Heaven

  * * *

  WHEN the sun rose properly, it flooded the forest with a light so bright it hurt my eyes. Although we were both reluctant, we needed to get back to campus before people started to notice we were gone. While I was sure Spencer and Clay wouldn’t pry, I knew Mary Ellen was going to be full of questions.

  In the early hours of the morning, the campus was deserted. Only the empty red cups littering Fraternity Row served as a reminder of the revels of the night before. I knew that once the students woke up and got some food in them the celebrations would start all over again until class began on Monday morning. When I found my dorm, the woman at the front desk gave me a strange look. I caught sight of my reflection and saw I still had tiny twigs caught in my hair. I flushed and hurried past her, opting to take the stairs rather than wait for the elevator. I slipped into my room as quietly as I could … but not quietly enough.

  “Laurie, where have you been?” The tone was a combination of curiosity and accusation. Mary Ellen sat bolt upright in her bed almost the second the door clicked shut behind me. “I looked everywhere for you!”

  “I’m sorry,” I told her. “Did you get home okay with Missy and Erin?”

  “Yeah.” She shrugged. “Where were you?”

  “I ran into some old friends from high school and we hung out.”

  “Really?” Mary Ellen asked nosily. “Who were they?”

  “Just some sorority girls,” I replied lightly, and could have immediately kicked myself.

  Mary Ellen’s eyes widened with admiration. “You’re friends with sorority girls? But they’re not supposed to talk to freshmen. Which sorority?” she asked eagerly.

  I’d gone and dug myself a hole but luckily, it was one I could climb out of. I let my mind travel back to when I arrived—the letters on the houses flashed through my mind with an unexpected clarity. I blurted the first one that came to mind. Delta Gamma.

  “They’re DG’s.” I was surprised at how easily I could lie. “I would have called you to come with us but I didn’t have your number.”

  “Oh.” She looked disappointed. “Maybe next time. Did Ford go with y’all?”

  “Who?” I asked.

  “Um … your brother?” Mary Ellen said, frowning at me, like she thought I might have knocked my head.

  Saying our new names aloud was like putting on a new outfit for the first time. It was too crisp and not quite comfortable because it hadn’t softened with wear. I’d thought that being a new person might offer a whole new perspective on life. Instead I just felt confused—I was one person on the outside, another within. I was also worried that I’d slip up and say or do something that would set the whole delicate balancing act tumbling to the ground.

  “Right,” I said, forcing a laugh. “Mental blank. I don’t know where Ford was, probably off with some girl. He’s like that.”

  Mary Ellen gazed into space and I could almost read her thoughts: I could be some girl.

  “Do you think you could hook me up?” she asked with doleful eyes.

  I was a little taken aback by the suddenness of the request. I’d expected her to build up to this, ask me in a few weeks when we knew each other better, but she’d dived right in.

  “With Ford?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” she said. “He seems to know all the right people and he’s really good-looking … but you probably hear that a lot.”

  “Look.” I sat down on the edge of my bed and pretended to think. “I’d hate for you to get hurt. I don’t think Ford’s looking for a serious relationship.”

  “Hmmm.” Mary Ellen frowned and sank back onto her pillows. I could tell she wasn’t about to give up so easily. “Maybe we could come up with a plan?” she said.

  “I don’t know,” I hedged.

  “What if you told him you think we’d be good together? He’d listen to you.”

  “I’m probably the last person he’d listen to.”

  “Right.” Mary Ellen looked pensively into space. “I’ll think of something.”

  “What about Spencer or Clay?” I asked, trying to distract her with another proposition. “They both seem cute.”

  “Maybe,” Mary Ellen mused, reaching down to grab her laptop. “I’m going to Facebook stalk him.”

  I had to actively try to hold back the possessiveness that rose within me. I wanted to tell her it was never going to happen, but of course I couldn’t. I was starting to dislike Mary Ellen already; she was too pushy and demanding. I mentally chastised myself for being so negative; one of the basic edicts of Christianity was tolerance. I guessed my defensive side kicked in when it came to other girls chasing after Xavier.

  I climbed into bed and pulled the covers over my head, trying to ignore the sound of Mary Ellen clacking away on her laptop. I tried recalling Bible verses in my head, but stopped short. Did I even have any right to seek guidance from the Word anymore? I didn’t know and I felt guilty trying. My mind went suddenly into panic: Was it possible that the law of God didn’t apply to me anymore? If I couldn’t live by that, what would I live by? There was no one else I wanted to serve. I didn’t want to reject His sovereignty; I only wanted to keep Xavier. But maybe I couldn’t have both. I realized my breathing had quickened and I recited the words of a hymn Gabriel used to play under my breath to calm myself.

  “Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, still be my vision, O ruler of all.”

  * * *

  THE next few days passed in a blur. I soon came to realize that college didn’t leave a spare moment to think about troubles. Floor meetings, shopping for game-day dresses, raiding Walmart for dorm supplies, and learning our way around campus took up every minute. Classes began on Monday and I took notes, but absorbed nothing. I couldn’t help scanning the faces as they filed into the lecture halls, watching and waiting for signs of the Sevens.

  Mary Ellen was very quickly getting on my last nerve. Her interest in “Ford” soon developed into an infatuation and then a full-blown obsession. She warned the other girls off by calling “dibs” on him. She would peer over my shoulder whenever I got a text and creep up behind me when I was sending e-mails. When Xavier came to visit after our first night together, she made it nearly impossible for us to talk. When he poked his head through the door, she nearly pushed me out of the way in her eagerness to get to him. Xavier was all politeness despite the fact that her behavior must have annoyed him.

  “Ford!” She clutched at his arm. “How did you get past the front desk? They’re being so paranoid about boys being here right now.”

  Xavier gave an easy shrug. “I gave them my ID. It’s all good.” He turned to me, his eyes twinkling with a smile. “Hey, Laurie. What’s up?”

  “Hey.” I felt almost bashful as flashes from the previous night flooded my mind. I averted my eyes and smothered a grin with the back of my hand. “Not much,” I replied lightly. “Y’know, just hanging out.”

  “Yeah?” Xavier said. “Did you have fun last night?”

  Luckily, Mary Ellen was too starry-eyed to pick up on the intimate note in his voice.

  “It … wasn’t what I expected,” I said slowly. “It was so much better.”

  “You were only there like five minutes,” Mary Ellen’s amplified voice cut in, determined not to be excluded from the conversation. Xavier sighed; I could tell he was feeling uncomfortable. “As for you…” She pointed an accusing finger at him. “I hardly saw you at all!”

  “Yeah,” he replied. “I was kind of preoccupied.”

  “Preoccupied with what?” she asked without taking a breath.

  “This girl from my hometown. We had some catching up to do.”

  That was not the answer Mary Ellen wanted to hear. She was silent for a minute before letting out a forced laugh.

  “Is she an ex-girlfriend? Awkward!”

  “No,” Xavier replied. “I actually know her pretty well.”

  “So was it good catching up?” I asked sheepishly.

  Xavier held my gaze. “That’s an
understatement.”

  “Are you going to see her again?” Mary Ellen asked, trying hard to sound casual.

  Xavier flicked his turquoise eyes over to her. “Probably not,” he said. “I’m not looking for anything serious.”

  I couldn’t help smiling at the shared joke that was only apparent to us.

  “You’re too busy living wild and free, right?” I said.

  “Exactly, sis.” Xavier winked at me. “You know me too well.”

  As Mary Ellen became more agitated, I saw red blotches spread across her neck and chest. Thankfully, the conversation was cut short when our neighbors, Erin and Missy, knocked on the door.

  They were sweet girls and seemed to like Mary Ellen, but I caught them on a few occasions rolling their eyes behind her back. When they weren’t comparing notes on boys, I noticed the girls spent their time discussing prospective sororities. I tried to feign interest but usually got bored within the first few minutes and had to tune out. I was too busy absorbing the thriving atmosphere of the campus and adjusting to the new culture. I was constantly taken aback at how carefree everybody seemed. It was a sad indictment of how troubled my life with Xavier had been.

  “I am so excited for football season,” Mary Ellen told me as we were walking to the grove one afternoon. “I mean, we won’t win, but who cares.”

  “Why not?” I asked, a little surprised at her defeatist attitude.

  “Ole Miss never wins.” She laughed. “Everybody knows that.”

  “But I’m sure we stand a chance!” I said, feeling strangely upset by the thought of my adopted team losing.

  “Not really.” She shrugged again. “Bama and Auburn are where you go if you want to win football games.”

  “Humph,” I said. “Maybe our luck will turn around this year.”

  “Haven’t you heard?” Mary Ellen grinned at me. “We might not win the game but we never lose the party.”

  Mary Ellen and I stopped in the Grove where we found Xavier sitting with Clay, Spencer and a group of boys from the baseball team. They were having an in-depth discussion about Rebel sports. Spencer looked up and waved when he saw us. I slid in next to him while Mary Ellen made a beeline for Xavier. I hadn’t noticed before, but Spencer was good-looking, with a swatch of blond hair and hooded blue eyes.

  “So, how was your first weekend?” he asked.

  “I survived,” I told him. “It was pretty crazy.”

  “Yeah, frat row was just about exploding with freshmen.”

  As he talked, two squirrels began chasing each other around the trunk of a tree and caught my attention. Their movements were so quick they seemed almost computerized. One was clearly in pursuit of the other and I couldn’t help smiling.

  “He just won’t give up, will he?” I said.

  Spencer glanced up to see what I was looking at and grinned. “Maybe she’s been giving him mixed signals,” he replied. “He’s all confused.”

  “Nope.” I shook my head. “I think it’s pretty clear she’s not interested.”

  The first squirrel finally halted his pursuit and the other stopped as if in confusion. She then darted past again, daring him to pick up the chase.

  “See, now she’s just playing games,” Spencer said. “Manipulative bitch.”

  I burst out laughing. I liked Spencer already; he was so relaxed and normal. Sitting there in the Grove I almost felt as though there was no such thing as heavenly soldiers called Sevens, and everything we’d been through so far was just part of a hideous nightmare.

  Then my cell phone rang. I had only just switched it back on, ignoring the barrage of messages and missed calls from people wanting to know where I was. But this was a number I didn’t recognize.

  Xavier tensed up immediately, although no one noticed but me. The phone lay on the picnic table vibrating and spinning in circles until Mary Ellen finally looked across at me.

  “Aren’t you gonna get that?”

  “Hello?” I said tentatively, feeling my heart thumping in my chest.

  “Beth!” The squealing voice on the other line sounded relieved and all-too familiar. “I didn’t think you’d pick up. I’ve been calling for days!”

  “Molly?” I asked, and watched Xavier breathe a barely perceptible sigh of relief. “Is that you? Where are you calling from?”

  “Of course it’s me, I got a new phone,” she replied. “But more important, where have you been? You just took off and left town, we were all so worried. Things have been so weird. First you disappeared and then Father Mel died suddenly. They’re saying it was a heart attack? It was awful. We all thought Mrs. Woods was going to have a breakdown.”

  “I know, we heard,” I said. “And it is awful. I wish I could be there but things are just too complicated right now.”

  “Why? Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” I assured her. “It’s hard to explain.”

  “Well, you better try! Where are you?”

  “Just hold up,” I said. “I know you’re mad but I promise to come visit you soon and tell you everything. How’s Bama?”

  “I wouldn’t know.” Molly snorted. “I left.”

  “What? You dropped out?”

  Xavier widened his eyes at me as if to say seriously?

  “Yeah, something kind of happened.…” Molly’s voice petered out. “I had to transfer.”

  Why did I immediately assume it had something to do with us? It was probably because bad fortune was haunting us these days.

  “Why? What happened? Where did you go?”

  “To Ole Miss,” Molly replied. “I’m gonna be a Rebel.”

  “Oh, boy…” I glanced across at Xavier.

  “What?” Molly demanded. “Hello?”

  “Where are you right now?” I quizzed.

  “In the Crosby parking lot. I actually just got here.”

  “Okay, stay there,” I told her. “We’re going to come meet you in five minutes.”

  “Wait, are you…” Molly began but I hung up on her.

  “What happened?” Xavier mouthed at me, and I smiled nervously in response.

  “Molly’s here,” I said. “I’ve got to go find her.”

  “Who’s Molly?” Mary Ellen barked, concluding it was another long-lost girlfriend making a reappearance in Xavier’s life. I didn’t bother to respond. I was too anxious. I needed to find Molly straightaway and explain the situation before she called someone and accidentally gave us away.

  “I’m coming with you.”

  Xavier stood up and Mary Ellen tried to tug him back into his seat.

  “Why do you need to go?” she whined.

  He extricated himself from her grasp like one might shrug off a demanding child and followed me toward the dorm. I was almost jogging in my hurry to reach Molly. Why had she left Alabama? Had the Sevens shown up and tried to interrogate her? I sent a silent message out to Gabriel and Ivy, letting them know to be on hand in case we needed their help.

  * * *

  ALL four of us arrived at the same time and found Molly standing alone by her car. Gabriel and Ivy closed in protectively around her. She was unchanged with her baby blue eyes and pert little nose, holding nothing but her pink cell phone and a matching purse.

  “Molly!” I threw my arms around her and hugged her tight. “I’m so glad you’re okay. Whatever happened, I’m so sorry and you don’t have to be afraid. We’ll take care of it.”

  “Yes,” Gabriel said, his voice deepening with concern. “We’ll make sure you are protected.”

  “Just tell us what happened and who came looking for you,” Ivy said.

  “What did they do to you?” Gabriel asked. “What did they say?”

  Molly put her hands on her hips and inspected us closely. “What are y’all talking about?”

  I realized then that she didn’t appear scared or shaken at all. “You mean the Sevens didn’t find you?”

  “The who?” Molly stared at me. “Apart from being seriously mad at you, everything’s fine.
”

  “Molly.” Gabriel fixed his penetrating silver gaze on her. “If everything’s fine then what on earth are you doing here?”

  “I had to leave,” she said simply, and Gabriel’s eyebrows knitted with concern.

  “May we know the reason? Did you run into difficulty?”

  “No,” Molly said. “I ran into love.”

  For a moment Gabriel’s face clouded over as he recalled Molly’s infatuation of last year and the tension that followed as a result. But it wasn’t Gabriel Molly was thinking about. I could tell by the way she was looking at him that she had struggled to master her obsession and forced herself to think of him as a friend. She was looking at him now in an open, generous way that suggested she had smothered her previous expectations.

  “You changed schools for a guy?” Xavier blurted out. He missed my signal to show a little more sensitivity. “Are you insane?”

  Molly was too elated to take offense. She gave Xavier a condescending sigh.

  “Not just a guy, the guy.”

  “Who is he?” I prompted.

  “He’s name is Wade Harper and he’s a junior. He’s going to be a doctor and the course here at Ole Miss is more specialized or something.”

  “He asked you to come with him?” Xavier asked. I could see he was worried about Molly having made such a momentous decision without serious thought.

  “Don’t worry; he wants me here. He was totally buzzed when I told him. I can’t wait for you to meet him. He’s the best.”

  “We’re very happy for you, Molly,” said Ivy. Gabriel didn’t say anything but a tiny frown had appeared between his brows.

  “Thanks,” she said, beaming.

  “May I offer one word of advice?” my sister said.

  “Of course.”

  “Take your time with this boy.” I could hear genuine affection in my sister’s voice. She didn’t want to see Molly getting hurt again.

  “Oh, I plan to,” Molly replied. “I’m the one slowing him down, can you believe that? He’s already talking about having kids and everything! He’s super respectable, goes to church and all that.”