All That I Am (Men of Monroe Book 1)

  “Sasha, calm down,” Ben voice echoed through the room. “Do not react.”

  “React? I’m not reacting. I’m pissed.” I had no idea where my strength had come from, but all I knew was that this was not how it was going to end. I refused to be a player in some screwed up game the O’Leary’s had come up with. “Tell me how this ends. What do you want?”

  “Now you’re negotiating,” Holly scoffed. “This should be good.”

  “Let Drew go, and I’ll stay,” I pleaded, begging to both of them to find some decency in their crazed heads. I had no idea if it would work, but I had to try everything because I knew there was no way Ben and Austin would let anything happen to me. That’s what I was holding on to. “I'll do whatever you want, as long as you let Drew go.”

  “Sasha, no,” Drew muttered, his voice sounding distant although he was right near me. “I’m staying.”

  “What do you want? Tell me,” I said, my voice getting louder, my desperation getting extreme. “Edward, what the fuck do you want?”

  “Sasha, do not engage with him,” Ben yelled from the other side of the room. “Look at me.”

  “Do not look at him,” Edward hissed, and the evil that flashed in his eyes caused me to shudder with fear, and it took all of my diminishing strength to keep hold of his gaze. “That's a good girl.”

  “O’Leary, this is not going to end well for you, so step the fuck away.”

  “Ben, stop talking,” I cried out as Edward’s face transformed to fury, and he took a step toward me.

  “Listen to her, Hunt. You’ve really pissed me off now, so I’m going to enjoy every minute of this and when you hear her screaming, know that it’s because of you.” Edward grabbed at my arm and pulled me away from Holly and toward Drew’s office. “Holly, if anyone moves, shoot them. Oh and just a warning, if I hear anything out here, I will kill her. If I hear the slightest indication that you’ve moved, I will kill her. Now, I’ve been waiting years for this moment, so it’s time I took it.”

  “What about Drew? That was the deal.” I said, my voice sounding stronger than I felt.

  Edward scanned the room and focused on Missy. “You take him out.”

  Missy rushed toward Drew who continued staring at me. All I could do was hope that he could see what I was trying to do. He had to know that I would do anything for him but it wouldn’t come to that. I was holding onto the hope that Ben and Austin would get us out of this. What was the point of living if you didn’t have hope?

  “Sash, I’m not leaving.”

  “You have to.”

  “This is bullshit,” He growled, as Missy put her arm around his waist. “You are dead O’Leary.”

  “Pretty sure you shouldn’t be making threats right now, Hamilton.”

  My heart felt lighter knowing that two people I loved were getting out, and I knew the minute they were outside that help would be on its way.

  Fear crawled up my spine when Edward pulled on my arm. With one final look at Ben, I found strength in the subtle chin lift he offered me. I hoped and prayed that it meant that somehow this was not going to turn out like Edward anticipated. I stumbled into the office, swaying on my heels, and Edward closed the door and stole away any thought of safety that I was clutching onto.

  “Been waiting a long time for this Sasha.” I slammed my eyes closed at his words. “Going to enjoy every moment of this. Where should we begin? Pussy? Mouth? Or Ass? I’m claiming every part of you tonight, but I’m a gentleman, so I’ll give you the choice of where we start.”

  How could he possibly believe he would get away with this? The look in his eyes as he mentally undressed me was an indication that he didn’t care about anything besides getting what he’d been trying to get since I was a teenager. He stalked toward me like a lion stalking his prey, and I backed up until the desk hit me and I was caged in.

  “Kind of wish we could bring your boyfriend in here. I would have liked to show him what I planned on doing to you but we know he has a temper and he’d probably fuck it all up.”

  There was no way I was handing over my body to Edward.

  “Lay down on the ground,” he ordered, and after briefly hesitating, I obeyed. It was all part of a plan I didn’t quite know yet.

  What I did know was that I brought him in here to fight.

  He moved quickly.

  His hand disappeared up my skirt, and I froze. I wasn’t wearing panties. This was meant to be Ben. My body went tight as he hovered over my body, his eyes narrowing onto my heaving chest. My sense of fight kicked in. His plan was to ruin me, so I was going to fight him. I clawed, scratched, kicked, elbowed and punched. I connected at times and missed at other times. This was not going to happen. The first time his fist connected with my face, I gasped. Even though anything was possible when it came to Edward, I was still shocked that he hit me. Pain radiated through my face, and my cheek burned. Then I attacked again. This time harder, and this time I screamed. His fist was harder this time, and it connected with my lower cheek, and the taste of blood swam through my mouth.

  His hand kept edging up my skirt and disgust coursed through me. I couldn’t let him do this. He had strength, power, and weight over me, but I had to find something.

  “Stop fucking moving,” he growled as I shook violently against him, trying desperately to remove his body from mine. “You keep moving, and I will tear your pussy to shreds once I get inside you. Do you want that? You want it rough?”

  I screamed in his face, hitting his chest before he hit me again. I didn’t know how many blows I could take, but I’d take as many as I had to, in order to stop him from doing this.

  The harder I fought, the more I prayed for my adrenaline to remain. I would not lose to him. As I pounded my fists on his chest, something out of the corner of my eye flashed and caught my attention. Desperate for Edward not to see, I took a chance and rolled onto my back, which allowed him to cover my body with his. He pressed his erection against me, and I swallowed back the bile that rose, and it enticed me to fight even harder. As he began to grind up against me, I twisted my face to the side and caught sight of David standing on the other side of the window with a finger to his lips.

  I hadn’t seen him since he’d met Bitchy Sasha when I’d stormed into the police station after the break in at Sass, but right now, he was the greatest thing I’d ever seen.

  At the same time as I heard ‘Go! Go! Go!’ being yelled by who I thought was Carson out in the bar, a piercing shriek tore through the office, after the window shattered and rained glass over me. Then everything stopped. Edward groaned, and rolled off me, and then there was silence. He was no longer moving, and when I looked at his lifeless body beside, I saw the blood leaking from his chest.

  I couldn't look away. I’d never seen a dead body before, let alone the body of someone who was, without a doubt, going to rape me.

  “Sasha, look at me, are you hurt?” David asked as he squatted in front of me wearing a bulletproof vest. The worry on his face made him look so much older than he was.

  “My cheek hurts, and I think I have a cut. But I’m okay.” I reached out and grabbed his hand, offering him the smallest smile. “You are getting so many candles for this,” I whispered, and my body went slack as the tension floated away. “Whatever you want, for life.”

  The door behind David burst open, and Ben rushed in, coming straight for me. He was the most beautiful sight in the world. Tears flooded my eyes as soon as he pulled me to my feet and crashed me against his body. Warmth, protection, and safety engulfed me, and I clutched onto his shirt. He was my lifeline.

  “Fuck, sweetheart. Are you okay? Did he…?” He asked, his voice rushed and deathly low.

  “I’m okay, and no,” I whispered, looking up at him. “What happened out there?”

  Relief swarmed Ben’s face, and then he quickly turned to David. “I owe you.”

  David shook his head. “She mentioned she was bringing me candles. Get her to forget the candles, and we are even.?
?? David said, low.

  Before I could say anything to David, Ben grabbed my hand and took me out of the office and away from O’Leary’s body. The shakes had started to overcome me. Shock was setting in. Silently, we walked through the main bar, and I kept my head down because I had no idea what had happened to Holly, and I didn’t want to see another body.

  The cool night air smacked me in the face when we exited Hamilton’s. Police cars surrounded the building with their lights flashing. I clung onto Ben’s hand even harder.

  “What happened in there?” I asked, repeating my earlier question. “Where’s Drew? Where’s Missy?”

  We came to a stop, and Ben spoke low. “Carson was on break and was making a call outside when it went down. As soon as the lights went out, he got into a position where he could see but couldn’t be seen. He called in for back up and worked on the plan with David. Fuck, if David hadn’t got that shot…”

  “He saved me,” I whispered. “But I went into the office knowing that you wouldn’t let anything happen to me. One way or another, I would be saved. I just had to get Drew out of there, and that’s the only way I could think of. Is he okay?”

  “Drew’s okay. He was taken to the hospital. Fuck, you are the strongest fucking woman I’ve ever met.”

  I gave him a weak smile. “I don’t feel very strong right now.”

  “Sasha, Ben.” David’s greeted as with a weak smile.

  I dropped Ben’s hand and crashed into David with such force that he stumbled back. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight. “Thank you,” I whispered as fresh tears hit my eyes. “Thank you so much. But are you okay? That was…”

  He squeezed me gently. “No need to thank me. And yeah, I’m okay.”

  I pulled away and took a step back so I can look at him. “Remember what I said in there. Candles for life, even if you don’t want them.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently. “And if you don’t stay being okay, please come and see me.”

  His mouth twitched, and he nodded. “I’ll remember that.”

  I pulled away and moved back to my favorite place.

  Ben’s arms.

  45

  SASHA

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked for what was probably the hundredth time. The look Drew shot at me told me it was more like the thousandth. “Okay, okay, gees, sorry about being worried about my brother who was stabbed!”

  “It was a flesh wound,” he muttered as if it was nothing. “I was almost asleep so shush.”

  “Did he just shush me?” I asked Ben in disbelief. “Is he supposed to sleep?

  Ben, Drew, Austin and I had just left the hospital and to be honest I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that Drew was in and out of hospital in a few hours.

  I’d been cleaned up, and the cut on my head needed two stitches, which would result in a little scar. I’d have a battle wound. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with that. If you survive the battle, the scars that remain are reminders of the resilience you possessed.

  “Squirt, I’m fine. I’m going to go home, take some meds, and sleep this shitty night away.”

  “There is no way you are going to be on your own. You are coming home with us. I’m going to look after you.”

  “You’re kidding yourself. I am not coming home with you, and you are nothing looking after me.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  Ben’s arm tightened around my shoulders. “Sweetheart, leave him be."

  I twisted and looked at Ben. “Since when have you two been best friends? You should be on my side."

  “Man, just come to my place and sleep for a few hours. Let her think she's won.”

  "You do realize I'm sitting right here, don't you?" I scoffed, glaring at Ben, who smiled in reply.

  “Believe me, we all know you are here, Sash." Austin laughed from the driver's seat.

  Silence fell throughout the car, and I snuggled up against Ben and rested on his shoulder. Out the window, I watched as an orange haze washed over Monroe as a new day began. People were out jogging, early morning risers were heading out for the day while we were just ending our night.

  Exhaustion began to settle within me, and as my eyes closed and I felt myself relax, the car began to slow down before coming to a stop.

  “Holy shit,” Austin muttered, and I opened my heavy eyes. Cars that I recognized lined both sides of the street, and Carson was standing out front with Ronnie, and both of them were staring at the car.

  “You okay to face this?” Ben asked softly after Austin and Drew had left the car. My eyes were locked on Ronnie pulling Drew in for a hug, and Carson shaking hands with Austin. “You want them gone, they'll be gone, but they are here because they love you and I don't think Crazy John will leave until he sees you are okay.”

  "I want to see them, but then I just want to be with you."

  His face softened. "I've never been as scared as I was watching what went down last night. I want you all to myself, so we will go in there, let them see that you are okay, and then I'm making them leave because you are not leaving my arms at all today." He grabbed me and pulled me against his body and held me tight. I began to shake against him. Finally being in his arms made me realize this was all over. Tonight, I witnessed two people I grew up with become monsters because of something that neither Drew nor I were a part of. I'd seen a man die tonight, and I felt no remorse. I felt relief for those people who will never have to suffer at the hands of him. And Holly who I still thought of as Shelley, she wouldn't see freedom again. How did they possibly think this was going to end? It was a question that would forever be unanswered, and I was more than happy to lock it away. But the one thing that was startling to realize was that I was okay. I was remarkably okay.

  "It's over," I whispered, as I grabbed ahold of his shirt. "It's over, and I'm okay."

  He pulled away and leaned his forehead softly against mine. "Yeah, sweetheart. Thank fuck you are okay."

  Di, Gigi, Paige, Austin, Missy and Crazy John were waiting in Ben's living room when we walked in the house, and we were closely followed in by Ronnie and Carson. Gigi and Di were fussing over Drew, making sure he was comfortable and Gigi was asking him what his favorite type of cake was. I had a feeling he was going to get added to the cake rotation after this. It only took a second before I was pulled away from Ben and engulfed in a Crazy John hug. He didn't say a word to me, but the strength of his arms around me told me everything he couldn't say.

  “I'm okay," I murmured against his chest and ran my hands over his back. "We are okay."

  Against me, I felt his body shake, and that was all it took for the emotion of the past twenty-fours to overflow. I stood in the middle of Ben's living room and cried in the arms of the man who'd been my family since I was six. I cried for my dad who was taken from us way too soon, I cried for the thirteen years I’d spent worrying about a woman who never worried about me, but mostly I cried as I said goodbye to the broken woman I was and welcomed in the brand new version of me.

  “Where are my babies?”

  As if the nightmares of the past twenty-four hours weren't enough, I couldn't believe I heard the voice behind me. Everyone in the room reacted. Ben sitting beside me shot off the couch, Drew’s anger spiked through the air, and Missy came straight to me.

  Our eyes connected and with the briefest nod, she knew what she was about to witness, and a smirk flashed across her painted red lips.

  "Love you, Sash," she declared softly so only I could hear, and it was the added ammunition I needed.

  "You are not here," I snapped, pushing myself up from the couch, and spinning around. “You did not just walk into my boyfriend's house uninvited.”

  My mother stepped into the living room, dressed to the nines, with full hair and makeup and looking like she had the best sleep of her life. What she didn't look like was a mother who'd been worried about her children who'd just experienced a new kind of hell. “Sasha, I need to expl—”

  "What p
art would you like to explain first? That you were fucking Mr. O'Leary for six years? That I have a sister that I didn’t even know existed? Oh, wait, how about we start with you turning up after thirteen years because the O'Leary's were fucking over your children and you were coming back to see what kind of money you could get.”

  It was time to cuss, and I didn't care who was around.

  "They were blackmailing me!" she cried and rushed toward me.

  Carson cut her off. "Don't even think about it,” he warned.

  I sighed in frustration. "With what?"

  Her eyes dropped to the ground, and she refused to look at anyone. "There's a tape."

  I glanced at Drew, and he looked like he was barely holding on. His face was frozen, his jaw tight, his eyes narrowed, and his fist clenched. Paige sensed my escalating concern and rushed to him before he did something that might get him in the world of trouble.

  When I knew Drew was okay, I turned back to my mother. “So, you only came back because there is a tape of you doing God knows what and the O'Leary's threatened they'd release it? It had nothing to do with getting paid?” Her face blanched and her throat bobbed as she swallowed. “Yes, mother, he made it very clear to us that you were part of this. How could you do this? What did Dad ever do to you?"

  “He was never home! He left me with two kids while he took over Hamilton's and spent all of his time there. When he was home, all he wanted to do was sleep. How do you think that made me feel?”

  “So, he was working hard to provide for his family, and making it so you didn't have to work, and you were frustrated because you had to stay home with your kids?" I stared at her and scoffed, "Sorry for being such an inconvenience to you."

  I jumped when Crazy John’s roar came from the other side of the room, and I spun to find him glaring at my mother.

  “Get out of here.”

  “Clancy, you don’t understand.”

  Crazy John’s glare intensified. “Woman, there are only a handful of people in this room that have the right to call me that, and you are not fucking one of them." He stormed toward her, and she began to retreat. "You got Sasha and Drew hurt, you fucked up their business, you've been fucking up their lives for thirteen years, and now you've walked into Sash's man's house uninvited, and you didn't even are if they are okay? And this is all because of some fucked up tape?”