SOME WORDS WITH A MUMMY.
THE _symposium_ of the preceding evening had been a little too muchfor my nerves. I had a wretched headache, and was desperately drowsy.Instead of going out therefore to spend the evening as I had proposed,it occurred to me that I could not do a wiser thing than just eat amouthful of supper and go immediately to bed.
A light supper of course. I am exceedingly fond of Welsh rabbit. Morethan a pound at once, however, may not at all times be advisable. Still,there can be no material objection to two. And really between two andthree, there is merely a single unit of difference. I ventured, perhaps,upon four. My wife will have it five;--but, clearly, she has confoundedtwo very distinct affairs. The abstract number, five, I am willing toadmit; but, concretely, it has reference to bottles of Brown Stout,without which, in the way of condiment, Welsh rabbit is to be eschewed.
Having thus concluded a frugal meal, and donned my night-cap, with theserene hope of enjoying it till noon the next day, I placed my head uponthe pillow, and, through the aid of a capital conscience, fell into aprofound slumber forthwith.
But when were the hopes of humanity fulfilled? I could not havecompleted my third snore when there came a furious ringing at thestreet-door bell, and then an impatient thumping at the knocker, whichawakened me at once. In a minute afterward, and while I was stillrubbing my eyes, my wife thrust in my face a note, from my old friend,Doctor Ponnonner. It ran thus:
Come to me, by all means, my dear good friend, as soon as you receive this. Come and help us to rejoice. At last, by long persevering diplomacy, I have gained the assent of the Directors of the City Museum, to my examination of the Mummy--you know the one I mean. I have permission to unswathe it and open it, if desirable. A few friends only will be present--you, of course. The Mummy is now at my house, and we shall begin to unroll it at eleven to-night.
Yours, ever,
PONNONNER.
By the time I had reached the Ponnonner, it struck me that I wasas wide awake as a man need be. I leaped out of bed in an ecstacy,overthrowing all in my way; dressed myself with a rapidity trulymarvellous; and set off, at the top of my speed, for the doctor's.
There I found a very eager company assembled. They had been awaiting mewith much impatience; the Mummy was extended upon the dining-table; andthe moment I entered its examination was commenced.
It was one of a pair brought, several years previously, by CaptainArthur Sabretash, a cousin of Ponnonner's from a tomb near Eleithias, inthe Lybian mountains, a considerable distance above Thebes on the Nile.The grottoes at this point, although less magnificent than the Thebansepulchres, are of higher interest, on account of affording morenumerous illustrations of the private life of the Egyptians. The chamberfrom which our specimen was taken, was said to be very rich in suchillustrations; the walls being completely covered with fresco paintingsand bas-reliefs, while statues, vases, and Mosaic work of rich patterns,indicated the vast wealth of the deceased.
The treasure had been deposited in the Museum precisely in the samecondition in which Captain Sabretash had found it;--that is to say,the coffin had not been disturbed. For eight years it had thus stood,subject only externally to public inspection. We had now, therefore,the complete Mummy at our disposal; and to those who are aware how veryrarely the unransacked antique reaches our shores, it will be evident,at once that we had great reason to congratulate ourselves upon our goodfortune.
Approaching the table, I saw on it a large box, or case, nearly sevenfeet long, and perhaps three feet wide, by two feet and a half deep. Itwas oblong--not coffin-shaped. The material was at first supposed tobe the wood of the sycamore (_platanus_), but, upon cutting into it, wefound it to be pasteboard, or, more properly, _papier mache_, composedof papyrus. It was thickly ornamented with paintings, representingfuneral scenes, and other mournful subjects--interspersed among which,in every variety of position, were certain series of hieroglyphicalcharacters, intended, no doubt, for the name of the departed. By goodluck, Mr. Gliddon formed one of our party; and he had no difficulty intranslating the letters, which were simply phonetic, and represented theword _Allamistakeo_.
We had some difficulty in getting this case open without injury;but having at length accomplished the task, we came to a second,coffin-shaped, and very considerably less in size than the exterior one,but resembling it precisely in every other respect. The interval betweenthe two was filled with resin, which had, in some degree, defaced thecolors of the interior box.
Upon opening this latter (which we did quite easily), we arrived at athird case, also coffin-shaped, and varying from the second one in noparticular, except in that of its material, which was cedar, and stillemitted the peculiar and highly aromatic odor of that wood. Betweenthe second and the third case there was no interval--the one fittingaccurately within the other.
Removing the third case, we discovered and took out the body itself.We had expected to find it, as usual, enveloped in frequent rolls, orbandages, of linen; but, in place of these, we found a sort of sheath,made of papyrus, and coated with a layer of plaster, thickly gilt andpainted. The paintings represented subjects connected with thevarious supposed duties of the soul, and its presentation to differentdivinities, with numerous identical human figures, intended, veryprobably, as portraits of the persons embalmed. Extending from headto foot was a columnar, or perpendicular, inscription, in phonetichieroglyphics, giving again his name and titles, and the names andtitles of his relations.
Around the neck thus ensheathed, was a collar of cylindrical glassbeads, diverse in color, and so arranged as to form images of deities,of the scarabaeus, etc, with the winged globe. Around the small of thewaist was a similar collar or belt.
Stripping off the papyrus, we found the flesh in excellent preservation,with no perceptible odor. The color was reddish. The skin was hard,smooth, and glossy. The teeth and hair were in good condition. The eyes(it seemed) had been removed, and glass ones substituted, which werevery beautiful and wonderfully life-like, with the exception of somewhattoo determined a stare. The fingers and the nails were brilliantlygilded.
Mr. Gliddon was of opinion, from the redness of the epidermis, that theembalmment had been effected altogether by asphaltum; but, on scrapingthe surface with a steel instrument, and throwing into the fire some ofthe powder thus obtained, the flavor of camphor and other sweet-scentedgums became apparent.
We searched the corpse very carefully for the usual openings throughwhich the entrails are extracted, but, to our surprise, we coulddiscover none. No member of the party was at that period aware thatentire or unopened mummies are not infrequently met. The brain itwas customary to withdraw through the nose; the intestines through anincision in the side; the body was then shaved, washed, and salted; thenlaid aside for several weeks, when the operation of embalming, properlyso called, began.
As no trace of an opening could be found, Doctor Ponnonner was preparinghis instruments for dissection, when I observed that it was then pasttwo o'clock. Hereupon it was agreed to postpone the internal examinationuntil the next evening; and we were about to separate for the present,when some one suggested an experiment or two with the Voltaic pile.
The application of electricity to a mummy three or four thousand yearsold at the least, was an idea, if not very sage, still sufficientlyoriginal, and we all caught it at once. About one-tenth in earnest andnine-tenths in jest, we arranged a battery in the Doctor's study, andconveyed thither the Egyptian.
It was only after much trouble that we succeeded in laying bare someportions of the temporal muscle which appeared of less stony rigiditythan other parts of the frame, but which, as we had anticipated, ofcourse, gave no indication of galvanic susceptibility when brought incontact with the wire. This, the first trial, indeed, seemed decisive,and, with a hearty laugh at our own absurdity, we were bidding eachother good night, when my eyes, happening to fall upon those of theMummy, were there immediately riveted in amazement. My brief glance, infact, had sufficed to assure me that the orbs which we had all supposedto be glass, and which were originally noticeable for a certain wildstare, were now so far covered by the lids, that only a small portion ofthe _tunica albuginea_ remained visible.
With a shout I called attention to the fact, and it became immediatelyobvious to all.
I cannot say that I was alarmed at the phenomenon, because alarmed is,in my case, not exactly the word. It is possible, however, that, but forthe Brown Stout, I might have been a little nervous. As for the restof the company, they really made no attempt at concealing the downrightfright which possessed them. Doctor Ponnonner was a man to be pitied.Mr. Gliddon, by some peculiar process, rendered himself invisible. Mr.Silk Buckingham, I fancy, will scarcely be so bold as to deny that hemade his way, upon all fours, under the table.
After the first shock of astonishment, however, we resolved, as a matterof course, upon further experiment forthwith. Our operations were nowdirected against the great toe of the right foot. We made an incisionover the outside of the exterior _os sesamoideum pollicis pedis,_ andthus got at the root of the abductor muscle. Readjusting the battery, wenow applied the fluid to the bisected nerves--when, with a movement ofexceeding life-likeness, the Mummy first drew up its right knee so as tobring it nearly in contact with the abdomen, and then, straightening thelimb with inconceivable force, bestowed a kick upon Doctor Ponnonner,which had the effect of discharging that gentleman, like an arrow from acatapult, through a window into the street below.
We rushed out _en masse_ to bring in the mangled remains of the victim,but had the happiness to meet him upon the staircase, coming up in anunaccountable hurry, brimful of the most ardent philosophy, and morethan ever impressed with the necessity of prosecuting our experimentwith vigor and with zeal.
It was by his advice, accordingly, that we made, upon the spot, aprofound incision into the tip of the subject's nose, while the Doctorhimself, laying violent hands upon it, pulled it into vehement contactwith the wire.
Morally and physically--figuratively and literally--was the effectelectric. In the first place, the corpse opened its eyes and winked veryrapidly for several minutes, as does Mr. Barnes in the pantomime, in thesecond place, it sneezed; in the third, it sat upon end; in the fourth,it shook its fist in Doctor Ponnonner's face; in the fifth, turning toMessieurs Gliddon and Buckingham, it addressed them, in very capitalEgyptian, thus:
I must say, gentlemen, that I am as much surprised as I am mortified atyour behavior. Of Doctor Ponnonner nothing better was to be expected. Heis a poor little fat fool who knows no better. I pity and forgive him.But you, Mr. Gliddon--and you, Silk--who have travelled and resided inEgypt until one might imagine you to the manner born--you, I say whohave been so much among us that you speak Egyptian fully as well, Ithink, as you write your mother tongue--you, whom I have always beenled to regard as the firm friend of the mummies--I really did anticipatemore gentlemanly conduct from you. What am I to think of your standingquietly by and seeing me thus unhandsomely used? What am I to suppose byyour permitting Tom, Dick, and Harry to strip me of my coffins, and myclothes, in this wretchedly cold climate? In what light (to come to thepoint) am I to regard your aiding and abetting that miserable littlevillain, Doctor Ponnonner, in pulling me by the nose?
It will be taken for granted, no doubt, that upon hearing this speechunder the circumstances, we all either made for the door, or fell intoviolent hysterics, or went off in a general swoon. One of these threethings was, I say, to be expected. Indeed each and all of these lines ofconduct might have been very plausibly pursued. And, upon my word, I amat a loss to know how or why it was that we pursued neither the one northe other. But, perhaps, the true reason is to be sought in the spiritof the age, which proceeds by the rule of contraries altogether, andis now usually admitted as the solution of every thing in the way ofparadox and impossibility. Or, perhaps, after all, it was only theMummy's exceedingly natural and matter-of-course air that divested hiswords of the terrible. However this may be, the facts are clear, and nomember of our party betrayed any very particular trepidation, or seemedto consider that any thing had gone very especially wrong.
For my part I was convinced it was all right, and merely stepped aside,out of the range of the Egyptian's fist. Doctor Ponnonner thrust hishands into his breeches' pockets, looked hard at the Mummy, and grewexcessively red in the face. Mr. Glidden stroked his whiskers and drewup the collar of his shirt. Mr. Buckingham hung down his head, and puthis right thumb into the left corner of his mouth.
The Egyptian regarded him with a severe countenance for some minutes andat length, with a sneer, said:
Why don't you speak, Mr. Buckingham? Did you hear what I asked you, ornot? Do take your thumb out of your mouth!
Mr. Buckingham, hereupon, gave a slight start, took his right thumb outof the left corner of his mouth, and, by way of indemnification insertedhis left thumb in the right corner of the aperture above-mentioned.
Not being able to get an answer from Mr. B., the figure turned peevishlyto Mr. Gliddon, and, in a peremptory tone, demanded in general termswhat we all meant.
Mr. Gliddon replied at great length, in phonetics; and but for thedeficiency of American printing-offices in hieroglyphical type, it wouldafford me much pleasure to record here, in the original, the whole ofhis very excellent speech.
I may as well take this occasion to remark, that all the subsequentconversation in which the Mummy took a part, was carried on in primitiveEgyptian, through the medium (so far as concerned myself and otheruntravelled members of the company)--through the medium, I say, ofMessieurs Gliddon and Buckingham, as interpreters. These gentlemen spokethe mother tongue of the Mummy with inimitable fluency and grace; but Icould not help observing that (owing, no doubt, to the introduction ofimages entirely modern, and, of course, entirely novel to the stranger)the two travellers were reduced, occasionally, to the employment ofsensible forms for the purpose of conveying a particular meaning.Mr. Gliddon, at one period, for example, could not make the Egyptiancomprehend the term politics, until he sketched upon the wall, witha bit of charcoal a little carbuncle-nosed gentleman, out at elbows,standing upon a stump, with his left leg drawn back, right arm thrownforward, with his fist shut, the eyes rolled up toward Heaven, andthe mouth open at an angle of ninety degrees. Just in the same way Mr.Buckingham failed to convey the absolutely modern idea wig, until(at Doctor Ponnonner's suggestion) he grew very pale in the face, andconsented to take off his own.
It will be readily understood that Mr. Gliddon's discourse turnedchiefly upon the vast benefits accruing to science from the unrollingand disembowelling of mummies; apologizing, upon this score, for anydisturbance that might have been occasioned him, in particular, theindividual Mummy called Allamistakeo; and concluding with a mere hint(for it could scarcely be considered more) that, as these littlematters were now explained, it might be as well to proceed withthe investigation intended. Here Doctor Ponnonner made ready hisinstruments.
In regard to the latter suggestions of the orator, it appears thatAllamistakeo had certain scruples of conscience, the nature of which Idid not distinctly learn; but he expressed himself satisfied with theapologies tendered, and, getting down from the table, shook hands withthe company all round.
When this ceremony was at an end, we immediately busied ourselves inrepairing the damages which our subject had sustained from the scalpel.We sewed up the wound in his temple, bandaged his foot, and applied asquare inch of black plaster to the tip of his nose.
It was now observed that the Count (this was the title, it seems, ofAllamistakeo) had a slight fit of shivering--no doubt from the cold. TheDoctor immediately repaired to his wardrobe, and soon returned witha black dress coat, made in Jennings' best manner, a pair of sky-blueplaid pantaloons with straps, a pink gingham chemise, a flapped vest ofbrocade, a white sack overcoat, a walking cane with a hook, a hat withno brim, patent-leather boots, straw-colored kid gloves, an eye-glass, apair of whiskers, and a waterfall cravat. Owing to the disparity of sizebetween the Count and the doctor (the proportion being as two to one),there was some little difficulty in adjusting these habiliments upon theperson of the Egyptian; but when all was arranged, he might have beensaid to be dressed. Mr. Gliddon, therefore, gave him his arm, and ledhim to a comfortable chair by the fire, while the Doctor rang the bellupon the spot and ordered a supply of cigars and wine.
The conversation soon grew animated. Much curiosity was, of course,expressed in regard to the somewhat remarkable fact of Allamistakeo'sstill remaining alive.
I should have thought, observed Mr. Buckingham, that it is high timeyou were dead.
Why, replied the Count, very much astonished, I am little more thanseven hundred years old! My father lived a thousand, and was by no meansin his dotage when he died.
Here ensued a brisk series of questions and computations, by means ofwhich it became evident that the antiquity of the Mummy had been grosslymisjudged. It had been five thousand and fifty years and some monthssince he had been consigned to the catacombs at Eleithias.
But my remark, resumed Mr. Buckingham, had no reference to your ageat the period of interment (I am willing to grant, in fact, that you arestill a young man), and my illusion was to the immensity of time duringwhich, by your own showing, you must have been done up in asphaltum.
In what? said the Count.
In asphaltum, persisted Mr. B.
Ah, yes; I have some faint notion of what you mean; it might be madeto answer, no doubt--but in my time we employed scarcely any thing elsethan the Bichloride of Mercury.
But what we are especially at a loss to understand, said DoctorPonnonner, is how it happens that, having been dead and buried in Egyptfive thousand years ago, you are here to-day all alive and looking sodelightfully well.
Had I been, as you say, dead, replied the Count, it is more thanprobable that dead, I should still be; for I perceive you are yet in theinfancy of Calvanism, and cannot accomplish with it what was a commonthing among us in the old days. But the fact is, I fell into catalepsy,and it was considered by my best friends that I was either dead orshould be; they accordingly embalmed me at once--I presume you are awareof the chief principle of the embalming process?
Why not altogether.
Why, I perceive--a deplorable condition of ignorance! Well I cannotenter into details just now: but it is necessary to explain that toembalm (properly speaking), in Egypt, was to arrest indefinitely all theanimal functions subjected to the process. I use the word 'animal' inits widest sense, as including the physical not more than the moraland vital being. I repeat that the leading principle of embalmmentconsisted, with us, in the immediately arresting, and holding inperpetual abeyance, all the animal functions subjected to the process.To be brief, in whatever condition the individual was, at the period ofembalmment, in that condition he remained. Now, as it is my good fortuneto be of the blood of the Scarabaeus, I was embalmed alive, as you seeme at present.
The blood of the Scarabaeus! exclaimed Doctor Ponnonner.
Yes. The Scarabaeus was the insignium or the 'arms,' of a verydistinguished and very rare patrician family. To be 'of the blood of theScarabaeus,' is merely to be one of that family of which the Scarabaeusis the insignium. I speak figuratively.
But what has this to do with you being alive?
Why, it is the general custom in Egypt to deprive a corpse, beforeembalmment, of its bowels and brains; the race of the Scarabaei alonedid not coincide with the custom. Had I not been a Scarabeus, therefore,I should have been without bowels and brains; and without either it isinconvenient to live.
I perceive that, said Mr. Buckingham, and I presume that all theentire mummies that come to hand are of the race of Scarabaei.
Beyond doubt.
I thought, said Mr. Gliddon, very meekly, that the Scarabaeus was oneof the Egyptian gods.
One of the Egyptian _what?_ exclaimed the Mummy, starting to its feet.
Gods! repeated the traveller.
Mr. Gliddon, I really am astonished to hear you talk in this style,said the Count, resuming his chair. No nation upon the face of theearth has ever acknowledged more than one god. The Scarabaeus, the Ibis,etc., were with us (as similar creatures have been with others) thesymbols, or media, through which we offered worship to the Creator tooaugust to be more directly approached.
There was here a pause. At length the colloquy was renewed by DoctorPonnonner.
It is not improbable, then, from what you have explained, said he,that among the catacombs near the Nile there may exist other mummies ofthe Scarabaeus tribe, in a condition of vitality?
There can be no question of it, replied the Count; all the Scarabaeiembalmed accidentally while alive, are alive now. Even some of thosepurposely so embalmed, may have been overlooked by their executors, andstill remain in the tomb.
Will you be kind enough to explain, I said, what you mean by'purposely so embalmed'?
With great pleasure! answered the Mummy, after surveying me leisurelythrough his eye-glass--for it was the first time I had ventured toaddress him a direct question.
With great pleasure, he said. The usual duration of man's life, inmy time, was about eight hundred years. Few men died, unless by mostextraordinary accident, before the age of six hundred; few lived longerthan a decade of centuries; but eight were considered the naturalterm. After the discovery of the embalming principle, as I have alreadydescribed it to you, it occurred to our philosophers that a laudablecuriosity might be gratified, and, at the same time, the interests ofscience much advanced, by living this natural term in installments. Inthe case of history, indeed, experience demonstrated that something ofthis kind was indispensable. An historian, for example, having attainedthe age of five hundred, would write a book with great labor and thenget himself carefully embalmed; leaving instructions to his executorspro tem., that they should cause him to be revivified after the lapse ofa certain period--say five or six hundred years. Resuming existence atthe expiration of this time, he would invariably find his great workconverted into a species of hap-hazard note-book--that is to say, intoa kind of literary arena for the conflicting guesses, riddles, andpersonal squabbles of whole herds of exasperated commentators.These guesses, etc., which passed under the name of annotations, oremendations, were found so completely to have enveloped, distorted, andoverwhelmed the text, that the author had to go about with a lantern todiscover his own book. When discovered, it was never worth the troubleof the search. After re-writing it throughout, it was regarded as thebounden duty of the historian to set himself to work immediatelyin correcting, from his own private knowledge and experience, thetraditions of the day concerning the epoch at which he had originallylived. Now this process of re-scription and personal rectification,pursued by various individual sages from time to time, had the effect ofpreventing our history from degenerating into absolute fable.
I beg your pardon, said Doctor Ponnonner at this point, laying hishand gently upon the arm of the Egyptian--I beg your pardon, sir, butmay I presume to interrupt you for one moment?
By all means, sir, replied the Count, drawing up.
I merely wished to ask you a question, said the Doctor. You mentionedthe historian's personal correction of traditions respecting his ownepoch. Pray, sir, upon an average what proportion of these Kabbala wereusually found to be right?
The Kabbala, as you properly term them, sir, were generally discoveredto be precisely on a par with the facts recorded in the un-re-writtenhistories themselves;--that is to say, not one individual iota of eitherwas ever known, under any circumstances, to be not totally and radicallywrong.
But since it is quite clear, resumed the Doctor, that at least fivethousand years have elapsed since your entombment, I take it forgranted that your histories at that period, if not your traditionswere sufficiently explicit on that one topic of universal interest, theCreation, which took place, as I presume you are aware, only about tencenturies before.
Sir! said the Count Allamistakeo.
The Doctor repeated his remarks, but it was only after much additionalexplanation that the foreigner could be made to comprehend them. Thelatter at length said, hesitatingly:
The ideas you have suggested are to me, I confess, utterly novel.During my time I never knew any one to entertain so singular a fancyas that the universe (or this world if you will have it so) ever hada beginning at all. I remember once, and once only, hearing somethingremotely hinted, by a man of many speculations, concerning the origin_of the human race;_ and by this individual, the very word _Adam_(or Red Earth), which you make use of, was employed. He employedit, however, in a generical sense, with reference to the spontaneousgermination from rank soil (just as a thousand of the lower genera ofcreatures are germinated)--the spontaneous germination, I say, of fivevast hordes of men, simultaneously upspringing in five distinct andnearly equal divisions of the globe.
Here, in general, the company shrugged their shoulders, and one ortwo of us touched our foreheads with a very significant air. Mr. SilkBuckingham, first glancing slightly at the occiput and then at thesinciput of Allamistakeo, spoke as follows:
The long duration of human life in your time, together withthe occasional practice of passing it, as you have explained, ininstallments, must have had, indeed, a strong tendency to the generaldevelopment and conglomeration of knowledge. I presume, therefore, thatwe are to attribute the marked inferiority of the old Egyptians inall particulars of science, when compared with the moderns, and moreespecially with the Yankees, altogether to the superior solidity of theEgyptian skull.
I confess again, replied the Count, with much suavity, that I amsomewhat at a loss to comprehend you; pray, to what particulars ofscience do you allude?
Here our whole party, joining voices, detailed, at great length, theassumptions of phrenology and the marvels of animal magnetism.
Having heard us to an end, the Count proceeded to relate a fewanecdotes, which rendered it evident that prototypes of Gall andSpurzheim had flourished and faded in Egypt so long ago as to have beennearly forgotten, and that the manoeuvres of Mesmer were really verycontemptible tricks when put in collation with the positive miraclesof the Theban savans, who created lice and a great many other similarthings.
I here asked the Count if his people were able to calculate eclipses. Hesmiled rather contemptuously, and said they were.
This put me a little out, but I began to make other inquiries in regardto his astronomical knowledge, when a member of the company, who hadnever as yet opened his mouth, whispered in my ear, that for informationon this head, I had better consult Ptolemy (whoever Ptolemy is), as wellas one Plutarch de facie lunae.
I then questioned the Mummy about burning-glasses and lenses, and, ingeneral, about the manufacture of glass; but I had not made an end of myqueries before the silent member again touched me quietly on the elbow,and begged me for God's sake to take a peep at Diodorus Siculus. Asfor the Count, he merely asked me, in the way of reply, if we modernspossessed any such microscopes as would enable us to cut cameos in thestyle of the Egyptians. While I was thinking how I should answerthis question, little Doctor Ponnonner committed himself in a veryextraordinary way.
Look at our architecture! he exclaimed, greatly to the indignation ofboth the travellers, who pinched him black and blue to no purpose.
Look, he cried with enthusiasm, at the Bowling-Green Fountain in NewYork! or if this be too vast a contemplation, regard for a moment theCapitol at Washington, D. C.!--and the good little medical man wenton to detail very minutely, the proportions of the fabric to which hereferred. He explained that the portico alone was adorned with no lessthan four and twenty columns, five feet in diameter, and ten feet apart.
The Count said that he regretted not being able to remember, justat that moment, the precise dimensions of any one of the principalbuildings of the city of Aznac, whose foundations were laid in the nightof Time, but the ruins of which were still standing, at the epoch ofhis entombment, in a vast plain of sand to the westward of Thebes. Herecollected, however, (talking of the porticoes,) that one affixed toan inferior palace in a kind of suburb called Carnac, consisted of ahundred and forty-four columns, thirty-seven feet in circumference, andtwenty-five feet apart. The approach to this portico, from the Nile,was through an avenue two miles long, composed of sphynxes, statues, andobelisks, twenty, sixty, and a hundred feet in height. The palace itself(as well as he could remember) was, in one direction, two miles long,and might have been altogether about seven in circuit. Its walls wererichly painted all over, within and without, with hieroglyphics. Hewould not pretend to assert that even fifty or sixty of the Doctor'sCapitols might have been built within these walls, but he was byno means sure that two or three hundred of them might not havebeen squeezed in with some trouble. That palace at Carnac was aninsignificant little building after all. He (the Count), however, couldnot conscientiously refuse to admit the ingenuity, magnificence, andsuperiority of the Fountain at the Bowling Green, as described by theDoctor. Nothing like it, he was forced to allow, had ever been seen inEgypt or elsewhere.
I here asked the Count what he had to say to our railroads.
Nothing, he replied, in particular. They were rather slight, ratherill-conceived, and clumsily put together. They could not be compared, ofcourse, with the vast, level, direct, iron-grooved causeways upon whichthe Egyptians conveyed entire temples and solid obelisks of a hundredand fifty feet in altitude.
I spoke of our gigantic mechanical forces.
He agreed that we knew something in that way, but inquired how I shouldhave gone to work in getting up the imposts on the lintels of even thelittle palace at Carnac.
This question I concluded not to hear, and demanded if he had any ideaof Artesian wells; but he simply raised his eyebrows; while Mr. Gliddonwinked at me very hard and said, in a low tone, that one had beenrecently discovered by the engineers employed to bore for water in theGreat Oasis.
I then mentioned our steel; but the foreigner elevated his nose, andasked me if our steel could have executed the sharp carved work seen onthe obelisks, and which was wrought altogether by edge-tools of copper.
This disconcerted us so greatly that we thought it advisable to vary theattack to Metaphysics. We sent for a copy of a book called the Dial,and read out of it a chapter or two about something that is not veryclear, but which the Bostonians call the Great Movement of Progress.
The Count merely said that Great Movements were awfully common things inhis day, and as for Progress, it was at one time quite a nuisance, butit never progressed.
We then spoke of the great beauty and importance of Democracy, andwere at much trouble in impressing the Count with a due sense of theadvantages we enjoyed in living where there was suffrage ad libitum, andno king.
He listened with marked interest, and in fact seemed not a littleamused. When we had done, he said that, a great while ago, there hadoccurred something of a very similar sort. Thirteen Egyptian provincesdetermined all at once to be free, and to set a magnificent example tothe rest of mankind. They assembled their wise men, and concocted themost ingenious constitution it is possible to conceive. For a while theymanaged remarkably well; only their habit of bragging was prodigious.The thing ended, however, in the consolidation of the thirteen states,with some fifteen or twenty others, in the most odious and insupportabledespotism that was ever heard of upon the face of the Earth.
I asked what was the name of the usurping tyrant.
As well as the Count could recollect, it was Mob.
Not knowing what to say to this, I raised my voice, and deplored theEgyptian ignorance of steam.
The Count looked at me with much astonishment, but made no answer. Thesilent gentleman, however, gave me a violent nudge in the ribs with hiselbows--told me I had sufficiently exposed myself for once--and demandedif I was really such a fool as not to know that the modern steam-engineis derived from the invention of Hero, through Solomon de Caus.
We were now in imminent danger of being discomfited; but, as good luckwould have it, Doctor Ponnonner, having rallied, returned to our rescue,and inquired if the people of Egypt would seriously pretend to rival themoderns in the all--important particular of dress.
The Count, at this, glanced downward to the straps of his pantaloons,and then taking hold of the end of one of his coat-tails, held it upclose to his eyes for some minutes. Letting it fall, at last, his mouthextended itself very gradually from ear to ear; but I do not rememberthat he said any thing in the way of reply.
Hereupon we recovered our spirits, and the Doctor, approaching the Mummywith great dignity, desired it to say candidly, upon its honor asa gentleman, if the Egyptians had comprehended, at any period, themanufacture of either Ponnonner's lozenges or Brandreth's pills.
We looked, with profound anxiety, for an answer--but in vain. It wasnot forthcoming. The Egyptian blushed and hung down his head. Never wastriumph more consummate; never was defeat borne with so ill agrace. Indeed, I could not endure the spectacle of the poor Mummy'smortification. I reached my hat, bowed to him stiffly, and took leave.
Upon getting home I found it past four o'clock, and went immediatelyto bed. It is now ten A.M. I have been up since seven, penning thesememoranda for the benefit of my family and of mankind. The former Ishall behold no more. My wife is a shrew. The truth is, I am heartilysick of this life and of the nineteenth century in general. I amconvinced that every thing is going wrong. Besides, I am anxious toknow who will be President in 2045. As soon, therefore, as I shave andswallow a cup of coffee, I shall just step over to Ponnonner's and getembalmed for a couple of hundred years.