And Then There Was You

  He nodded and ran out of the room, and I followed him the second I had my clothes on.

  oOo

  It was the smell that got to me again, illness combined with intensive cleaning products. Having rushed out of the house without drinking anything, my stomach rolled over with nausea. But perhaps it wasn't just that; it was the memory of the last time I stepped through those doors. I tried to block it from my mind. I was happy. I didn't need reminding of that awful betrayal.

  'Lisa Grove, please,' said Adam to the nurse on reception.

  'I'm sorry?' she asked as she checked the monitor and shook her head. 'Nobody by that name has been admitted.'

  Adam shook his head. 'No, sorry, not Grove. Lisa Oakwood.'

  'Yes, of course,' she said, pointing to the screen. 'She's having some tests done at the moment. If you head on up to the waiting room on the third floor, the doctors will let you know as soon as they can.'

  Adam nodded and turned to walk away. I tried to keep up.

  When we reached the third floor waiting room, a stunning young woman with a mass of dark curls rushed towards us.

  'Daddy,' she cried.

  Adam opened his arms wide and pulled her to him. 'Amy, sweetheart. Are you alright?' he asked, as she sobbed.

  She shook her head. 'It was awful, Dad. She came into our room c...c-complaining of p-p-pain, and then she just c-c-collapsed.'

  I stood helplessly beside them, as he rubbed her back tenderly.

  'Don't worry, she's in the best place, right now. She's being looked after here. We just have to be patient for a while, okay?' he asked, drawing away from her so he could see her face.

  Her eyes were red and swollen.

  I watched as his own lips trembled, and he pulled her back towards him.

  A pretty girl with short blonde hair, about the same age as Amy, was standing a few feet in front of us. She was twisting a pretty green cotton scarf around her fingers. I smiled and stepped towards her. 'You must be Clare,' I said quietly.

  She nodded. 'And you're Eve?'

  I nodded and we both smiled.

  'Shall we go and get some coffee for everyone?' I asked, turning and noticing Amy's slightly protruding pregnant belly. 'Or tea?'

  Clare let out a deep sigh and nodded. 'I think that's a good idea.'

  I rubbed Adam's arm as we walked past them and went to find the nearest cafe or drinks machine.

  'I think there's a cafeteria down there,' Clare said sadly.

  'Yes, I think so. Are you alright?' I asked.

  She nodded, and then shook her head. 'No, not really. It was a bit scary, the ambulance coming and everything. I thought she was going to die. Amy was hysterical.'

  'I'm sure she was,' I said as we arrived in a small cafeteria, where the lights were off. 'Looks closed.'

  'There's a machine though.' She pointed further down the corridor. 'But I don't want to go back yet, not just yet.'

  'I understand. Let's sit for a minute, shall we?'

  Clare looked at me gratefully and nodded as we approached a row of four seats. Sitting down, I said nothing for a while, thinking Clare probably needed to process whatever it was that was happening, but she spoke up first. 'I think Lisa might have been ill for a while, Eve.'

  I looked up, surprised. 'You do? Why do you think that?'

  She shrugged. 'I have this thing.'

  'Thing?' I asked, intrigued.

  She blushed. 'Her aura was changing colour.'

  'Oh. You can see people's auras?'

  She nodded slowly. 'I don't tell many people, because they think I'm nuts.'

  'I don't think you're nuts.'

  She looked at me with wide, watery eyes. 'It's my fault,' she whispered.

  'What do you mean, it's your fault?'

  Clare broke down in tears. 'I saw her aura changing, and I didn't tell anyone. I should have said something earlier. I could have prevented this from happening,' she gushed.

  'Oh Clare,' I said, putting my arm around her shoulders. 'It's not your fault at all. Don't blame yourself. You weren't to know this would happen. Besides, she's in the best possible place right now, isn't she?'

  Clare sniffed and nodded. 'I noticed it was different yesterday, and I didn't say anything.'

  'Only yesterday?' I asked.

  She nodded at me. 'I haven't seen her for a few months, so we drove up from Bournemouth to visit.'

  'Then you really couldn't have done anything about it. Please don't blame yourself, sweetie. Amy needs you to be strong for her right now. Can you do that?'

  Clare sat upright and nodded, wiping her eyes. 'You're right,' she said.

  'Do you want to wait a few more minutes before we go back?' I asked.

  Clare shook her head, standing up. 'No, let's go and see if they're okay. Oh, almost forgot the coffee.'

  'Don't worry. I hadn't. I'm desperate for one.' I smiled.

  Clare smiled back at me. 'I know now why Adam's aura has changed too.'

  'It has?' I asked, as I pressed the buttons for a cup of coffee.

  'Oh yes, most definitely. It's brighter than it has been for a long time,' she said, as I handed her two of the coffees so I could get a third, followed by a cup of tea for Amy.

  oOo

  There was little to do but wait for news, so we sat, occasionally dropping off to sleep for a few minutes before some noise or other woke us.

  Amy sat beside Adam; they held on to each other's hands tightly. Clare sat beside Amy, holding her other hand, and I sat away from them all, feeling like I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Somehow I felt like I didn't belong there, like a mistress or something. Why I was feeling guilty, I had no idea. Standing up, I walked past them all. Nobody said a word.

  I needed some fresh air, so I walked back through the hospital, down several flights of stairs and out into the morning sunlight. I blinked slowly several times, adjusting to the natural brightness after the fluorescence of the hospital, and went and sat on a bench near the entrance.

  Breathing deeply, I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself, wishing that this wasn't happening. That we were still tucked up in bed because Lisa was in perfect health. But that wasn't the case, was it? She'd collapsed. I hoped that it was something easily fixed. Lisa had become my friend; she was one of the most wonderful people I'd ever met, and we'd had so much fun together lately. But she was Amy and Jack's mother. They needed her. And Adam needed her too.

  His kids didn't even know me, on the other hand; Adam and I had only been together a few months and hadn't had the chance to meet them yet. It was crazy but they'd just been too busy, and then when they were able to visit, I had to go and do several book signings around the country.

  I sighed and looked across the parking lot as several cars came and went. I shivered and was about to stand up when I saw a familiar face in the distance. I recognised it from the photos around the house. He was running through the car park, his face registering shock.

  'Jack!' I yelled, but he carried on as if he hadn't heard me. 'Jack!' I shouted even louder.

  He turned his head and slowed down before turning and walking quickly towards me. 'Eve?' he asked and I nodded.

  'I'm sorry we have to meet under such horrible circumstances.'

  He nodded. 'Yes, I know. Is there any news yet? Is she alright? Where's Dad and Amy?'

  'We're still waiting. Your dad hasn't seen her yet. Come on, I'll take you to them.'

  'Thanks,' he mumbled.

  We walked quickly, neither of us saying anything, until I led him into the third floor waiting room.

  'Dad,' he sighed, rushing towards his father, who opened his eyes and released Amy's hand as they both stood up. All three of them hugged.

  'Mr. Oakwood,' came a voice from behind them.

  'Yes,' Adam replied, neglecting to correct the doctor. 'How is she? Is she okay?'

  The doctor said, 'She's comfortable. Would you like to come with me?'

  Adam nodded and disappeared.

  Amy and
Jack looked at each other. 'What about us?' Amy said after they'd gone.

  'Don't worry, hon,' said Clare. 'I'm sure you'll be able to go and see her afterwards.'

  I sighed and sat down, thinking about what the doctor had just said.She's comfortable. Wasn’t that what they said when someone was close to death? I gulped and tried not to think about it as I watched the three youngsters in front of me.

  Please don't take her.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  I placed the cup of hot chocolate in Lisa’s hand and made sure she was warm enough. 'How is it?' I asked, sitting down on the soft rug near the fire.

  She took a sip and smiled. 'Absolutely yummy. You really do have a knack for making hot chocolate, Evie.'

  'Yes, my dad always used to tell me that. You want to know the secret?'

  She nodded.

  'A little cream and a touch of grated dark chocolate. It makes all the difference.'

  'It certainly does.'

  'How are you feeling? And be honest. No tip-toeing around me. Adam and the kids are out, so tell me the truth.'

  Lisa leaned back in the armchair, and I tried so hard not to show my grimace. She looked deathly pale; her skin had lost its glow and her eyes looked tired. And then there was her weight – there was very little left of her. But regardless of all that, she hadn't lost her sense of humour.

  'Oh, I'm perfectly well. Can't you tell? I look like a catwalk model for the first time in my life.'

  I sighed and shook my head. 'Oh Lisa, it's alright. Tell me.'

  She rolled her eyes and took a little sip before handing me the mug. 'I can't manage any more.'

  I took it from her skinny fingers and placed it on the coffee table. She'd barely touched it.

  'I'm comfortable enough. Stop worrying about me.'

  Raising my eyebrows, I took a sip of my coffee. 'Lisa, you've got cancer. Of course I'm going to worry about you.'

  'Oh please don't use the C word. It's like a curse word or something.'

  'I know. I'm sorry, hon. I just want to make sure you're as comfortable and as pain free as possible.'

  'I know, and you're doing a fabulous job. You're such a good friend, Evie. But...'

  'What is it?' I asked, turning the gas up a little after noticing her shiver. There wasn't enough flesh on her bones to keep her warm.

  'You know I'm dying.'

  'Lisa, no, don't say that,' I cried.

  'But it's true. I've accepted it, and now I need you to accept it, and more importantly, I need you to help Amy, Jack and Adam to accept it too. Can you do that? Can you do that for me, Evie?'

  I swallowed back the tears and bit my bottom lip, turning away from her for a moment to gather myself before nodding slowly.

  'Good, I knew I could count on you. I'm so lucky to have you as my friend, Evie.'

  'No, Lisa. I'm the lucky one.'

  'Oh don't get all soppy on me now.' She smiled and her eyelids began to get visibly heavier. 'I'm a little tired. I think I'll take a nap,' she whispered.

  I stood up. 'Do you want me to help you to bed?'

  'No, I'll sleep right here, in front of the fire, thank you,' she said, as I stood up and readjusted the throw over her lap.

  I tiptoed out of the room and closed the door behind me.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  We'd rented a house by the sea in Devon; it had been Lisa's idea. She said that's where she'd like to spend her final moments, so we'd pulled out all the stops and found the perfect place with its own little beach. It meant she could sit with her toes in the sand and watch the waves crash against the shore. It was there that she was at her happiest, as the life slowly dwindled from her weakening body.

  It wasn't easy. Jack was friendly and polite to me, but I knew, deep down, he'd rather I wasn't there. But I hid my emotions; Lisa didn't need to see them. All I cared about was helping her to have the best final few months of her life. Nothing else really mattered.

  Hearing movement in the kitchen, I walked towards it before the sounds of people talking loudly slowed me down.

  'I'm just so angry with her,' Jack said, slamming a cupboard door.

  'I know. I'm angry too,' Adam said.

  'You can't be angry with her. It's not Mum's fault she got cancer,' said Amy.

  'It's her fault she didn't have chemo, sis,' Jack shouted, choking up. 'The chemo could've healed her.'

  'No, Jack. The chemo would just kill her sooner. She wants to die in peace. Can't you understand that? She just wants to go peacefully, with us around her. She doesn't want to get all fucking shot up with all that shit. Just let her be, Jack. Just let her be. All she needs right now is for us to love her and stand beside her while she does what she wants to do.' Amy’s voice was quiet but angry.

  'You're just gonna let her die and be happy about it?' Jack replied angrily.

  'No, of course not, but what I do want is for her to know that I accept her decision. And you should too.'

  'I can't accept her choice to die, Amy.'

  'Stop it, both of you. Just stop it,' said Adam's voice, equally as broken. 'This is your mother. My wife.'

  I gasped. What the hell happened to ex-wife? I stepped closer to listen.

  'I love her so much. Just like you do. And I sure as hell don't want her to die. And yes, I'm angry with her for not fighting. I'm fucking furious, but I willnot let her see that. And neither will you, Jack.

  'You love her, Dad? Really? Then why did you leave her? You should have stayed with her. We could have stayed together as a family.'

  Something smashed on the kitchen floor and I jumped back.

  'I...I...didn't leave her. It was a mutual decision. We shouldn't have been together then. Both of us knew that.'

  'Yes, back then you probably shouldn't, but you've grown so close over the past couple of years. And now...I know you still love her. I can see it. You should be with hernow, Dad,' Jack said quietly. 'Not with Eve.'

  I heard sobs. Adam was sobbing.

  I so wanted to walk in and soothe his pain, but something was stopping me. What if Jack was right? What if what Lisa needed right now was a husband? Her husband? And what if that was what Adam needed too?

  An involuntarily sob escaped my lips and I stepped backwards. Turning, I picked up my handbag, car keys and calmly opened the front door. Then I got in my car and drove.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  My mobile kept ringing But I just turned up the music and pressed my foot down on the accelerator, speeding along the motorway. I had no idea where I was going, I just needed to get away for a bit. Just a little bit. Some fresh air. Maybe the beach.

  Taking off my shoes, I wiggled my toes in the sand and began walking along the beach at Plymouth Hoe. There were a few people about, even though it wasn't a particularly warm day and grey clouds hovered above. But I ignored everyone, focusing instead on my inner emotions. They were up and down, driving me insane. I was so in love with Adam, and as far as I knew, he felt the same about me. But did he really? Was I just a cover for his true feelings for Lisa? Was he really in love with his first wife? And even if he was, what could I do? She was so close to death, and I'd promised to be there for her. I'd promised to look after her family. How could I do that when I had this sinking feeling that she and Adam were still in love? How could I stick around and be witness to that? My heart was breaking. It had happened before, and it was happening again.

  I stood, picking up a couple of pebbles at the same time. Then one by one, I threw them into the sea before I carried on walking along the beach, listening to the sound of the seagulls. An elderly couple sat on a bench, eating chips and smiling at each other. To see love at that age always tugged at my heart, but today it just made it feel like it was bleeding.

  I wrapped my cardigan around my body and walked forcefully against the wind, which was picking up. Tears stung my eyes. I turned around and my hair, now a little longer, whipped at my face. My handbag started buzzing again. I opened it and pulled out my phone. I just stared
at it until it stopped ringing.

  Six missed calls. I clicked on them. Five from Adam. One from my mum. Three text messages from Adam.

  Where R U? x

  What happened? You just left? X

  R U OK? X

  I started to text back when it rang again. I sighed and answered it, trying to find somewhere out of the wind.

  'Hello?'

  'Babe, what happened? I saw you drive off without saying anything? I've been worried sick. Where are you?'

  'Plymouth Hoe,' I replied.

  'Plymouth Hoe? What on Earth are you doing over there?'

  I shrugged, knowing he couldn't see me.

  'Evie, what's going on? What's wrong?'

  'I heard you, Adam. I heard you talking to the kids in the kitchen.'

  He was silent for a while. 'But why leave? I don't understand?'

  'Didn't you hear me? I said I heard your conversation. You're still in love with Lisa. Your wife. Not your ex-wife. Your wife. You said you still love her. How can I compete? How can I, Adam? Look, I'm gonna go.'

  'No, Eve. Wait. Just... let me meet you somewhere. I'm coming. Meet me at the pier,' and he rang off before I could say no. I cursed under my breath and went to get a hot drink somewhere while I waited for him to drive over.

  oOo

  I saw him in the distance, walking towards me. He was so handsome. My stomach somersaulted, and I gulped. I had no idea what I was doing. Was I losing it? Was I seeing things that weren't there? Well, I was an author after all. My imagination did have a tendency to overreact and imagine things that weren't real.

  'Eve,' he said as he approached me, pulling me into his arms. 'What's going on in there?' he asked, tapping the side of my head.

  'Oh, Adam, I heard you. You're still in love with her,' I said, pulling away.

  'She's dying, Eve. Dying,' he whispered.

  'But that's not the point. How can I be with you when I know you love someone else?'

  'No, Eve. I don't...'

  'Don't what, Adam? Don't love her? Then you're lying to me, or you're lying to your kids, and I know you don't lie to your kids. Do you?'