Turning the corner and heading towards the house he had rented, Drake noticed that the lights were on inside. He stopped for a moment; he had dismissed the maid and the butler earlier that day, so it couldn’t be any of them. Whoever it was, he doubted they meant well. He knew that much about life now to only expect the worst.
Either way, he didn’t care. Even if they meant to hurt him, it mattered little. Live or die, life was nothing but a big pile of manure that had absolutely nothing to offer him but a wrinkled nose and a headache. If he was to go out today, at least he’d go satisfied. So, he proceeded towards the house and whatever the Fates had decided for him.
Stepping through the door, he realised immediately who it was that had visited, before he even saw her. He smelled her unique perfume in the air, and for a moment his heart was pumping real blood again. He went straight to the salon, where she was waiting for him, standing by the window. She was beautiful, radiant, and in the prime of her youth. She still had the evening gown on and wore her gorgeous hair just the way he liked it, loose and free for the wind to play with, with only a few thin braids on the sides.
She will never be as beautiful and pure as this, he thought. But she did not belong here; nothing that beautiful could belong anywhere near him.
‘Lily,’ he exclaimed as he stepped towards her, a hint of real joy in his voice. Right then, he remembered his blood soaked hands and what he’d just done, and he stopped, hiding them behind his back. ‘Why are you here?’ he asked, his voice now changing into harsh and unfriendly.
Lily felt disheartened by the change in his tone, but tried not to show it. She stepped forward, thinking to go to him, but stopped when she saw him take a step back.
‘I left the party soon after you did and came to find you. Where have you been?’
‘Catching up to some old friends,’ he said, not really a lie. ‘You’ve been waiting here this whole time? Does anyone know where you are?’
‘My maid is waiting outside with the hansom.’
Drake tried hard not to be distracted by her beautiful face. He wished she wouldn’t have come; leaving would be so much more difficult now.
‘Lily, why are you here?’ He dared not go any closer.
‘I need to know,’ she replied. ‘What was that back there, at the Windsor’s? What is happening with you? Why have you stopped calling on me?’
Drake had to actually fight the desire to tell her everything; she had always had that effect on him. But he knew that it would be useless. She might feel something for him now, but she was still one of them, for better or for worse.
‘What is happening is that I am leaving London, for good. There’s nothing here for me anymore.’
‘You’re lying,’ she confronted him, and for a moment it reminded him why he liked her so much. No other girl had her spirit, her tough yet kind nature; and no one else saw through him, challenging him the way she did. But she still wouldn’t love him, not him, not after all he’d done.
‘Yes, I am,’ he replied, now driven to anger, ‘and you know why? Because it’s what you want to hear.’
‘Don’t you dare presume to know what I want. I want to hear the truth.’ Her voice betrayed the hurt his words caused.
‘No, you don’t,’ Drake did not back off, ‘you wouldn’t like the truth. The truth is ugly, the truth is poor, the truth is murderous, and you would have nothing to do with it, with me.’
‘Why do you say that?’ Lily’s voice began to crack, as she realised losing Drake would apparently not be the worst part of this evening. ‘You know how I feel about you. I would go away with you right now if you asked me.’
Drake stopped for a moment and his face froze in a confused pose. Would she? Did she really love him enough to go away with him? Maybe all wasn’t lost; maybe he didn’t have to be alone. With her by his side his life could have meaning again.
But he was running ahead of himself. She didn’t know what she was talking about; she was only speaking her young heart now, but her mind would soon follow for sure. And when it did, she’d know he wasn’t the man for her.
No, he wasn’t going to be fooled by her golden locks and the bluest eyes he’d ever seen.
‘You wouldn’t want to go with me, if you really knew me; if you knew what I’ve done. The man you think you love does not exist; I made him up. The real me, you could never love.’
‘I don’t believe you,’ Lily challenged him again, but this time Drake did not feel amused. He was tired and hurt; he wanted this over with. ‘You couldn’t have made him up completely; I know there’s a part of you in him that is good, and that part I love, that part I am willing to follow.’
Drake was now losing his patience. His voice had grown louder and he’d gotten close enough to touch her. Why wouldn’t she relent? Why wouldn’t she let him go? How could she be so blind and not see him for who he really was? When it came down to it, she must not be as wise as he had thought, if he could fool her so easily.
And that’s when he thought of the solution; he’d show her the part of him that he’d kept hidden from her. Then she would stop begging for him to stay, to love her. Oh, but he did love her, didn’t he? He wanted her. He looked at her hungrily, sizing her up and down, and could not deny that he’d wanted to do this ever since he’d first seen her. Her small body, those dazzling blue eyes, that perfect golden hair that drove him crazy every time she kept it down. He could not resist it anymore.
He jumped the distance between them and grabbed her with his blood-soaked hands, bringing her face to his and kissing her with a violent passion. Taken by surprise, yet having also dreamed of this very moment for weeks, Lily at first went along with it and kissed him back. Maybe she thought this would change his mind and he would stay. But Drake would not change his mind, and he would definitely not stay. He also would not stop. Finally having her in his arms felt so good that he gave into his animal instincts and began tearing off her clothes.
‘Drake, stop,’ Lily protested, ‘what are you doing?’
‘Showing you who I really am,’ Drake answered and threw her down on the floor, where he proceeded to undress and ravage her, with his own lips covering her mouth, to drown out her screams and pleas for him to stop.
As the heart and honour of Miss Lilly Worthington slowly died a painful and humiliating death, so did the last bit of innocence and goodness in Drake. Whatever was left in him after this no longer belonged in this world, in any world.
Outside, the stars and the moon hid under a thick myriad of dark clouds, promising heavy rain and thunder for days to come.
When Drake was finally done, he got back up and fixed himself. At his feet, Lily gathered herself into a ball of naked flesh and blood-stained clothes, crying inconsolably. Drake looked down at her and felt nothing, no remorse, no sadness, no guilt, just nothing.
‘So, now you know,’ he said in a soulless voice. ‘Still wanna go with me?’
He still hoped.
In response, Lily turned away from him, her disappointment wounding her so much more than everything else.
‘I didn’t think so,’ Drake said and turned his back on her. ‘Goodbye, fair Lily,’ he said as he walked out of the lounge, out of the house and out of her life forever. Only death would bring the two of them together again.
In the middle of the night, the entire London suddenly woke up by the terrifying screams of a maidservant, who’d walked into a house to find her mistress hanging from the ceiling, with her torn out clothes drenched in wet blood.
Chapter 8
Through the Looking Glass