, and it took several minutes before we finally got a hold of ourselves.

  "Seriously," I laughed, "this isn't funny. How are you going to get out of here?"

  Eden wiped at her eyes. She looked around, her eyes finally landing on the ashes next to the twelve candles.

  She turned back to me. "You need to go. They won't let me come here again after what I'm about to do, but it was worth it." She laughed softly. "I'll look for you at the festival."

  I nodded. "Okay." I was worried though and didn't want to leave her. "Are you sure you'll be okay?"

  "Yes, I promise." She leaned forward and kissed me once more on my lips and pulled away, smiling.

  I let my eyes roam over her beautiful face and down to her skirt where there was an extra amount of dirt smears right between her legs. I felt heat move up my own face and I laughed softly. "’Bye, Morning Glory."

  "’Bye, Butterscotch."

  I turned and snuck back out the back of the Temple, standing against the wall for a minute, until I was sure I didn't hear anyone walking nearby.

  When I moved to the side of the building, I heard Eden let out a shriek and then a minute later, the front doors of the Temple banging open. Mother Miriam's voice came quickly, "What did you do?" she shouted.

  "I'm sorry!" I heard Eden cry. "The ashes! It wasn't my fault. They tipped over and . . ."

  "All over you?" Mother Miriam asked harshly. "You always were a clumsy thing. Come on. You need a bath. You're lucky I don't bring this to Hector."

  I smiled despite myself and leaned back on the wall of the Temple. I should have been feeling shame I supposed, but I just didn't. "Morning Glory," I murmured, smiling. I started my walk to the river where I took my time washing off every bit of the dirt on my body, sad at removing her essence from my tongue, smiling to myself when I pictured Eden, my dirty handprints all over her.