The Way Back To Me (Back To Me #1)

Cameron Stone is in love with me.

  ***

  "I need to change," I tell Cam as we walk into the dorm room.

  "Me too."

  "You want to wear some of my leggings?" I tease.

  "No. No fucking way. Those things remind me of the spanks that were semi-permanently wedged up my ass on Halloween. Fuck the fuck no," he says and I laugh.

  "Tell us how you really feel," Alexa jokes.

  "I left a bag here the other night," he mutters, walking into my room, and as he does, he reaches around and tugs at the seat of his jeans.

  I snicker. "Mr. Hairy Legs didn't like the spanks."

  Alexa looks at me, a huge grin on her face.

  I look down. I'm a mess, dripping water from the rain all over the place. What's to grin at?

  "What?" I ask when I can't take it anymore.

  "I never imagined you'd fall for my brother."

  I freeze. Have I? He makes me happy. He is the one I turn to when I need to talk about things. I trust him. He lights my body on fire in a way I've never experienced. He's become my best friend… and so much more.

  Shit.

  This is so different from Danny. So very different. Danny and I were relaxed and we just kind of happened. We had chemistry and being each other's firsts felt right, but he didn't ignite passion in me the way Cameron does. Not even close. Is it wrong to compare? Is that what I'm doing? Not really comparing but… noticing the differences. Comparing Danny to Cam would be like comparing a campfire to a wild fire—where one takes time to get burning at just the right pace, gradually over time; the other spreads rapidly, burning with vigor and passion.

  "I-I…" I stutter, reaching blindly behind me for the edge of the chair, slowly lowering myself into it. I'm not ready. I need to take care of things first, before I can admit this to myself or anyone.

  "You do," Alexa says excitedly. "You're in love with him."

  "God. Lex. Don't say a word about this. Promise me." Promises between us are unbreakable. We vowed that when we were in grade school. Back then she'd hung out with us a lot, but she kind of drifted off to the more nerdy kids instead of the athletic ones—where I should have been.

  "I don't get it. You love him and he totally loves you. What's going on?" she asks.

  "Promise me."

  "Fine, I promise, but explain a bit would you?" I can hear her frustration, I even understand it, but right now I can't explain it to her… not until I think it through and figure out how to move forward.

  "I have something I need to do first, before I can take that step. I'm not ready just yet," I tell her, hedging a bit, hoping it's enough.

  She huffs. "Is this guilt again? You have been hanging onto that guilt like a lifeline and only recently have I seen you try to shake it off, but you need to step it up and give it a shove in the other direction or you won't ever be able to move on."

  I don't like being told to do—and for her to try to tell me how to handle my guilt or anything else from the accident and losing my entire world, how fucking dare she?

  "You don't know what you're talking about."

  She leans forward, her eyes blazing. "I do. I understand it, truly, but you're too young to live like this."

  "You understand it?" I ask softly, then I shake my head. "You think you understand, but you don't understand shit!" I shout, my temper growing at Alexa thinking she knows. No one knows.

  Cam comes walking out of my room, pulling his shirt on, a frown on his beautiful face. "What's going on?"

  Maybe I'm hormonal. I don't know. But what Alexa said has pissed me off to the point my chest is tight, heaving, and I want to hit something or someone. I've never wanted to hit anyone before, not like this.

  I let out a bitter laugh. "Alexa thinks she understands what I've been through."

  "With the accident?" he asks.

  "Yep. She thinks she knows what's best for me. Apparently I'm not moving along at her pace," I bite out. "Well, she doesn't know shit. She doesn't understand… no one fucking understands!" I yell.

  "Liv…" Cam begins.

  I shake my head. "No. Let me get this out."

  He nods and sits in the chair, uneasy, unsure, but letting me do what I need to do.

  "You think you understand. You think you know. But you don't. No one knows. No one," I tell them, whispering the last word. "I haven't told anyone." My voice cracks and I don't bother trying to stop the tears. It's futile.

  "You don't understand," I repeat, "but now you will."

  CHAPTER 1

  6

  "It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light."

  - Aristotle Onasis

  Olivia

  "We'd been at the beach party. You know, on graduation, and it was my turn to be the DD, but Simon wasn't feeling well, he had strep throat and was on antibiotics, so he wasn't going to be drinking He'd just gotten the new Mustang for his graduation present and he threw a tantrum until I agreed to let him drive. Far be it for me to deny him the opportunity to show off his new wheels," I grin a little at the memory.

  Simon tosses his keys in the air, catching them with his left hand. "We're ridin' in style tonight, baby!" he says, wrapping an arm around Cassidy, grinning like a loon. Cassidy just shakes her head and laughs.

  "If you decide you want to drink, I'll drive," I tell him and he gives me a look.

  "Livvy, I love you, but you're not driving my car."

  I pout a little, sticking out my bottom lip, knowing he can't resist that.

  "Why not?"

  He sighs. "Don't use the lip. That's not fair."

  Danny laughs beside me.

  I continue to pout and Simon sighs. "Fine. I'll let you drive."

  I grin and clap a little.

  "But not tonight," he adds, my excitement deflating quickly.

  "Just go ahead and pop my balloon of happiness, why doncha?" I tease.

  He chuckles. "I just did."

  "Bully."

  He shakes his head. "Nope, that's not me. That's Cameron Stone."

  At the name I shudder. The things he's said to me. So cruel and unwarranted. Danny pulls me into his side, lifting an arm around my shoulders.

  "Don't worry, Olive. He's not going to be there."

  "I know. It's just…" I shake my head, not knowing what I want to say.

  "Let's party and get laid, fuckers!" Phillip booms behind us.

  "Seriously," Cassidy says with a laugh.

  "I'm gonna find me some unsuspecting chick, lure her down the beach, and remind her why sex on the beach isn't a good idea," he tells us with a leer.

  "Gawd," I scoff. "You're such a pig."

  He shrugs. "I'm a teenage boy."

  "You're eighteen now, Phil. You can't use that excuse anymore," I remind him.

  "Yeah, eighteen makes you an adult," Cassidy adds.

  "Don't rain on my parade, you two. Just let me have my fun. It's our last summer before college and I'm going to sow some wild oats." He rubs his hands together and winks.

  "Dude," Danny begins, "You've sown so many oats already you've got more than that old Quaker dude."

  Danny's not very good with jokes, but we all snicker anyway.

  "No one would dare use those oats," I tell them.

  "Eww," Cassidy agrees.

  "Whatever, let's just go," Simon tells us and we all pile into the car. He's got the top down. It's June in North Carolina which is warm, but today is warmer than usual. We're all in tank tops and shorts trying to get our first burn of the summer over with.

  It doesn't take long for us to get there and I have to admit, Simon's car is pretty sweet. His stereo is decked out and his seats a white leather with red accents, while the outside is a sleek black with red trim.

  We all go our own way, talking to classmates we might not see again for a while—or ever. I watch Danny and he heads straight for the keg. I let out a sigh. It's going to be one of those nights.

  I find lemonade in a cooler and head over to the crowd to chat
.

  The day flies by and before I know it, people are starting to leave. I only saw Danny two or three times during the day and each time I did he was drunker than the time before. I managed to avoid him after that.

  "Let's go to my place," Phillip says. "My ma's up and said she'd cook us some breakfast."

  "Sweet," Simon answers and we all pile into the car.

  The top's still down and the cool wind as we drive feels good on my sunburn. I got a lot more sun than I'd counted on. I'll suffer for a couple days, but then I'll have my base tan and no more burning. I briefly think of my mom warning me about burning and skin cancer and vow to wear sunscreen for the rest of the summer—the lowest SPF there is.

  Simon's driving, Phil's in the passenger seat. Cassidy's behind Phil, Danny's behind Simon, and I'm in the middle.

  We're razzing Phil about not getting laid. He picked the girl least likely to screw him.

  "How the hell could I know she was a preacher's daughter?" he asks, getting a laugh from all of us.

  "And a virgin," Cassidy teases.

  "That too!" he shouts. "What the fuck? Josephine could have warned me about her cousin."

  I laugh. "Do you really think she was going to help you after you screwed her over last month?"

  He frowns. "Hey. I told her I didn't want a relationship. She knew but she went nuts anyway."

  Danny's getting handsy and I'm trying to avoid it.

  "When a girl has sex with a guy regularly, she thinks there's more to it," I inform him.

  Danny's tugging on my waist, trying to get me onto his lap so I unlatch my seatbelt and crawl over.

  "Unlike when a guy has sex. It means nothing," Cassidy sneers.

  "Not to all guys," Simon corrects and Cassidy's sneer turns into a small grin.

  Danny turns my head and starts kissing me. He tastes like beer—which I hate—and smells like it too, along with whiskey. When you're drunk too, it's not a big deal, but when you're sober, it's nasty.

  I kiss him for a while, his hands wandering over my body. The kisses are sloppy and wet, but I try not to mind.

  When I can't stand the smell anymore, I pull back from the kiss, turning in his lap, tilting my head to the side so the wind catches my hair, whipping it in all directions.

  "Christ, Liv. Do you have to do that?" Danny whines.

  I roll my eyes. "It feels good."

  "I can make you feel better."

  I sigh inwardly. He could if he was sober, but drunk? Not so much.

  I shift in his lap and that's when I see the lights. I lean forward, gripping Simon's headrest tightly. He must feel it because he nods his head letting me know he sees them too. His knuckles are white, he's gripping the steering wheel so tightly.

  "Are they racing?" I ask him, trying not to freak the others out. They're hammered and I want to let them enjoy their buzz.

  "Looks like," Simon murmurs.

  Phil's on his phone talking dirty to someone. Cassidy's on hers but she's on Facebook. Danny's finally given up—I think he might be feeling sick.

  "Buckle up, Livvy," Simon tells me and I nod, shifting off of Danny's lap onto the seat. Danny protests but I give him some lame excuse about it not being safe.

  They're so close now, the lights growing, the cars not slowing at all. They've got to have the needle buried as they race side-by-side on the two lane road, leaving us nowhere to go.

  I lean forward, still unbuckled. "What do we do?" I ask Simon.

  "I think if I slow up and pull off to the side a bit, I can hit the gas real fast and get around that dip before they hit me when they get here."

  "Think that'll work?"

  "They might clip the back end, but I think we might be okay," he tells me and I hear the uncertainty and fear in his voice. It equals mine.

  "One's falling back. I think we can make it," he says aloud, alerting Phillip, Cassidy, and Danny.

  "What the fuck?" Phil yells, panicked.

  "Get your belt on, Olive," Danny rushes, trying to help me.

  "I love you," I whisper and he kisses my lips.

  "I love you too. Click it!" he yells.

  I don't think we're going to get through this as easily as Simon said. In truth, I don't think he thinks so either. I lean back and go pull the straps to click my seatbelt closed, but I'm too late.

  It's like everything's happening in slow motion. The impact of the car hitting ours isn't so bad. We're spinning around and around like a top. We barely stop when the second car hits us in the back end. Somehow with all the spinning we'd ended up in the oncoming lane, the impact brutal and jarring.

  The car goes soaring toward the ravine and tree line. I hear screams—including my own. We're heading straight for monster of a tree and I know—I just know, this is going to be bad.

  It's the last thought I have as the world goes dark.

  When I wake up I hurt all over. I try to move, but the sharp stab in my leg has me screaming out in agony. I look down and see bone poking out in two places. I feel like I'm looking at someone else because I cringe and the only thing I think is, "That's so disgusting."

  Am I dead? Looking down at myself in some kind of dream? I move to sit up, slowly this time, feeling more than just the pain in my leg. There's a deep knifing pain in my side, neck, and lower back that steals my breath, but when I look up I see Simon's car and all of my pain disappears.

  The front of the car is crinkled up like an accordion. I'd never given that saying much thought until now. Now I know what that looks like.

  I have to get to them and make sure they're okay. If they need help… I pull myself along the ground, using my arms to inch me forward through the glass and debris, over thick tree roots. None of it matters. Only they matter.

  My leg is like dead weight, but I use the other one to help push me forward. It seems like it takes hours for me to get to Simon's door. The other side's wedged up against a huge boulder.

  The only sounds I hear are the hissing of Simon's engine, crickets, and distant sirens. They need to hurry. When I'm close enough to pull myself up, the strong metallic scent of blood mixed with oil and gasoline forces me to cough.

  "Livvy?" Simon croaks.

  "Y-yes. Let me try to get up," I answer hoarsely. I struggle but I get there, leaning on the side of the car, my broken leg dangling. Disgusting.

  "You okay?" he asks.

  "No," I answer honestly. "We need to get you out of this car."

  It's so dark. I can barely see him.

  "Can't," he tells me, then shines the light on his cell phone. I gasp aloud at the sight. The impact from the tree to the front of the car has pushed the entire engine back along with the dash—and it's all resting up against Simon's chest… like an accordion. I never want to hear that saying again. Ever.

  "Omigod." I reach in and try to shove, knowing it's a waste of energy. It's not budging.

  "Stop, Livvy," he instructs. "I'm stuck. We're gonna have to wait it out but I don't know how much longer I've got."

  "What do you mean?" I ask, staring into his cut, bruised, and bloody face, his lip swollen, a deep gash across his forehead steadily oozing blood.

  "My leg. It's bleeding, Liv."

  "Can we put something on it to help stop the flow? Put pressure on it?" I ask, stripping off my long tank top and leaving my tight white one. "Use this," I order, shoving my tank at him.

  He groans when my hand makes contact with his chest. Shit.

  "I put my sweatshirt down there already, but I can feel it again. I'm bleeding too fast."

  "The sirens are getting louder. They'll be here soon," I plead, hoping to God I'm right.

  "I tried getting the others to answer me, but they haven't, Livvy." He looks up at me with tormented eyes. "I couldn't look. I can't move enough to even see Phil. I need you to look if they need help, Livvy baby," he tells me, using his childhood nickname for me.

  I shake my head. Somehow I know. I already know, but he wants me to look. I don’t want to look. I don't want t
o see.

  But I take the phone from him and kiss him softly. "I-I'll look, Simon Pieman." His nickname isn't as cute as mine.

  "A kiss and a pretty decent look at your tits. At least there's a bright spot to this disaster," he teases, his smile strained. "Do it, Liv. Please. Look. I have to know." Before it's too late. I hear it but he leaves it unsaid.

  No. I refuse to believe he's going to die. He's alive. He's made it through the worst. He will make it. He has to.

  I nod and hold my breath, bracing myself for what I'm about to see. The light shines on the console between the seats and when I get to the white vinyl of Phil's, it's red. I swallow hard and take another deep breath to hold. I raise the light slowly. He's pinned but not as tightly as Simon. Hope blossoms only to quickly die when the light shines on Phillips beautiful face. His neck is bent… his eyes open and unseeing, his mouth open as if in a silent scream.

  A sob chokes me.

  "Fuck!" Simon says, as tears stream down his face, the tears mixing with the flow of blood, lightening it to a less harsh red. "How?"

  I don't know how I’m not bawling right now, if it's because I have to be strong for Simon to help get him through this or if it's because this feels like a really bad nightmare instead of reality. Whatever it is, I'm grateful for it.

  "His neck. There was nothing that could have been done. I think he probably went instantly, don't you?" I ask, needing that reassurance.

  Simon nods, sniffling. "Yeah. They say that they don't feel any pain. If he had to go, that's good."

  "Yeah," I say flatly.

  His eyes meet mine and they implore me, sad and frightened. He wants to know about Cassidy. Oh God, Oh God, Oh God.

  I shake my head. I don't want to. I don't… I can't, but looking into Simon's eyes again, I know I have to.

  I turn the phone so the light shines into the back seat and nothing could have prepared me for this. Nothing. I sob, long and low, almost a wail. It sounds like a wounded animal, but it's me.

  "How?" he asks again.

  "H-her head h-hit the b-b-boulder," I stutter out between sobs. So much blood. God, the blood mixed with something I should have never had to see in my lifetime—my best friend's brain matter, skin, face. Vomit rises quickly but I hold it down, barely, all for Simon. He needs me.