The Throwaway Year

  She liked that and nodded her agreement. “You are so right about that.”

  “Kia told me that she liked you too. She asked me to invite you over for dinner some time. You should bring your new guy.”

  She smiled when she thought back to when she had thought that nothing in this year would really matter. In actuality, she had found love and new friends, and most importantly of course, she had found herself.

  “We’ll definitely do that, thank you Todd.” She slowed her treadmill down to a walk and Todd looked at her curiously.

  “After the Zombie Run, I’ll only be coming to the gym three times a week.”

  He grinned. “I think that’ll be fine Hayden.”

  She looked ahead thoughtfully as she continued at a fast walk. “I know it seemed excessive, having to be here every single day, but…” Todd slowed his treadmill to a walk. “You weren’t just working out your body; you were working out something deeper. I understood that.”

  She nodded and then returned her treadmill back to a jog.

  ~***~

  To your man, you are the sun, the moon and the planet that his life orbits around. It is through those eyes that he knows the extent to which he can be loved.

  Hayden read the affirmation that Brian had texted to her. It made her eyes sting that he could care as deeply for her as she did for him. It was not something she was accustomed to. In her old life, she had been grateful for just the attention of a handsome man. Yet now, someone else expressed how grateful he was for her interest. It didn’t make her feel powerful or bold, but humbled that she could illicit those feelings in someone.

  How was it possible that she could see this man every single day and still her heartbeat would race whenever he sent her a message on her phone, or she looked forward to the sight of him? That was easy; she had fallen deeply in love with him and that love was mutual. Brian and Hayden were nearly inseparable whenever possible; if he didn’t sleep at her house, then she slept at his. Each weekend they did overtime hours together at work, and then spent the rest of the weekend enjoying each other’s company.

  Soon Mr. Fox decided that the company had more than caught up and they all resumed a regular work schedule. By that time, Hayden had banked several thousand dollars and in actuality, she was finally in a position to quit her second job. Except that her four hours at Fox Vinyl no longer felt like work. She enjoyed her new work team, but she couldn’t continue like this forever.

  Mr. Fox gave Brian much more responsibility and Hayden could see the sense of pride in her man because of it. Mr. Fox took some well-needed time off from work, leaving Brian in charge when he was out of the office. She could see that their relationship had improved tenfold. He no longer barked orders at his only son and in turn, Brian didn’t seem to hate every waking second that he spent working beneath the man.

  Hayden texted Brian back after reading his affirmation twice more.

  “Your woman loves her man. See you tonight honey.”

  Todd and Kevin pulled up just then and she stowed away her cell phone and then prepared for her jog.

  “Only two more weeks,” Todd said.

  “Me and Dad – I mean Todd!” Kevin looked embarrassed about his faux-pas. Hayden and Todd both hid smiles and pretended not to notice. He was doing it more and more often and Todd confessed that he felt torn.

  He wanted to invite the boys to refer to him as their father. Yet Todd didn’t want to appear to be taking over a role held by their biological father—who actually had a very good relationship with them. So the two friends spent some time thinking of nick-names like Pops, Ol’ man, Daddy, etc., but Todd nixed them all. It was obvious that he just wanted to be Dad.

  “Um, we found some cool costumes for the Zombie Run,” Kevin continued.

  “Oh yeah,” Todd added. “We decided to be Team Zombie.” As the trio began their slow jog, Hayden grimaced.

  “I have to dress up like a zombie? I thought the runners were supposed to be chased by zombies?”

  “Well… we got caught,” Todd replied.

  “Okay… so are we going to do all the bloody wounds?”

  “Yes!” Kevin replied in excitement. “Todd stabbed some old t-shirts and put fake blood on them and then we’re going to wear zombie makeup.”

  Hayden smiled at Kevin’s youthful excitement. “I’m on board.” Just two weeks until October 30th.

  She wondered if she would be ready and then she stopped doubting herself. She had run a mini 10K a week ago and had finished it in mere minutes. She was ready for this. Plus she was part of a team, not by herself – Team Zombie!

  ~***~

  Monday evening, Hayden floated into Fox Vinyl on the wings of a dove. Before she knew it she would face the marathon, and at that point she would cut her gym visits down by half, leaving her more time in the morning to cuddle and kiss. She looked forward to that, and pretty soon she would have to face another decision—it was time to quit Fox Vinyl. She hadn’t discussed it with Brian, but she was tired. She wanted to do things that normal people did, like go to a movie, read a book, or just have time to stand still and do nothing.

  Tomorrow would be exactly six months since she had embarked on her journey. In six months she had gained so much, but it was time to return to her life. She carried her and Brian’s lunches into the canteen. It had remained clean and to keep it that way, everyone pitched in. It also helped that the current workers were those that actually weren’t using the job only as a means to facilitate their next drug fix. The drug testing continued and a dress code policy of business casual work wear was instituted.

  After eating, Brian gathered up their trash. “Your place or mine?”

  “Mine. Tonight I want to talk about something important.”

  “Oh?” He quirked up a brow.

  “Nothing scary.” It was time to tell him that she was putting in her two weeks notice. It had to be done even though she would miss this place and all the people here.

  He leaned in and pecked her on the lips. “Okay honey. I have to finish payroll, so I’ll be in the office if you need anything. Will you keep your eye open for any problems?”

  “Of course baby.”

  ~***~

  Hayden was marking the board later in the night when the front door opened. She had never changed her desk, so she was always the first to see someone enter or leave. She was surprised when she saw Marcus Miller walk in.

  She hoped that he wouldn’t want his old job back. Mr. Fox would definitely squash that idea. Maybe he had just left some of his personal property behind and just wanted to pick it up. They hadn’t thrown his personal effects out, but had kept them in a shoebox in Mr. Fox’s office instead.

  Marcus looked at her and then seemed surprised. His eyes quickly scanned her form leaving her a little uncomfortable.

  “Hi Marcus.” What did she say to a person that was carried out in handcuffs the last time she’d seen him? Hope jail wasn’t very bad… Why are you out already? Why are you here?

  He gave her a distracted look. “I see that fucker didn’t waste no time replacing me did he?”

  Hayden’s mouth dropped.

  “Low down dirty snitching dog… just low down.” He muttered under his breath and then Hayden realized that Marcus was high on something.

  “His own kid steals from him, but I do a little somthin’ somthin’ and he wants to send me to jail? Fuck him!” Marcus snapped and Hayden took a step backwards. He pimp walked across the aisle to Brian’s old desk. Another employee was sitting there and she looked up in surprise.

  “Where that motha fucker at?”

  Hayden quickly backed out of the room. She darted to the office, her heartbeat slamming against her chest. She hurriedly opened the door and Brian looked up from the computer. The smile dropped from his face at her panicked expression.

  “Brian! Marcus is out there and he’s really messed up on something!”

  Brian stood up just as loud shouting could be heard from the main room. Marc
us was yelling and she could hear Abdullah’s low voice, sounding as if he was trying to reason with him. There were times when people knew that their lives were about to permanently change, and in that second as she heard several people scream, Hayden knew that something horrible was about to happen and that it would forever change her.

  Brian rushed forward just as the office door crashed open and Hayden turned in time to see Marcus standing in the door holding a gun. It was pointed at them! Fear froze her blood cold, but Brian was like a locomotive as he sprang forward. An explosion of sound engulfed her as Marcus repeatedly fired.

  It took only one second from the time he appeared in the door firing the gun, until the angry sneer dropped from his face, replaced by one of surprise as Hayden was flung half around by the force of a bullet hitting her. She felt one brief punch in her chest that took her breath away and as she fell face first to the floor, she saw Brian’s body fold. He was still trying to get to Marcus and she wanted to say stop. Stop Brian, he’s going to keep shooting you honey, stop… but Hayden’s world went black before she could say anything.

  ~Chapter 16~

  A WONDERFUL CAPACITY FOR HEALING

  “Hayden! Hayden!” She tried to open her eyes, but she was simply too tired. Oh! She had to get up and go to the gym.

  In her mind, she pictured her dragging herself out of the bed and going through her familiar morning routine. She was pounding the treadmill, but it was too hard to breath. Damn, it was almost like running for the first time. In her mind, she climbed down and dropped to her knees trying to find her breath, but she couldn’t.

  ~***~

  Hayden clawed at her throat as she tried to gulp down a choking breath. Something was in her mouth and she couldn’t breathe past it. She pulled it and felt a tube far back in her throat but hands quickly stopped her, gripping her wrists gently but firmly.

  “Hayden! Doctor, someone, she’s awake!”

  Hayden blinked in panic as she tried to find her breath beyond the tube that was buried down her throat. Brian’s pale face was there and the sight of it shocked her. He was holding her wrists and she wanted to explain that she couldn’t breathe, that she was dying. Yet for some reason, he just looked happy.

  Someone hurried into the room and a man dressed in a white lab coat stared into her eyes. “Cough Hayden. Cough and I’m going to pull out the breathing tube.”

  She tried to cough, but she still had no breath, however the tube was quickly pulled from her mouth in one swift but smooth motion and she immediately gulped down precious air.

  “Good job,” the man said. Now he was smiling too.

  Brian released his firm grip on her wrists and he started to laugh as he stared at her. She didn’t understand. Brian was laughing, but he didn’t even look like the Brian she knew. His normally clean-shaven face now sported dark fuzz and his shaggy blonde hair was limp and in need of washing.

  She couldn’t speculate about it much though because she was still having trouble breathing. The man placed a mask to her nose and mouth and at first she tried to turn away until she felt the air. Then in a split second, it all came together for her.

  She was in the hospital. She had been hurt… Brian had been shot!

  She looked at his smiling face. He’d gotten shot. She tried to ask if he was okay, but her throat wouldn’t allow even the faintest sound to escape.

  He was holding her hands and he kissed them. “Everything is okay, honey. We’re okay. We’re okay.” His gray eyes began to blur as unshed tears filled them, but even still, the smile remained on his face.

  ~***~

  Hayden slept then, a normal dreamless sleep that helped to renew her body. When she awoke for the second time, she was aware of all that had happened, but she was much more surprised at what she was seeing than the realization that she had been shot. MyKell was sitting on her bed. He was staring at her. Her brow furrowed in shock.

  “Hey,” he said quietly. She just blinked at him in confusion. “You left me as one of your emergency contacts,” he explained. “Your mom and dad too. They missed their first flight, but they should be here any time now.” He continued to gaze at her. “You scared me Hade…” He cleared his throat. “I thought I’d lost you forever.”

  “Where…?” her voice wouldn’t work. Where is Brian?

  Brian came forward and sat on the other side of her bed. He reached for her hand and held it. She gave him a relieved smile and gripped his hand in return. MyKell’s expression clouded and a moment later, he stood and retreated. Dani took his place before she gently rubbed Hayden’s shoulder.

  “You scared us all.” She kissed Hayden’s forehead. Then Hayden could see beyond her bed. The hospital room had several other people. Todd and Kia smiled at her from across the room and she smiled back. Dante was standing in the corner texting on his cell phone, and Mr. Fox was sitting in a chair looking like he had just awakened from a quick doze.

  Hayden reached up and touched her sore throat. “How long…?” Ugh, it was hard to talk.

  Brian responded. “You were just released from the ICU earlier today. You’ve been in the hospital for two days.” He looked around. “Everyone that’s been sitting in the waiting room finally got to come in to see you.” There were chuckles.

  “Not everybody,” Todd said. “Kevin is still out there. He’s a little…”

  Tell him to come in, Hayden thought while giving Todd a piercing look.

  Todd nodded. “Okay,” then he left the room to get Kevin. Kia just looked confused by the silent communication. Hayden turned her attention back to Brian.

  “Hurt?” was all that she could manage.

  “I’m okay honey.”

  Mr. Fox spoke from across the room. “He was shot Hayden.”

  Brian gave him a disapproving look.

  “She’s a smart girl Brian. Tell her.”

  Brian sighed. “Marcus is in custody. He had gotten it into his head that my dad was behind the sting. So when he was released on bail bond, he got wasted and…” Hayden squeezed his hand letting him know that it was okay.

  “He says that he wasn’t trying to hurt you, Hayden. He wasn’t even coming after me, but he was very wasted and thought he was shooting my… my dad. One bullet hit you in the chest. It cracked your ribs and settled in your left lung.” Brian cleared his throat sounding upset.

  Then Dani took over the story. “They did emergency surgery.” She glanced over her shoulder. “Called him… MyKell to sign the release and they got that bullet out. You lost a lot of blood, so you did get a transfusion which is the only reason you were allowed to wake up.”

  “Brian?” Hayden asked, wanting to jump ahead to his injuries.

  Brian took up the rest of the story. “I took a bullet to the side.”

  Hayden’s hands squeezed into fists.

  “It went completely through without hitting anything major.”

  “He was very lucky,” Mr. Fox commented.

  Brian nodded. “We both were. The bullet that hit you could have nicked your heart… my bullet could have hit my liver.”

  Mr. Fox stood and came forward. “I’m so sorry Hayden. You don’t know how sorry I am about this happening to you-”

  She shook her head firmly. It’s not your fault! He just looked down, not accepting that.

  He sighed. “Brian needs to rest.”

  “Dad!”

  “Brian needs to be in bed,” he continued.

  Hayden met Brian’s eyes. I love you so much.

  “I love you too.”

  Rest. Get better. Do it for me.

  He closed his eyes and then nodded.

  ~***~

  Dani was plumping the pillows behind Hayden. She had been home for two days and since her mom and dad had left, Dani was filling in and babying her.

  “MyKell called again.”

  “Ugh, no. What does he want?”

  “You. I think your mama has been encouraging him too.”

  Hayden’s eyes widened.


  “Your mama is a trip. She asked what anybody knew about that ‘White man’. Oh Hayden, I wanted to tell her so bad how much of a jack ass MyKell was, but I didn’t. You should’ve told them that you had met someone else. They think Brian’s just a stranger and your parents are calling either me or that fool about watching you.”

  “Oh my God, oh my God.” Now she understood why MyKell kept calling; her parents had encouraged it!

  “It’s okay. They’ve gone home now. But you need to finish this with MyKell once and for all.”

  Hayden closed her eyes tiredly. “Hand me the phone.”

  His number was programmed into her phone—thanks to her mother who had done it one night when she had been knocked out on Vicodin. She called his cell number. He answered on the first ring.

  “Hade? You okay?”

  Ugh… she hated that nickname now.

  “I’m okay. Hey, I thought you and I should have a talk. Would you come over?”

  His hesitant response followed. “Sure. But everything is okay, right?”

  She grimaced at his concern. “Yes. Can you come over at about five or six?” Brian would be over in the early evening and she did not want the two of them in the same room again.

  There had already been some drama that developed over the last week, although it had resulted in some positive changes between Brian and Dani. Dani actually liked Brian now.

  Hayden finished her brief conversation with MyKell and handed her phone back to Dani. As the pain in her chest began to intensify, she tried to find a comfortable position to relax against the pillows and a moment later the pain subsided.

  “So he’s coming over?” Dani asked. “You want me here? I’ll mean mug his ass.”

  Hayden grinned. “You are crazy. I think I can handle him. I’m just not sure why he thinks that I’d have any interest in him at this point. I haven’t even tried to contact him once in all this time. And I certainly haven’t made any attempts to come on to him or to lead him on even if my Mama has been doing it for me.” She shook her head in disbelief. “He’s seen me hugged up with Brian, so where this is coming from is just crazy.”