With Everything I Am

  No longer angry, he explained gently, “You weren’t being selfish. You didn’t understand what was going on.”

  “Well, yes, true but now I do so it’s not a big deal, okay?”

  He slid his fingers through her hair while he said softly, “Baby doll.”

  Her body tensed and she asked, without a flat voice, without calm, sounding impatient and annoyed. Not adorably impatient and annoyed but something different. Edgier, angrier but almost desperate, “Now that I’ve explained that, can I try to get some sleep?”

  Something was still wrong. Something she wasn’t giving him. Something she was holding back.

  Knowing that, suddenly he asked, “Do you love me?”

  She instantly sucked in breath and tried to pull away.

  His arms got tight.

  She started struggling.

  He registered his surprise at her actions and his gut registered worry when she just as suddenly stopped.

  She’d been pushing against his chest with both hands but she bent her elbows, bowed her back and dropped her forehead to rest on them.

  “Yes,” she whispered to his chest, uttering that one word in a way that sounded like it was torn from her. But the chest she muttered into felt like iron bands, bands that had been clamped tightly around it for centuries, were finally released so Callum could, for the first time in his life, actually breathe. “Yes,” she repeated in a whisper to his chest as he looked down at her hair shining in the firelight. “I fell in love with you during my first dream when I was seventeen. And I fell in love with you all over again Christmas Eve when you wiped the tears from my face during the general’s scene in White Christmas.”

  Without willing them to do so, his arms crushed her to him, forcing her body flat against his, her arms caught between them, her face coming up to rest against his neck.

  All of his torment was lost in his current sense of triumph.

  And he could tell her now he was wolf.

  “Sonia, baby doll –”

  She pressed her face against his neck and her body against his, “Please, Callum, please. Can I please just go to sleep? Please.”

  He lifted a hand and trailed his fingers along her hairline, curling them in at her jaw to pull her hair away from her neck.

  “Has it been bad tonight, missing your parents?” he asked quietly.

  She pressed deeper into him and her fingers, like in his dream, tensed in his chest hair, her nails dragging through it. This caught at his memory, pulling up his guilt at fucking the she-wolf, glorying in her faultless ass, calling her by Sonia’s pet name for him as he ground into her, betraying his own mate even if it was only in his unconscious mind.

  “Yes,” she whispered, “it’s been bad.”

  It had been bad.

  And he’d been gone, leaving her to face her sorrow alone while he selfishly, no, as she put it, kingly, focused on his own thoughts instead of protecting his mate.

  “I’m sorry, little one. Of course you can go to sleep.”

  She pressed even closer and said with feeling, “Thank you.”

  He exited the bed, taking her with him and placing her under the hides. Then he took off his clothes and joined her there. He pulled her into his arms and she acted as if she’d resist at first before she relaxed then melted into him.

  Then, surprisingly, considering she said she’d had so much trouble getting to sleep, she drifted off quickly.

  And, with Sonia close, Callum could set his thoughts in order.

  No, with Sonia close, his queen, his mate, who loved him, had loved him for decades but who he’d made fall in love with him on Christmas Eve (which would, forever, be his favorite fucking holiday), Callum could finally set his thoughts in order.

  He had a victory celebration tomorrow.

  Then he’d tell his wife he was wolf.

  Then he’d give her a Mating and a fucking wedding because she was human and she deserved it but also because she loved him and he’d tie himself in knots to give her everything she desired for as long as she was breathing on this earth.

  Then he’d talk with Lucien and Gregor in an effort to create a strategy on how to beat The Prophesy that said her life would be shortened.

  In the meantime, he’d make every fucking moment count.

  And the dream…

  At first he thought it was Sonia’s dream, as Lucien said he had Leah’s and he could see how she fell in love with him if that was how she dreamed of them together. For, if he’d had that dream without knowing her, he’d have fallen in love with her too.

  It was better than what they had an hour ago even if you told him that he wouldn’t have believed it.

  It was what, he determined, they would have starting from now.

  It was everything.

  But it couldn’t be her dream, obviously.

  So, it was just a dream.

  Not foreshadowing of the future.

  Sonia turned in his arms.

  He followed her, tucking the back of her body into the front of his and wrapping his arms around her.

  Unconsciously in her sleep, like she did after her injection, her hands slid along his forearms but this time the fingers of both laced with his.

  His fingers tightened in hers and he smiled into her hair.

  So deep in thought, he didn’t notice her left hand was bare.

  He also hadn’t noticed her wedding rings sitting on her nightstand.

  It took some time but finally Callum, with his queen wrapped safe in his arms, followed her to sleep.

  * * * * *

  “Wake up, honey, we have company and we’ve got a celebration to attend,” Callum whispered in her ear.

  Sonia’s eyes fluttered. They focused hazily on him and he saw the hunger flow into them before she blinked, her body jerked and she got up on an arm, pulling the hides to her chest.

  “Good goodness,” she breathed. “Leah and Lucien, I should…”

  She trailed off and looked around the room as Callum stared at her, stunned by her behavior.

  She always wanted play in the morning, even if she was sleepy.

  “Sonia,” he called and she blinked again and looked at him sitting on the edge of the bed, “Are you okay?”

  “Yes, fine, um… yes,” she stammered and then twisted so her back was to him, threw the hides aside and swung her legs off the bed.

  She was heading to the bathroom when his eyes narrowed and his temper frayed.

  “Sonia,” he repeated and she stopped and turned to him, clearly distracted.

  “Yes?”

  “Come here,” he ordered.

  She stilled then asked, “What? Now?”

  Callum’s temper frayed a little more.

  This wasn’t, exactly, what he thought their lives would be like after she’d admitted she loved him.

  And this wasn’t, at all, what he’d determined they’d be like which was what they were like in his dream.

  “Yes,” he said evenly. “Now.”

  She pulled breath into her nostrils and walked to him.

  The minute she was within arm’s reach, he hooked an arm around her hips and pulled her into his lap.

  When she settled, he looked down at her and clipped, “Before you start your day, would you at least like to give your king a fucking good morning kiss?”

  She stared at him in shock, like she’d never kissed a man before and the very idea was repugnant to her and she’d fucking kneeled between his legs and took his cock into her mouth not a week ago.

  His temper disintegrated and he hissed, “What in the fuck?”

  She looked into his eyes, her face paled and she declared loudly, “Callum, I’m freaking out!”

  It was his turn to blink and he did it slowly.

  “Sorry?”

  “Today, I’m going to… there are going to be lots of your…” She swallowed then, her voice filled with panic, she cried, “What if I do something wrong?”

  He stared at her a moment before he bu
rst out laughing, pulling her close in his arms as he did so.

  “This isn’t funny!” she wailed through his laughter. “I’m representing you and Regan and Caleb and Calder and you and Ryon and even your Dad!”

  His fingers slid into her hair and he pulled her head back and brushed her mouth with his.

  It was like he’d not moved when she stated, “I need a shower.”

  “Honey, calm down.”

  “Calm…” She shook her head as if clearing it. “No, really, Callum, I need a shower. I need to be alone, get my thoughts straight, sort my head out. I’ll be fine. I just need a long, hot shower.”

  Callum grinned and informed her, “You can have your shower, little one, you just have to earn it.”

  She went stiff in his arms and her face again paled. “Earn it?”

  His grin deepened. “Yes. Earn it.”

  “How do I…?” She paused, tested his arms by pushing against them. They tightened so she gave up and he tried not to laugh as she finished, “Earn it?”

  “You can choose two of three things,” he stated.

  “Two of three –”

  “First,” he cut her off and dipped his head to mark her hair with his temple before he said at her ear, “You can tell me you love me again.”

  She stilled in his arms.

  He ignored it and went on, lifting his head to look at her. “Second, you can describe one of your dreams about me.”

  She stared at him in horror.

  He grinned and ignored that too.

  “Third, you can kiss me.” He rested his forehead to hers and concluded, “Now, pick two.”

  “Can I do one now and one –?”

  He lifted his head then shook it. “Two.”

  She glared at him.

  Then she snapped, “Dream.”

  When she said no more, he gave her a squeeze, bit back his smile and encouraged, “Go on.”

  “Well, the last one I had,” she hesitated and revised, “the last real one went like this.” She sat up straighter in his lap and turned fully to him. “I was sleeping and my puppy, um… that would be my wolf. You know, the one I told you I met when I was a child?” She waited for him to nod. He did, his amusement diminishing and his mouth tightening about the fact that he still hadn’t told her he was her “puppy” as she went on, “Anyway, he always comes to me in the dreams first. So he came to me. I was sleeping. I woke up and he was beside the bed. I said hi to him and he sat down. I asked where you were and then closed my eyes. Then I opened them and my puppy was gone but you were there. I felt the covers slide down me and…”

  Callum’s body tightened as she continued, explaining, to every last detail, the dream he’d had last night.

  “Then you start to… you know and I woke up,” she finished.

  Callum stared at her.

  She stared back.

  Then her brow furrowed and she whispered, “What?”

  “That’s your dream?”

  She bit her lip, released it and continued quietly, “I told you they weren’t actually sexual, as such. It probably doesn’t seem like very much to you but… you have to feel it.”

  Oh, he’d felt it.

  He’d fucking felt it.

  “What about after we have sex?” he demanded to know.

  Her brows drew together in confusion and she repeated, “What?”

  “You never dream of us having sex. But what about when you dream about us after we’ve had sex?”

  “I’ve never dreamed of that.”

  He stared at her, trying to assess if she was lying.

  She still looked confused but serious.

  “Never?” he pushed.

  “Never. Why do you –?”

  “You never dream of us lying together, telling me you love me and never to forget it?”

  Her face paled again and she whispered, “No, Callum, I’ve never dreamed of that.”

  At once distracted and needing to find Lucien, completely forgetting Sonia’s explanation of how it made her feel when he lost sight of taking care of his mate, Callum ordered, “Kiss me.”

  “Wh… what?”

  His eyes focused irately on her. “Sonia, kiss me.”

  “But –”

  “Fucking do it.”

  She jerked in his arms.

  Then she did it. Her hands curling around his neck, she pressed her lips against his quickly and then just as quickly, she pulled away.

  “Now tell me you love me,” he demanded.

  “But you said only two –”

  “Sonia,” he warned, impatient to talk to Lucien.

  She stared at him and he was so preoccupied he didn’t notice the life ebbing from her always lively eyes nor did he notice her flat voice when she said, as if by rote, “I love you, Callum.”

  He touched his lips to her forehead, stood, putting her on her feet and he strode from the room.

  Therefore he wasn’t there when Sonia stared at the door, her lips trembling, silent tears sliding down her cheeks.

  And he wasn’t there when she snatched her rings from the nightstand and she dug until she found her stuffed wolf and tore it from under the covers.

  And he wasn’t there when she walked by the fire Callum had stoked that morning and blindly threw the rings and the wolf into the fire.

  But Sonia was so blinded by emotion that, luckily, her stuffed wolf bounced off the side and onto the floor to come to rest, unharmed, under the couch.

  And her rings bounced too but fell into the fire, landing safely to glint in the firelight at its edge.

  * * * * *

  “Callum, I really need a moment to speak to you,” Regan pleaded, following her infuriated son down the stairs.

  In response, not missing an enraged step, Callum asked, “Where’s Sonia?”

  “Callum, hold still a second and –”

  Callum did as his mother told him, stilling then swinging around to face her. “I asked you, where the fuck is my fucking queen?”

  Regan took one look at him and stepped up and away from him.

  Then she straightened her shoulders and stated, “Callum, something’s wrong. I know. I can see it. I felt it yesterday but I need to explain something to you. Something important. Something you must know right now.”

  Callum’s hand clenched around the rings he’d found in the fire while he searched for his mate and his mind thrashed with the memories of his wife laughing, talking, joking with his people, all day. Cheering, drinking, eating, clapping, dancing, making them fall in love with her.

  But she’d done all of this far away from him.

  Far, far away.

  She’d ridden silently in the truck beside him as he took her into town but almost the instant they arrived she melted into the crowd.

  And they’d accepted her gladly. The day having the feel of two celebrations. One of victory, one at their luck that Callum’s queen was so fucking perfect.

  He’d heard it time and again, his people telling him of the widespread talk of her notes to the kin of the fallen. The stories that had gone far and wide of her taking their women into her home and, together, waiting out the battle as she demonstrated strength of will, instilling hope in their females’ hearts. How brilliant they thought it was that she, a human, proudly displayed his chain around her hips as she did that day and every day. The chain flaunted boldly outside her cords, his people not knowing it was Callum’s fucking idea in the first fucking place.

  And Sonia’s high spirits were evident every moment during the celebration. Clearly up for anything, his Sonia, drinking copious amounts of cider. Tasting every bit of food sold by the vendors. Laughing with abandon. Grabbing handfuls of huge, yellow and gold wolf head-shaped confetti. Throwing it in the air and giggling as it drifted all around her and those close to her, in her hair, their hair, floating to the pavement only for her to grab more and do it again as his wolves watched her worshipfully or joined in. Kneeling low to wrap her arms around pups and hold their wrists saf
ely away as they twirled sparklers, all the while gleaming up at the pups’ parents as they stared down at her dotingly. Linking her arm with Leah’s, their blonde heads, the only blondes in the crowd, bent together as the talked low and giggled with each other. Not as if they’d known each other a day but as if they’d known each other a lifetime while the she-wolves smiled at their camaraderie but the wolves watched them with hungry eyes.

  But the minute Callum would start to get near to share the day with his enthusiastic, fun-loving queen was the minute she’d move away. He kept getting caught in the revelry making it easy for her to escape.

  And she was escaping. There was no doubt about it.

  So much, when night had fallen, she’d eventually disappeared from town and when he searched for her, he couldn’t find her. No one had seen her, of the numerous people he asked, until one of his Guard told him another had taken her, for some unknown reason, to the castle.

  But when he arrived at the castle, concerned at her disappearance but more, the meaning behind it, he found she was not there.

  And thorough was his search. So he found the rings he’d given her had been tossed into the fire.

  Now, his mother was there and he could hear more trucks arriving. He could sense a large number of wolves, probably smashed and looking for fun because the main celebrations were over as the fireworks had gone off as planned. But they’d gone off without their king being there to witness them or their queen for no one knew where the fuck she was.

  Twisted with this were the thoughts of what Lucien told him about how Leah’s dreams would be events in which she participated, nearly real, but Lucien dreamed more, more events, more detail of their plight. He participated too, in his dreams. He participated in things Leah never fucking dreamed.

  Like Callum dreamed last night of his betraying his queen with a wolf, the first of his kind to ever fuck around on his mate.

  “No,” he answered his mother. “Right now I need to find my fucking wife.”

  As he stalked to the entryway, he heard more trucks were arriving and there were voices on the steps. He could hear Caleb, Ryon, both sounding irate and Lucien’s voice, cooler, controlled but cautiously so. And another, a voice he knew, it was familiar, but Callum didn’t take a moment to process it.