Monstrato

  ~~~

  The next day, Lori came by at lunchtime and told me Hope wasn't in school. We called Hope's house and cell phone, and still no answer. Then, at about 2:30, right when school lets out, Lori called. She was practically screaming into the phone.

  She said, "Macy, you're not gonna believe what just happened at school…Hope's mom came in to talk to Tammy, and they almost got in a fight."

  "No way!"

  "Yeah, and maaaannn, Hope's mom was pissed! Kearns and Mr. Moss had to hold her back. You know why? Get this. Hope really was adopted."

  "NO WAY!"

  "It's true! Corena wasn't lying. Man, the school was going crazy this afternoon. Can you believe that? Hope was adopted, and she didn't even know it."

  "Oh, my god!"

  "And boy, was her mom pissed. You could hear her yelling all the way down in Kearns's room. When Kearns went to see what was going on, we all followed him out there and saw the whole thing. She wouldn't leave the building. She just kept yelling at Tammy, and the police had to come."

  "Are you sure that's what it was about? I mean, are you sure she's adopted?"

  "Macy, we heard Tammy say it. She was yelling at Mrs. Swanson, saying, 'You didn't even tell your daughter who she was. You didn't even tell her where she came from.' And Ms. Swanson was like, 'It's none of your fucking business.' Then Tammy said, 'You can't even do your job as a parent, you piece of trash.' And you know how Tammy is. She never backs down to anyone."

  I said, "God, I wonder what Hope's thinking right now."

  "I know, man. I can't believe her mom didn't tell her. It's spooky just thinking about it."

  I was thinking about Hope and picturing her in my mind, trying to imagine what she was going through, and it seemed terrible. I pictured her sitting on a bed…It was weird…It wasn't her bed, just a bed in a dark room. She looked weak and frail and was staring down at the floor, quietly crying. I felt so sorry for her. I pictured her all alone, and it made me wanna go find her and throw my arms around her.

  Lori said, "Man, I hope she doesn't try to kill herself."

  "Jesus, Lori, why would you say something like that?"

  "I don't know. But you know how Hope is. I'm just thinking about my cousin."

  "Yeah, well Hope's not like that. She's not that fucking crazy," I said in a real sharp voice.

  "I'm just saying that Hope's already a depressed person, and this has gotta be the worst thing that ever happened to her."

  "Will you just quit talking about it," I yelled. "She's not gonna kill herself." I felt awful. I didn't want to be snapping on Lori, but she had a way of not paying attention to people's feelings. It was one of those conversations I didn't want to have on the phone because I was getting so emotional. I think if Lori and I had been in the same room, we might have both been crying.

  I said, "I gotta call Hope. I'll talk to you later."

  She said, "You're gonna call her?" like it was a bad idea, even though she knew I'd been trying to call Hope all day.

  I said, "Well, yeah, she's my friend, isn't she? And I bet nobody else is gonna call her."

  I hung up with Lori and my phone immediately rang. It was Chelsea. I talked to her for a minute, then tried to call Hope on her cell phone, but still no answer. I started to dial her home phone number, and then I stopped. Maybe I was thinking about what Lori had said. I knew Hope had caller ID. I'd been calling her house all day and even left her a message. I thought, Well, if Hope doesn't want to talk to me, I don't want to seem like I'm trying to butt in where I don't belong—but God I wished she'd call.

  My phone didn't stop ringing for the rest of the evening. Everyone was calling wanting to talk about Hope, and Corena, and Hope's mom coming into school, and what went down the day before in Kearns's room. Seemed like the same questions kept coming up, over and over: Why'd Corena tell Keenan to beat up Bobby? How did she know that Hope was adopted? Why did Hope's mom keep it a secret from her? After four hours on the phone, I was exhausted from thinking about it. It felt so heavy and unreal. And the more I thought about it, the more I started wishing I could erase the last 30 hours and go back to where we were sitting in Kearns's room, to the point when Corena came in. I was wishing I would've charged Corena the moment she walked through the door, clobbered her, banged her head against the wall and gotten myself expelled—anything, so that she wouldn't have told Hope what she did. I thought maybe if things had gone a little differently, if I'd spoken up and tried to stop Corena from yelling at Hope, then she might've never told Hope she was adopted.

  I couldn't imagine having that kind of power over somebody where, by uttering just a couple of sentences, you could change how the person looks at themself for the rest of their life. It was terrible thinking about it…what Corena had done. It didn't seem right that someone should have that kind of power over somebody else. It certainly shouldn't have been Corena. I mean, she's just another high school student—she's like, 17. Who was she to make that kind of a decision? And the worst part was, she didn't even give Hope a choice—she just threw it at her. I know it sounds stupid, but whenever I think about it, it reminds me of that movie The Matrix because that's how big of a thing Hope had shoved on her as far as changes go. But you see, in The Matrix, Neo was at least given a choice. He could take the blue pill, or he could take the red pill, but if he took the red pill, he could never go back. Hope could never go back, and she would never look at her mom the same way again. I just couldn't imagine…that person who's been tucking you in bed every night, that person you thought you were born out of, and then to find out you weren't…What would that be like? What would it be like to, all of a sudden, discover you don't know who your mother and father are? That night, when I went to bed, I couldn't stop thinking about Hope, and I cried a little before I went to sleep.