Chapter Fifteen
Gabe smiled at the conductor on the train and almost blushed.
He did that a lot lately. Smiled. He smiled at total strangers. Smiled at his girls, at the people in the bank, in the grocery store and at the bus stop. Smiling was cool. He liked smiling.
He’d missed smiling and didn’t even know he’d missed it until he had a reason to start again.
Lia.
He pulled out his phone, shot her a quick text message.
Gabe: I miss you.
Lia: You saw me twelve hours ago!
His grin stretched wider. Oh, he’d seen her all right. God, did she have any idea how hot, how gorgeous she looked when he made love to her?
Gabe: I’ll bring you back a present from the city tonight.
Lia: Something delicious?
He stopped breathing for a second.
Lia: OMG! That didn’t come out right. Sorry.
He snorted out a laugh, got his seat mates giving him the side-eye.
Gabe: See you later?
Lia: Definitely.
He put the phone back in his pocket and stared out the window, but his thoughts were still on Lia. Thanksgiving was coming up. He wanted to spend it at home, with Lia, but Janey’s parents had called and he didn’t know how to explain Lia to them just yet. Instead, he blamed his work schedule and asked if they’d mind taking the girls during the Christmas break so he could start building the transforming furniture he’d ordered.
With Lia’s help, he’d ordered a pair of twin beds for Kim and Liv that would go in what was currently his bedroom and a larger bed for himself that would go in the living room. He’d do the kitchen another time. If he got them built and installed easily enough, maybe there’d be time to…to test out his bed before he had to pick up the girls.
Time. Frowning, he pursed his lips and thought about last night. Mike had gone home and since that first night, it had been difficult to find time to be together again. Gabriel could not risk staying at Lia’s place with the girls home alone. And she wasn’t comfortable staying at his. What if one of the girls woke up and discovered her there? Even though he’d talked to them and they’d said they were on board, he figured some things needed to be private. Daddy and Lia having sleepover parties was definitely one of them.
Still, though. He wanted more time with her. Needed it. He woke up in the morning with energy, with…with anticipation instead of dread. It was Lia. All Lia.
Jeez, he almost groaned out load. This woman had turned his world upside down in a dozen different really good ways and he hadn’t so much as taken her to a movie. Well, he’d damn well fix that starting tonight. She’d be there when he got home because Mrs. Morgan couldn’t watch the girls after school.
Home. Warmth spread inside him at the thought. Lia and home. Yeah. Yeah, that really worked. Oh, boy. Slow down, Ivers. The pragmatic part of him urged him to be careful. But the other part, the part that knew just how fast life could lob those curveballs at you, circled its hands and said, better hurry. You never know how much time you’ll have together.
Make it count.
Did he see Lia in his life? Yeah. He did. So he tried to imagine living what was left of his life without her.
And there it was. That white-hot pain straight through his soul. The same pain he’d said, he’d vowed, never to feel again, was back as strong as ever. He didn’t know how it happened. He never wanted it to happen.
But it did.
He was in love with her, completely and totally in love with Amelia Blake. Whoa. The power of those words, that realization, shot through him like an electric shock. And then he squirmed. She wasn’t anything like Janey. Okay, yes, it wasn’t fair of him to compare them but he couldn’t help it. He’d only been with Janey, had never wanted anyone else—until now. Lia wasn’t a handy replacement. She wasn’t the sequel, and she wasn’t the runner-up. She was Lia. She was herself and she was amazing.
He caught his lip between his teeth, forced himself to answer the unthinkable question: How the hell would he survive losing her, too? Thinking of her as…gone…sent chills rolling all the way down to his bone marrow. He wasn’t a morbid person—or at least he wasn’t until he’d lost Janey.
He didn’t have to lose Lia. He didn’t have to.
The train pulled into Penn Station. Gabe grabbed his backpack and stepped onto the platform and walked fast. He didn’t know how they’d make it work and he didn’t know if she felt the same way. There was only one thing he did know.
He had some time before he was due at the job site. He headed for 47th Street. Now that he knew what he knew, he damn well would make it count.
*
By the time Gabe made it home, he was dragging. He unlocked his door, found not the usual afternoon chaos, but four beautiful girls smiling at him…and one beautiful woman smiling at him, too.
He blinked, not sure he was in the right apartment.
Emmy was in her high chair, scribbling madly with a bright orange crayon. Olivia tapped at the iPad. Kimberly lounged on the couch, reading a book. Maddie was already in pajamas, hair wet and streaming down her back, while Lia sat behind her on the couch, armed with a strange-looking brush and a spray bottle.
“Daddy’s home!” Maddie said with a gasp. “Hi, Daddy. Did you miss me? I missed you this much.” She spread her arms out wide and he couldn’t help but grin.
“I did. I missed all of you. Hi, Emmy.” He went to her first before she knocked over the high chair. “Want to get down?”
“Dad-dee, ook!”
“I see. What did you make?”
“A punk-in.”
“It’s a great pumpkin.” He smiled and liberated her from the high chair.
Liv held out a fist for a bump, which he gave, but added a loud smacking kiss to her cheek. He glanced at the screen and saw she was looking at the NASA site.
Kimberly didn’t look up from her book, so he kissed her head.
“Daddy, I got a hundred on my spelling and there’s a note from my teacher about lice—”
The color drained from Gabe’s face. “Lice?” No. Not lice. Please God, no.
“It’s okay, Gabriel. It’s okay. No lice. I checked.”
Of course she did. He put a hand on hers, tugged her closer and kissed her, too. Right in front of everybody.
“Ewwww. You kissed on the lips.” Maddie made a face.
The other girls hardly noticed.
“No lice. Thank God. So why are you wet?”
“Lia said she’ll put my hair in braids but it was so tangled up, she couldn’t.”
“I washed her hair and now we’re detangling it,” Lia explained.
“Detangling it. And nobody’s crying? You’re magic.” He kissed her again, making Lia and Maddie giggle.
“Nope. Just well armed.” Lia handed him the plastic brush. “This is wonderful on my hair so I bought one for you.”
He took the brush, examined it. It looked like a rock—a purple rock with lots of legs.
“Here. I’ll show you.” Lia took the brush back and lifted a section of Maddie’s hair. The rest, she clipped up and out of the way. She sprayed whatever was in the bottle on the lock of hair in her hand, then began brushing from the middle down instead of the top. When she hit a knot, she slowly worked the brush through it. When the hair was tangle free, she brushed it from the top down.
“How long you been at this?”
Lia lifted a shoulder. “Ten minutes maybe? That’s why Emmy’s in her high chair. I wanted to make sure she stayed where I could see her.”
“What’s in the bottle?”
“Diluted conditioner. Leave it in.”
Gabe sat next to Lia, draped an arm around her while she worked on the rest of Maddie’s hair, and sank into a feeling of…comfort. Jeez, that sounded lame. But it was true. This was normal. This felt like the way things were supposed to be. He wondered about homework and still had to deal with dinner, but for five more minutes, he sat. Enjoyed. Okay, he
basked.
A knock on the door triggered the chaos that typically marked this time of day. Maddie, Olivia and Kimberly all charged to the door and before Gabe could react, an ear-splitting whistle cut through the air and everybody froze.
His gaze whipped to Lia.
“Check who it is first,” she reminded them.
“Where did you learn to do that?” he asked, voice awed. That was the single most impressive thing he’d ever seen—er, well—heard.
She shrugged. “I did some research for a client once on whistling techniques. That one stuck.”
“Um. Wow.”
“Delivery guy’s here, Lia,” Kimberly announced.
Delivery of what? Kimberly opened the front door, accepted two large bags and a cardboard box that she took into the kitchen while Lia stood up. From the back pocket of her jeans, Lia removed a few bills, told the guy at the door, “Here you go, Bao. Keep the change.”
In the kitchen, she and Kimberly unpacked cartons of steaming fragrant rice, dumplings, and vegetables, a plastic container of soup, a foil bag of ribs, and a plastic box of chicken. From one of the upper cabinets, she took down bowls, put those on the table that Gabe only just now noticed was spotless. Olivia had already put the tablet and Emmy’s crayons away.
Without being nagged.
This was Hogwarts. Obviously.
“Emmy, come here, sweetheart. Tell Lia what you want to eat.”
Emmy ran to Lia, lifted her arms and once lifted to Lia’s hip, examined everything on the counter. “Dis!”
“Chicken. Yum.”
Lia fastened Emmy back in her high chair. Gabe watched her efficiently plate six meals and put them on the table. “Gabriel, beer?”
When he didn’t answer, she halted, angled her head and studied him. “You’re pale. You’re feeling okay?”
“I’m fine.” So fine. The scene was ordinary and normal but felt right. It took him a second or two to understand why.
This place had never felt like a home—until now.
He shed his jacket, slid off his boots, walked to her, and pulled her into his arms. She smelled like hair conditioner and fried rice and his heart clenched behind his ribs. “How was everybody’s day?” Olivia left the table to pull a folder from her backpack to show him.
“Mrs. Salony is amazing, Daddy. She gave me this today ’cause she knew I’d like it. Can I do this? Please?”
Gabe laughed. “Wow, Liv. You sound like Maddie.”
“Go where?” Maddie demanded. “I can come, too. Right, Daddy? Right?”
He read the flyer Olivia handed him. “No, Ducky. This isn’t a place. It’s homework for extra credit. It’s also a lot of work,” he said to Olivia. “You sure you can handle it?” The flyer was for an essay and poster contest to promote the International Day of Women to be held in February.
“I can handle it. I already know what I’m doing.” She flashed him a fierce grin. “A collage made up of the scientific contributions of women.”
“Like chocolate chips for Ruth Graves Wakefield?” Lia asked, spooning wonton soup into a bowl.
Olivia’s eyes went saucer-round. “That’s a good one, Lia.”
“Okay.” Gabe held up a hand. “As long as your actual school work doesn’t suffer. Deal?”
“Deal. Thanks, Daddy.”
He had to laugh. Liv was the only kid he knew who thanked you for giving her more work.
They ate dinner, everybody laughing when Gabe told them about running for the train and almost skating on someone’s spilled soda. He told them about his project and the girls told him about school. Throughout the evening, his eyes kept bouncing to Maddie, whose hair fell down her back in soft shining waves instead of its usual wild nest. Diluted conditioner? How had he not heard of that before?
After dinner, everybody headed to their separate interests while Gabe gave Emmy her bath. By the time Emmy was tucked in her crib, Lia had Maddie’s hair woven in several braids—one in the front like a headband, and two thin ones down each side. She’d gathered the rest of Maddie’s hair into a ponytail fastened with a—a sock? He peered closer and yep. It was a sock. She’d cut the toe off, rolled Maddie’s hair all up inside the tube that remained.
“Gabriel, in the morning, take her hair out of the sock, brush it again with more of this spray if you need to, then just twist the two braids and the loose hair together into one coil like this,” she said, twisting her own hair. “Then pin it in place. Maddie, you remember what I told you?”
“Yep. Not to use anybody’s brush or hat.” And then, Maddie kissed them each on the cheek and…and took herself to bed. He stared after her, jaw dangling. This wasn’t Hogwarts, Gabe decided. It was Wonderland.
No. It was Lia.
“You should keep her hair up until the lice threat is over.”
Pin it up? He was lucky he could fasten the ponytails. But he nodded because she was right and he really didn’t want to cut Maddie’s hair. Thought about it a hundred times and always backed off.
He leaned toward her, sitting on the couch beside him, and wrapped both arms around her. “Can I keep you?” he murmured into her ear.
She froze in his arms. He held her away from him so he could see her face and yep—total shock. The gawky teen he used to be showed up, filled him with misgivings. He’d screwed up. He was rushing things. He was—hell with it. Throwing caution to the wind, he plowed straight ahead. “Lia, I know this is moving fast but you have to know how I feel about you.”
Brown eyes huge, she kept them glued to his and slowly shook her head.
He leaned in until his lips were a breath from hers. “I’m in love with you.” He felt her gasp and kissed her. “So in love with you.”
Her arms curled around his back, squeezed so hard, she cut off his air supply. “Really?”
“Yes. Ow. Yes.” He kissed her again as soon as he could breathe.
And again.
“Daddy. Oh.”
He lifted his head, found Kimberly standing in the hall, biting her lip. “Hey, Cocoa-Pop.” He held out his hand, motioned her closer. “You okay?”
“Um, well…” She trailed off, shifting her weight from one leg to the other. “I’m out of…supplies.”
It took him a minute. “Oh! Yeah. Okay.” He got up, grabbed his jacket, put on his boots.
“Okay if I walk with you?”
He looked up in surprise. Lia’s voice was soft and tentative. He turned to Kim. “You okay keeping an eye on your sisters for a bit?”
Kimberly nodded, still biting her lip. “Sorry, Daddy.”
“No problem.”
Outside in the cool evening air, he and Lia walked in silence, huddled deep inside jackets. They’d reached the corner when inspiration struck.
He held out his hand.
She took it with a sudden smile, kept hold of it all the way to the pharmacy. That was nearly as great as the sex.
“Thank you. For everything today—Maddie’s hair, dinner, babysitting.”
“You’re very welcome. I enjoy spending time with them, Gabriel. Your daughters are incredible.”
Yep. Hard to argue with that.
Inside the store, they headed for the aisle where all the feminine products lined the shelves. He’d just reached for the same package Lia had given him the day he’d had to pick Kimberly up from school and froze. “Crap. Lia, I’m so sorry. I never replaced the supplies you gave us.”
“No, it’s okay. I’m good.”
“This stuff is expensive.” He pulled two packages of everything he remembered. “Is this it? Oh, wait. You said baby wipes, too. Those are in the next aisle.”
“Gabriel.” Her hand on his arm stopped him. She wouldn’t meet his gaze. She returned the second packages to their spaces on the shelves.
“Lia, I don’t expect you to pay for my—”
“It’s not the money, Gabriel. I don’t need these things anymore.”
Confusion clouded his mind. She was too young for—
Oh God.
His mind shot back to the day Kimberly had been sent home from school. He’d been a hot mess but Lia had taken control of the situation. She’d brought him to her apartment. He’d watched her pull those packages out of her bathroom wastebasket, heard her say it was a good thing she hadn’t thrown them away but the significance of her words never penetrated the haze of his panic.
Until now.
That night, the first night they’d been together, she’d tried to hide the scars on her belly.
He spelled out a bad word, let the packages fall to the ground at their feet so he could grip her, his heart twisting behind his ribs. She hadn’t lost a baby. She’d lost all her babies.
“Amelia,” he whispered when she wriggled out of his arms, but not before he saw the tears in her eyes. “Oh, God. I am so sorry.” His hands itched to hold her, to comfort her.
“Yeah. Me, too.” She swiped a hand over her eyes, smeared some of her makeup. “We shouldn’t leave the girls alone too long.”
“Yeah. Okay.” He picked up the packages from the floor and followed Lia to the register line. He grabbed some chocolate, too.
The walk home was uncomfortable. Once back at the building, she headed for her own front door instead of his.
“Lia. Talk to me.”
“It’s been a long day, Gabriel. I’m sure you’re tired and so am I.”
Bullshit. She was hiding again. He followed her up the steps to her door, turned her to face him. “I told you I love you. That doesn’t just stop, Lia.”
She shook her head. “You don’t have to keep saying that.”
“I do. I will. Until you believe it.”
She sighed loudly, a cloud of vapor visible between them. “Gabriel, you are the best father I’ve ever seen. When Emmy’s a little older, you’ll want more babies—a son, to carry on your name. I can’t give you that.”
She tried to pull away so he tightened his grip. He was shaking his head before she finished talking. “No. I don’t want more kids. I have all the children I need. What I need is you. Us.”
He saw the wish flash naked and undisguised in her eyes so he moved in, kissing her just under her jaw, the spot that always made her melt. “I told you the first time I touched you, the first time I saw those scars, I want you exactly as you are.”