MYSTIFICATION
Slid, if these be your passados and montantes, I'll have none o' them.
--NED KNOWLES.
THE BARON RITZNER VON JUNG was a noble Hungarian family, every memberof which (at least as far back into antiquity as any certain recordsextend) was more or less remarkable for talent of some description--themajority for that species of grotesquerie in conception of which Tieck,a scion of the house, has given a vivid, although by no means the mostvivid exemplifications. My acquaintance with Ritzner commenced at themagnificent Chateau Jung, into which a train of droll adventures, notto be made public, threw a place in his regard, and here, with somewhatmore difficulty, a partial insight into his mental conformation. Inlater days this insight grew more clear, as the intimacy which had atfirst permitted it became more close; and when, after three years of thecharacter of the Baron Ritzner von Jung.
I remember the buzz of curiosity which his advent excited within thecollege precincts on the night of the twenty-fifth of June. I rememberstill more distinctly, that while he was pronounced by all parties atfirst sight the most remarkable man in the world, no person made anyattempt at accounting for his opinion. That he was unique appearedso undeniable, that it was deemed impertinent to inquire wherein theuniquity consisted. But, letting this matter pass for the present, Iwill merely observe that, from the first moment of his setting footwithin the limits of the university, he began to exercise over thehabits, manners, persons, purses, and propensities of the wholecommunity which surrounded him, an influence the most extensive anddespotic, yet at the same time the most indefinite and altogetherunaccountable. Thus the brief period of his residence at the universityforms an era in its annals, and is characterized by all classesof people appertaining to it or its dependencies as that veryextraordinary epoch forming the domination of the Baron Ritzner vonJung. then of no particular age, by which I mean that it was impossibleto form a guess respecting his age by any data personally afforded. Hemight have been fifteen or fifty, and was twenty-one years and sevenmonths. He was by no means a handsome man--perhaps the reverse. Thecontour of his face was somewhat angular and harsh. His forehead waslofty and very fair; his nose a snub; his eyes large, heavy, glassy,and meaningless. About the mouth there was more to be observed. The lipswere gently protruded, and rested the one upon the other, after such afashion that it is impossible to conceive any, even the most complex,combination of human features, conveying so entirely, and so singly, theidea of unmitigated gravity, solemnity and repose.
It will be perceived, no doubt, from what I have already said, that theBaron was one of those human anomalies now and then to be found, whomake the science of mystification the study and the business of theirlives. For this science a peculiar turn of mind gave him instinctivelythe cue, while his physical appearance afforded him unusual facilitiesfor carrying his prospects into effect. I quaintly termed the dominationof the Baron Ritzner von Jung, ever rightly entered into the mysterywhich overshadowed his character. I truly think that no person at theuniversity, with the exception of myself, ever suspected him to becapable of a joke, verbal or practical:--the old bull-dog atthe garden-gate would sooner have been accused,--the ghost ofHeraclitus,--or the wig of the Emeritus Professor of Theology. This,too, when it was evident that the most egregious and unpardonable of allconceivable tricks, whimsicalities and buffooneries were brought about,if not directly by him, at least plainly through his intermediate agencyor connivance. The beauty, if I may so call it, of his art mystifique,lay in that consummate ability (resulting from an almost intuitiveknowledge of human nature, and a most wonderful self-possession,) bymeans of which he never failed to make it appear that the drolleries hewas occupied in bringing to a point, arose partly in spite, andpartly in consequence of the laudable efforts he was making for theirprevention, and for the preservation of the good order and dignity ofAlma Mater. The deep, the poignant, the overwhelming mortification,which upon each such failure of his praise worthy endeavors, wouldsuffuse every lineament of his countenance, left not the slightest roomfor doubt of his sincerity in the bosoms of even his most skepticalcompanions. The adroitness, too, was no less worthy of observation bywhich he contrived to shift the sense of the grotesque from the creatorto the created--from his own person to the absurdities to which he hadgiven rise. In no instance before that of which I speak, have Iknown the habitual mystific escape the natural consequence of hismanoevres--an attachment of the ludicrous to his own character andperson. Continually enveloped in an atmosphere of whim, my friendappeared to live only for the severities of society; and not even hisown household have for a moment associated other ideas than those ofthe rigid and august with the memory of the Baron Ritzner von Jung, thedemon of the dolce far niente lay like an incubus upon the university.Nothing, at least, was done beyond eating and drinking and making merry.The apartments of the students were converted into so many pot-houses,and there was no pot-house of them all more famous or more frequentedthan that of the Baron. Our carousals here were many, and boisterous,and long, and never unfruitful of events.
Upon one occasion we had protracted our sitting until nearly daybreak,and an unusual quantity of wine had been drunk. The company consisted ofseven or eight individuals besides the Baron and myself. Most of thesewere young men of wealth, of high connection, of great family pride, andall alive with an exaggerated sense of honor. They abounded in the mostultra German opinions respecting the duello. To these Quixotic notionssome recent Parisian publications, backed by three or four desperate andfatal conversation, during the greater part of the night, had run wildupon the all--engrossing topic of the times. The Baron, who had beenunusually silent and abstracted in the earlier portion of the evening,at length seemed to be aroused from his apathy, took a leading part inthe discourse, and dwelt upon the benefits, and more especially upon thebeauties, of the received code of etiquette in passages of arms withan ardor, an eloquence, an impressiveness, and an affectionatenessof manner, which elicited the warmest enthusiasm from his hearers ingeneral, and absolutely staggered even myself, who well knew him to beat heart a ridiculer of those very points for which he contended, andespecially to hold the entire fanfaronade of duelling etiquette in thesovereign contempt which it deserves.
Looking around me during a pause in the Baron's discourse (of which myreaders may gather some faint idea when I say that it bore resemblanceto the fervid, chanting, monotonous, yet musical sermonic manner ofColeridge), I perceived symptoms of even more than the general interestin the countenance of one of the party. This gentleman, whom I shallcall Hermann, was an original in every respect--except, perhaps, in thesingle particular that he was a very great fool. He contrived to bear,however, among a particular set at the university, a reputation for deepmetaphysical thinking, and, I believe, for some logical talent. As aduellist he had acquired who had fallen at his hands; but they weremany. He was a man of courage undoubtedly. But it was upon his minuteacquaintance with the etiquette of the duello, and the nicety of hissense of honor, that he most especially prided himself. These thingswere a hobby which he rode to the death. To Ritzner, ever upon thelookout for the grotesque, his peculiarities had for a long time pastafforded food for mystification. Of this, however, I was not aware;although, in the present instance, I saw clearly that something of awhimsical nature was upon the tapis with my friend, and that Hermann wasits especial object.
As the former proceeded in his discourse, or rather monologue Iperceived the excitement of the latter momently increasing. At lengthhe spoke; offering some objection to a point insisted upon by R., andgiving his reasons in detail. To these the Baron replied at length(still maintaining his exaggerated tone of sentiment) and concluding, inwhat I thought very bad taste, with a sarcasm and a sneer. The hobbyof Hermann now took the bit in his teeth. This I could discern bythe studied hair-splitting farrago of his rejoinder. His last words Idistinctly remember. Your opinions, allow me to say, Baron von Jung,although in the main correct, are, in many nice points, discreditableto yourself and to the university of which you are a member. In a fewrespects they are even unworthy of serious refutation. I would say morethan this, sir, were it not for the fear of giving you offence (here thespeaker smiled blandly), I would say, sir, that your opinions are notthe opinions to be expected from a gentleman.
As Hermann completed this equivocal sentence, all eyes were turned uponthe Baron. He became pale, then excessively red; then, dropping hispocket-handkerchief, stooped to recover it, when I caught a glimpse ofhis countenance, while it could be seen by no one else at the table.It was radiant with the quizzical expression which was its naturalcharacter, but which I had never seen it assume except when we werealone together, and when he unbent himself freely. In an instantafterward he stood erect, confronting Hermann; and so total analteration of countenance in so short a period I certainly never sawbefore. For a moment I even fancied that I had misconceived him, andthat he was in sober earnest. He appeared to be stifling with passion,and his face was cadaverously white. For a short time he remainedsilent, apparently striving to master his emotion. Having at lengthseemingly succeeded, he reached a decanter which stood near him, sayingas he held it firmly clenched The language you have thought proper toemploy, Mynheer Hermann, in addressing yourself to me, is objectionablein so many particulars, that I have neither temper nor time forspecification. That my opinions, however, are not the opinions to beexpected from a gentleman, is an observation so directly offensive as toallow me but one line of conduct. Some courtesy, nevertheless, is dueto the presence of this company, and to yourself, at this moment, asmy guest. You will pardon me, therefore, if, upon this consideration, Ideviate slightly from the general usage among gentlemen in similar casesof personal affront. You will forgive me for the moderate tax I shallmake upon your imagination, and endeavor to consider, for an instant,the reflection of your person in yonder mirror as the living MynheerHermann himself. This being done, there will be no difficulty whatever.I shall discharge this decanter of wine at your image in yonder mirror,and thus fulfil all the spirit, if not the exact letter, of resentmentfor your insult, while the necessity of physical violence to your realperson will be obviated.
With these words he hurled the decanter, full of wine, against themirror which hung directly opposite Hermann; striking the reflection ofhis person with great precision, and of course shattering the glass intofragments. The whole company at once started to their feet, and, withthe exception of myself and Ritzner, took their departure. As Hermannwent out, the Baron whispered me that I should follow him and make anoffer of my services. To this I agreed; not knowing precisely what tomake of so ridiculous a piece of business.
The duellist accepted my aid with his stiff and ultra recherche air,and, taking my arm, led me to his apartment. I could hardly forbearlaughing in his face while he proceeded to discuss, with the profoundestgravity, what he termed the refinedly peculiar character of the insulthe had received. After a tiresome harangue in his ordinary style, hetook down from his book shelves a number of musty volumes on the subjectof the duello, and entertained me for a long time with their contents;reading aloud, and commenting earnestly as he read. I can just rememberthe titles of some of the works. There were the Ordonnance of Philip leBel on Single Combat; the Theatre of Honor, by Favyn, and a treatiseOn the Permission of Duels, by Andiguier. He displayed, also, withmuch pomposity, Brantome's Memoirs of Duels,--published at Cologne,1666, in the types of Elzevir--a precious and unique vellum-papervolume, with a fine margin, and bound by Derome. But he requested myattention particularly, and with an air of mysterious sagacity, to athick octavo, written in barbarous Latin by one Hedelin, a Frenchman,and having the quaint title, Duelli Lex Scripta, et non; aliterque.From this he read me one of the drollest chapters in the worldconcerning Injuriae per applicationem, per constructionem, et per se,about half of which, he averred, was strictly applicable to his ownrefinedly peculiar case, although not one syllable of the whole mattercould I understand for the life of me. Having finished the chapter, heclosed the book, and demanded what I thought necessary to be done.I replied that I had entire confidence in his superior delicacy offeeling, and would abide by what he proposed. With this answer he seemedflattered, and sat down to write a note to the Baron. It ran thus:
Sir,--My friend, M. P.-, will hand you this note. I find it incumbentupon me to request, at your earliest convenience, an explanation of thisevening's occurrences at your chambers. In the event of your decliningthis request, Mr. P. will be happy to arrange, with any friend whom youmay appoint, the steps preliminary to a meeting.
With sentiments of perfect respect,
Your most humble servant,
JOHANN HERMAN.
To the Baron Ritzner von Jung,
Not knowing what better to do, I called upon Ritzner with this epistle.He bowed as I presented it; then, with a grave countenance, motionedme to a seat. Having perused the cartel, he wrote the following reply,which I carried to Hermann.
SIR,--Through our common friend, Mr. P., I have received your note ofthis evening. Upon due reflection I frankly admit the propriety ofthe explanation you suggest. This being admitted, I still find greatdifficulty, (owing to the refinedly peculiar nature of our disagreement,and of the personal affront offered on my part,) in so wording what Ihave to say by way of apology, as to meet all the minute exigencies, andall the variable shadows, of the case. I have great reliance, however,on that extreme delicacy of discrimination, in matters appertainingto the rules of etiquette, for which you have been so long and sopre-eminently distinguished. With perfect certainty, therefore, of beingcomprehended, I beg leave, in lieu of offering any sentiments of my own,to refer you to the opinions of Sieur Hedelin, as set forth in theninth paragraph of the chapter of Injuriae per applicationem, perconstructionem, et per se, in his Duelli Lex scripta, et non;aliterque. The nicety of your discernment in all the matters heretreated, will be sufficient, I am assured, to convince you that the merecircumstance of me referring you to this admirable passage, ought tosatisfy your request, as a man of honor, for explanation.
With sentiments of profound respect,
Your most obedient servant,
VON JUNG.
The Herr Johann Hermann
Hermann commenced the perusal of this epistle with a scowl,which, however, was converted into a smile of the most ludicrousself-complacency as he came to the rigmarole about Injuriae perapplicationem, per constructionem, et per se. Having finished reading,he begged me, with the blandest of all possible smiles, to be seated,while he made reference to the treatise in question. Turning to thepassage specified, he read it with great care to himself, then closedthe book, and desired me, in my character of confidential acquaintance,to express to the Baron von Jung his exalted sense of his chivalrousbehavior, and, in that of second, to assure him that the explanationoffered was of the fullest, the most honorable, and the mostunequivocally satisfactory nature.
Somewhat amazed at all this, I made my retreat to the Baron. He seemedto receive Hermann's amicable letter as a matter of course, and after afew words of general conversation, went to an inner room and broughtout the everlasting treatise Duelli Lex scripta, et non; aliterque. Hehanded me the volume and asked me to look over some portion of it. I didso, but to little purpose, not being able to gather the least particleof meaning. He then took the book himself, and read me a chapter aloud.To my surprise, what he read proved to be a most horribly absurd accountof a duel between two baboons. He now explained the mystery; showingthat the volume, as it appeared prima facie, was written upon the planof the nonsense verses of Du Bartas; that is to say, the language wasingeniously framed so as to present to the ear all the outward signs ofintelligibility, and even of profundity, while in fact not a shadow ofmeaning existed. The key to the whole was found in leaving out everysecond and third word alternately, when there appeared a series ofludicrous quizzes upon a single combat as practised in modern times.
The Baron afterwards informed me that he had purposely thrown thetreatise in Hermann's way two or three weeks before the adventure, andthat he was satisfied, from the general tenor of his conversation, thathe had studied it with the deepest attention, and firmly believed it tobe a work of unusual merit. Upon this hint he proceeded. Hermann wouldhave died a thousand deaths rather than acknowledge his inability tounderstand anything and everything in the universe that had ever beenwritten about the duello.
Littleton Barry.