Push and Shove

  I bit my tongue to keep from blurting another retort. “Look,” I said. “We both have to live here for now. Dad wanted us to stay to look after the house until mom got back.”

  “She’s not your mother,” Marie spit back, closing the magazine and letting it slide off the bed onto the floor. “When she gets back, she’s going to kick you out, anyway. I don’t know why you’re staying. You’re lucky I let you stay at all.”

  “Dad asked me to stay,” I said. “I told him I would. And apparently I have to, because if I’m not here, you invite the whole town over and the house gets demolished. You’ll get arrested for... disturbing the peace, or underage drinking, or something. There’s no one here to bail you out if that happens. If I leave it to you, there won’t be a house left for her to come back to.”

  “How about this,” Danielle said. “I agree the last party was too big. I made the mistake of inviting over too many people. From now on, we’ll do smaller ones. A handful of people. I didn’t like half of the people who showed up anyway.”

  Her interruption caused me to jerk my head back. I’d expected her to bow out of the room. The boys had remained downstairs, understanding that I was talking to Marie as a sister. “I don’t think so,” I said. I didn’t trust them after last time to invite anyone over. There were too many problems that could pop up if they brought people over. Someone was going to find out the truth.

  “What’s your problem?” Danielle asked, her dark eyes narrowing on me. “You’ve got people downstairs right now. You’re saying you can have people over, boys in your bedroom all night, and you’re going to tell Marie not to have anyone over?”

  “That’s different,” I said, though my voice softened. I knew it was different, but I still felt guilty about it. “The guys are helping to take care of things.”

  “If you mean the mess, we’ll get people to pick up after themselves this time,” Danielle said. “Really, you’re such a hypocrite.”

  I turned to Marie. I wanted to explain why the boys were different without divulging too many details. “So far, Nathan and Kota have been paying for food. And then I’m pretty sure they paid for that paint and if there were any repairs...”

  “We already said we wouldn’t throw another one,” Danielle said. “Seriously, why are you even here? Nathan’s dad’s never home. Go move in with him. Or Gabriel or one of the others. You’re with them all weekend anyway, and sometimes during the week.”

  I didn’t want to respond or admit that Nathan and I had been thinking about that very thing. It also made me question myself. Why was I staying? Family was a choice, and right now, Marie and I were the furthest apart we’d ever been. She wanted to party and forget about school. She wasn’t thinking about the future at all. Was she going to just lay around? What would happen if our dad stopped paying the bills? Or if Kota or Nathan didn’t go and get groceries like they did when they were helping out? Would she just waste away here? Didn’t she think about moving out herself? If she worked, she could. She was freer than I was right now. She didn’t have Academy restrictions, or a secret dead mother she didn’t know the name of, or a Principal, or a McCoy to haunt her.

  Maybe Nathan was right. Maybe I’d been fighting something that wasn’t worth fighting.

  I took a step back. “Can we agree, at least for now, to not to tell other people about where our parents are? And to be more careful about who you invite over?”

  Marie rolled her eyes. “You’re the only one telling everyone. I’ve only told Danielle. You’ve told Kota and all those other guys. You’ve told more than me.”

  I sighed. There was no way to explain it to her. I wasn’t allowed. Suddenly I felt as trapped as the guys downstairs. Secrets. If she only knew, she’d understand it was for her own good, but unable to explain, I had to understand it probably did look pretty bad.

  I left them in Marie’s bedroom, closing the door behind me. I heard them whispering, and for a moment, I thought about putting my ear to the door and listening in. I thought about asking Kota to wire the room.

  The moment passed. It wouldn’t change anything. I was sure they were discussing me, how I was a problem and in the way of what they wanted, just like I was thinking of how they were a problem. It made me sad to think of Kota and Jessica, who got along and cared about each other, but my own sister, even a half-sister, couldn’t care about me.

  It was hard to imagine anyone could.

  I turned away, heading back down the stairs.

  I weaved around the mess in the living room and went on to the kitchen. Nathan was leaning against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest broadening his biceps and forearms and defining his bulky torso. Gabriel was sitting on top of the counter, swinging his legs and knocking the heel of his foot against the cabinet. Nathan’s red phone was out between them on the countertop. They were leaning in as if listening.

  The sight of them caused a small wave of relief wash over me. How different it felt being with them compared to how I’d felt upstairs. My sister was so cold.

  One turn of Gabriel’s head, and then Nathan’s, and I could tell the difference. Family was a choice.

  “I hate to say it, Trouble,” Gabriel said, “but your sister is a total bitch. And I wouldn’t use that term on a girl, but fucking goddamn.”

  “You were listening?” I asked.

  Nathan picked his phone up off the counter, pushing a button and then stuffed it back into his pocket. “Sorry.”

  “No,” I said, holding a hand up. “It’s fine. I kind of wish you guys were there. I didn’t know what to say.”

  “You can’t say anything to her,” Nathan said. He brushed his palm against the top of his head. “Hate to say so, but I agree with Danielle. We should go.”

  Gabriel chopped Nathan on the head. “What the fuck are you talking about? Sang wants to stay.”

  Nathan pushed Gabriel’s arm away. “They’re headed for disaster, Gabe. They’re going to drag Sang down with them. I don’t want her here when that happens.”

  “And where is she going to go, genius? I think people will notice Sang living alone.”

  “She isn’t going to be alone. I’ll move out, too.”

  Gabriel’s eyes widened. “Oh no. If anyone gets to move out with Sang, it’s me.”

  “You?” Nathan asked. “You’ve got Pam.”

  “Who’s Pam?” I asked.

  “My stepmom,” Gabriel said. He jumped off the counter and slung an arm around my waist and drew me in close, hugging me to his side. “And she can take care of herself. You guys are all the way across town. We could find a place and I’d be right here.”

  “Sang and I were going to find an apartment next to where Silas lives.”

  Gabriel’s crystal eyes lit up. “Oh yeah. Hey, they’ve got nice three bedroom places.”

  “What do you mean, three bedrooms?” Nathan twisted his lips. “Those are expensive. We need a small space that we can afford.”

  Gabriel touched at his brow with his fingertips. “You can’t live in a one bedroom with Sang. She’s a girl. She needs her space.”

  Nathan’s cheeks tinted. “We sleep in the same room now. What’s the difference?”

  Gabriel shook his head, squeezing at my hip again. “What do you think, Trouble? You, and Nathan, and I get a three bedroom place? Or a two bedroom if you want? If there’s three of us, we’d need at least two.”

  “Maybe we should talk to Kota.” I had to admit, the proposition was still scary, but maybe I’d been overly sensitive thinking I needed to stay home and look out for Marie. How could I look out for her if she wouldn’t listen? What would happen the next time she threw a party and the guys and I weren’t there?

  Or maybe it was the thought of moving out of the house and living on my own at sixteen. Even with Nathan or Gabriel with me, the thought frayed my nerves. But maybe if Kota approved, that would mean it should be okay. But he didn’t seem to be interested last time. Would the turn of events change his mind?

 
“Yeah. Let’s ask him,” Gabriel said. “But let’s talk to him later when he’s in a better mood. You know, after he’s done yelling at North.”

  I agreed with this, and then felt a familiar, painful pang at my stomach. I pulled away from him, rubbing at the spot before I could think to hide it.

  “What?” Gabriel asked. “What’s wrong?”

  I rubbed at my stomach again. “I don’t like vitamins.”

  “Shit,” Gabriel said. “Those, too?”

  “Maybe she’s not built for vitamins,” Nathan said. “Let’s get her to eat good food. Find a banana.”

  “I don’t want to eat,” I said. I didn’t even want a muffin. I wanted to lie down.

  “You not eating is part of our problem right now,” Nathan said.

  Gabriel waved off Nathan. “Stop.” He tugged my hand and dragged me over to the living room. He pushed me down onto the couch. “Stay here. You want water?”

  “No.”

  “You want anything?”

  I shook my head. I sat back, crossing and uncrossing my arms over my stomach, unable to find a comfortable spot. The baseball in my stomach seemed to swell into a softball.

  “Well, those vitamins are out,” Gabriel said. “Starting from scratch again.” He found a remote and turned on the television to a news station. “You sit here. Let me and Nathan fix up the living room.”

  “I’ll help.”

  “You stay,” he said, popping me on the thigh gently. “If you get up, I’ll spank you.”

  Nathan was in the doorway, leaning against the frame. “Don’t hit her.”

  “I didn’t hit her. Now come on.”

  “See,” Nathan said. “This is why we can’t live with you. You push her around.”

  “She likes it.” Gabriel winked at me, grinning. “Now let’s fix the house.”

  ♥♥♥

  It took a half hour before the knot in my stomach subsided. By then, they’d cleaned up the paint supplies. It was another hour before the paint dried enough that Gabriel said we could move the furniture back in.

  Marie and Danielle never came downstairs.

  When we were done, Nathan and Gabriel wanted to watch a movie to pass the time. They were going to keep their promise to have as lazy a weekend as possible.

  No word from North or Kota. I wondered what they were up to. I missed Victor. I wondered where Luke was. I worried what they would think if Nathan, Gabriel and I moved in together. Would things change if that happened?

  Thirty minutes into the movie and Gabriel was fussing about my hair again. After the movie was over, he made me go to the upstairs bathroom so he could wash it.

  After, I was perched on my bed while he sat behind me brushing my hair. Nathan had snuck back to his house to get some of our clothes.

  “You’ll like this place we’re going to,” Gabriel said. “And it should be busy tonight.”

  I pulled my legs up, encircling my knees with my arms. “Do we want it to be busy?” I asked quietly.

  Gabriel rubbed between my shoulder blades. “Don’t get all shy on me now. Where’s the Sang I know who does flying kicks into someone’s ass?”

  “That’s when someone’s trying to punch me.”

  “Well pretend everyone at the club is trying to punch you.”

  “I’m not that kind of person, Meanie.” I turned so I could meet his crystal blue eyes. “Am I supposed to look angry?”

  “I’m not talking about being angry,” Gabriel said. He captured my chin, squeezing my cheeks until I made a fish face. “I mean, I want the confident Sang I know you can be. The one that will flip North over her shoulder when he goes too far, or head dives into a sawdust pile just to pull a kid out of it.”

  My cheeks tinted. “That’s not how I feel,” I said through my smushed lips. “Not all the time.”

  Gabriel released my face and his fingers slipped around to the back of my head, intertwining with my hair and holding stiffly to keep me in place. He tilted his head so he was looking down at me. “You’re beautiful, Sang. You don’t have to hide it. You don’t even notice all those guys at school looking at you, but they all see it, too. The girls are jealous. Most of them would give up everything just to have half of what you have.”

  My lips parted and heat spread from my cheeks to all over my face. “Gabriel,” I breathed. “I’m not... I don’t...”

  “Don’t you start that shit,” he said. His fingers snarled tighter into my hair until they were lightly tugging, pulling my head back until I was forced to look at him. “You can’t bat those pretty eyelashes at me and have me believe you don’t know what you’re doing or pretend like I don’t know what I’m talking about.” His lips twisted into a playful smirk. “What do you want from me? More compliments?”

  “Gabriel...”

  “Sorry, Trouble,” he said, releasing my hair. “You’ve an angel face. I’ll give Silas some credit for calling it on that. I’m afraid you’re stuck with it.”

  This time my lips parted but words didn’t come out. “But you do a shit-tastic job with makeup.”

  My eyes popped open wide. “What?”

  His fingers slid down until he was touching my neck, his crystal eyes darkening. “The color is all wrong. And what brand was it? Because it doesn’t look healthy. It’s all oily. Why is it only on your neck?”

  I cupped my neck, trying to hide it. My cheeks radiated again. “You could tell?”

  He looked confused for a moment, then his eyes widened and he stared at me. “What did he do to you, Sang?” he asked in a lower tone. “What was so bad that you had to try to hide it from everyone?”

  “He told me not to tell,” I said quietly, “And I was trying to get back because you wanted me here. And it didn’t hurt...”

  His eyes widened and he backed up a little. “Whoa, wait, what the hell? What didn’t hurt?”

  I sucked in a breath. I couldn’t lie to him. With shaking fingers, I rubbed at my neck, trying to wipe away some of the makeup next to one of the hidden bruises.

  Gabriel shook his head. He captured my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine, tugging me. “Let’s go see the damage.”

  I followed him into the bathroom where he turned on the water. He found a washcloth, wetting the fabric and twisting it to drain the excess. He touched my chin, tilting it where he wanted me, and started to wipe away the makeup.

  I watched through the mirror as the bite marks started to appear.

  “Holy... fuck, Trouble.” Gabriel wiped harder, until most of the makeup was gone and the full result of a night with North was revealed. His eyes narrowed over my skin, and he tilted my head away to get a better look. “What is it? Those aren’t hickey marks.”

  I bit my lip, staring off at the wall. I was embarrassed. It wasn’t normal to enjoy something like that, was it? North had discovered something in me that I didn’t know existed, and now I was worried. Maybe it was wrong to feel that way.

  Gabriel moved my head back until I focused on his face. His crystal eyes bore into me. “Sang, I wouldn’t have believed it of North in a billion years, but if he hurt you, so help me mother fucking god...”

  “It didn’t hurt,” I said quietly. “It doesn’t hurt now.”

  “You’re bruised.” He squinted, leaning in closer toward my neck. “Are... did he bite you?”

  I closed my eyes—as if that made it easier to answer—and nodded.

  Gabriel sucked in a breath. His fingers moved up, until he was cupping the back of my head in both hands, massaging. “Aw, no... what? North bit you?”

  “It didn’t hurt.”

  Gabriel gazed at me curiously. “Are you saying you liked it?”

  I nodded again, not knowing how to say how it felt, unsure how to explain it.

  Gabriel hooked the collar of my shirt, peeking further along my shoulder and at the top of my chest. “Did he bite you anywhere else?”

  “Just the neck.”

  He pursed his lips. “What’s it like?”


  His curiosity relieved a little of the awkwardness. He didn’t call me weird. That was good. “I don’t... it’s hard to describe. Amazing.”

  Gabriel’s fingers touched an exposed part of my shoulder. “Can I try?”

  My mouth popped open. “Try what?”

  “Can I bite you?”

  My heart had been pounding, but now went into overdrive. “North told me not to let anyone else.”

  Gabriel pouted. “Aw, he gets to bite you and he won’t let anyone else?”

  “He wanted it to be his thing.”

  Gabriel groaned. “Shit, Trouble. We need a thing before all the good things are taken.” He tilted his head at me. “Can you bite me?”

  “I’m not sure if North would want me to. I mean he didn’t say I couldn’t but...”

  “I just want to know what ‘amazing’ feels like. I want to see why you like it.” He reached behind his neck, catching the collar of his blue tank shirt and yanked it up until he pulled it off. He crumpled it and tossed it over into the corner against the tiles. He spread his hands out, presenting his body in offering. “Anywhere you want. I don’t care.”

  I bit my lip, unsure if I should, and was temporarily distracted by his half naked body. While his frame was slim, his muscles were flexed. His chest was sculpted and there were defined creases along his abs. With the way his pants hung low at his hips, there were lines along the front of his stomach leading down. Plus those shoulders... I’d seen the other boys’ shoulders, but I thought Gabriel had the best collarbones, which stood out, making him look strong, even if he was lean.

  Gabriel smirked at me. “Come on, Trouble. Show me your bite.” His arms encircled my waist and he drew his head back, exposing his neck to me. “Just one.”

  I sighed. North hadn’t said I couldn’t bite the others. And maybe this way if the others ever found out, Gabriel could confirm it was fine, that it didn’t hurt. I slipped my hands behind Gabriel’s neck to hold him still, and I stood on my toes to get a good angle. I found a soft spot on his neck just under his ear. I felt around with my lips, kissing it quickly, as if apologizing ahead of time just in case I was wrong and maybe it did hurt him. I breathed in the sweet orange scent he was wearing today.