It Was You...

  He and Leah had been seeing each other for several months now and going into the summer it looked like it was just going to get easier for him and Leah to get away together. He remembered the note she had given him that changed everything about their relationship and why he had gone back to the storage room like the note had asked. He had wanted to feel the way he did inside. He had wanted that excitement and rush to overtake him. Sheila was his wife and he loved her dearly, and their girls mean the world to him, but he couldn't help how his heart felt. He had not felt this way since Karen and it seemed that he never would have again until Leah came into his life. She was young and vivacious. She had an energy about her that made him quiver with excitement. He found himself yearning to be near her and when he was able to hold her, he felt drunk on her passion and revitalized by her love. He found himself lusting for Leah more and more as the days went on. Every chance he got to have with her was exciting and new; like the first kiss or a new touch from a new lover.

  Leah had expressed interest, via her e-mail, in getting together this afternoon for a quick meeting at her place. James had grown accustomed to their afternoon rendezvous. He had told Sheila take he had taken over mentoring the debate team and that more of his afternoons would be taken up. Sheila continued to be very busy with her work, and like ships in the night, their lives passed by without a word spoken. Weekends were busy with grading papers for James and Saturday meetings for her. Trips to the playground or the zoo had become very infrequent and it broke James' heart. It amazed James how much Sheila was working; for a woman that wanted children so badly, she seemed to be spending more and more time away from them. But, he couldn't help but think that he had been doing that in his own way by spending more time with Leah. James missed the time that they had once spent together and he really missed the family time they had both come to enjoy, but he had also become accustomed to using his time away from Sheila and the girls to be with Leah. To experience a desire and passion like his heart had only known once before. Leah made him feel alive, made him feel like the hole left by Karen was not to be permanent. He realized that there was so much more to life and that the love he had for Sheila could not fully be matched by the way his heart felt when he was around Leah. James did not know where his relationship with Leah was going; he had no idea what she wanted from him for the future. He knew that leaving Sheila was not an option but he could not see his life without Leah anymore. She had become such an integral part of his life, she had worked her way deep into his heart and filled the emptiness James thought he would always have in his soul. It would have been very hard for James to explain to anyone; the amount of pain he suffered at the hands of one girl and the love he thought was fleeting. Not a week went by that he didn't think of Karen or remember the way she had made him feel. Now he had Leah in his life and she seemed to be the missing piece to the puzzle that was James' heart.

  He responded to Leah's e-mail explaining that he would be unable to get away this afternoon, but hoped that she would have time for him tomorrow. James figured it would be better that way, he could pick the girls up early and take them out to eat. Miranda being the older sister, loved to drag her sister along wherever she went and Kayla, wanting to do anything for her sister, obliged to all of her sister's commands. James figured they could eat at one of the fast food places that had a play area for the kids. It was a beautiful day and the girls loved being outside after spending all day at the child care center.

  James wrapped up his day with a freshman biology class, he gave out the assignments for the weekend and sent the ever cheerful students on their way towards two days of not looking at their school work, or so it always seemed when Monday rolled around. It always astounding James as to how much a group of kids could forget in one weekend. James grabbed his bag from his office and headed straight for the door. The weather was beautiful, not a cloud in the sky. It had started getting much warmer during the days and the students had started wearing less and less. It made James cringe to think that his girls would want to wear shorts like that when they were older. He couldn't believe that he was looking at some of the female students waiting for the bus and he was almost able to make out the lower curves of their ass. He rolled his eyes and thought about his daughters as he made his way across the parking lot towards his car. He could not believe that young girls were dressing like that and that his girls would be there someday too. James wished that they could stay little forever and not have to worry about growing up and fitting in; they would not have to concern themselves with conforming to what society deemed fashionable or sexy. He hoped that as his girls grew up they would become confident, self aware women. He wanted them to be women that didn't need from anyone and went out and did it themselves. But, he also hoped that they would find a love in their life that made them happy and fulfilled all of their needs. Life was hard enough; they did not need the extra stress of a conflicted heart. James could only hope that they would have all that they wanted from life and that he and Sheila were doing all that they could to prepare them for the lives ahead of them. James could only pray that they would never experience heartbreak or the pain of never knowing. He had lived with the agony of not knowing if he and Karen were meant to be and it seemed to slowly eat at him from the inside out. His heart yearned to feel that joy again. Leah had come into his life and that need he felt from deep within him was met by her.

  James smiled as he fished his keys from his pocket. The thought of Leah in his arms always made his heart race. It seemed that fate always had a way of intervening on his thoughts.

  Leah was standing by his driver's side door and when he unlocked the doors she turned her gaze towards him. She had been watching the soccer team off on the distant sports field, but was now looking directly at James.

  Her piercing green eyes made his mouth dry and his knees weak.

  "Hey there good looking," she said "I think you are going to be really sorry you are not coming over today. The new black teddy I just got from Victoria's Secret is enough to make you want to cry."

  Her smile was devilish and James could feel his need for her grow stronger.

  He just shook his head in response. "No can do, I am daddy-on-duty tonight," he replied "Shelia is at a meeting, so I am going to take the girls out to eat."

  "That is so sweet Jimmy. You are such a good father. I hope Sheila knows what a good man you are and what a great dad you are to those girls," she said leaning in for a quick kiss on the cheek.

  James backed off and immediately scanned the parking lot for anyone that may have been looking.

  "Oh stop" she said "it was just a peck and no one is around."

  Her lack of concern for their situation frustrated James to no end.

  He was constantly worried about being seen with Leah or what the other staff members thought about their new found "friendship". They ate lunch together practically everyday, and would walk the track sometimes during James' free periods. Leah was single and had no concern for what people thought of her. She had told James many times before that she cared very little about what other people thought and she was only following her heart. She knew that he was married and it did not bother her. She explained to James that the love that she felt for him was something that she had no control over; she felt it was fate that brought them together and it would be fate that worked out the rest.

  "You need to relax Jimmy," she stated, "you worry too much about everybody else. You need to start thinking about yourself and what you want."

  "But I do not know what I want," he snapped, "I have a wife that loves me and two girls that depend on me. Our relationship jeopardizes that and it scares me. But, part of me loves being with you and can think of nothing else in that moment."

  She looked at him with her warm, caring eyes and said, "Jimmy, what we have does not make you a bad person, and it definitely does not make you a bad father, a bad husband maybe, but you and I have something special that nei
ther of us can deny."

  She continued, "Jimmy, you make my heart soar when I am near you, you make me feel like no other man has ever made me feel. What I feel for you is like no other feeling I have ever had. I do not know what lies ahead for us and I do not want to pressure you in any way, just know that you make me happy and that no matter what I will be there for you."

  She stole another quick kiss on the cheek, before James could react, and walked away.

  James watched her go, following the sway of her hips and dying to get his hands on her body; to hold her close and feel her naked warmth against his skin.

  "No dirty thoughts Jimmy," she yelled back to him without turning around.

  "You passed this up," she said stroking the outside of her thigh and inching up her skirt, showing James her muscular legs as she walked.

  James found himself smiling like an idiot as he drove to pick up Miranda and Kayla from daycare. He knew that what he was doing with Leah was wrong, but he hadn't felt so right in his heart for a long time. He had been living as a damaged man for too long. Sheila was his wife and he did indeed love her and want to care for her. She still excited him and when they made love, which had become a very scarce occurrence; it still made his blood pump. But Sheila was not Leah; she did not make James' heart feel the way being with Leah did. Leah made James happy and filled him with a feeling of completeness even though it was wrong. He was still smiling as he pulled into the parking lot to retrieve his daughters from their classrooms at Little People Child Care Center. He was sure that Miranda would be overjoyed to see him and want very much to be sprung from her daily prison. The five year old had become very independent and outspoken. She had made it perfectly clear to her parents that she did not like Mrs. Greenburg, her teacher and that she smelled like her daddy's socks. James had spit out his ice tea at the dinner table upon hearing his daughter make this proclamation just the week before. Kayla on the other hand, was their quiet and reserved daughter. She was still young and learning to communicate, due to the fact that her sister did all the talking for her. Kayla loved her teachers at Little People and wanted nothing less than to be with them all the time. She would tell James and Sheila that she loved Miss Tina just as much as she loved her mommy and daddy.

  James was surprised to find that both girls were very excited to see him and were even more excited to find out they were going out to eat with their daddy.

  "Can we go to McDonald's dad?" Miranda asked.

  "Kayla really likes the nuggets and I really, really like the apple pies."

  James just had to smile at his daughters and how big they were getting.

  "Mickey-D's it is ladies," James replied. "Everybody buckled up?"

  Both girls responded with glee and off they went to have dinner out.

  James put on one of the girls favorite CDs and listened to them sing along from the back seat. Miranda loved music and her younger sister just loved to do whatever her older sister was doing. The Zac Brown Band started guitar picking their way through "Chicken Fried" and the song made James think of simpler times. The song reminded him of all the things he loved in his life and how confused he had become about of it. He remembered Tim and his friend's easy smile, he remembered Sheila back when they first met. She had been so young and vibrant, like no other girl he had ever met. He recalled how there had been a point in his life after his mother had passed, that he would love no other as much as he loved her. But, then Karen had come into his life like a fast moving storm, her gale force winds had blown down all of his defenses and she had left his heart ruined in her path. He didn't know why the thought of her still hurt so much. It had been over ten years since he had spent that summer in her arms but the memory of her love still made him ache on the inside like no other pain he had ever experienced. He was certain that she had been the one for him, and it had taken him a long time to realize that what he had with Sheila was more important than anything he could have gotten from Karen. And then Leah came into his life, he knew that the void left by Karen could be filled and he could feel that happiness again. He was suddenly lost and confused at this point in his life and couldn't understand which way he was supposed to go. Life had been going so well for him before Leah. He had come to terms with his feelings for Karen and he had come to realize that what they had was far from the life that he and Sheila had made. Leah had come into the picture and made everything that was so right seem like just a cover; he had been living his life the way he felt he should be and not listening to his heart or his desires. Leah had once again helped him see that he had feelings deep down inside of him and those emotions stirred a different man to the surface.

  James watched his girls through the rearview mirror sing and dance to the music. Zac Brown had moved on to a Caribbean number about boats and sand. It was a catchy tune that made James drum his hands against the steering wheel and hum along. Pulling up to a stop light, he looked to his left and noticed an attractive woman laughing and smiling in the passenger seat of a pricey luxury SUV waiting for the light in the turning lane. The beautiful, dark haired woman was Sheila. He didn't have time to react as the car accelerated on the green arrow and turned left away from him and the girls. He instantly wondered who she was with and where she was going. She had told him she had a meeting across town and that she would not be able to pick up the girls and that she would not be home for dinner.

  James' heart sank as he dialed his wife's cell and waited for her to answer.

  "Hello" she answered tentatively.

  James knew she could tell who was calling her but she still had an odd tone in her voice.

  "Hey Dibbs," he replied, "I picked up the girls and we are headed to the Golden Arches for some dinner and play area action. The ladies wanted to call you and say hi, do you have a minute?"

  Her tone instantly became very cold and removed, "James, you know I hate when you call me that."

  She was referring to the nickname, Dibbs. He had given it to her so long ago that he couldn't even remember where it came from.

  "Listen, I am in the middle of an important meeting," she continued, "I told you that earlier. Tell the girls I will try and call before bedtime to say goodnight, but I am really busy right now. Bye."

  She hung up before James could respond.

  No "I love you" or "Have a good time with the girls" just a cold "bye" before she ended the call. James held the phone in his hand, staring straight ahead.

  He was startled by the honk of a horn behind him.

  "The light's green daddy, that means you can go" Miranda shouted from the backseat.

  "Yup. Sorry honey, here we go."

  Sheila had just lied to him and he had no idea how to react. Why had she lied about being in a meeting, who was she with and what was she doing? Those and many other questions swam trough his head as he drove in a daze to the McDonald's with his daughters.

  ****

  The constant glow from the oncoming headlights was making James' headache much worse. His eyes seemed to burn in their sockets and all he wanted to do was close them; close out the world and all of its bright, harsh light.

  He noticed that his wipers were still going but the rain had subsided.

  He switched them off and drove, again in silence, away from his father and the pain that came with the thought of never being able to tell him how he really felt about him. James' father was mentally wasting away. James knew that but he still missed his father and was going to miss the talks they had about life and about love.

  They had spent long afternoons on the river bank, wetting their lines and talking about the love of a good woman and the power of a child's love. James loved to sit and listen to his father talk about this mother and how strongly he had loved her. It made James think long and hard about his feelings and where he had gone wrong. James had never told anyone, other than Tim, about what had happened between he and Karen that summer. James had also never divulged anything about his relat
ionship with Leah. But more recently, the problems he and Sheila were having started weighing heavily on James and he had no one to talk to about his problems. James had confided in Will about some of the emotional issues in his life but Will's friendship had proven to be false in the end.

  It had been weeks after the event at the traffic light, that James had finally put two and two together about what Sheila was up to. Sheila had been having an affair right under his nose, just as he had been with her. The most painful part about what she was doing was the fact that it was with his friend. James noticed Will's SUV one afternoon when they had met up for a quick round of golf. Will's vehicle was the same one that Sheila had been riding in when he had seen her at the red light. James at first thought it was only coincidence until one afternoon he decided to pay a visit to her office building and see for himself where his wife had been spending her evenings.

  He had spoken to her on the phone not moments before he arrived at her office complex and parked with in sight of the front doors. She had claimed he was lucky to have caught her at her desk; she was just headed out the door to a client meeting and would be tied up most of the afternoon. James sat low in his seat and watched as the classy, white SUV pulled up in front of the overpriced office building and Sheila quickly exited the building and got into the waiting vehicle. The glare from the sun was too great off the windshield for James to immediately see the driver's face, but Sheila leaned in for a kiss as she buckled her seatbelt. It was not until the SUV turned past where James was parked, that he could see the driver and see that it was indeed Dr. Wilhelm Greene. His wife was running around with the one man James had begun to consider a good friend since Tim had passed away.