The Throwaway Year

  “Honestly, it was because he said he thoroughly enjoyed your company and wanted to tell you himself.”

  “Hmph,” Hayden replied. It was annoying, but she was on cloud nine and nothing was going to deflate her bubble. “Well, I will be sure to let you know what the message says once I charge my phone.”

  “I have a charger at my desk, I’ll give it to you and then you can tell me at lunch. But don’t worry, I can tell by the fact that your voice is gone and your face is all pink that you had a pretty good time with Brian. So… I’ll butt out. I promise.”

  Hayden touched her face and blushed even further. Hayden was more anxious about missing texts from Brian than she cared about what Sean had to say, but Sean’s text was front and center after she had borrowed her nosey friend’s charger and was able to read her messages again.

  “Hello Hayden. Danyelle gave me your number because I wanted to send you a message letting you know how much I enjoyed meeting you Saturday. If you are interested I have tickets to the Fiery Foods Show at the convention center and would like to get to know you better. Hope to hear from you soon. Sean.”

  Dani squealed in excitement when Hayden read the message to her. “So what are you going to tell him?”

  “I’m not going to tell him anything—you are. You can start by apologizing for giving him my number when I’m already in a relationship and then you can go to the fiery foods show with him yourself. Though first, I’d advise you to dump Dante.”

  Dani’s mouth dropped open, but Hayden held up her hand.

  “Just tell him how you feel about him Danyelle. Because once you put it out there, then there are no more games, no questions—you’ll know whether you need to drop it and move on, or whether there’s something there that might turn into something beautiful.”

  “But… he’s Dante’s friend…”

  “Dante who?”

  Dani chuckled. “That’s cold.”

  Hayden shook her head adamantly. “It’s necessary. If you find yourself disliking him more than you like him, then you can either try to fix it or just walk away. You think I don’t know that it’s easier said than done?

  “But now that MyKell is out off my life, I feel so much peace. I don’t wake up annoyed, thinking that a deadbeat is lying next to me, or wondering how long before he quits his latest job, or gets fired. I don’t have to wonder if I’m annoying him as much as he’s annoying me. It’s done now, and I’m at peace with it.”

  Dani nodded. “You’re right. We’ve just been together for so long and I do love him but… I’m not in love with Dante anymore. He’s cheated and he takes me for granted.” Dani sighed. “I would like to be in love again. If not with Dante, then with someone who wants it just as much as I do.”

  “Good girl.”

  ~***~

  Hayden’s heart was pumping wildly when she walked into Fox Vinyl. She immediately looked over to where Brian was currently sitting and he was already watching the door for her. They both grinned like idiots when they saw each other.

  He had indeed been texting her and had become worried when she hadn’t responded. After explaining her forgotten charger, they spent the rest of the afternoon texting—well actually, it was called sexting. When she saw his latest text, Hayden suppressed the naughty giggle that wanted to force its way from her mouth.

  Brian was very good at reminding her of all the things they had done the night before, as well as that morning, and how mutually enjoyable it had been. Eventually, he came over to her desk, she assumed to pick up his dinner. Instead, he leaned down and kissed her lightly on the lips.

  “How is my woman this evening?”

  She gave him a look of surprise, first since he had kissed her publicly, but second, because he had so clearly established that she was his. They hadn’t talked about it, but it was pretty obvious that neither was in it for a casual fling. However, it must still be a man thing because Brian had certainly gathered everyone’s attention as he broadcast his claim on her.

  “Uh… your woman is fine. And how is my man?” That statement sent a nice tingle up her spine.

  His brow quirked up at the sound of her hoarse voice and then he straightened proudly and whispered, “Wishing you would come over tonight.”

  Hayden laughed lightly and looked around at their co-workers who watched them with open curiosity or surprise.

  “Brian,” she whispered. “I can’t during the week-”

  “Sure you can. Just pack an overnight bag. Didn’t we make it work today?”

  She paused. “Yeah, but you live in Kentucky and I live five minutes from my gym-”

  He hid a grin and looked up into the air as if in deep thought. “So true… hmmm I wonder how we can work that out with me doing all the moving in the morning and you going straight in to workout…”

  Abdullah stood up. “Rahimullah Hayden! You really don’t take hints well.”

  Hayden shot Abdullah an embarrassed look as she realized that even if she whispered in a room full of nosey people, they could still hear everything that she said. “Hush you!” She looked at Pam ready to tell her the same thing, but the older woman raised her hands innocently. Hayden’s eyes met Brian’s again and his face was red, with him nearly bursting from the desire to laugh.

  Hayden shook her head. “I was just getting ready to invite you to my house before Mr. Buttinsky interrupted. And contrary to what some other people think, I do know how to take hints,” she lied. “Now, if you will follow me home this evening, I believe that would be the best solution.”

  Brian’s arms were crossed before him and he was hiding his mouth as he nodded his agreement, but she knew he was still trying not to laugh.

  “I can take a hint,” she exclaimed.

  Abdullah made a choking, laughing sound that he tried to hide behind a cough. He then quickly picked up his phone and began fake dialing… as if she hadn’t done that herself a time or two…

  “You are too cute sweetheart. Now give me a smile.”

  She tried to resist, but he just had it like that.

  “Come on, we have time to eat in the canteen. Plus I want to show you something.” He grabbed their lunch and she followed him to the canteen to eat with him for the first time in over a week.

  Hayden halted before entering, and Brian turned and looked at her with a smile. Hayden blinked. The room was actually clean!

  There was a hand written sign taped to the shelf above the microwave which stated: “CLEAN YOUR OWN MESS.” There were two large garbage tubs on either side of the door and a new paper towel dispenser suspended on the wall.

  “Whoa, what happened in here?” she asked as she spun in a slow circle.

  “Abdullah did this.”

  “What? Abdullah?”

  “Yeah, he was cleaning the microwave this morning and cursing up a blue streak. Someone began to applaud and then soon everyone had come in applauding and saying that it was about time.”

  Brian set their food on one of the tables. “He got so pissed that he left. I figured he went home for the day, but he was back an hour later with all this stuff. And then someone left spilled coffee in the microwave and he went back to his desk and wrote that sign.”

  Hayden thought back to her words to him on Friday. She thought about the time she had apologized to him even though she was the one that he’d yelled at. It was like ripples in the water. She had caused the first ripple and its effect was continuing to move.

  ~Chapter 15~

  A PERSON BENEATH ME CAN’T HURT ME

  Hayden was anxious when Brian stepped into her house, but it was clean even if she had neglected her weekly dusting. Brian was quiet as he looked around, walking from room to room on the first level until they ended up in the kitchen.

  He turned to her. “This is you Hayden.” He was nodding his head. “This place feels like you.”

  “It does?”

  “It’s comfortable, pretty and it makes me want to relax.”

  She hugged him. “Thank you
.”

  The two lovers showered together and at first, Hayden didn’t want Brian to wash her when he offered. Then she realized that it was what he wanted. She watched him run the soapy sponge across her body and as his penis grew in size, she forgot about any of her physical imperfections, like stretch marks and loose skin. She was attracted to Brian and not at all affected by his scarred forearms. S why wouldn’t it be the same for him?

  Brian wouldn’t let Hayden dry herself. After he patted her skin with a towel, he led her to the bedroom where he had her lay on the bed. He spread her light brown legs and then kissed her moist nether lips until she writhed and moaned and then climaxed for the first, but not the last time tonight.

  Hours later, although she should have been sleeping, Hayden lay wrapped in Brian’s arms, wide awake and deep in thought.

  “Are you still awake?” she whispered.

  “No.”

  Hayden smiled and Brian turned to kiss her forehead. “I like sleeping with you in my arms Hayden.”

  “I like it too.”

  “Then why aren’t you sleeping?”

  “Why aren’t you?”

  “Because you woke me up.” He yawned and then nuzzled her neck. “My woman need some more loving?” She felt him slowly harden against her thigh.

  “I… well…” How could she say no when he was so delicious?

  He lifted his head and met her eyes seriously. “What’s wrong honey?”

  “Everything is right. Nothing is wrong.”

  “Feels good, doesn’t it?”

  “Uh, I’m not used to the feeling.”

  Brian settled in against her with his lips brushing her neck. “Me neither. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like everything was right with the world. I think I’ve been on a downward spiral ever since my mother died.”

  Hayden relished his soft touch and she rubbed his hands that now embraced her. “You and your mom were close?”

  “Yes, and my dad too. I guess I had a blessed childhood. So when Mom died, it turned my entire world upside down. And then Dad married Angela, and I couldn’t understand why. She was nothing like Mom and I felt that I could see right through all her phoniness while Dad was just swept away by her looks. Hell, the first pills I ever took were the ones I stole from her purse. She was nothing but a pill popping, gold digger.” Hayden was unused to hearing such angry words come from his mouth.

  Hayden turned and looked down at him. “Is that why… you turned to drugs?”

  He nodded, but pulled back enough to look into her eyes. “It started with Percocet and Valium. And then I was trading them in for harder stuff.”

  “Heroin.”

  “Not just heroin. Cocaine, marijuana, crystal meth. If someone said that there was a drug out there to be had, then I was going to try it.”

  “Wow, Brian.”

  He sighed. “I was just a messed up kid. But heroin turned into my drug of choice and then Percocet when I couldn’t shoot up. My dad didn’t really see me. He had a new life and new responsibilities. But I wasn’t fooling everybody. So I asked to work in one of the other offices and Dad put me in charge of delivering the vinyl covers and collecting the money.

  “I didn’t start out with the intention to skim. At first, when I was flat busted broke, I borrowed the money and always put it back. But as time went on, I knew that no one else knew what I was doing, so I just started to take it. I rationalized that I was only stealing my own money since it was one day going to be my company.”

  Brian shook his head and sighed. Hayden turned on her side and faced him. Her hands moved up to stroke his face.

  “You’re telling me about a person that you used to be; a hurt and troubled man. But you aren’t that person today Brian.”

  He watched her and a moment later, he nodded. “Well… one day, my dad came to me and he asked me point blank. He asked, but he already knew the answer and I could see it in his eyes; the disappointment, the hurt.” Brian turned away and then sat up in bed.

  “I need a smoke.” He looked back at her and smiled. “But I’m trying to stop.” He lay back down and stared at the ceiling as he thought about his words.

  “I had a friend who was down on his luck. He was a hateful bastard and a bigger dope fiend than even me. But then Bill met his lady Raina and it changed him. I thought he was just a pussy so I was cool with not hanging out and getting high with him anymore.

  “I went into rehab just to mollify my dad. I mean, I wasn’t planning to mess up, but my heart wasn’t in it. So after I got out of rehab, I just went right back to using and I hit an all time low. When Dad found out, he just washed his hands of me and turned me away.

  “It hurt me so deeply…losing my Dad after everything else was too much. And I’m not blaming him or anything. It’s not his fault. He hired attorneys and paid thousands for me to go away to get clean. He faced the courts all alone while I left him there to take the brunt of my mistakes. And then I come out and fuck it all up without even trying to stay straight.”

  Hayden reached up and lightly rubbed his back and he looked back at her with a grateful expression on his face. After a moment, he resumed his story in a much calmer voice. “When I realized that I had absolutely nothing and no one, I knew that I would end up living on the streets hustling for a fix and I wasn’t going down that road. I still had too much pride and I remembered too much of the person that I was raised to be.

  “So I found my friend Bill and I asked him for help. No… that’s not quite true. I begged him for help. Raina only knew me as an addict, but she let me into their home and helped me while I got clean.”

  Hayden sat up and kissed his back. “They sound like wonderful friends.”

  Brian chuckled. “That’s an understatement. Going cold turkey off heroin ain’t no joke Hayden. It might not kill you, but it makes you want to kill yourself. I threw up so much that Bill once threatened to kick my ass if I ever even looked at a narcotic again. He said, ‘If you break your freaking leg you better bite a branch and decline the drug!’ And Raina was just great.” He looked back at Hayden.

  “She reminds me of you in some ways—but not because she’s Black and lighter skinned. But there’s this pain that’s molded her—the same with you. She… uh…” he gestured to his face “…was burned badly as a kid so part of her face is destroyed. I think she became a certain type of person because of that injury. Just like you became a certain type of person because of yours—and me because of mine.”

  She blinked at his insightfulness.

  “I’ll introduce you two. I think you’ll hit it off. Anyway, she would read to me and play music and I was hurting and cranky, but I never lashed out because everything she did helped. Everything they did helped.

  “I lived with them for a few months until Bill kicked me out. He told me to go back home and I told him that I wasn’t welcome at home. But he wouldn’t let me stay, so I went back home. It was an uphill battle for a while, but I knew that Bill wasn’t really kicking me out; so much as he was giving me wings. I would’ve never approached my dad again had he not done that.”

  Brian lay back down and Hayden slipped back into his arms. “I’m sorry that my life has been so fucked up. I wish that I could come to you with no history and no baggage-”

  “Brian, all that’s happened to you helped you to become the man that you are today. That’s what you just said, right? I happen to be crazy about that man, so don’t put him down. You hear me?”

  He smiled. “Got it.”

  She kissed him.

  “Thank you,” he whispered.

  “Why are you thanking me?”

  “I’m not thanking you. I’m thanking the powers that be for creating such a wonderful woman.”

  She stared at him quietly. “You have such a way with words Brian Fox. I think I’m falling madly in love with you.”

  “Good. Now you’ve caught up with me.”

  ~***~

  The next morning, Brian looked tired and yawned a
lot, but he moved around her kitchen comfortably, shirtless, wearing just jeans. He made her oatmeal perfectly, but wouldn’t eat any, showing more interest in an old tin of coffee that he had found in the back of her fridge. Hayden loved seeing him early in the morning with tousled hair and puffy eyes. Despite his evident exhaustion, Hayden could clearly see that he enjoyed being up early with her. It didn’t hurt that she sat in his lap and kissed him for a very long time before rushing to the gym for her workout with Todd.

  At the gym, Todd thanked her profusely for jogging with Kevin.

  She forced her mind back from thoughts of Brian. They had only managed to get worked up after their early morning make-out session. Maybe there would be time for a quickie before she left for work… She suddenly remembered to respond to Todd.

  “I didn’t mind at all. He’s a good kid, plus I got to meet your wife. She’s really nice.”

  Todd smiled to himself and she wondered if she should ask him about interracial dating. They had developed a true friendship over these last few months, so why not? It wasn’t as if she was just being nosey, she actually felt as if she would be able to gain some perspective from someone who was going through it too.

  “I’ve begun a relationship with someone who’s a different color,” she began slowly.

  He looked at her with interest. “Is this your first time dating outside of your race?”

  “Yes.”

  “Ah. Is he a White guy?”

  “Yeah. Do you and Kia face any problems with issues of race?”

  “No, not at all. If our families have any problems with it, then they keep their concerns to themselves. Sometimes people look, but I can’t blame them for that. We’re a pretty dynamic couple.” He grinned.

  “Kevin and Adrian’s father and I had some words, but… well, that got squashed before Kia and I got married. Look, I expect that we will face some issues, but it won’t make or break us, you know? For the most part, I’m not even affected by someone’s racial intolerance. ‘A person beneath me can’t hurt me.’”