PARTMENT BUILDING - DAY
Bernie stands by the street door with a flowers bouquet. He checks his sparse hair in the glass when TIM dashes out the building, runs away like a rocket.
BERNIE: (starts after him) Hey! Hey!!
Tim stops, turns to him with a hallucinated smile.
BERNIE: Will you tell me what the heck is going on? Where is Eileen?
Tim keeps smiling as he hugs Bernie with all his strength.
TIM: You don't have to worry, it will be all over soon...
He looks up to the sky, makes the sign of the cross.
TIM: ...soon she'll be fine like she's never been!
Bernie's agape, the bouquet hits the ground as Tim runs away.
EXT. DICK AND BOB'S SECOND-HANDS - DAY
A third-rate sign towers over a dozen Hyundais and Daewoos. And TOD, talking on his cell phone as he walks down the lot.
TOD: I told you, dad, sat alarms just set off once in a while. The car is fine, I'm looking at it right now.
He turns to a brand-new BMW SERIES 7, on whose bonnet DICK AND BOB are signing papers at the speed of light.
DICK: Here we go, just a couple of signs and we're over.
Tod shuts the phone, gets a pen from Bob and --
TIM (O.S.): Hey!!
He turns around in surprise as a panting Tim catches up.
TOD: I told you to wait at home, what are you doing here?
Tim catches his breath, spots the BMW.
TIM: Is that your father's car?
BOB: (puzzled) What is he talking about, Harold?
TIM: Harold? Who's --
TOD: Could you excuse us for a second?
Dick and Bob share a glance as he draws Tim aside.
TOD: What the hell are you doing, trying to blow it all up?
TIM: Blow up what?
Tod smiles at Bob, pulls Tim further away.
TOD: Okay, listen, I slept it over and the only smart thing I can do is sell the car and give those crooks my half. (Off Tim's confused look) Not that I want to leave you in the shit, I've got a plan for you, too.
TIM: Will you tell me what the hell are you talking about?!
TOD: The bank that fired my father. He's still got to pick up his things, we could fake a proxy and get you in.
He ups his shirt to show the TOY GUN in his pants.
TOD: You don't have a record, if you turn yourself in you won't get more than six months.
Tim stares at him, way more than astonished.
TIM: Man, you are really a dick.
He pops out the scratchie and hands it to Tod. Who just looks at it, confused... until he spots the 100K sign in the scratched window -- celestial music and a dozen naked virgins pervade his mind as the gates of heaven spread before him.
BOB (O.S.): Sorry to interrupt, guys...
Tod turns around, wide eyed and dopey.
BOB: We got a contract waiting, so if you don't mind...
TOD: Oh, I don't mind at all.
Tod takes the contract and just tears it off. Dick and Bob are left stunned as the guys walk away, suddenly peppy and over the moon.
TOD: Wow, I bet this is how you feel after a night with Shakira!
TIM: Yeah man, it's more than a miracle! Must be the best day of my life!
They get to the car as Tod glances back at the scratchie, drops his smile.
TOD: Hold on a second, this is not --
MALE VOICE (O.S.): Shut the fuck up and get in the car, quick!
Tim starts to turn, gets a gun on his back.
BEANIE: Need another asshole, punk?
INT. BMW - CONTINUOUS
Tim and Tod get in the front, Pipe and Beanie drawing guns from the back.
PIPE: C'mon, start it up and get driving!
TOD: What the hell do you want?
He glances in the mirror, Beanie cocks his gun.
BEANIE: I'm not telling you again, bitch, don't fuckin' look at me!
Tod starts the engine, takes off on screeching tires.
PIPE: What the fuck are you doing?!
Tod slams on the brakes, sends Pipe against his headrest and Beanie's gun right in Tim's face.
TIM: Fuck it, can't you drive? You want him to shoot me or what?
TOD: It's not my car, okay? This thing's too fucking powerful!
PIPE: (checks his nose) Motherfucker tried to kill me... with a fucking headrest!
BEANIE: Enough bullshit, I'm gonna shoot you fuckers in the ass if you don't pop out our shit right now!
TIM: Hey, wait a minute, there must be a misunderstanding, we already got a deal with those Italians.
PIPE: Them motherfuckin' bastards!
TIM: We took something we shouldn't have and we just want to give it back. They kept my grandma as a guarantee and I just want her to be fine, we just don't want trouble, okay?
PIPE: Oh, you don't want trouble? You just stepped into a wagon of shit, dickhead! I don't know shit about your grandma and I don't give a fuck, but in your place I'll get out my coke before I turn this car into a butcher's!
TOD: Hold on a second, the deal's about the money, we don't know nothing about your coke!
Another screech before a red light as Beanie turns to Pipe.
BEANIE: Can't we just shoot these fuckers?
TOD: Just calm down now, okay? (Peels away at the green) Turns out I got this badass friend of mine who could just lend a hand.
PIPE: What the fuck you wanna do, set up a fucking party? Your friend's named Ronda and she's got boobs?
TOD: Well, no.
PIPE: Then shut that crapper! The new deal is get back my shit from wherever you hid it and maybe you will see your hag again!
TIM: Hey, you just said you don't know shit about her!
PIPE: Well, I know where those pigs hide, you'll have to make do with that!
TIM: Okay, just give us some time... (turns to the backseats) his father's full of money and he'll be back in --
BEANIE: You fuckhead, I warned you!
He jumps at Tim, bedlam breaks out!
EXT. DICK AND BOB'S SECOND-HANDS - DAY
The BMW screeches to the curb, Pipe and Beanie get out.
INT. BMW - CONTINUOUS
The guys are distraught, and Tod's bloody furious.
TOD: What the hell were you doing? Why the fuck did you have to talk about my father?
TIM: What else could I do, I mean... damn! 100 grand in my hand and I don't know what to do with it!
TOD: Well, that won't be a problem... (hands back the scratchie) this thing won't be cashable before thirty days.
TIM: What?!
TOD: Yeah, and you know what that means?
He looks out the window to see BOB's middle finger.
TOD: Shakira didn't shave, and she's got a big dick, too!
TIM: Wait a second, we don't have the money but it's like we really do.
TOD: Oh, I'm sure nobody will notice the difference.
TIM: I'm serious! I can get pushed around by kids and horny dogs, but I won't turn my back on the greatest stroke of luck I'll ever get!
TOD: In case you didn't notice a stroke of luck just won't do, right now we need a fucking miracle!
TIM: Well, don't know about you, but 100 thousand bucks are quite a good divine sign by my standards! And then again, we don't have them now but we'll have them soon, so it's like we already do.
They share an awkward look.
TIM: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
TOD: I think your nose is bleeding.
INT. GARRONE'S HIDEOUT - DAY
Sunlight filters through the shutters, sparkles over two glasses of red wine as Eileen and Garrone still sit at the table.
GARRONE: ...and that was when I decided to enter the powdered milk business.
There's something unusual, almost tender in his smile...
EILEEN: Well, that's an interesting story.
...and in hers, too, as she lays down her cards.
GARRONE: 23 wins in a row, something tells me that
I'd better give up.
He sips his wine, keeps smiling.
GARRONE: I must confess, Eileen, it's been decades since I made the small hours with a lady.
She smiles, somewhat embarrassed.
EILEEN: Well, Don Garrone --
GARRONE: Vinnie, please.
EILEEN: Despite the circumstances I must admit I had a nice time. I just wish I could say something interesting about me, too.
GARRONE: Come on, with a nephew like yours I bet your life can't be a bore!
EILEEN: Well, actually he's the only lively part of it! You know, deep down he's not the quite boy everyone thinks he is.
Garrone's smile widens as he pours Eileen other wine.
GARRONE: Really?
INT. SEEDY POOL HALL - DAY
Dimmed down and smoky, pool balls hitting in the distance.
MALE VOICE (O.S.): One hundred thousand dollars...
Pope's rings shine under a lamp as he digs his hand into a bowl of shrimps.
POPE: ...that's no piece of cake if you need it quick.
Tim and Tod sit before him, paper tissues up their noses.
TIM: Actually we need the money with a bit of urgency, my grandma is sick and she needs this expensive operation...
Pope bites off a shrimp's head as he just stares at him. Tod shoots Tim a look, then winks at Pope.
TOD: His grandma bursts with health. He's just shy about our business, you know, this place I got in my head... (still thinking it up) half garage, half hotel, a place where you could, like, park your car and actually sleep in it!
Pope is puzzled, Tim is even more.
TOD: Imagine you could leave your car in the hands of professionals, have them take care of it, like, wash it, fuel it up, go buy things for you with it, while you just keep blissful sleeping!
POPE: Inside the car?
TOD: Smells of success, doesn't it?
Pope chops another head.
TIM: Really, my grandma isn't doing that well, and she's really old.
POPE: Listen, you're not in a bank, okay? I don't need a business plan to help a pair of good kids.
TIM: Well, thank you so much for your availability! And don't worry, you'll get back your money to the last cent.
POPE: (picks his teeth) I just need to know when...
TOD: Thirty days, not a second later.
POPE: ...and what guarantees you have.
TIM: (frowns, confused) I thought guarantees were bank stuff.
POPE: Hey, that's just a formality.
TOD: Sure, Tim, relax. And it's not a problem since we just won a --
TIM: A BMW Series 7. Black, brand new. (Nods Tod not to worry) It's parked out here, I think it should do.
POPE: (gets a nod from his goon) Yeah, it should do. But as I said, that's just a formality. (Snaps a lobster in two) And regarding getting back my money, I wouldn't worry about that either.
EXT. POOL HALL - DAY
Tim walks out with a huge smile and a leather briefcase.
TIM: You know what, it was easier than I thought!
TOD: What the hell do you think you're doing? That's my father's car!
TIM: No, that's the bank's car! And you heard him, it's just a formality.
TOD: So why not the scratchie?
TIM: 'Cause he would've kept it. He's got his guarantee, we keep the car and the scratchie, everybody wins!
That seems to make sense.
TIM: Not to mention the fact that you were about to sell the car just to save your butt!
TOD: Hey, I had a plan for both of us! Speaking of which, we still have to find a way to keep the money and get that coke altogether.
TIM: Well, I already thought that up.
He smiles with confidence as they walk around the corner.
TIM: We'll bring the coke to those pushers and have them say where's my grandma, then we'll set up a fake deal to keep the Italians busy while the police will go and save her.
Tod stares at him as an engine roars in the distance.
TIM: You really took me for an idiot, huh? Well, guess what instead: we're in the ghetto, with a BMW and a case full of money, we're just doing great if you ask me!
The roar explodes like a thunder as a BIKE irrupts right behind them, engine revving as the briefcase gets snatched from Tim and disappears in a blink.
The guys stand stunned. Blink again to find themselves in the ghetto, with no money, fucked up to say the least!
EXT. OUTSKIRTS ALLEY - DAY
The bike stops by a black limo. The passenger slides the briefcase through the window, right into Pope's ringed hand.
POPE: They kept their word, up to the last cent! Good job guys... (hands out a bill) go get yourselves a drink.
The limo rolls away as the bikers take off their helmets, revealing the not too smart faces of DAN and MATT.
DAN: You heard him, man, let's go party!
MATT: To celebrate what, a 10 dollars tip? We'd barely get us a beer!
DAN: No way, we'll get at least four!
He smiles at the WINE SHOP across the alley, just as FATHER BORIS steps out of it with a cart full of bottles.
BORIS: May the Lord bless you, son, the needy of the parish will be praying for you!
The STORE OWNER waves a wad of cash from the doorway.
STORE OWNER: And I'll pray for them, Father, every day of my life!
Dan and Matt turn to each other. Put their helmets back on.
INT. HARKINS' OFFICE - DAY
Lewis hurries in, drops a stack of photos on the desk.
HARKINS: What is this?
LEWIS: We're on the right track, Cap, I think we got to the higher level.
Harkins puts on his glasses when he hears a FUSS from the hallway -- Bernie swoops in, barely held by a pair of cops.
HARKINS: What the hell is going on here?!
BERNIE: Captain, you must listen! My friend Eileen, I'm sure she's in trouble!
HARKINS: (springs up) Enough! Bring away this clown before I have him arrested!
The cops get a hold on Bernie when his eyes set on the desk.
BERNIE: Wait a second, that's him!
HARKINS: (nods a stop to the cops) Him who?
BERNIE: That's Eileen's nephew...
He sticks his finger ON A PHOTO of Tim boarding the BMW with Pipe and Beanie, who look just like his bodyguards.
BERNIE (O.S.): ...it's that little delinquent!
Heist music kicks in as we CUT TO:
MONTAGE
-- the golden sign of a BANK OF AMERICA...
-- ...elegant ladies parading past the bank and the shining windows of a JEWELRY STORE.
-- SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS, pointed at the bank door and the FULL ARMED GUARD on its side.
-- PORSCHES, FERRARIS, and a gleaming LAMBORGHINI rolling out a carwash, golden teeth shining through the owner's smile as he hands the valet a Benjamin.
-- UNDER THE BANK SIGN: the guard watches over the OLD PANSY at the ATM, his poodle barking to the street as the BMW rolls along.
INT. BMW - CONTINUOUS
Tim ups the window, removes a pair of shades.
TOD: It's the fourth time we pass by, that guard isn't moving away.
TIM: Yeah, and that dog neither. For a change this is harder than I thought.
TOD: Well, you should've guessed that before getting robbed!
TIM: Let's not start this, okay? I don't have the will nor the time.
TOD: Yeah, nor a fucking idea of what to do! You know what, I think it's time we went to the police and got this mess over with!
Tim grabs the wheel, forces the car across the street as Tod screeches to the curb.
TOD: What the fuck are you doing?!
TIM: (gets in his face) Open your ears 'cause I won't tell you again: I won't put my grandma in danger more than she already is!
Tod is plain shocked, Tim resolved like he's never been.
TIM: She always protected me from everyone and everything, now she needs my help and I won't g
ive up on her!
TOD: Listen, I know what you're going through and I'm sorry, I'm just not sure if I can make it, okay? I'm not the strong man I may seem, and if you must know I'm still afraid of the dark!
TIM: Hey, look at me: I've been a failure for all my life, a complete disaster. Well, you know what? I've had enough! The time has come to cope with myself and the world, and the good news is I'm not afraid, 'cause I know we can make it.
Tod seems all but relieved.
TIM: And if we won't we could always appeal to the fact we didn't denounce anybody, I'm sure these people appreciate this kind of things.
TOD: We got only four hours, why on earth you keep saying "if"?!
TIM: 'Cause we still got four hours! We'll just lower the target, end of the problem.
Heist music resumes as the car moves...
EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS
...a WHITE SEDAN rolling a few cars behind.
INT. WHITE CAR - CONTINUOUS
Two undercover cops aboard, one on the mic.
COP: They're heading south, nothing strange for the moment.
HARKINS (V.O.): Just stick on them. And watch out, they could be dangerous.
RESUME MONTAGE
-- Tim scans the sidewalk, points a pair of HOOKERS and their purses. He retreats behind the corner as other hookers join the group.
-- The betting shop is crowded as a jar of pine nuts, bettors ready for another race as Tod hides behind a cap, no bet slip in hand as he lines up at the cash desk.
-- Tim pulls a stick out of his pocket, slips it through the tinted window of a shining CORVETTE. He tries to hook up the lock button, unaware of the OLD MAN staring at him from a bench.
-- Less than five feet between Tod and the cash desk. He puts on his shades, slips his hand in the jacket and --
MALE VOICE (O.S.): Step back and keep quiet, punk!
The bettor before him points a knife at the cashier, leaves Tod agape as he runs away with the register.
-- Tim sticks a screwdriver in the Corvette lock when he meets the gaze of the old man on the bench.
TIM: Hey, I know this seems weird and I know what you're thinking...
OLD MAN: (puffs smoke from a pipe) I'm thinking you're gonna need something bigger than that.
-- Only a HOOKER on the sidewalk. Tod sneaks behind her:
TOD: Hey...
A square-jawed BLACK TRANNY turns around, looks puzzled at the gun bulging in Tod's pocket. Tod looks puzzled at whatever's bulging in her skirt.
-- The old man smokes his pipe as Tim leans on the Corvette with a welding mask and a blowtorch. Tod throws a rock against the window -- it bounces back, the window intact as the door opens --
CORVETTE OWNER: Hey, what the hell's going on here?
-- Tim and Tod slip stockings on their faces, nod to each other as they walk into VIRGIL'S SMOKE SHOP -- run the hell out chased by EDNA and a pepper spray.
EDNA: Hurry up, Virgil, call the cops!
ACROSS THE STREET
The undercover cops stare stunned as VIRGIL staggers out with a hand over his eyes.
EXT. OLD A