It Was You...

  After multiple dead-ends and fail attempts, James' hope of located Karen and reconnecting seemed like a lost cause. With each unsuccessful turn, James fell deeper and deeper into a depression. Home life suffered. The stress of having his father living with them was taking its toll as well. He had become more dependent and the nursing bills were starting to become a burden. He and Sheila were distant from each other and she seemed more and more interested in the kids or work, than ever wanting to spend time with James. He felt completely confused about where his life needed to go. He was unsure of how the rest of the story was supposed to play out if he was uncertain of why he was there in the first place. He cared for Sheila very much and his girls had to be two of the best things that had ever happened to him. Seemingly surrounded by happiness, James still lived with a dark cloud over him. He could not stop feeling like he made a mistake and the rest of his life would be spent wondering what went wrong. He battled with himself on a daily basis about how he was going to work through all of these questions he was struggling with. James wished beyond all else that Tim was still alive. Tim had a way of helping James see the big picture and always helped James through the tougher times in his life. With no one to talk to about his feelings, James remained stuck dealing with all of his inner demons alone. James went on about his life seeking that one thing that he was certain would make him understand all that he was feeling. It was not until the beginning of the new school year that James found something to occupy his weary heart.

  Leah Chambers came to the high school as a new guidance counselor for the incoming freshman class. James had heard that there was a new staff member but did not meet her until the third week of classes. The buzz around the faculty lounge was that the new counselor was beyond fine. At least that is how Gary Franken described the new staff member to his fellow male co-workers. All of James' fellow testosterone driven cohorts shared similar stories of how stunning the new girl was. Apparently she appeared to be just out of grad school and her legs didn't know how to quit, paraphrasing one of the shop teachers. James had no interest in the new counselor or her hotness, he just wanted to mind his own business and be left alone. He had taken to doing a pretty good job of staying under the radar and out of everyone else's business, but it seemed that someone had other plans for him.

  James was sitting outside at lunch when he had the pleasure of meeting the new counselor for the first time. James was unsure of what he felt when she had approached him as he sat alone, eating his lunch and enjoying the cool afternoon breeze. He was certain that she was gorgeous; hands down one of the prettiest women he had ever met. Her smile was contagious, as if the reason she was smiling had to be enough reason for you to smile too. She was wearing a form fitting sleeveless sundress with her hair tied back in a loose ponytail. Her eyes were a color green James could swear he had never seen before that day. She asked if he minded if she joined him at the table and he could barely utter a response in return. It came upon him quick, something down inside of him warmed at the sight of her. He could not explain it, but her presence there at the table with him made his head swim.

  "So you are the new freshmen counselor right?" he asked, "My name is James Matheson, I teach earth science and biology."

  She smiled that unbelievable smile again, "Yes, I am the new counselor; my name is Leah. Pleasure to meet you."

  He could see in her face that she wanted to say more but she held back.

  "I hope I am not disturbing you" she continued, "but I had noticed you at last week's faculty meeting and realized that you were one of the few teachers I had not yet met."

  She looked directly into him; it felt as if she was gazing at his soul.

  James could not quite put his finger on what he was feeling at that moment. His skin tingled and the little hairs on the back of his neck seemed to crawl on their own.

  "Well," he replied, "here I am."

  He smiled and it felt awkward.

  She was staring into his eyes, seemingly consuming everything she could about him. James was unnerved by this beauty sitting across the table from him.

  "Yup," she smiled, "here you are."

  Several moments passed before either of them said a word to each other. James tried to act calm and collected, but when he did try and speak again, his thoughts were jumbled.

  "So," he stated, "where did you go to school?"

  "I attended Villanova for my undergraduate studies and then finished my master's at Penn State."

  "Both very good schools. I also attended classes at PSU" he replied.

  "Go Lions" she said as she pretended to wave her pretend pennant in the air.

  "Ah yes, the mighty blue and white!" he exclaimed.

  "So, are you from the area?" he asked.

  "No, not originally. I grew up in a little town outside of Baltimore. A little town called Beckenwood, have you heard of it? I am sure you haven't."

  James had indeed never heard of such a town outside of Baltimore, but it didn't matter, he just liked to hear her talk.

  "No, I cannot say I have ever heard of Beckenwood, sorry" he replied.

  "Oh, that is okay, you are not missing much. Just a sleepy old farm town with more pigs per square mile than people."

  She smiled when she said that and it made something inside James crumble.

  There was a look in her eyes that called to him, his heart cried out; yearning to know her. Sitting there with her, James realized she was different. There was something special about her. He could not help but feel that he knew her from somewhere. She seemed like someone he once knew, like an old friend from his past. They continued to talk about non-sense for the rest of their lunch period like old friends. Talking with her came too easy; sharing his life with her and opening up was almost natural to him. They lunched together quite often after that. It became a routine for the two of them to sit and talk their entire lunch period. James found himself looking forward to the nest time he would see her and just get to talk.

  Ever since meeting Leah at lunch that first day, James could not stop thinking about her. She controlled his thoughts, haunted his dreams. He could not get the eerie feeling out of his head that they had met before. He was overwhelmed by the undeniable power she had over him. He found himself making it a point to pass by her office trying to catch a glimpse of her. He found himself thinking about her even when with Sheila; which wasn't often due to the amount of extra time she had been spending at the office lately. But that was no excuse for the thoughts that he had been having recently, and couldn't help but feel guilty. Sheila was a good wife and he didn't want to hurt her or the girls, but he just couldn't stop thinking about Leah and the way she made him remember what it was like to feel passion and excitement. It seemed as though she had awakened something inside of James that had been asleep for many years.

  ****

  The rain seemed to beat at the window, begging to be let in.

  James sat quietly by his father's side and watched the older man doze off. He took this moment to reflect on all of the day's events. He had expected the news from Will, he expected to feel anger for him but he had not been prepared for the feeling of sadness that overcame him when he thought about Sheila's life after James was gone. It hurt too much to think about what the girls would do without him, so he didn't think of those things, but he had thought about Sheila after Will had confirmed James' suspicions. Would she continue her relationship with Will? It seemed that Will had no issue stealing a dying man's wife, but would he ever be able to tell her he knew that James was dying? James wondered if it had just been coincidence that he had met Will that day on the golf course. Had he already been courting his wife behind his back? Thinking of all of these things made his head hurt more. James just wanted what was best for Sheila from now on. He realized that he had not been the best husband and if he could not provide her with what she needed in life, then why not Will? He was a successful neurologist; very intellige
nt and well educated. But at the same time, he was a man that willing committed adultery with a dying man's wife; a man that befriended and medically treated a man while he slept with his wife.

  Sheila deserved much better than what Will had to offer, it sickened James to think of her spending the rest of her life with a guy like that. James knew he had wronged her, but for Will to do what he did knowing James' condition disturbed him. It was there sitting next to his ailing father that something stuck James as odd. It could have been that he was tired, or that the tumor in his brain was finally affecting his thought process, but any other time James had been in the office with Will, there had always been someone else there. A nurse or an attendee was always on hand taking notes. Tonight, in the office, it had just been Will and himself. Will had taken the phone call prior to talking to James and then told him the news of his tumor alone. Why had he done that? Why had Will called him and told him to see him right away, why had it been so urgent to tell someone they had brain cancer and where going to die? Will's reaction to the news bothered James too. For a man that falsely claimed to be his friend, Will showed little or no emotion towards James when he told him about the cancer. A slick dirty feeling crept in James' mind and he tried to shake it off. What if Will had pursued Sheila knowing James was sick, in hopes of being there when he passed. James scoffed at the thought, but stranger things had happened.

  James' father started to stir in his chair and he whispered for water. James held the cup of ice water to his father's mouth and helped the old man take a drink. A small amount dribbled from the elderly man's lip as he sucked on the straw slowly. After he was finished, he waved the cup away with his good hand and turned his eyes towards the darkened window once again. James put the cup back on the side table and sat next to his father in the quiet room.

  ****

  James had stationed himself in the back store room for the science department during one of several in-service days held for the teachers and staff. They had completed their department meeting early and James had decided to use the rest of the day to check over supplies and inventory for the year. The student body had been released early from school for the day and the school was quiet. Most teachers took this opportunity to head home themselves after the meeting, but James took the time to try and better his standings with John Fellows, the department head. John was a bull-headed ass with no idea how to teach let alone run a department. His ways were old and out-dated, and his time was short. James had low seniority within the science staff but was looking to offer his hat into the ring when it came time to fill John's position as department head. James was no brown-noser but every little bit helped when trying to outshine fellow faculty members. Sorting through old text books was not James' idea of fun, especially when he knew the girls were going to be at Sheila's mom's for the day and he could easily hit a fishing hole or two on the way home. But, he knew that this inventory needed to get done and no one else was willing to do it for Fellows.

  James heard a noise from the hallway and was actually startled when he realized that he was no longer alone in the storage room.

  Leah had appeared in the doorway and was watching him with a queer look on her face.

  "Ms. Chambers, I do believe you startled me," he said trying to sound suave and not knowing why.

  "I am sorry; I didn't mean to scare you. I knew that you were staying behind this afternoon and thought I would come say hi."

  She moved slowly into the room, closer to James.

  He could feel his heart start to race. This was an absolute shock to him, why he was feeling this way, he hadn't felt that rush since in so long. He could see a certain look in Leah's eyes; the kind of look that any man would want a beautiful woman to give him. He thought of his life and the people he loved that would be hurt by anything inappropriate that he may do.

  Leah moved carefully closer and inquired about what exactly he was doing.

  "I am counting ancient text books, if you want to know the truth. Mr. Fellows feels in pertinent that we keep all out-dated versions of old text books for reference reasons…" he replied.

  His train of thought trailed off as he made eye contact with her and realized that she was staring right at him.

  "I am terribly sorry James, but there is something about you that makes me want to be close to you," she blurted out quickly, "I just have this weird sense that you and I knew each other. Ever since we first met I couldn't shake this feeling you gave me."

  James' heart sank; she had just stated the same feelings that he had been feeling himself. He couldn't get it out of his head that he had known Leah Chambers previously and he wanted to learn more about her.

  James cleared his throat and adjusted his posture so that he was now facing Leah in the cramped room. With his wide shoulders pinned between the wooden shelves, James took up most of the small storage room himself.

  "Um, this could be quite awkward if someone were to come back here right now, wouldn't it?" he stammered.

  His head was spinning out of control, here was this beautiful woman engaging him in the science storage room and he couldn't think of a thing to say other than that.

  "You're right, I am sorry. You are a married man and I shouldn't be acting like this. It is my fault, not yours, please forgive me," she replied and quickly turned, leaving the storage room as fast as she had appeared.

  James stood up, dumbfounded for several seconds before he moved.

  He did not know what to do at that moment; things were going great with Sheila at home. He could not have been happier with her and the life that they had made. But, this woman had come out of nowhere and made him question everything about his life and how his heart felt. Karen had permanently scarred his heart forever that much he was sure of. Her brief moment in his life had changed James and made him constantly question who he was and what love really was. He now stood in the dusty storage room wondering what on earth he was doing and why his heart and mind seemed to betray him.

  The e-mails between the two of them started after that day in the storage room. She had written him a quick note apologizing for her actions and hoping that they could still be friends. The relationship started slow from there and as the weeks passed, their notes to each other became more intimate and personal. Their lunches together became longer and their glances in the hall became almost flirty and inappropriate. James had been working extra hours one evening to catch up on some quarterly exam grading when he was surprised again by Leah's appearance at his side. She slipped him a quick note and walked away. James read the note and could hardly believe what it proposed. He knew that he had been leading her on with his e-mails and his boyish behavior, but he couldn't help himself. She made him feel something that he hadn't felt in a long time. She made his heart race like it hadn't raced for years. This feeling was exciting and new, but what she had written in that note was about to make everything about their relationship different.

  ****

  James smiled at his father who sat staring out the rain soaked window; he loved his father very much and only hoped that he could find some peace within his mind to help him through the emotions that he was struggling with.

  "Are they still feeding you alright? You're taking your meds like they tell you to, right?" he asked his father quietly.

  His father turned back to him but something had changed.

  "James?" he asked, "When did you get here? I was waiting for your mother, have you seen her?"

  James couldn't respond.

  He knew his father was lapsing mentally again; his moment of lucidity was gone.

  "James? Did you hear me? Where is your mother James? She should have been here by now, we need to get to the auditorium for the rehearsal…" his father continued, growing more agitated by the minute.

  "Dad, calm down. Mom is…"

  "No, I will not calm down young man! Your mother knows how important tonight is to me! She needs to be here now. Your uncle Phil is
going to be there and so is Freddie James. This night is very important to me, where is she? Oh, I know. She is probably out with Gene, that lying, wife stealing sack of shit. I'll kill him and her. Where the hell is she!" he screamed.

  James stood up and tried to soothe his father, but to no avail.

  The older man was very upset and didn't want to hear anything James tried to say to him.

  "No! Don't try and tell me to calm down. Your mother is a two timing hussy and I am going to be the one to change that. Damn it, where is she…" he muttered to himself as he started to cry.

  "Dad, please…" James started to say but his father quickly cut him off.

  "No Gene, just go, I don't need you around me or my wife, just go." James was hurt by his father's words.

  "Dad, it's me James, are you going to be okay?" he asked.

  "I'll be fine Gene," his father said sniffling, "just go you lying bastard, just go!"

  With that, the old man turned away from James and sobbed deeply into his long, arthritic hands.

  James turned from his father and walked out of the room. At the doorway he paused and looked back at his father.

  "Goodbye Dad, I love you more than you will ever know."

  James walked to his car as the rain once again started to fall harder and the wind whipped, threatening to tear the leaves from their branches.

  ****

  James sat at his desk during sixth period, looking at an e-mail that Leah had just sent him. He had just gotten off the phone with Sheila and she had once again told him that he would have to pick the girls up from daycare because she was going to be held up in a meeting across town for most of the evening. He wondered if she had started to suspect anything. She had been so busy with work; James would have been surprised if she noticed anything that happened at home. James understood she had a career to pursue and he took full advantage of the time Sheila was occupied with work.