Clarity

  Nathan texted, telling me to hurry. I couldn’t wait to see him again. It sometimes disturbed me how much I needed him and how reliant I was on him to feel better, but I pushed that thought to the side as I ran to meet him, my hair still damp. Grateful that I didn’t see a soul on the way, I hurried around the back of the empty house and began to climb up on the bin to get in the window.

  Two hands gripped my waist and lifted me down, pinning me against the wall. I couldn’t help giggling as Nathan ran his fingers through my hair and stared at me as though we hadn’t seen each other for a year. My giggles turned nervous as the intent in his eyes unsettled me.

  We clung together for long minutes, inhaling each other, letting the ache of the curse subside. He surprised me by lifting me off my feet.

  “Let me down,” I scolded, but I was pretty comfortable.

  “Never,” he said with a grin, his eyebrow raising as I squirmed in his arms. I kissed the smile off his face, savouring his taste and how confident he was that he wouldn’t let me fall. Then I remembered why I was there.

  “I need to talk to you,” I said against his lips.

  “You are talking,” he murmured, moving his mouth against my chin and down to my neck.

  “Oh. Stop. I keep… forgetting what I’m saying. Wait, no, really this time. It’s important. I have to tell you… something… important.” I wriggled my way to the ground and stepped back, feeling my cheeks heat at the look in his eye. “I really need to get back to the hospital, and I have to tell you something important, so…”

  He scowled, but lifted me up onto the bin.

  “I’m not a doll. Stop throwing me around.”

  “Lifted. I didn’t throw you,” he pointed out.

  I climbed through the window, and my breath caught in my throat. He had actually cleaned the place. The crates were lined up and covered with a duvet.

  “Just to be comfortable enough to sit on,” he said, crawling in after me. His cheeks burned red, and I giggled again. “Don’t you have something important to tell me?” He tugged my hair and sat down on the covered crates.

  When I joined him, he wrapped his arms around me and settled his cheek against my shoulder with a heavy sigh. “Spill.”

  “Okay,” I said nervously. “Now, don’t freak out. Okay? Today, in the hospital, I had a visit from a werewolf.”

  He brought his head up to look at me, his eyes dilating wildly.

  “I said don’t freak out,” I carried on hurriedly. “He wanted to talk. That’s all.”

  I felt Nathan vibrating beneath me and could have sworn I heard a growl coming from deep in his throat. I rubbed his back, unsure of what else to do. “He said he tried to protect me before because he wants to help us. He needs help, too. His name is Ryan. This alpha wolf, Vin, he’s crazy. He has Ryan’s daughters, and he made Ryan come after us. Apparently, Ryan sent us warnings to put us on our guard. The wolf I… you know, the grey wolf acted without his knowledge or permission. He was pretty convincing.”

  Nathan very carefully removed my hands from his person and stood. Then, he paced the room, his fingers twitching with agitation. Even his jaw jerked until he finally punched a wall.

  I jumped half out of my skin. I didn’t like him that way. Not like that. “Nathan, stop it.”

  He whirled to face me, looking like a stranger. “Stop it? That wolf… that wolf actually thinks he can…” He shook his head.

  “Well, I believe him,” I said stubbornly, mostly because a fearful shiver was running through my body. I didn’t want to be scared, but I was.

  “Of course you believe him,” he snapped aggressively, his breathing fast and harsh.

  “Don’t ever speak to me like that again.” I stood to leave, my legs shaking.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Away from you when you’re acting like a lunatic. I gave you the message. Do whatever the hell you want with it, but leave me out of your psychotic episode.”

  He grabbed me before I made it to the window. “Wait…”

  I shook my head, feeling an ache in my throat that wasn’t there before. “No! I don’t like you this way. This isn’t what I signed up for, okay? Getting snapped at by you in a temper? No way. This isn’t you. Or if it is, you’ve done a pretty amazing job of hiding it.”

  He stepped in front of me and stared into my eyes, the dilating of his pupils abating. “You’re scared of me.” He sounded horrified, regretful, and all of the things he should be feeling, but that wasn’t enough for me.

  I shrugged, unable to look at him anymore.

  “Perdita, I’m sorry. I am. You never have to be scared of me. I’m not angry with you, of all people. I would never… I mean, I…”

  We both stood there awkwardly, unable to move on from the moment. He swallowed hard and tried again. “I’m worried about you.” His voice was softer, apologetic. And when he leaned down to kiss me, I let him for a second before pulling away.

  “No. You can’t behave any way you like and then kiss me and expect me to forget about it.” I remembered how I felt when he’d raised his voice to me and started shivering again. Dad had really gotten into my head.

  “I swear, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise how I sounded. What can I do to make you forgive me?”

  “Um, maybe listen to me tell you something without freaking the hell out?”

  He smiled, and I struggled to keep from automatically grinning back. Stupid curse.

  “Maybe we should start over,” he said. “I’ve missed you so much that I’m… you know, so can we have a do-over? Please?”

  The pleading in his voice went straight to my heart. I didn’t know what I wanted him to say or do. Everyone was so angry and disappointed in me. I needed it to stop. I needed to feel… loved. “I guess.”

  “Great. Let’s sit down, and you can tell me what’s been happening, and I’ll take it all in as calmly as possible.”

  I couldn’t help smiling at that. We sat on the crates again, and I explained everything Ryan had said. The more I thought about it, the more I believed Ryan. I didn’t know why, but I felt as though he wasn’t the type to lie so well. At least, I hoped he wasn’t. I was putting a lot of trust and faith into a werewolf who had stalked me and scared me. I hoped I wasn’t making a massive mistake. I couldn’t see another way.

  Nathan fell silent for a few minutes, but he played with my hair absentmindedly, as if that would keep him calm. I was relieved his burst of anger hadn’t lasted. In hindsight, I knew it hadn’t been directed at me, but it wasn’t a pleasant thing to experience, not when his entire family was agitated and angry. He had reminded me of Jakob, and I didn’t like that at all.

  “Okay,” he said. “I’ll meet up with him. At least I’ll know one way or another. I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to tell if he’s lying. Even if he’s putting on an act, he might let something important slip.”

  “Great! Let’s go now.”

  He moved away from me to face me properly. “No freaking way. You’re not coming.”

  “You’re not my dad.”

  He rubbed his face in agitation. “Fine. I can’t tell you what to do. But I can tell you how dangerous this might be. What if he isn’t alone? What if he attacks?”

  “So we meet him in a public place. And we make sure we aren’t alone. I was alone today when he… found me. He had the chance to hurt me, to kill me even. But he didn’t. Trust me. I have a good feeling about him. He’ll be able to tell us things about his alpha. Maybe he’ll warn us about what he’s up to. It’s worth the risk, and it’s way better than hanging around and wondering when they’re going to attack again.”

  “Hey, it’s okay. I’m here. Nothing’s going to happen,” he said softly, pulling me to him. I stopped twisting my bracelet.

  “I’m sorry. I’m just scared. It’s the waiting that’s keeping me on edge. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Every time I’m at the hospital, I’m looking around, trying to figure out what I can hit a wolf with. It’s insane. An
d the police were at the hospital earlier, asking questions about wolves. Apparently someone told them your family has wolves running around.”

  “It’s not as if they can prove it,” he said.

  “But that’s not all. Dad’s freaking out about it. He’s been fighting with Mam, I mean, Meredith, and he’s forbidden me from seeing you again. He thinks you’re doing something… bad to me.”

  A tear fell, and his arms were around me before I could let out a sob. The stress of everything had been getting to me for ages and was spilling over in all sorts of unwelcome ways.

  “He’s not well, and he’s worried because he’s stuck in the hospital instead of being able to take care of you. He’ll change his mind when he’s feeling better. We haven’t done anything wrong, so the police will stop sniffing around soon enough.”

  I lifted my head. “But I have done something wrong, remember?”

  He wiped a tear from my cheek. “No. You saved someone’s life. That’s what you did. Everything’s going to work out. I can feel it. I think you might be right about Ryan. He might be the key to ending this thing once and for all.”

  In my heart, I felt as if Ryan was our last hope. If it didn’t go well, then everything else might fall apart because it would be impossible to feel happiness if we had to worry about werewolves coming after us forever. Even sitting there with Nathan, as good as it felt, I still worried that a wolf might attack my dad in my absence.

  “Don’t worry,” he said as if he knew what I was thinking. “Jeremy ran over to the hospital to keep an eye on your dad. Maybe he’ll come with us when we meet up with Ryan.”

  I sniffed. “Like backup?”

  His dimples flashed, and my insides warmed. “Yeah, just like that. I can’t tell Opa, or he might do something stupid, so we’ll deal with this one and see what happens.”

  “I hope we’re doing the right thing.”

  “If I think he’s lying, we’ll leave straight away. How do we get in touch with him?”

  “He left his number in my pocket,” I told him, remembering how surprised I had been when I found it. “Nathan, what about his daughters?”

  He froze. “I forgot about that bit. I mean, I want to help him, but I don’t know how. Hey, we’ll figure it all out. I promise.”

  I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Thank you,” I said, gulping as I saw his eyes flick toward my mouth. For some reason, I was hit with a burst of nerves, and slowly, I realised it was Nathan who was nervous. “You okay?”

  He nodded, swallowing hard. Tentatively, I moved closer to him. He was gripping the duvet. His cheeks flooded with colour, and when I kissed him, he barely responded. Out of some kind of perverse mood, I licked his bottom lip and felt his body shudder in my arms. Intrigued, I caught hold of his collar and pulled him closer. He kept his gaze on me for a couple of seconds, and I felt his breathing grow laboured. Our lips locked for a slow, delicately soft kiss, and I came undone.

  I lay back on the kinda-sorta bed, pulling him down after me. He didn’t hesitate. His lips found mine, then his tongue, and everything became frantic. I clung to him, enjoying his weight on me. His hands moved in my hair, and the sensation of his fingertips along my scalp sent shivers running through me.

  I pulled up his shirt, relishing the heat of his bare skin. I needed to forget about the danger, the arguments, and all of the worries. I wanted them all to go away. His hand ran from my hair to my face, my neck, my chest, then down to my waist. He traced his fingers along my skin, tensing when I let out a little gasp of pleasure.

  I forgot all about thinking things through, forgot about curses and rules and everything else in the world. I savoured the little bubble of heat we had created, and how good it was to explore his body, to let him know the dips and curves of mine.

  Although we were still fully clothed, everything felt surreal, and his excitement only served to intensify mine. All I could think about was how much I wanted him, and how perfect it felt to be with him.

  His lips never left mine, but his hands abruptly lifted from my skin, leaving me cold. His fingers found the buttons of my jeans, and as he pulled at the top one, my eyes flung open, and I froze.

  He stopped moving, opening one eye to see me staring at him. He pulled back cautiously, still breathing heavily.

  “Perdita?”

  “I… I’m not ready for…”

  He whipped his hands away from me before I could finish. Mortified, I half-feared he would get up, but he lay down next to me and pulled me to him, draping me over him as he kissed me slowly, softly, in a way that renewed the shivers down my spine. His fingers drifted up and down my back, and although everything was so much calmer, I felt more alive than ever. I wanted him, badly, but that didn’t mean I was ready for him. At least, not yet.

  He kissed my forehead and pulled me closer, rubbing my arms and back. I felt closer to him than ever. There, in the nook of his arm, half draped over his body, I felt safer than I ever had. I thought I would never sleep with him so close to me, but I dozed off.

  The next thing I knew, he was gently shaking me.

  “I thought you probably wanted to get back,” he said, regret in his voice.

  “No.” I hid my face, my voice muffled against him.

  He laughed and held on tighter. “That’s great, but I don’t believe you.”

  I sighed. “They’ll probably think I’ve run away if I don’t go back soon, but I so don’t want to go.” I crawled up closer to his mouth to steal a kiss.

  “Hey,” he said, his expression completely serious. “One day this is going to be how we wake up every morning. Together.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Nathan

  “I can’t believe you’re making me do this.” I shook my head.

  “I’m not making you. But I think I believe him, so what does it hurt to talk to him?”

  I stared at her, wondering if my girlfriend was really as naive as she sounded. “Do you really want me to list the ways this could hurt?”

  She grinned and slipped her hand into mine. “We’ve already talked about this. We’re out in the open, plenty of witnesses, and Jeremy’s keeping an eye on us. So relax. Nothing’s going to happen.”

  “Witnesses didn’t stop the other one,” I reminded her.

  She made a face. “If he’ll attack now, he’ll attack anytime. At least this isn’t him sneaking up on us in the middle of the night.”

  “Fine. But if he even hints at attacking, you run.”

  “He won’t. I have a good feeling about him.” But her fingers tightened on mine.

  “You doing okay at home?” I asked to take her mind off it.

  “I’m avoiding home as much as possible.” Her voice was strained with tension. I wanted Perdita to get along with her mother, but I hadn’t exactly realised how complicated and messy it would be if she turned up out of the blue. I wasn’t sure why Meredith had shown up, but I guessed it might get worse before it got better. Perdy’s dad banning her from seeing me was the icing on the cake. I hoped he would calm down soon.

  “He’s up there,” she said, pointing toward a small cafe I had never visited.

  “I know. I can smell him.”

  She glanced at me, amusement curving her lips upward. “Well. That’s interesting.”

  “None of that. Okay, let’s just go in. No agreeing to anything without discussing it first, right?” I tried not to look as if I was sniffing the air to make sure Jeremy was still close by.

  “I know; I know. Let’s get it over and done with. I’m nervous.”

  “It’ll be okay.” I kissed her lips lightly before leading her into the cafe. I walked straight over to the werewolf, even though it took everything in me to stop myself from leaping over the tables and taking a chunk out of him. The vivid imagery that popped into my head surprised even me.

  He held my gaze calmly, unflinching, and Perdita made a frustrated noise and brushed past me to sit across from him. He turned his head to face her, but I could tell
he was still hyper-aware of me.

  “Can we skip past this bit?” Perdita said, clearly annoyed. She didn’t get it. The wolf inside me wanted to tear him apart.

  The werewolf smiled and gestured for me to sit. After a couple of seconds, I did.

  “Thanks for coming,” Ryan said. I tried to think of him as a person, but I kept seeing the red wolf who had been prepared to attack Perdita in the woods. That was all I could see, and soon I had red flashes of rage before my eyes.

  “I don’t know if I can do this,” I murmured to Perdita as my inner wolf tried to break its cage, and my heart thundered in my chest.

  “It’s fine,” he said. “Give it a few minutes, and the sensation will pass.”

  I tried to glare at him, but sort of choked out a sigh instead. There were no anger vibes coming from him, no aggressiveness at all. The tension all came from me. Perdita touched my hand under the table, and breathing became a little easier again.

  “I remember what it was like, having to face Vin for the first time after he took my girls. I wanted to bite his face off, but I knew I had to stay calm to keep my family safe.”

  I understood the pointed look he gave me, but it didn’t help me calm down. Only Perdita could do that. It occurred to me how absolutely mental it was having a meeting with a killer werewolf who had previously attacked us. We should have been doing fun things together, not crazy, serious stuff. I consoled myself with the idea that when all of the madness was over, I had plans to take Perdita on a proper date.

  “I need your help,” Ryan said. “I can tell you things. Anything you need to know. I can try to turn a few wolves to your side. But I need your promise that your family will help me in return.”

  “How are we supposed to trust you?” I blurted. “I can’t even sit here without…”

  “I know.” Ryan rubbed his eyes, and he suddenly looked old. “He took my daughters a little over two years ago. I haven’t seen them since. It was because your family had moved to the UK. The entire time, he searched for other wolves in the UK. No luck, until he made it to Scotland… and found me. He took my girls to force me into his pack. He needed… my skills. At first, I put up a fight, but he showed me a photo of my eldest daughter with two black eyes, said that’s what I’d earned for her. I couldn’t… I had to do whatever he said so he would let us go home.”