A Song for Silas

  When Silas was seated in the rocking chair near the bed, Grant seemed at a loss for words. He cleared his throat twice, and still he hesitated. Silas knew he was about to be thanked, and so he stepped in, hoping to put it off.

  “I’d like to come back, Grant.”

  “Come back?”

  “Yes. I have every confidence that you’ll be back on your feet, but I’d still like to come back and give you a hand.”

  “You don’t have to do that, Silas.” Grant was very pleased with the offer, but this young man had already done so much.

  “Actually, Grant, I’d be returning for selfish reasons. This is the first planting I’ve done on my own, and I’d like to see the fruits of my labors.”

  The older man’s hand came out and they shook. “Thanks, Silas. I’ll count on you. You come when you can.”

  “I’ll wait until my brother-in-law Mac starts his harvesting, and then I’ll write that I’m coming.” Silas stood to go. “Oh, ah, one more thing, Grant. Please don’t say anything to Amy about my coming back. I’d like to do that myself.”

  “Sure, Silas. I understand.” The men nodded to one another in understanding, and Silas exited the room.

  Silas sat despondently at the supper table and watched Amy look at everything but him. Even if he put a question to her directly, she answered his chin, never once looking him in the eye.

  Grant didn’t miss the byplay between Silas and his daughter, and he struggled to hold his tongue. He knew that whatever was between them they would have to work out. Nevertheless he would not stand for Amy being rude to Silas or making him feel unwelcome in their home.

  When Silas refused both a second helping of supper and dessert and excused himself from the table, Grant determined to talk with Amy. But once they were alone, Amy gave up all pretense of eating and sat looking at the door Silas had just walked through. Just the pain written on his daughter’s face was enough to stay any comment Grant had been ready to make.

  Amy was miserable. She knew Silas was hurting and the relationship they’d known was changed, possibly forever. Also, Silas was leaving tomorrow, and guilt lay heavy on Amy’s heart for the relief she felt. What was the matter with her? How could she be so cruel? If only Silas’ feelings hadn’t changed and they could have stayed just friends.

  Amy would probably have sat at the table toying with her food all evening, but Silas appeared in the doorway.

  “I’m not positive, but I believe Bev Randall is coming this way.” Amy rushed to the window, and Grant craned his neck to try and see.

  Amy turned back to the room. “It is Aunt Bev.” She paused and then added, “I’m not sure I want to know why she’s here.”

  “Well,” Grant spoke briskly to cover his own feeling of trepidation, “that won’t change the fact that she is. If someone will help me into the living room, we’ll find out what’s going on.” Silas moved to assist him. For all Grant’s businesslike words, Silas thought he looked worried.

  Clearly in a state of high agitation, Bev Randall would not take a seat. She paced back and forth as Grant sat watching her in bewilderment.

  “I was just furious when he told me. I stood up to Evan for the first time.” Here she stopped in front of Grant and faced him squarely. “I told him to reinstate your loan or I’d be on the next train out of town.”

  “Oh Bev, you didn’t!” Grant was truly horrified. As harsh as Evan’s actions had been, nothing was worth Bev and Evan’s marriage.

  “Yes I did, and I’m not sorry. Evan never tells me anything until the act is complete, or we could have avoided all of this.” Bev had resumed her pacing, but again she stopped and put a trembling hand to her throat. “I never dreamed he would do such a thing. That you should suffer for…”

  A short silence hung in the room. “Well,” Bev visibly composed herself. Once again the elegant banker’s wife was firmly back in place. “You’re going to think me a fishwife, screeching and stomping about. Now, Amy, I do believe I could do with a cup of coffee.”

  “Oh, of course, Aunt Bev.” Amy jumped up to do her bidding, still in a state of shock over all that had transpired.

  Bev stayed a long time and told them of the situation in town. “The townspeople this week have been out of their heads, storming the bank, sure that Evan was taking their money. There were stories of 40 robberies, if you can imagine. Their panic was so great, yet no one had a single fact. They were shouting at the sheriff for justice and, believe it or not, he came to the bank’s rescue. He’s a good man, you know.

  “Well, he told the bank patrons he had a full-scale investigation going on and that things were under control. He had already collected some valuable evidence, and none of it pointed to anyone at the bank. He was also putting extra men on the job in an attempt to curtail the thefts.”

  Bev left soon after her report, and Amy cleared away the cups before joining Silas and Grant in the living room. They sat and talked some, but each was emotionally drained and it wasn’t long before they were all seeking their beds and thanking God for a miracle in the form of Bev Randall.

  28

  Silas would have given much to go to the train station alone, but that would have left a horse in town for Amy to pick up and he did not want that.

  Arriving at the station, Silas assured Amy she need not stay, but she insisted. Now they stood on the station platform in painful silence, Silas towering over her, each one with so much and yet nothing to say.

  The train rumbled in the distance and Silas knew he had to tell Amy of his plans to return. “Amy, I need to tell you something.” Amy stiffened, mistaking his intention, and would not raise her eyes to his.

  “Amy, please look at me.” She did slowly, afraid of what she would see, but to her surprise Silas, the big brother, stared down at her.

  “I’m coming back in the fall to help with the harvest. I think your dad will be up and around, but I want to give him a hand.”

  Amy was obviously surprised. “You’re always so thoughtful, Silas. Thank you very much.”

  The train was coming into the station, and Silas raised his voice slightly to be heard. “Well, thank you for everything. I’ll see you in the fall.” Giving her a quick hug, he was saddened at how stiff she was in his arms.

  He broke the hug, but couldn’t bring himself to stop touching her. His hands lightly held her shoulders and he looked down at her tenderly.

  “I’m still your friend, Amy.” Silas couldn’t hold back the words. “And should you ever need me, I’ll come.”

  Amy could only stare at him, and Silas felt her relax beneath his hands. Moving slowly and giving her plenty of time to move away, Silas bent his head and brushed her lips with his own.

  When he broke the kiss, he was still so close Amy could feel his breath on her cheek. “Good-bye sweetheart.” His voice was a strained, husky whisper.

  Amy stood on the platform and watched until the train was out of sight. Relieved that Silas was gone, she was also glad he was returning. When he came back she was sure their old relationship would be restored, and even now she looked forward to the time. He was hurt now, but they would be friends again—of this Amy was determined.

  Of course, he might meet a nice girl this summer and get married before he returned. Amy refused to ask herself why this idea was not really very appealing.

  29

  Baxter, Wisconsin

  Grandma Em silently watched Silas across her kitchen table and wondered again what had really gone on in Neillsville. It had taken her a few minutes when he had arrived the night before to get used to him without a beard. After studying him a few moments, she decided she liked it very much.

  But more than just Silas’ physical appearance had changed. They had talked, sharing all the latest news, but something was not quite right. Amid the family news confirming Sue’s pregnancy, Luke’s hard work, and how much the nieces and nephews had missed him, Silas was strangely preoccupied.

  Silas had shared briefly of his stay in Neillsvi
lle and, in so doing, made Grandma Em even more sure that something was not right. He talked of the Nolans, the crops, the size of the church, the robberies and the bank run, and even someone named Thomas who was now married to Debra.

  Grandma Em’s mind kept returning to those two, wondering if they were somehow a key as to why Silas seemed upset. Silas evidently thought she knew who they were. But she didn’t and wondered what they had to do with Silas’ stay at the Nolans. She hoped in time he would talk to her of what he was really feeling or, to be specific, the real reason the sparkle had gone out of his eyes.

  “Gram, is there more coffee?”

  “Yes, I could use some myself. I’ll get it for you.” After she poured the coffee she remarked, “I haven’t read my Bible yet. Would you like to join me?”

  Silas smiled. “You know I would.”

  She read from Psalm 1:1-3.

  Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

  They prayed together and then shared another cup of coffee.

  “How are you planning to get home?” Grandma Em asked.

  “Well now, I’ve been thinking on that. I might just walk.”

  Grandma Em looked surprised. “Silas, I know very well the hard work involved in getting a crop in. You can’t really be needing more exercise.”

  “No,” he laughed, “I just thought it might be nice. It is a pretty day.”

  Grandma Em wasn’t fooled and could no longer keep her silence. “What’s her name, Silas?”

  “Am I that transparent?”

  Grandma Em didn’t answer, not having been sure until that moment if she was on the right track.

  “Her name is Amy Nolan.”

  “I take it you found she was no longer 14.”

  “No, she is definitely not 14. I almost wish she were.”

  “Does she know how you feel?”

  “Yes, I’m afraid I gave myself away just before I left. It was the last thing I wanted. We’re such good friends, and now she is no longer even comfortable around me. I don’t want her hurt.”

  “But you’re hurting yourself, Silas.” Grandma Em’s voice was filled with compassion.

  “You’re right—I do hurt. I hurt in a way I didn’t know was possible. I love her, Gram. I want her for my wife, but to her I’m just a big brother and she is sure Grant would never get along without her. Her plan is to live at home the rest of her life.”

  The two fell again into silence and then Silas said, “I’m going back. I told Grant I would come and help get his crops in. And when I go, I’ll try to repair our friendship. I’ll try to put things right.”

  “Maybe being separated for the summer will help.”

  “Maybe,” Silas sounded unconvinced even to himself. He missed Amy already.

  “Well, I better start home.”

  “Yes, you better. Christine will be delighted to see you. She said it’s been painfully obvious that Josh’s favorite toy is missing.”

  Smiling, Silas felt his heart lighten some. Even the ache in his heart did not diminish the joy of knowing he was almost home.

  30

  The walk home worked like a tonic on Silas. He was glad that most of the way was beyond the houses of town because he couldn’t wipe the smile from his face. Anyone watching would have thought him dim-witted.

  Silas felt not at all fatigued as he neared the ranch. In fact, when the house came into view, he began to run. Just as he hit the porch, the front door opened and Christine ran out. Silas grabbed her in a great hug, and Christine laughed with sheer joy.

  “Your beard!” Christine cried. She was staring at him, her mouth wide open. “I can’t believe you shaved your beard off! You look wonderful!”

  “Well, I’m glad you approve. For a minute there I wondered if you might not.”

  “It’s just that you look so different. My goodness, you’re almost as good-looking as Luke.”

  Silas laughed. “Now that’s high praise coming from a woman in love. By the way, where is the man in question?”

  “He’s right here,” a deep voice sounded behind them, “trying to figure out who the strange, beardless man hugging my woman is.” Luke came up the steps, and the two brothers embraced.

  “You know,” Luke commented, “I’d forgotten what you look like under all that fur. You’re not half bad-looking.”

  “Thanks,” Silas said dryly, but he was grinning.

  “Where’s Josh?” Silas asked of Christine.

  “He’s inside. Come on. Did you walk from the train station?”

  “No, I walked from Grandma Em’s. I got in last night.”

  “Josh, look who’s here.”

  Joshua Cameron was sitting on the kitchen floor contentedly chewing on a hard biscuit. Christine scooped him up, washed the crumbs from his face and hands, and landed him in the arms of his Uncle Silas.

  Silas held this treasured little boy and said nothing. He actually expected Joshua to reach for Christine, but for the moment Josh just sat looking solemnly up at the man holding him.

  Silas returned Josh’s solemn appraisal, looking deep into the inherited brilliance of the Cameron blue eyes.

  “Hi, Josh.” Still no change in expression. But Silas didn’t care—it just felt so good to hold him. Josh’s little hand reached up and tentatively touched Silas’ mustache. Silas held still as the tiny fingers explored his upper lip and the hair above it. Suddenly Josh giggled.

  The adults laughed, too, and Silas hugged the little boy fiercely to himself. His heart nearly burst with happiness. These people were his home.

  Dear Frank,

  I realize I have taken a long time getting back to you and I appreciate your patience. The job you offered me sounds wonderful, and I am greatly complimented you believe me capable, but I must turn the offer down.

  I do not answer you lightly. I have prayed long and hard over this, and for this reason I’m certain I should stay where I am.

  I hope we will continue to do business and remain well-acquainted in the years to come. Luke and I both greatly respect your knowledge and wisdom in our trade.

  Again, my thanks and hopes you will soon find a man to take on the position.

  Sincerely

  Silas Cameron

  Silas felt instant peace settle over him upon completion of the letter. Sitting at the desk in his room, he bowed his head.

  “Heavenly Father, thank You for giving me wisdom in this job offer. I could not gain perfect peace about it, and so I believe Your answer is no. Thank You, God, for this home and my work here. Please help me to know if I should build this year. I need to know what’s right. And please, God, help me to accept Amy as just a friend. I don’t want to hurt her, so please heal my heart and give me acceptance of her friendship and nothing more. Amen.”

  Silas had dreamed about Amy coming to him—dreamed that after he left she missed him so much that she jumped on the next train for Baxter. But it was just a dream, and Silas was going to have to accept the fact that she did not return his love.

  True, he was going back in the fall, but he could not go expecting Amy to run into his arms. He had Amy’s friendship, he hoped, and was going to work at keeping it. Every day he prayed for strength in this and knew God was already working. God had not deserted him, and Silas was determined to go on with his life.

  Settled back into his work routine and doing well in his determination to move ahead, a few days later Silas saddled a horse in the late afternoon and went for a ride. He ended up down by the creek in the spot Julia had written about in her letter.

  As Silas sat in this peaceful spot, he began to miss Julia so much he turned his mount toward the MacDonald farm. As he did so, he
realized it would need to be a short visit as Christine would soon be getting supper on.

  Silas was nearly on top of the farmhouse when he realized something was wrong. Julia and the boys were huddled together in the yard watching the house with fear-filled eyes. Spotting instantly the cause of their fear, Silas saw smoke coming from one of the kitchen windows.

  “Mac’s in there,” Julia cried as Silas jumped from his mount. “He pushed us out when a pan on the stove caught fire.”

  Silas ran for the house, his heart pounding in fear, but Mac had things well under control. Silas began to throw the remaining windows open while Mac pulled singed curtains off a window near the stove.

  Mac was not three steps out into the yard when Julia launched herself into his arms. Her body crashed against his with enough force to topple a smaller man.

  Julia was nearly hysterical in her sobbing, and the boys clinging to their parents’ legs were not much better off. Silas knelt down and hauled them into his arms. They accepted the comfort gladly and held on to his neck as the tears flowed freely.

  While Julia was gaining some control, Mac released her to gather his boys into his arms. Silas looked on as they shared a family hug. His look then swung to the house. It would need to be aired out and that would take a few days.

  There was little discussion as everyone seemed to be in a state of shock, but soon the wagon was hitched and Mac had his family loaded and on their way to Luke and Christine’s. Silas had assured Julia that whatever needed to be done could wait until tomorrow.

  Julia and the boys sat in the wagon, each with a bundle of clothes. Silas had ridden ahead, and Luke and Christine were in the yard as Mac drove the wagon in.

  They saw instantly that Julia was white with strain. “Come on, Julia.” Luke’s voice was tender as he lifted her down.