“I thought this was your weekend off,” he sounds relieved. “Okay, I wanted to check first before I just bought the tickets, but—can you meet me in L.A.? Thursday to Monday maybe? My gig was canceled Friday night and I’ll have the house to myself. Jeff and Laila won’t be there right now. Come on, I need to see you, and you can write there, too—” he says in one breath.
I’m excited. I don’t have to think too hard to jump on it. “I’ll have to switch shifts for Thursday and Monday, but that shouldn’t be too hard. Nadine’s been wanting extra shifts. It would be the last time I could do it before school starts … okay!”
He lets out a sigh. “Sweet. I’ll get the tickets now. I’ve got a rehearsal in an hour for our show tonight. So, can I just text you the details and we’ll talk later?”
“Yes! And thank you, Ian! It’ll be so good to see you.”
“I can’t wait, baby.”
I’m surprised by how nervous I feel to see him. After our last time together and then talking to him every day, I didn’t expect to be so anxious. But when I see him, and he picks me up and kisses me like he’s never going to let go, it lifts. Pure adrenaline and lust take its place. We can’t stop grinning at each other.
“God, you’re hot,” he says. “I don’t forget when we’re apart—at all—but it just sort of shocks me all over again when I see you.
“You’re the hot one in this relationship.”
“I don’t have anything on you.”
“Hopefully that will change soon.”
“Little Bird! What have I done to you?”
I laugh and turn purple. Turns out I still can’t really do the dirty talk. Every now and then, I try to pull it out, and it just makes us laugh. He pulls my body flat against his and makes my legs give when he kisses me again. So, maybe it does work a little. He slowly lets go and opens the car door. His whole face is shining. I wonder if mine looks the same.
He leans in as I’m buckling up. “I’ll take you wherever you want to go. You’re hungry, right?”
I nod. I can’t really think straight when he’s looking at me like he wants to devour me.
“Okay, we better have all our outside fun now because once I get you in bed, I’m not letting you out.” He kisses the end of my nose and shuts the door behind him.
When he gets in the car and pulls out of the parking garage, I turn to him and say, “How about we go to the beach and eat out there and there’s the Santa Monica Pier, we could ride rides … and a fun bookstore is not too far from there. And I could stand to go shopping for a while. I need some new … um, underwear and—” I choke up then, laughing at the way his face is changing the longer I go on, “—and the pharmacy for … nail polish and … toilet paper…”
“Do I need to pull this car over and screw you senseless?”
“Yes?”
He groans and yanks on his hair. He looks over at me, running his eyes up and down my body in that slow way that lets me know he’s imagining me with no clothes. He smiles his naughty smile, and my heart does its flip-flop.
“Hey, baby,” he says, “you’re here.”
“I know.” I beam back at him.
I don’t think I could be any happier than I am right now.
We do take longer to get to the Roberts’ house than I’d hoped. I think Ian feels like he owes me some fun since I’m in California, so he takes me to the beach and we eat at a great little hole-in-the-wall seafood place by the water. We walk along the beach for a while and Ian keeps watching me, not bothering to hide his lust, until I realize he’s teasing me back. Just waiting to see how long I can take it before I break down and attack him.
I act fine, not letting on that every touch he’s giving me is making it harder and harder for me to think straight. When he pulls into the parking lot of a CVS drugstore, I lose it and laugh my head off.
“What?” he asks innocently.
“TAKE ME HOME!”
“Well, I thought you’d never ask.” He pulls right back out of the parking lot and speeds away, up into the foothills.
The Roberts’ home is nothing like their place in San Francisco. It’s large and modern, very Southern California. The inside is stark but beautiful. Windows line every side of the house, overlooking a gorgeous view. Everything is clean, no clutter whatsoever.
“Beautiful place.”
“Nice, isn’t it.”
“Where are we staying?”
He grabs my arm and has me snug against him before I can blink. “You ready to be put to bed?”
“I guess.”
“You better BE-have.” He slings me across his shoulder and runs down the hall to the bedroom, smacking me the whole way.
“I’m BEING-have!” I’m laughing and reach out to bite his bum since it’s right in my face.
He lets out a yelp when I do.
“Is this your room?” I ask when he opens the door.
“Yep.”
I try to take a look around, but he is having none of it. Soon, I don’t care if we’re in a tent or the Taj Mahal, I have to have him.
We don’t get much sleep that night. The next morning, my body feels sore in the best possible way. Still on New York time, I wake up before Ian and just lay there a while, enjoying his arms around me. Soon, my stomach gets too growly and I lift Ian’s hand off my boob and lay it on the covers while I sneak out of the bed. I put on a camisole and panties and sleepily walk to the kitchen to start some coffee. Ten minutes later, I have bacon going and am working on an egg scramble when Ian comes up from behind and wraps his arms around me.
“I missed you,” he whispers as he kisses my neck.
“My stomach got the better of me.” I turn around and face him, leaning up to kiss him. He looks divine in the morning light. I still can’t believe he’s mine.
He leans down and plants a kiss on a nipple that perked up as soon as he came near. “Well, let’s get you fed. Looks really good,” he looks over my shoulder.
I turn off the stove and he gives me one more hug. His hands are roaming down my chest and stomach, like he just can’t let go.
Someone clears their throat and Ian’s hands go still. We both turn around and Jeff and Laila are standing there. Jeff is trying not to laugh and Laila’s look is indecipherable. I tuck myself behind Ian’s body to hide.
Jeff speaks first. “Hey! Sorry to startle you! I take it you didn’t know we were coming?” He looks at Laila. “I thought you called day before yesterday to let Ian know…”
“I did call him. Did I not tell you we were coming, Ian?” She frowns and stares at Ian.
“No, you didn’t,” he says, his voice level but cold. I’m not used to that tone coming from him. “I told you Sparrow was coming this weekend.” He looks pointedly at Laila.
“Well, the more the merrier!” Laila says with a cool smile. “Looks like breakfast is ready. You better eat up before it gets cold.”
“I’m just gonna go … put some clothes on,” I say awkwardly.
“We’ll get our things put away. Nice to have you here, Sparrow,” Jeff says graciously. I can tell he’s almost as embarrassed as I am. He practically pulls Laila out of the room. I don’t move until I hear them walking up the stairs.
Ian looks at me, and I flinch at the look in his eyes. He’s mad. When I cover my chest with my arms, his eyes soften and he hugs me to him. “I’m sorry, Sparrow. I had no idea they would be here this weekend. I’ll fix this.”
“It’s okay. I mean, I would have worn clothes if I’d known they were coming this morning, but…” I try to laugh it off, but it doesn’t ring true.
“I’ll get the food on the table while you get dressed,” he says. “Will you bring a shirt for me when you come back?”
“Sure.”
I take more than a few minutes getting dressed. Knowing we have company, I feel the need to do way more than I would have with just Ian. When I come back out, Ian and Laila are out on the deck, and Ian is saying something very emphatic to her. She has her h
ands on her hips and shakes her head. It doesn’t look pleasant. This is feeling really uncomfortable.
Ian looks in the window and sees me watching and starts walking toward the screen door. Before he opens it, he says one more thing to Laila and her face falls.
I toss him a shirt when he gets inside and he tries to calm his features, but the tension in the room isn’t going anywhere. We sit down and Laila storms through the door and out of the kitchen.
“I’m so sorry, baby. We’ll go stay somewhere else.”
My appetite is gone, but I try to eat past the lump in my throat. I don’t know why this is so weird. I just want out of here.
We don’t really talk, other than Ian complimenting the food and trying to make me feel more at ease. He gives up when I don’t really have anything to say back. We clean up the dishes, and I go back to the bedroom to take a shower. I jump when Ian steps in the shower not long after me.
“Ian … this isn’t a good idea.”
“What? To be near you after you’ve come all this way?”
“You know what I mean.”
“Come on, hand me that shampoo, and we’ll get out of here. I have a place in mind.” He begins to wash my hair and when he massages my scalp, it does calm me.
We get ready in record time, have the car packed, and are down the road before they even know we’re gone.
“I’m just gonna call Jeff and tell him we left.” Ian’s eying me cautiously, not sure what to do with my quietness. I listen to the one-sided conversation. It sounds like there’s no problem between Jeff and Ian.
When Ian’s off the phone, he takes my hand in his, and we drive into Santa Monica city limits. He veers into The Viceroy Hotel parking lot.
“I feel bad about all the money you’re spending right now,” I say softly.
“Don’t. This is not hurting me in any way. We’ve been having steady gigs and royalties are coming in from Jagged recording two of my songs. My accommodations are usually covered. I’m sittin’ prettier than I ever have, baby,” he reassures me.
Hotel clerk girl can’t take her eyes off of Ian. Hotel clerk boy can’t take his eyes off of me. For all their attention, you’d think we were celebrities. Clerk girl croons in a low, sexy voice to Ian, “The Monarch suite is available, Mr. Sterling. I’d be happy to upgrade you for no extra charge.” She leans over to show off her orb-boob cleavage.
I think a not-so-nice thought about her—something about the fact that my breasts are just as big, but without the bulbous globe factor. And then I inwardly kick myself for being so snotty. Charlie would be appalled. Actually, Charlie would be appalled at much more than that. I wonder if Laila will tell her she found me half-naked in her kitchen this morning. I haven’t exactly told my mom I’m sleeping with Ian. It would not go over well. At all.
In a fog, I walk with Ian to the suite. It’s gorgeous. Full ocean views. The bed is against a mirrored wall, and a white, tufted couch—it would go perfectly with my bed—sits at the end of the bed. It would actually be amazing if I could shake off the cloud hanging over me. I sit on the couch and Ian crouches in front of me.
“Tell me what’s wrong,” he says.
“What’s Laila’s deal with you?”
He looks hard at me for a minute. It feels like forever. “She’s a little … protective of me,” he finally says.
“Protective? She acted jealous. Why would she be jealous of me? She was fine with me dating Michael … all for it. Why doesn’t she want me with you?”
“I’ve never really had a girlfriend around them. When I’m in town, it’s just us and I think she’s just … I don’t know. I don’t know why she acted like that.” He leans his forehead on my chest, between my non-orb breasts. Yeah, I can’t get past those things Clerk Girl was sporting. “Baby, what are you thinking? Come back to me.” He kisses the skin right above my blouse. “We don’t have much time. I don’t want to think about Laila.”
“Well, it was just weird,” I huff.
“I know and I’m so sorry to put you in such an awkward position. I told her so, too.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry. I need to snap out of it…”
Ian gets on the bed behind me and rubs my shoulders. I look out at the ocean and feel my whole body relax. Slowly, the worries fade away, except for one persistent thought: I won’t let Laila ruin this.
- 19 -
Fast forward: 1 year and 2 months later
I finish my last final and hurry home to collapse into my bed for a short nap. I only have twenty minutes, but I can’t keep my eyes open any longer. When my alarm goes off, I drag myself out of bed and get ready. My parents and Ian are coming tonight and we’re going to spend Christmas here, in New York. Christmas night, my parents will drive to Cape Cod for the rest of the week. Ian and I will fly to Minnesota, where I’ll meet his mom for the first time. It feels like a huge step, even though we’ve been dating for a year and a half. I count the time when Ian showed up on my apartment stoop with the white flag as when we “officially” started dating, even though he’s had my heart far longer than that.
I put on a short green dress with a perfect twirly skirt and pile my hair up in large, smooth curls. We’re going to Per Se, a fancy restaurant that sounds amazing. Ian went recently when he met with a record label that has been courting him, and while he was there, he made a reservation for us tonight.
Everything is going so well. Ian and I are closer than ever, and we both have exciting things happening with our careers. Professor Shutes has a connection at Penguin and my book has just been picked up. By this time next year, I will have a book in bookstores! I can’t even believe it. I realize I’m way too young for this to be happening, so I’m somewhat nervously cautious to believe that it is. Ian has several labels vying for him, and he’s just trying to pick the best one. We’re making the long distance thing work. It’s really hard, but we’re doing it.
Our only challenge, besides the distance, is the occasional rumor that sometimes comes with dating a musician who is getting more famous by the minute. Ian stays out of the press for the most part, but he’s been linked with Reagan a few times and another musician named Jules. I try not to be jealous or doubt him, but when we’ve gone four months at a time without seeing each other, during Ian’s overseas tours, it does tend to up the jealousy ante.
I’ve done my part to throw complication into the mix—unintentionally, but disastrous nonetheless. I went out with Zach, a friend from work—on what I thought was a casual lunch—and when he opened the car door for me and I stood up, he stuck his tongue down my throat. I told Ian about it right away, and he took it better than I expected. And then there was a friend I’d gone to high school with who was in New York on vacation. He looked me up and we went out to dinner. I told him I was dating Ian, but at the end of the night, he still kissed me. That kiss didn’t go over so well, but Ian still forgave me and we moved on.
Occasionally we argue over Laila. I haven’t seen her since last year in her kitchen, but Ian still sees her once in a while, and it seems there’s always drama involved. I know he has to be around Laila with Jeff being his cousin, but sometimes, it really doesn’t seem worth it. She’s always picking a fight. I want him to stop staying with them.
I turned twenty-one earlier this month. Tessa surprised me with a party. It helped ease my sadness over being apart from Ian. He was on a European tour and couldn’t get away, and school was too crazy for me to go be with him. Ian sent me a necklace that he found in an antique shop in Paris. It has a branch with a sparrow sitting on it. So perfect. The eye of the sparrow is a tiny blue topaz, my birthstone. He added the stone. It originally had a clear crystal. It’s beautiful and delicate and I wear it all the time.
The door slams, and Tessa and Jared come in, both chattering at once.
“Ro, settle a debate for us,” Tessa walks to the doorway, the cold air bouncing off of her. Jared stands back a little, grinning.
“Wow, you look amazing, Ro!” Tessa reaches out to touc
h my hair and looks me over. “Ian’s gonna be beside himself in front of your parents. You know how he feels about your legs. He can’t be held accountable. Okay. That song that Nat King Cole sings, you know, the one about Jack Frost…”
“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…” I sing, throwing in some extra vibrato.
“Yes! That one. Settle this for us. Sing a little more.”
“Uh … Jack Frost nipping at your nose … yuletide carols be-”
Jared lets out a huge laugh and Tessa yells, “Noooo!” as he tickles her from behind. Their good mood is infectious.
“Why? What did you think it was, Tess?” I giggle. I already know this will be good.
She mutters something softly.
“What?”
“You, I and Carol…” she says louder.
I have to repeat that before it registers. “Ohhh! Right! You, I and Carol!” And then I can’t stop laughing. I’m gonna be singing it that way for the rest of my life now.
Tessa rolls her eyes but laughs too. “I’ve always thought that line was weird,” she admits.
That sends us right back over the edge.
“When is Ian getting in?” Jared asks once we’ve calmed down.
“His flight lands right before my parents’, so he’ll have a car waiting for them. They’re going to pick me up in … fifteen minutes!”
“Well, I’m so glad we got to see you.” Tessa gives me a long hug. “I’m gonna miss you. We just came to get our bags. Our flight leaves in a few hours.”
“I’ll miss you, too. Two weeks. Don’t forget to come back.”
“Ha. You’re not getting rid of me that easily. You make sure YOU come back!”
“Minnesota will not keep me! This much I know!” I raise my fist in the air.
Tessa snorts. “Better not.”
They leave in the same flurry as they came in. I pace with excited energy. It’s been three months this time … since I’ve seen him. Four months since I’ve seen my parents. I’m so excited to see all three of them, but I’m gonna have a hard time containing myself with Ian.