me, need is everywhere you look. Try holding a door open for the elderly or someone with children. Let a person get in front of you at the grocery store if they only have a few items. Help retrieve an item off a top shelf for someone. Tip your server a little extra if they look like they’re having a bad day. Or, let someone pull out into traffic in front of your car. Help an elderly or ill neighbor with their yard work. Offer to take a friend to a doctor’s appointment. Let someone else have the last piece of pie. There are so many ways to exercise a ‘kindness reflex’ it’s practically incomprehensible. Oh, and don’t forget, ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ are great kindness reflexes. Your selfless act of kindness will make a huge difference to someone.
Once you master the art of impulsive kindness with little random acts. You may be ready to move up to more advanced kindness reflexes. Such as, volunteering at a local charity. Visiting residents at a nearby rest home on craft day and help someone make crafts. Not only would they appreciate your kindness, but the staff would greatly appreciate the effort. Or, you could volunteer for Meals-on-wheels and help bring meals to those who may otherwise not have a good meal.
Digging a little deeper into the ‘Kindness Reflex’ area you could become a Big Bother or Big Sister to a local child. You could even become a scout leader or start a sports team for children. Adopt! Become a foster parent! Children are the future and if they learn kindness at a young age, just think how much brighter their future would be as they take those lessons with them and pay if forward.
Each one of you have skills, talents and interests. And I’m sure you could find a multitude of areas to offer kindness. I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface on how you could use your ‘Kindness Reflex.’ The possibilities are endless.
Can you imagine…massive reflexes of the kindness variety?
Get Out!
Column #152, Published 6-4-09
“I can’t do this! What was I thinking? I’ve never done anything like this before! What if it all goes horribly wrong and I get laughed at? Or, worse…humiliated? What if everyone thinks I’m an idiot? What if I AM an idiot? I’ll never be able to show my face again. I’ll have to…”
Sound familiar? Have you ever said things similar before? We probably all have at one time or another. Ever wonder why we’re our own worse enemy sometimes? You realize, of course, a dialog stream of negative self-talk is never productive. When our ‘negative thoughts’ start talking, we do an excellent job of talking ourselves out of doing something we really want to do.
Because our hearts may be set on a desire or goal, but our heads are full of negative thinking and beliefs about why we can’t do what we want. Thus, we talk ourselves out of it, or worse make ourselves feel like we wouldn’t, be good at it. The point is we need to get out of our head and listen to our heart! Is it possible, you ask?
Well just think, if no one ‘got out of their head’ we wouldn’t have cures for certain diseases, or high rises with elevators, or put a man on the moon. Gone would be anything made of plastic, glass and precious metals. If someone allowed their negative thoughts to hold them back, I wouldn’t be typing on a computer right now. If no one listened to their heart’s desire, we wouldn’t be progressing as a society.
Now think about a time when you had your heart set on something but you let your head talk you out of it? For example, say you’re the creative type and have always been interested in the theatre. You even ‘act out’ movie scenes in front of your pampered pets. (Who politely act interested.) Yet you can’t get out of your head long enough to allow your heart to guide you to the nearest community theatre group.
Or, do you have a mildly obsessive desire to fly airplanes? Yet your head keeps your feet on the ground every time the urge arises. Yes, too often, we are the catalyst of our own failure. We don’t ‘try’ because our heads are so full of negative self-talk that our hearts are silenced.
So, how do we get out of our heads and listen to our hearts? Actually, I’ve come up with a simple method I hope will work for you. Start by finding a place to relax. (Have paper and pen handy.) Then close your eyes and quite your mind. I, myself, have trouble quieting mine because I’m always thinking. If this is the same for you, try concentrating on one word that is calming to you like: relax, peace, or say ‘shhhh’ quietly to yourself. At the same time concentrate on your breathing. Take slow, deep breaths in and out. This will relax you further.
Once you’re calm and your mind is quiet, think about your secret desire(s). Listen. What is your heart saying? What have you always wanted to do? Be? Or, have? Listen carefully to your heart; it’s the keeper of your dreams. When thoughts start coming to your mind, write them down on the sheet of paper.
Now think of all the reasons you can do exactly what your heart desires and write them down too. Try to list why you’d be extremely successful at accomplishing your goals, dreams or desires. Re-read what you have written and really absorb all the positive aspects. Spend about 30 seconds on each reason, visualizing the results. Then put your list in a safe place for easy access. And the next time your head starts to tell you how you can’t do something…take out your list and read back all the reasons you can! Because your heart will take you places your head can’t. You can do and be anything you’re capable of doing and being. So, get out of your head and follow your heart!!
Can you imagine…your heart’s desire?
Final Score
Column #153, Published 6-11-09
“All the days of the afflicted are bad. But a cheerful heart has a continual feast.” Proverbs 15:15
Do you remember hearing the news story a few weeks ago about a Long Island convenience store owner confronted by a would-be robber? The owner decided to show mercy after the alleged robber started crying and claiming he was only trying to feed his family. Anyway, giving the man $40 and a loaf of bread, the store owner asked him to promise to never rob again. Of course, only the robber knows if that will happen, but we can have fatih.
This story reminded me of two people I know. Anyway, one…we’ll call them Friend A…is a giver. A person with an ‘attitude of servitude’ as it’s been called. They feel very strongly that when they give of their time, kindness, or generosity, it will be returned to them one hundred fold. A person with this outlook on life doesn’t keep the preverbal score card.
Friend B, on the other hand, feels very strongly that if someone does them wrong (or what they perceive to be a wrong) they will wrong them back ten-fold. Obviously, Friend B isn’t as happy an individual as they could be…and what a shame to feel the need to waste precious time and energy on revenge. This type of person always keeps a score card…on everybody! Unfortunately, there isn’t anything positive or productive about keeping score of wrongs. It’s basically a fruitless endeavor serving no meaningful purpose.
Back to the Biblical quote for a moment; the first part refers to people who aren’t happy with life; in other words, ‘afflicted’ (negative). Whereas, a person with a ‘cheerful heart’ (positive) has a continual feast; meaning they are capable of being happy with any situation, for any reason, all the time. Wowzer, nothing like a concentrated state of perpetual bliss! Can this happen? Of course, but not without effort on your part to ensure a cheerful heart…because a cheerful heart doesn’t keep a score card.
Now let’s revisit the robber/store owner story again. The store owner chose to subdue a potentially dangerous situation by taking the path of ‘a cheerful heart’ and giving the man money and bread. I’d say the store owner saw beyond the act of a crime being committed and through to a person suffering with a need to feed his family. He felt it in his heart to reach out to someone crying in pain and offer to ease that pain, if only momentarily.
What would you have done in a similar situation? How many of you would have made a note on your score card and not given the robber anything other than jail time? The latter is probably the most popular response; and understandably so, laws were broken. But think about this. Literature is full of true stories a
bout kindness toward others with no expectations of the kindness being returned. No score card filled out and filed away for future reference. No mental note to pay back a wrong ten-fold. No accumulation of wrongs to be tallied and offered up as one huge final score. I would like to say for the record…keeping score isn’t the answer.
Remember, a cheerful heart doesn’t keep a score card. A cheerful heart doesn’t carry a grudge, yet sees every situation as an opportunity to do something positive, while expecting nothing in return. So when your life comes to a close, wouldn’t it be wonderful if the FINAL SCORE on your card was: 100% Given, 0% Expected.
Can you imagine…what a great feeling 100% Given, 0% Expected would be?
I Thought About You Today…
Column #156, Published 7-2-09
I thought about you today…
when i heard the first birdsong welcoming the new dawn, knowing you would never hear that sweet sound again…
when i was making my bed, remembering how you never liked to make your own…
when I did laundry, because you always ‘took a chance’ and washed whites and colors together.
I