Contradictions

  The three of them stood on the front porch as we drove away, waving until the car was out of sight. I felt the usual pinch of sadness I always got when I left home. It was so easy to fall into the family routine when we were together. I even missed Baxter, the devil cat, every time I left.

  Once we made it past the town limits, my attention shifted to Trent. I felt like a sap as I gazed at him happily. I studied his features as he drove, wondering how I’d missed how handsome he really was. All the things that used to bug me about him now turned me on. I adored the way his glasses slid down his nose, and could clearly picture plucking them off his face as he positioned himself over me. I shifted in my seat slightly, getting hot and bothered just at the thought.

  Trent continued to drive, unaware of my observations. We both remained relatively silent most of the way, except for some occasional small talk about the weather. Even after what we had shared last night, I was afraid to talk about us, as in us, the couple. He had admitted having fantasies about me, but what if that was all they were? Maybe all he wanted was a friend-with-benefits kind of relationship. I hated myself for feeling this way, but it was my own fault for falling for him. I couldn’t help thinking that if I brought it up, I would somehow jinx us when I was the one who now wanted more.

  With each mile that passed, I became more worried and apprehensive. My month of mandatory tutoring ended on Wednesday, and that would be it for us. For the first time since our sessions started, I wasn’t ready for them to come to an end.

  As Trent pulled down the street leading to my apartment, I reminded him about my tutoring sessions ending soon. I tried to sound conversational and like I wasn’t probing for an indication that we were now more than just an obligation. That was me, after all. Never show any weakness. That was my mantra.

  “It’s not like we won’t see each other every day,” Trent said as we pulled into my apartment complex.

  “Does that mean you plan on stalking me?” I joked, trying to make light of how I was feeling, which was pretty damn confused at the moment.

  “You better believe it,” he said, turning off the car. Neither of us made a move to get out, even though the atmosphere in the vehicle had taken a sharp turn into Awkward-as-hell-ville. “Looks like snow,” he commented, breaking the silence. He peered out the windshield, looking up at the sky.

  “Probably. I’m surprised we haven’t gotten a heavy snow yet,” I said, not quite believing we were talking about the weather again.

  “So, do you want to stay the night at my apartment?” His voice shook a little. Damn, he was so freaking cute. I could eat him up.

  “Hell yes,” I answered.

  He didn’t miss a beat. He threw the car in reverse and pulled out of my parking lot before I had a chance to change my mind. Little did he know there was no chance of that.

  I laughed at the melodrama that had gone on in my head earlier. Thankfully, I wasn’t the only one obsessing about our new relationship. Well, not thankfully, but I was glad he was stressing also. Let’s just say I was relieved that I hadn’t put myself out there for nothing. Within minutes, Trent was pulling into a parking spot behind his building. “You sure?” he asked. “Maybe it’s too soon for this. It’s probably too soon for this, right?”

  His nervous energy was sexy, and I wanted him to see just how badly I wanted him. I snagged his hand, bringing it up to my lips. “It’s not too soon, and believe me when I say I couldn’t be more sure if I tried,” I reassured him.

  My words were all the prompting he needed. We got out of his car and carried our bags into his apartment.

  “So, are you hungry?”

  “Uh, sure,” I answered. He was clearly nervous.

  “Oh, okay. We can order a pizza or something,” he said, taking a step back.

  I snatched his hand before he could walk away and tugged him toward the bedroom.“How about if we work up more of an appetite first?” I’d never really taken the dominant role in an intimate situation, but I sensed he needed a little coaxing. I found the role reversal to be a pretty heady experience.

  The late-afternoon sunlight streamed through the curtains as I stepped into his bedroom for the first time. I took a moment to take in the furnishings that matched, just like the rest of his apartment. His OCD was something I’d come to appreciate. The fascinating part was the king-sized bed in the middle of the room.

  “King-sized?”

  “I like to spread out,” he said, placing his hands on my waist. “That’s why I have my own apartment. I realized freshman year I wasn’t suited for roommates. By midyear, my roommate was ready to kill me . . .” His voice trailed off as I began to unbutton his shirt.

  “Are we going to talk about furniture, or are we going to use it?” I asked, helping him slide out of his shirt.

  He answered by pulling me into his arms. My hands splayed across his back as his lips found mine. We stood in the middle of his room discovering each other. I can’t even say for sure how it happened, but somehow our clothes managed to end up in a pile on the floor.

  I usually preferred the lights off and the room to be pitch-black to hide my flaws. I tried to edge us toward the bed so I could at least hide beneath a blanket, but Trent held me in place as his lips trailed down my neck and over my shoulder.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I thought we’d be more comfortable on the bed,” I said, inching us closer. “Under the covers,” I added.

  “Are you cold?” He looked concerned but went with the flow, allowing me to lead us to his large bed.

  I could have lied. I almost did, but the truth leaked out before I could tamp it back. “I’m not cold. I just prefer to do this part in the dark or under the covers.”

  He looked confused. “Why?”

  “Because, I don’t like people to see my flaws,” I admitted, exasperated.

  “Flaws? You’re kidding, right?” He took a step back to admire my body.

  I felt like I was on display and had to fight the urge to snatch the comforter from his bed to hide behind. “You don’t have to flatter me, Trent. I’m not going anywhere.” My voice cracked slightly. I knew my body wasn’t perfect. Jackson had reminded me countless times while we dated.

  “Tressa, come on. You’re smarter than that.”

  I cut him off. “Are you calling me stupid?”

  “If you think there’s anything wrong with your body, then yes, I am,” he said, circling his hands around my arms. His eyes scanned my body from head to toe. “Because from where I’m standing, everything looks damn perfect.”

  He unexpectedly swept me off my feet and carried me to the bed. We tumbled down together, laughing until he began to trace the curves of my body with his fingers. I closed my eyes and allowed my body to completely relax while he switched to using his mouth. He started at my shoulders, kissing his way across my neck. I raised my hands to his chest, but he pushed them back down. “Just relax and let me play,” he said.

  He continued to kiss his way down to my breasts while his free hand moved between my thighs. I couldn’t stop my body from reacting to his touch. Just lying there without being able to use my hands on him was torture.

  “I want you now,” I insisted. He climbed on top of me, using his knee to spread my legs apart. By the time he leveled his body over mine, I felt like I would die if he didn’t ease the throbbing inside me. My hands looped around his neck, pulling his mouth to mine as he entered me. Our bodies moved in a synchronized rhythm as we both sought release. I felt my orgasm approaching, but I fought to hold it off, not wanting the moment to end. I could tell Trent was close as his movements became faster and more forceful.

  “Together,” I whispered, looking into his eyes. Neither of us was able to hold back any longer.

  He answered by plunging deep inside me one last time, sending us both over the edge. He kissed me tenderly before collapsing on top of me. Deep shudders rippled through him. I stroked a hand down his back, marveling at how good he felt against me. I f
elt completely sated and could have purred like a pleased feline. Sure, it’d been a long time for me, but I couldn’t remember it ever being like this.

  It took several minutes for both of us to catch our breath. Trent headed to the bathroom while I snuggled under the blankets, too lethargic to move. I was more asleep than awake when he left the bathroom. He climbed into bed and slid his arms around me before we both drifted off in each other’s arms. Another first for me. Wait until Brittni found out. There was no way she would believe it.

  21.

  The weeks following the Halloween festival passed so quickly I barely had time to catch my breath. My academic probation ended without any hoopla. I barely noticed. Trent continued to tutor me since the majority of my days were spent with him anyway. After our first night together, I pretty much spent every night at his apartment. Being with him was a new experience. He was attentive in and out of the bedroom and had a way of making me feel treasured. I was pleased that the passion that had consumed us so completely the first night didn’t fade like it had in some of my previous relationships.

  During the day, we fell into an easy routine. Trent did a lot of freelance work from home, but most of the time he saved it until I went to work. If something important did come up that he had to finish, it gave me an excuse to stay caught up on my own classwork.

  Every few days I would return to my apartment to grab new clothes and other necessities. Derek seemed cool with my absence, but Cameo had returned to ignoring me like she had after David’s accident. Ever since her breakup with Chad, it was like she didn’t care about anything. I knew from texts and chats with Derek that she was partying hard. I’d tried to get her to come over and hang out with Trent and me, but she blew me off, saying my “married-couple social life” wasn’t for her. Her words rubbed me like salt in an open wound. I thought we were the kind of friends that could be happy for each other. Regardless of whatever Cameo’s problem was, I wasn’t about to let it burst my happy bubble.

  Before I knew it, Thanksgiving had snuck up on us, and Trent and I were heading back to Woodfalls. We both had mixed emotions about the trip home since we obviously wouldn’t be sleeping together while we were there. We’d grown so accustomed to being together at this point that neither of us was looking forward to four nights in separate beds. I teased him that he was going to have to sneak through my window every night.

  As it turned out, we only spent two days in Woodfalls. Larry called from Javalotta, asking if I could cover two double shifts over the weekend since two of the girls had come down with the flu. At least I’d gotten to eat Thanksgiving dinner at home. It would have sucked to miss my mom’s famous stuffing. She was also nice enough to load me up with a bag of leftovers to take with me. Since Trent and I had driven to Woodfalls together, he ended up returning to MSC also. I felt bad about pulling him away from his family during the holiday, but he assured me that he’d much rather be with me. I couldn’t have agreed with him more.

  • • •

  December started with a blizzard that closed the campus for two days. Several dorms lost power, but the utility trucks seemed to be working around the clock to remedy the situation. Derek and Cameo showed up at Trent’s apartment the first night of the blizzard when our apartment became a casualty of the power loss.

  Cameo’s attitude thawed out long enough for us to have a mini snowed-in party. We stayed up late eating junk food and watching comedies from the eighties. It almost felt like old times—minus the frat house and coolers full of booze. We ended up sleeping in late while the storm continued to rage outside.

  By midday, the storm lost steam, and Cameo and Derek found out from a neighbor that power had been restored to our apartment. They decided to head out, thanking Trent for letting them crash.

  Life after the storm returned to normal, or at least what was our new normal lately. Trent was working longer hours in the lab, and I stayed busy working at Javalotta and studying for finals, which were coming up before the Christmas holiday. Statistics was still a thorn in my side, and Trent tried to help me study as best as he could, but he was having his own issues in the lab. I was sort of living back and forth between Trent’s apartment and my own place with Derek and Cameo.

  By the second week of December, all the studying and working with no playing was beginning to make me a dull girl. It didn’t help that everyone seemed to be talking about some holiday party every time I turned around. My resentment over missing all the fun started making me edgy, and I found myself snapping at everyone.

  Trent was a trouper through my mood swings. He kept assuring me that once my finals were over, I’d feel less pressure. I hoped he was right. Of course, if I failed my statistics final, I would probably go postal after what a pain in the ass that class had been.

  In the end, I felt like all my finals went off without a hitch. I’d done everything I could, and the only thing left to do now was wait for my grades. Well, that and celebrate a little, which Trent and I did by going to Shirley’s Secret Club.

  “Still not sick of this Boy Scout?” Peewee asked, letting us in. “I could show you a good time,” he added, winking outrageously.

  “Hmm, let me mull that over,” I answered.

  “Get your own girl,” Trent intervened, pulling me tightly against him.

  Peewee and I laughed. “I guess that’s a no,” I said, blowing him a kiss as Trent propelled me to the main room.

  His jealousy was funny. It was nice to matter so much to someone. The feeling was mutual, and I found myself struggling with my own jealousy when the waitress who dropped off our food started flirting with him. I handled the situation in my own mature way by accidentally knocking into her hand while she held a pitcher of water. The clear liquid drenched the front of her shirt, making her shriek in surprise. It took all my self-control to not laugh out loud.

  Trent handed her napkins while I apologized insincerely.

  “You did that on purpose,” he stated once she left our table.

  I didn’t even try to pretend as I dipped a fry in ketchup. “So?”

  “Why would you do that?” He looked intrigued.

  “Because she was flirting with you, and I didn’t like it,” I whispered as a guy with a goatee stepped onstage through the parted curtain. He delivered a long-winded poem that completely lost me. Once he mentioned something about rubber ducks and finding your inner peace with chain-link fences, I didn’t see the connection and tuned him out.

  “So, anyway, are you jealous?” Trent asked once the reading was over. His tone sounded like he couldn’t understand why I would feel that way.

  I looked at him balefully. He really was slow on the uptake sometimes. “Of course,” I replied. “Do you have a problem with that, Geek Boy?”

  “Hell no.” He sat back in his chair, looking like a toddler who’d just been handed a giant cookie. I should reel him in. He was on the verge of developing a major ego. Of course, it was hard to blame him when my feelings were becoming pretty damn obvious. It was no secret to our friends and family that I was seriously crushing on him. Mom even dared to mention the L-word on Thanksgiving, but I told her to stuff that. We were far from using that word.

  “Don’t let it go to your head, stud. I’m naturally a jealous person,” I said, wanting to save face.

  “No, you’re not,” he said, turning serious. He laced his fingers through mine, looking to make his point. “Matter of fact, you’re a lot like a Tootsie Pop.”

  “You’re comparing me to a candy?” I had no idea where he was going with this, so I didn’t know whether to be insulted or complimented.

  “Yes, you have a hard exterior with a soft, delectable interior, like a Tootsie Pop.”

  “Um, thanks. I’ll try not to let your compliment go to my head.”

  He looked pensive for a moment. “Yeah, it sounded more romantic in my head. Would it help if I said you’re like the orange-flavored ones to me?”

  “Because you love the orange ones?”

 
“Exactly. See, I knew we could figure this out,” he said, turning back to the stage as a young girl stepped up to recite a poem about lost love that floated away like a kite caught in a gust of wind. I watched her blankly, which I’m sure looked like I was into her reading, but really I was trying to sort through Trent’s words. Had he just told me he loved me in his own goofy way?

  The young girl finished her poem and swiped away a stray tear from the corner of her eye. Trent regained my attention by squeezing my hand. “You’re freaking out, right?” he asked, looking pleased with himself.

  “Well, it’s not every day my boyfriend compares me to his favorite candy,” I said, skirting around the subtle elephant that he had let in the room.

  I could almost see the words in his eyes before he opened his mouth to speak. “Tress, I love you.”

  “Well, goody for you,” I said, acting unconcerned. My heart was racing and felt like it was trying to jump out of my chest. I knew what my feelings were for Trent, and now I knew where he stood. I just didn’t know we were going to blurt it out tonight. It’s not like it would be the first time I’d said the words. Jackson and I had said we loved each other. Of course, we were teenagers. When you’re in high school, you fall in and out of love every other week. That was my relationship with Jackson. Fight and break up. Apologize and make up. It happened over and over again for nearly four years. Eventually, even after getting back together, we sort of stopped saying we loved each other. I’m not sure how or when it happened, but it did. After that, love became sacred for me. I promised myself I’d never say it again unless I was absolutely sure it would mean something. For a while, I doubted whether I’d get the chance. I’d seen real love firsthand with my parents and most recently with my two best friends, so I knew it existed.