Joseph Andrews, Vol. 2

  CHAPTER VI.

  _Moral reflections by Joseph Andrews; with the hunting adventure, andparson Adams's miraculous escape._

  "I have often wondered, sir," said Joseph, "to observe so few instancesof charity among mankind; for though the goodness of a man's heart didnot incline him to relieve the distresses of his fellow-creatures,methinks the desire of honour should move him to it. What inspires a manto build fine houses, to purchase fine furniture, pictures, clothes, andother things, at a great expense, but an ambition to be respected morethan other people? Now, would not one great act of charity, one instanceof redeeming a poor family from all the miseries of poverty, restoringan unfortunate tradesman by a sum of money to the means of procuring alivelihood by his industry, discharging an undone debtor from his debtsor a gaol, or any suchlike example of goodness, create a man more honourand respect than he could acquire by the finest house, furniture,pictures, or clothes, that were ever beheld? For not only the objecthimself who was thus relieved, but all who heard the name of such aperson, must, I imagine, reverence him infinitely more than thepossessor of all those other things; which when we so admire, we ratherpraise the builder, the workman, the painter, the lace-maker, thetaylor, and the rest, by whose ingenuity they are produced, than theperson who by his money makes them his own. For my own part, when I havewaited behind my lady in a room hung with fine pictures, while I havebeen looking at them I have never once thought of their owner, nor hathany one else, as I ever observed; for when it hath been asked whosepicture that was, it was never once answered the master's of the house;but Ammyconni, Paul Varnish, Hannibal Scratchi, or Hogarthi, which Isuppose were the names of the painters; but if it was asked--Whoredeemed such a one out of prison? Who lent such a ruined tradesmanmoney to set up? Who clothed that family of poor small children? it isvery plain what must be the answer. And besides, these great folks aremistaken if they imagine they get any honour at all by these means; forI do not remember I ever was with my lady at any house where shecommended the house or furniture but I have heard her at her return homemake sport and jeer at whatever she had before commended; and I havebeen told by other gentlemen in livery that it is the same in theirfamilies: but I defy the wisest man in the world to turn a true goodaction into ridicule. I defy him to do it. He who should endeavour itwould be laughed at himself, instead of making others laugh. Nobodyscarce doth any good, yet they all agree in praising those who do.Indeed, it is strange that all men should consent in commendinggoodness, and no man endeavour to deserve that commendation; whilst, onthe contrary, all rail at wickedness, and all are as eager to be whatthey abuse. This I know not the reason of; but it is as plain asdaylight to those who converse in the world, as I have done these threeyears." "Are all the great folks wicked then?" says Fanny. "To be surethere are some exceptions," answered Joseph. "Some gentlemen of ourcloth report charitable actions done by their lords and masters; and Ihave heard Squire Pope, the great poet, at my lady's table, tell storiesof a man that lived at a place called Ross, and another at the Bath, oneAl--Al--I forget his name, but it is in the book of verses. Thisgentleman hath built up a stately house too, which the squire likes verywell; but his charity is seen farther than his house, though it standson a hill,--ay, and brings him more honour too. It was his charity thatput him in the book, where the squire says he puts all those who deserveit; and to be sure, as he lives among all the great people, if therewere any such, he would know them." This was all of Mr Joseph Andrews'sspeech which I could get him to recollect, which I have delivered asnear as was possible in his own words, with a very small embellishment.But I believe the reader hath not been a little surprized at the longsilence of parson Adams, especially as so many occasions offeredthemselves to exert his curiosity and observation. The truth is, he wasfast asleep, and had so been from the beginning of the precedingnarrative; and, indeed, if the reader considers that so many hours hadpassed since he had closed his eyes, he will not wonder at his repose,though even Henley himself, or as great an orator (if any such be), hadbeen in his rostrum or tub before him.

  Joseph, who whilst he was speaking had continued in one attitude, withhis head reclining on one side, and his eyes cast on the ground, nosooner perceived, on looking up, the position of Adams, who wasstretched on his back, and snored louder than the usual braying of theanimal with long ears, than he turned towards Fanny, and, taking herby the hand, began a dalliance, which, though consistent with thepurest innocence and decency, neither he would have attempted nor shepermitted before any witness. Whilst they amused themselves in thisharmless and delightful manner they heard a pack of hounds approachingin full cry towards them, and presently afterwards saw a hare popforth from the wood, and, crossing the water, land within a few yardsof them in the meadows. The hare was no sooner on shore than it seateditself on its hinder legs, and listened to the sound of the pursuers.Fanny was wonderfully pleased with the little wretch, and eagerlylonged to have it in her arms that she might preserve it from thedangers which seemed to threaten it; but the rational part of thecreation do not always aptly distinguish their friends from their foes;what wonder then if this silly creature, the moment it beheld her,fled from the friend who would have protected it, and, traversing themeadows again, passed the little rivulet on the opposite side? It was,however, so spent and weak, that it fell down twice or thrice in itsway. This affected the tender heart of Fanny, who exclaimed, with tearsin her eyes, against the barbarity of worrying a poor innocentdefenceless animal out of its life, and putting it to the extremesttorture for diversion. She had not much time to make reflections ofthis kind, for on a sudden the hounds rushed through the wood, whichresounded with their throats and the throats of their retinue, whoattended on them on horseback. The dogs now past the rivulet, andpursued the footsteps of the hare; five horsemen attempted to leapover, three of whom succeeded, and two were in the attempt thrown fromtheir saddles into the water; their companions, and their own horsestoo, proceeded after their sport, and left their friends and riders toinvoke the assistance of Fortune, or employ the more active means ofstrength and agility for their deliverance. Joseph, however, was notso unconcerned on this occasion; he left Fanny for a moment to herself,and ran to the gentlemen, who were immediately on their legs, shakingtheir ears, and easily, with the help of his hand, obtained the bank(for the rivulet was not at all deep); and, without staying to thanktheir kind assister, ran dripping across the meadow, calling to theirbrother sportsmen to stop their horses; but they heard them not.

  The hounds were now very little behind their poor reeling, staggeringprey, which, fainting almost at every step, crawled through the wood,and had almost got round to the place where Fanny stood, when it wasovertaken by its enemies, and being driven out of the covert, wascaught, and instantly tore to pieces before Fanny's face, who was unableto assist it with any aid more powerful than pity; nor could she prevailon Joseph, who had been himself a sportsman in his youth, to attemptanything contrary to the laws of hunting in favour of the hare, which hesaid was killed fairly.

  The hare was caught within a yard or two of Adams, who lay asleep atsome distance from the lovers; and the hounds, in devouring it, andpulling it backwards and forwards, had drawn it so close to him, thatsome of them (by mistake perhaps for the hare's skin) laid hold of theskirts of his cassock; others at the same time applying their teeth tohis wig, which he had with a handkerchief fastened to his head, began topull him about; and had not the motion of his body had more effect onhim than seemed to be wrought by the noise, they must certainly havetasted his flesh, which delicious flavour might have been fatal to him;but being roused by these tuggings, he instantly awaked, and with a jerkdelivering his head from his wig, he with most admirable dexterityrecovered his legs, which now seemed the only members he could entrusthis safety to. Having, therefore, escaped likewise from at least a thirdpart of his cassock, which he willingly left as his _exuviae_ or spoilsto the enemy, he fled with the utmost speed he could summon to hisassistance. Nor let this be any detraction from the bravery of h
ischaracter: let the number of the enemies, and the surprize in which hewas taken, be considered; and if there be any modern so outrageouslybrave that he cannot admit of flight in any circumstance whatever, I say(but I whisper that softly, and I solemnly declare without any intentionof giving offence to any brave man in the nation), I say, or rather Iwhisper, that he is an ignorant fellow, and hath never read Homer norVirgil, nor knows he anything of Hector or Turnus; nay, he isunacquainted with the history of some great men living, who, though asbrave as lions, ay, as tigers, have run away, the Lord knows how far,and the Lord knows why, to the surprize of their friends and theentertainment of their enemies. But if persons of such heroicdisposition are a little offended at the behaviour of Adams, we assurethem they shall be as much pleased with what we shall immediately relateof Joseph Andrews. The master of the pack was just arrived, or, as thesportsmen call it, come in, when Adams set out, as we have beforementioned. This gentleman was generally said to be a great lover ofhumour; but, not to mince the matter, especially as we are upon thissubject, he was a great hunter of men; indeed, he had hitherto followedthe sport only with dogs of his own species; for he kept two or threecouple of barking curs for that use only. However, as he thought he hadnow found a man nimble enough, he was willing to indulge himself withother sport, and accordingly, crying out, "Stole away," encouraged thehounds to pursue Mr Adams, swearing it was the largest jack-hare he eversaw; at the same time hallooing and hooping as if a conquered foe wasflying before him; in which he was imitated by these two or three coupleof human or rather two-legged curs on horseback which we have mentionedbefore.

  Now, thou, whoever thou art, whether a muse, or by what other name soeverthou choosest to be called, who presidest over biography, and hastinspired all the writers of lives in these our times: thou who didstinfuse such wonderful humour into the pen of immortal Gulliver; who hastcarefully guided the judgment whilst thou hast exalted the nervous manlystyle of thy Mallet: thou who hadst no hand in that dedication andpreface, or the translations, which thou wouldst willingly have struckout of the life of Cicero: lastly, thou who, without the assistance ofthe least spice of literature, and even against his inclination, hast,in some pages of his book, forced Colley Cibber to write English; dothou assist me in what I find myself unequal to. Do thou introduce onthe plain the young, the gay, the brave Joseph Andrews, whilst men shallview him with admiration and envy, tender virgins with love and anxiousconcern for his safety.

  No sooner did Joseph Andrews perceive the distress of his friend, whenfirst the quick-scenting dogs attacked him, than he grasped his cudgelin his right hand--a cudgel which his father had of his grandfather, towhom a mighty strong man of Kent had given it for a present in that daywhen he broke three heads on the stage. It was a cudgel of mightystrength and wonderful art, made by one of Mr Deard's best workmen, whomno other artificer can equal, and who hath made all those sticks whichthe beaus have lately walked with about the Park in a morning; but thiswas far his masterpiece. On its head was engraved a nose and chin, whichmight have been mistaken for a pair of nutcrackers. The learned haveimagined it designed to represent the Gorgon; but it was in fact copiedfrom the face of a certain long English baronet, of infinite wit, humour,and gravity. He did intend to have engraved here many histories: as thefirst night of Captain B----'s play, where you would have seen criticsin embroidery transplanted from the boxes to the pit, whose ancientinhabitants were exalted to the galleries, where they played oncatcalls. He did intend to have painted an auction room, where Mr Cockwould have appeared aloft in his pulpit, trumpeting forth the praises ofa china basin, and with astonishment wondering that "Nobody bids morefor that fine, that superb--" He did intend to have engraved many otherthings, but was forced to leave all out for want of room.

  No sooner had Joseph grasped his cudgel in his hands than lightningdarted from his eyes; and the heroick youth, swift of foot, ran with theutmost speed to his friend's assistance. He overtook him just asRockwood had laid hold of the skirt of his cassock, which, being torn,hung to the ground. Reader, we would make a simile on this occasion, butfor two reasons: the first is, it would interrupt the description, whichshould be rapid in this part; but that doth not weigh much, manyprecedents occurring for such an interruption: the second and much thegreater reason is, that we could find no simile adequate to our purpose:for indeed, what instance could we bring to set before our reader's eyesat once the idea of friendship, courage, youth, beauty, strength, andswiftness? all which blazed in the person of Joseph Andrews. Let those,therefore, that describe lions and tigers, and heroes fiercer than both,raise their poems or plays with the simile of Joseph Andrews, who ishimself above the reach of any simile.

  Now Rockwood had laid fast hold on the parson's skirts, and stopt hisflight; which Joseph no sooner perceived than he levelled his cudgel athis head and laid him sprawling. Jowler and Ringwood then fell on hisgreatcoat, and had undoubtedly brought him to the ground, had notJoseph, collecting all his force, given Jowler such a rap on the back,that, quitting his hold, he ran howling over the plain. A harder fateremained for thee, O Ringwood! Ringwood the best hound that ever pursueda hare, who never threw his tongue but where the scent was undoubtedlytrue; good at trailing, and sure in a highway; no babler, no overrunner;respected by the whole pack, who, whenever he opened, knew the game wasat hand. He fell by the stroke of Joseph. Thunder and Plunder, andWonder and Blunder, were the next victims of his wrath, and measuredtheir lengths on the ground. Then Fairmaid, a bitch which Mr John Templehad bred up in his house, and fed at his own table, and lately sent thesquire fifty miles for a present, ran fiercely at Joseph and bit him bythe leg: no dog was ever fiercer than she, being descended from anAmazonian breed, and had worried bulls in her own country, but now wagedan unequal fight, and had shared the fate of those we have mentionedbefore, had not Diana (the reader may believe it or not if he pleases)in that instant interposed, and, in the shape of the huntsman, snatchedher favourite up in her arms.

  The parson now faced about, and with his crabstick felled many to theearth, and scattered others, till he was attacked by Caesar and pulledto the ground. Then Joseph flew to his rescue, and with such mightfell on the victor, that, O eternal blot to his name! Caesar ranyelping away.

  The battle now raged with the most dreadful violence, when, lo! thehuntsman, a man of years and dignity, lifted his voice, and called hishounds from the fight, telling them, in a language they understood, thatit was in vain to contend longer, for that fate had decreed the victoryto their enemies.

  Thus far the muse hath with her usual dignity related this prodigiousbattle, a battle we apprehend never equalled by any poet, romance orlife writer whatever, and, having brought it to a conclusion, sheceased; we shall therefore proceed in our ordinary style with thecontinuation of this history. The squire and his companions, whom thefigure of Adams and the gallantry of Joseph had at first thrown into aviolent fit of laughter, and who had hitherto beheld the engagement withmore delight than any chase, shooting-match, race, cock-fighting, bullor bear baiting, had ever given them, began now to apprehend the dangerof their hounds, many of which lay sprawling in the fields. The squire,therefore, having first called his friends about him, as guards forsafety of his person, rode manfully up to the combatants, and, summoningall the terror he was master of into his countenance, demanded with anauthoritative voice of Joseph what he meant by assaulting his dogs inthat manner? Joseph answered, with great intrepidity, that they hadfirst fallen on his friend; and if they had belonged to the greatest manin the kingdom, he would have treated them in the same way; for, whilsthis veins contained a single drop of blood, he would not stand idle byand see that gentleman (pointing to Adams) abused either by man orbeast; and, having so said, both he and Adams brandished their woodenweapons, and put themselves into such a posture, that the squire and hiscompany thought proper to preponderate before they offered to revengethe cause of their four-footed allies.

  At this instant Fanny, whom the apprehension of Joseph's danger hadalarmed so mu
ch that, forgetting her own, she had made the utmostexpedition, came up. The squire and all the horsemen were sosurprized with her beauty, that they immediately fixed both theireyes and thoughts solely on her, every one declaring he had neverseen so charming a creature. Neither mirth nor anger engaged them amoment longer, but all sat in silent amaze. The huntsman only wasfree from her attraction, who was busy in cutting the ears of thedogs, and endeavouring to recover them to life; in which he succeededso well, that only two of no great note remained slaughtered on thefield of action. Upon this the huntsman declared, "'Twas well it wasno worse; for his part he could not blame the gentleman, and wonderedhis master would encourage the dogs to hunt Christians; that it wasthe surest way to spoil them, to make them follow vermin instead ofsticking to a hare."

  The squire, being informed of the little mischief that had been done,and perhaps having more mischief of another kind in his head, accostedMr Adams with a more favourable aspect than before: he told him he wassorry for what had happened; that he had endeavoured all he could toprevent it the moment he was acquainted with his cloth, and greatlycommended the courage of his servant, for so he imagined Joseph to be.He then invited Mr Adams to dinner, and desired the young woman mightcome with him. Adams refused a long while; but the invitation wasrepeated with so much earnestness and courtesy, that at length he wasforced to accept it. His wig and hat, and other spoils of the field,being gathered together by Joseph (for otherwise probably they wouldhave been forgotten), he put himself into the best order he could; andthen the horse and foot moved forward in the same pace towards thesquire's house, which stood at a very little distance.

  Whilst they were on the road the lovely Fanny attracted the eyes of all:they endeavoured to outvie one another in encomiums on her beauty; whichthe reader will pardon my not relating, as they had not anything new oruncommon in them: so must he likewise my not setting down the manycurious jests which were made on Adams; some of them declaring thatparson-hunting was the best sport in the world; others commending hisstanding at bay, which they said he had done as well as any badger; withsuch like merriment, which, though it would ill become the dignity ofthis history, afforded much laughter and diversion to the squire and hisfacetious companions.