Torn

“Yeah, I know the feeling,” he said with an edge to his voice, and guilt tightened my heart.

  “I’m really sorry, Matt. ”

  “You could’ve told me about all of this. ”

  “You wouldn’t have believed any of it. ”

  “Wendy. This is me, okay?” He turned to face me, and I finally looked at him. “Yeah, this is really hard to believe, and I know that if I hadn’t seen it for myself, I’d find it even harder. But I’ve always been on your side. You should’ve trusted me. ”

  “I know. I’m sorry. ” I lowered my eyes. “But I’m glad you’re here and that I’m telling you stuff now. It was hard for me, keeping things from you. I don’t wanna do it again. ”

  “Good. ”

  “But you should call Maggie,” I said. “She needs to know where we are, and she can’t go home. Not now. I don’t know if they would take her to get at me. ”

  “Are you safe here?” Matt asked. “Like, really safe?”

  “Yeah, of course I am. ” I said it with more conviction than I really had. “Duncan’s outside standing guard right now. ”

  “That kid’s an idiot,” Matt said seriously, and I laughed.

  “No, we’re safe. Don’t worry,” I assured him as I stood up. “But you should call Maggie, and I should shower and put on my own clothes. ”

  “What should I tell her?”

  “I don’t know. ” I shook my head. “Just make sure she doesn’t go home. ”

  I promised Matt I’d see him later and explain more to him then, but now I needed a moment to decompress. Duncan tried to follow me down the hall into my room, but I wouldn’t let him in.

  It wasn’t until I was in the shower, with the sound of the water drowning me out, that I let myself cry. I don’t even really know why I was crying. Part of it had to do with Finn, leaving me that way again, but mostly it was because it was all just too much.

  After I got dressed, I felt better. Everything had turned out all right, as in we all survived with only minor injuries. On top of that, I got to have Matt around again. I didn’t know for how long, but at least he knew the truth now.

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  And I finally knew why the Vittra were so fixated on me. Sure, the answer didn’t make things any easier, but I understood, and that was something.

  When I thought about it, the only real dark spot was Finn’s absence. It left a dull ache inside my chest, but I had to ignore it. There were too many other things going on for me to sit around missing him.

  I hated that he’d even come at all. It would’ve been easier if he’d just left me alone and I’d never seen him again.

  I went over to Matt’s room and discovered Rhys keeping him company. Elora had fixed him, much to my relief, and Rhys said that I’d have to begin my “training” soon to harness my abilities. I didn’t know exactly what that would entail, but I didn’t want to pump him for information.

  I sat down in an overstuffed chair in Matt’s room and decided to tell him everything. Rhys had told him some in the Vittra dungeon, but I wanted to fill in the blanks. More important, I thought Matt needed to hear it from me.

  I started from the beginning, explaining how Elora had switched me for Rhys. I told him how Finn had been sent to track me and bring me here, about what it meant to be a Princess, and about the Trylle and their abilities.

  The whole time I talked, Rhys said nothing, but watched with rapt interest. I’m not sure how much of this he already knew.

  Matt didn’t say much of anything either, only asking the occasional question. He began pacing when I started talking, but he didn’t seem anxious or confused. When I finished, he stood silently for a minute, absorbing it all.

  “So?” I asked when he still didn’t say anything.

  “So … do you guys still eat?” Matt looked over at me. “’Cause I’m starving. ”

  “Yeah, of course we do. ” I smiled, feeling relieved.

  “I wouldn’t call what they eat food,” Rhys scoffed. He’d been sitting on the bed, but now he stood, since the conversation appeared to be wrapping up.

  “What do you mean?” Matt asked.

  “Well, you lived with Wendy. You have to know how she eats. ” Rhys seemed to realize he might have said something wrong, and he hurried to correct it. “Trylle are more careful eaters than us. They don’t drink pop or eat meat, really. ”

  Matt stared at Rhys for a moment longer, then glanced at me. There was something new in Matt’s eyes, something I was feeling for the first time myself. Rhys had just put Matt and himself into an “us,” a club I didn’t belong to.

  I had never and could never think of Matt as less than me, but we were different. We were separate. And despite all the differences between us that had been so obvious, it felt weird to know just how different we actually were, to have someone articulate that we weren’t even the same species.

  “Fortunately, I have a fridge stocked with real food,” Rhys pushed on, trying to change the mood in the room. “And I’m a pretty decent cook. Ask Wendy. ”

  “Yeah, he’s pretty good,” I lied, but I wasn’t that hungry anymore. My stomach had tightened, and I was amazed that I could even force a smile at them both. “Come on. Let’s get some food. ”

  Rhys thought that talking nonstop would make up for his small blunder, and neither Matt nor I contradicted him. We walked down to the kitchen, with Duncan tagging along as soon as we’d left Matt’s room.

  Duncan’s constant presence irritated me far more than Finn’s ever had, even though Duncan hadn’t really done anything. Maybe it was simply because he was there and Finn wasn’t.

  I pulled up a stool at the kitchen counter and watched Matt and Rhys interact. Rhys kept playing up his cooking skills, but once Matt saw him in action, he realized that he’d better take the lead. I propped my chin up on my hand, feeling all sorts of conflicting emotions as they talked and laughed and teased each other.

  Part of me was thrilled that they got to have each other in their lives, the way they should’ve from the beginning. Depriving Rhys of a wonderful big brother like Matt had been a very cruel side effect of the changeling process.

  But part of me couldn’t help but feel like I was losing my brother.

  “Do you mind if I have a water?” Duncan asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

  “Why would I care if you had a water?” I looked at him like he was an idiot, but he didn’t notice. Or maybe he got it so often, he thought that was just how people looked at him.

  “I don’t know. Some Trylle don’t like when trackers use their stuff. ” Duncan went over to the fridge to get a bottled water, while Matt attempted to teach Rhys how to flip blueberry flapjacks.

  “Well, how do you eat and drink if you don’t use their stuff?” I asked Duncan.

  “Buy our own. ” With the fridge still open, Duncan held a water toward me. “Do you want one?”

  I shrugged. “Yeah, sure. ” He walked over and handed it to me. “You’ve been doing this for a long time?”

  “Almost twelve years, I think. ” Duncan unscrewed his bottle and took a long drink. “Wow. It’s weird it’s been that long. ”

  “Are you really the best they have?” I asked, trying to keep the skepticism out of my voice.

  He seemed a little too amazed by Matt’s ability to make pancakes. He didn’t exude any of the confidence or formality that Finn had, but then again, it was probably better for him to be as different from Finn as possible.

  “No,” Duncan admitted, and if my question shamed him, he didn’t show it. He just played with his bottle cap. “But I’m pretty close. My appearance is deceiving, but that’s part of why I’m good. People underestimate me. ”

  Something about the way he said that made me flash on to Scream. Maybe Duncan had a bit of that clumsy, unassuming boyish charm.

  “Did anybody ever tell you that you remind them of Deputy Dewey from the Scream movies?” I asked. br />
  “You mean David Arquette?” Duncan asked. “But I’m better-looking, right?”

  I nodded. “Oh, yeah, definitely. ” I could never see myself being attracted to him, but he was kinda foxy. In his own way.

  Rhys swore as a flapjack landed on the floor with a splat. Matt patiently tried to explain what he’d done wrong and how to correct it, using the same tone of voice he’d used to teach me how to tie my shoes, ride a bike, and drive a car. It was so strange seeing him be the older brother to somebody else.

  “Wendy!” Willa shouted from behind me, and I’d barely turned around when she came running over. She threw her arms around me, shocking me with a fierce hug. “I’m so glad you’re all right!”

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  “Um, thanks,” I said, untangling myself from her hug.

  Willa Strom was a few years older than me, and the only Trylle other than Finn who actually called me “Wendy” instead of “Princess,” so I guess that made us friends. Her father, Garrett, was Elora’s only friend, and Willa had been insanely helpful and kind after Finn left the first time. Without her, the christening ceremony would’ve been a disaster even before the Vittra broke in.

  “My dad was telling me that the Vittra had kidnapped you, and nobody knew for sure what was going on. ” Willa could be snobby, but the concern on her face was sincere. “I rushed over here as soon as I heard you were back. I’m so glad you’re here. ”

  “Yeah, me too,” I said, but I wasn’t sure if that was true or not.

  “Duncan?” Willa looked at him, as if noticing he was here for the first time. “You’ve got to be kidding me. There is no way Elora would let you be her tracker. ”

  “See? Underrated. ” Duncan smiled. He seemed to take some pride in it, so I let him have it.

  “Oh, my god. I’m gonna talk to my dad. ” Willa shook her head, tucking her perfectly tamed light-brown waves of hair behind her ears. “There’s no way he can do this. ”

  “It’s fine. I’m fine. ” I shrugged. “I’m in the palace. What can happen here?”

  Willa gave me a knowing look, but thankfully, before she could say something, Matt announced breakfast was done. When I had been regaling him with the tales of being Trylle, I had conveniently left out the part about the Vittra busting in here and Oren being my father. I thought it would freak him out too much.

  “Are you gonna eat some too?” Matt asked Willa. He dished up the flapjacks, and, polite as ever, he included her. “We’ve got plenty to go around. ”

  “Are those blueberry?” Willa wrinkled her nose, looking totally disgusted by the prospect of eating them. “Eww. No way. ”

  “They’re really good. ” Matt slid a plate toward her.

  For reasons I didn’t completely understand, there were few foods we actually enjoyed. We mostly ate fresh fruits and vegetables. I didn’t like juice of any kind, although I did like some wine. Pancakes were made with processed flour and sugar, so they were never that appealing, although I had been eating them for years to appease Matt.

  “You’re not gonna eat those, are you?” Willa was completely aghast as I picked up my fork and prepared to dig in.

  Matt had given Duncan a plate too. I’m sure the pancakes sounded as appealing to him as they did to Willa and me, but Duncan followed suit and picked up his fork.

  “They’re pretty good,” I said.

  I had been assured by many people over the years that they were really good, although I’m not sure how anyone could taste them after they drowned them in syrup the way Matt and Rhys were doing. Duncan and I declined syrup. There was no way we could ever force them down like that.

  “I’ve cooked for Wendy for years,” Matt said, unfazed by Willa’s reaction. “I know how to make food that she likes. ”

  In general, he had gotten pretty good at it, but there were a lot of times when I ate things just to make him happy. And also, I’d starve if I didn’t.

  “Oh, yeah, right,” Willa scoffed. “Like I’m gonna trust a mänks in sweats and a baby tee to make me pancakes. ”

  “Willa,” I said. “He’s my brother, okay? So lay off. ”

  “What?” She tilted her head, not fathoming what I meant. “Oh. You mean he’s your host brother?”

  “Yeah. ” I took a big forkful of the pancake and shoved it in my mouth.

  “You know he’s not your real—”

  “Willa!” I snapped with a mouthful of food, and I choked it down. “I understand the semantics. Now drop it. ”

  “I can understand how that dweeb Duncan can eat that. ” Willa smoothed out her designer outfit, trying not to look offended that I’d snapped at her. “But you’re a Princess. He’s too stupid to—”

  “Hey!” Matt said. He had been sitting next to Duncan, eating, but he stopped and glared at her. “I get it. You’re fancy and pretty and rich. Good for you. But unless you wanna go over there and make us all breakfast, then I suggest you quit your bitching and sit down. ”

  “Whoa!” Rhys laughed. He loved seeing her put in her place.

  Willa made a face at Rhys but didn’t say anything. When Matt went back to eating his pancakes, she sat down on the stool next to me.

  Since I’d first met Willa, it was clear she walked around with a sense of entitlement. She was nice to me because she thought we were equals, but she definitely didn’t feel the same way about everyone else.

  “I am thirsty,” Willa said after a minute, sounding pouty.

  Automatically, Duncan stood to get water for her, but Matt shook his head, stopping him. Uncertainly, Duncan sat back down. As a tracker, he spent a lot of his life waiting on changelings. Trackers were considered staff and treated as such by royalty.

  “You know where the fridge’s at,” Matt said between bites.

  Willa opened her mouth but didn’t say anything. She turned to me, hoping I would come to her aid, but I only shrugged. She did know where the fridge was at, after all.

  After a minute of deliberating, she got up and went over to the fridge. Rhys snickered under his breath, but Matt shushed him.

  I found the whole thing kind of amazing. Finn had been Willa’s tracker, and a strict one at that. But she never listened to him or treated him with as much respect as she did Matt, who by Trylle standards was much lower in rank than Finn.

  In the five minutes he’d known her, Matt had managed to whip her into shape better than anyone else ever had.

  Willa hung around me for the rest of the afternoon, and she seemed relieved when we split off from Matt and Rhys. Rhys wanted to play some war video game or something, and I didn’t feel like it.

  Instead, Willa and I stayed in my room. Duncan stood outside my door for a bit, but eventually I felt sorry for him, so I had him come in and sit down.

  She sorted my clothes because she liked doing that, and I lay on the floor, watching Willa and thinking about how weird it was that this was my life. She organized them in some way that I didn’t understand, even after she’d explained it to me.

  All the while, she talked about how great her training had been going. Willa had power over the wind, and she hadn’t thought anything of it before the attack.

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  Now she wanted to be as prepared and strong as she possibly could. She figured that my training would start right away too, since I needed to be more prepared than anyone else here.

  The night went on much the same way, and I was surprised when she joined us for supper. This time she even ate what Matt cooked, and I felt as if the whole world were turning upside down.

  I went to bed shortly after, but I tossed and turned all night. My mind raced too much to really sleep. It felt like I’d only just fallen asleep when someone shook me awake. I pushed the person off, snuggling deeper in my covers.

  It wasn’t until I had buried my face in my pillow that I realized I should probably be alarmed that someone was in my room. What with evil trolls trying to kidnap m
e and all that.

  TEN

  repositioning

  “Holy hell!” Tove Kroner shouted and jumped back from the side of my bed.

  I’d sat up, almost leaping out of bed, preparing to attack whoever had just woken me up. It turned out to be Tove, and I didn’t understand what I’d done to him.

  As far as I knew, I hadn’t even reacted yet, other than sitting up. But Tove stood off to the side of the room, pressing his palms to his temples. He was bent over, his dark hair falling over his face.

  “Tove?” I swung my feet over the edge of the bed and stood up. He didn’t respond, so I stepped closer to him. “Tove? Are you okay? Did I do something?”

  “Yeah. ” He shook his head and straightened up. His eyes were closed, but he’d dropped his hands from his head.

  “I’m sorry. What did I do?”

  “I don’t know. ” Tove opened his mouth wide and stretched his jaw, reminding me of someone who had just been slapped in the face. “I came in to wake you up for your training. And you…”

  “Did I hit you?” I supplied when he trailed off.

  “No, it was in my head. ” Tove stared ahead thoughtfully for a minute. “No, you were right. It was like you slapped me inside my head. ”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Have you ever done anything like that before? Maybe when you were scared?” He turned to look at me, ignoring my confusion to satisfy his.

  “Not that I know of, but I don’t even know what I did. ”

  “Hmm. ” He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “Your abilities are still developing. They should fully present themselves soon, and maybe this is part of that. Or maybe it’s just because I’m me. ”

  “What?”

  “Because I’m psychic,” Tove reminded me. “Your aura is very dark today. ”

  He couldn’t read minds or anything, but he could sense things. I projected, so I could get in people’s minds like Elora could and use persuasion, and Tove received, so he could see auras and was more sensitive to emotion.

  “What does that mean?” I asked.

  “You’re unhappy. ” Tove sounded distracted, and he made for the door. “Hurry. Get dressed. We have much to do. ”

  He left my room before I could ask him more, and I didn’t understand what Willa saw in him. I wasn’t sure if she really had a crush on him, or if her interest only stemmed from the fact that his family was powerful. The Kroners were next in line for the crown, Tove specifically, if I couldn’t fulfill my duties.

  Tove was attractive, though. His dark hair had soft natural highlights coursing through it, although it was longish and unruly, settling below his ears. His skin had a distinct mossy undertone, the green complexion that occurred in some powerful Trylle. Nobody here had skin like that, except maybe his mother, but hers was even fainter than Tove’s.

  I didn’t know why Tove would be training me. I’m not sure that Elora approved of him, even if he had connections. Besides that, he was scatterbrained and a little strange.

  Tove did have the strongest abilities out of any of the Trylle I’d met. This was particularly weird since men usually had weaker abilities than their female counterparts.