“She’s good, Gabriel. Come downstairs, let her rest.”
He shook his head, not taking his eyes off Emmy. “I need to watch.”
Lia walked to him, put her hands on his shoulders, found the muscles there coiled with tension. She dug her thumbs into those muscles, tried to massage away his worry, but understood this was part of that scar he’d told her about. “This isn’t your fault, Gabriel. Kids get sick all the time.”
He made a sound of impatience and shrugged away from her. “Lia. I get what you’re trying to do but please. Just don’t, okay?”
“No. No, it’s not okay. It’s Christmas and the rest of your family is terrified. Emmy is sleeping peacefully. Her fever is down.”
“But what if—”
“No. No what-ifs. You told me you had all four of them tested and there’s no danger. This is a fever that you treated appropriately. If she starts coughing, scratching at a rash, complaining something hurts, then you ask those questions. But not now.”
Gabriel looked up at her with wide scared eyes. “Yeah. Yeah, okay. You’re right.” He climbed to his feet, checked Emmy’s temperature and adjusted her blanket. “Thank you. For what you said downstairs. I can’t—Christ.” He dragged a hand over his face. “Janey died because I didn’t listen to her, Lia. I didn’t think a headache was a big deal. Linda and Stuart, they’ve never said it. Not once have they ever said it was my fault, but it was, Lia. It was. If I’d checked in with her, if I’d—I don’t know—kept an eye on her—maybe she’d still be alive today.”
“That’s a lot of maybes, Gabriel.” Lia put her palms on his chest, felt his heart race. “Is this why you can’t tell Linda or Stuart no?”
Gabriel laughed but the sound was anything but happy. “They’re used to doing things their way, so how do I say it, Lia? How do I tell the people who trusted me with their daughter that I’m too scared to trust them with mine?”
A gasp at the door had them both whipping around.
“Linda. Oh, Jeez, I’m—”
“Gabe, is this why you don’t visit us more often? Is this—Oh my God. This is why you moved, isn’t it.”
“Linda, please.” He moved to her and to Lia’s surprise, Linda wrapped him in a hug.
“Gabe, what happened to my daughter wasn’t your fault. She was born with that blood clot. I have never held you responsible—”
“If I’d been home—”
“No. You heard what the doctors told us. The bleeding was too extensive and too deep inside her head. There was nothing we could have done even if she’d collapsed inside a hospital.”
“But—”
“No. Gabe, I read the internet information about alcohol rub-downs. It’s been almost forty years since my child was born and yeah, a lot’s changed. We used to put kids to sleep on their stomachs, never imagined they should have helmets to ride bikes, and smoked in front of them. But we changed, Gabe. Have you noticed I haven’t had a cigarette since Janey was pregnant with Kimberly?”
Gabe’s mouth fell open when he pulled away from Linda and Lia knew he hadn’t noticed.
“Janey told me it’s dangerous to give babies honey, so I never did that. All you have to do is tell me, Gabe. I won’t do anything you wouldn’t. I love my granddaughters.”
His arms went around Linda. “I know. I know. I’m sorry. I—I was too afraid you’d tell me it was my fault. I’m sorry.”
As they held each other, Lia watched Gabriel shed months of guilt and Linda laughed.
“Please tell me this means you’ll visit every weekend,” she said against his chest and he snorted. “Kidding. Come on now. Let Emmy sleep. Lia’s right, Gabe. You can’t freak out over every little sniffle.” She guided him to the door.
Before Lia followed, she put a hand to Emmy’s forehead one more time.
It never hurt to be sure.
*
“Daddy! Look, we’re making snowmen! Do you like mine? Do you?” Maddie waved her hands over the lumps of snow the girls were shaping into balls, sending a flurry over his head.
“Um. Yeah. They look great.”
“How’s Emmy, Dad?”
Gabe smiled at Kimberly. “She’s got a fever but she’s sleeping again.”
“Maybe it’s her teeth. She’s been drooling a lot again. Don’t molars come in at her age?”
He thought about that. “Yeah, you could be right. I’ll check when she wakes up.” The last of his anxiety faded at that suggestion. He drew on gloves and prepared to show the girls how engineers build a snowman. He was just about to heft the body on top of the base when Lia joined them.
“Can I help?”
“Hmm. I don’t know, girls. What do you think?” He was grinning like an idiot because Lia was dressed in boots, puffy coat, and hat that ruined her hair. Janey hated snow and cold weather and couldn’t be convinced to play in the snow if he’d promised her hot chocolate in bed for a week.
“Dad’s an expert at snowmen, Lia,” Olivia informed her. “Just listen to what he says.”
“Oh.” She shot him a look that clearly said, Oh, Really? He just laughed.
They rolled and packed and stacked for the next forty minutes and then a little voice in the doorway broke his focus.
“Dad-dee.”
He spun, found Emmy in Linda’s arms. “Hey, E-Rex. Are you better?” He ran up the porch steps to see for himself.
“Uh-huh,” she said with a single nod.
“High five.”
“No fever, Gabe,” Linda announced. “She wants a snack. I have cookies, but…” She trailed off with a meaningful look and ruffled his hair like a little boy when he caved.
“It’s Christmas. I think cookies are good just for today.”
Chapter Nineteen
When the holidays were over and the girls once again back in their apartment, nobody could stop talking about their new beds. Every time Lia visited Gabriel’s apartment, one of his daughters showed her one of the beds. She had to admit, they were pretty cool.
Lia was currently sitting beside Kimberly on one of the two sofas in what used to be Gabriel’s bedroom, flipping through Pinterest for birthday ideas. Her birthday was just a few weeks away, toward the end of January, and she’d been unable to decide how she wanted to celebrate turning thirteen.
“…I really want to go somewhere super nice, just me and Dad, you know? No sisters, but I’m not into museums like Olivia is and I think thirteen is too old to do kid stuff like bowling, you know?”
“Oh. Um. Sure.”
“I love this!” She showed Lia the image on her screen. Lia examined it, found a complicated hairstyle.
“Oh, so you want to get all dressed up fancy?”
Kimberly nodded. “I do. Is that totally dorky? I mean, he’s my dad, not my boyfriend, but I really want to do that. Dress up, go someplace where they don’t serve you chicken fingers in a basket.”
Lia laughed. “I completely understand.”
“When’s your birthday, Lia?”
“April.”
“Really? So is my dad’s.”
There it was again…that little ping in her heart. She was feeling a lot of them lately.
“Lia, what would your perfect night be?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I kind of like just hanging here with your dad and you.”
“No, seriously. You and Daddy never go out. What if you could have like the most perfect date you could imagine? What would it be?”
Getting into the spirit of things, Lia squished her lips and considered. “Well, I agree with you. It has to be fancy. Dress up in a new dress, new hairstyle, so that you don’t just look pretty, you feel it inside. And go some place where there’s china dishes and too many forks.”
That made Kimberly giggle. “What else?”
“Oh, maybe a limousine to pick us up with champagne in the back. And dancing.”
“Boys don’t like to dance.”
“That’s because few know how. But hey, this is my perfect date, right? So in my mind, your
dad knows how and likes to dance. And he has to dress up, too.”
“Like a suit?”
“Of course.” Lia waved a hand. “Otherwise, what would be the point?”
“What about presents?”
“Something thoughtful and special that I’d keep forever. Oh, wait. This is a date, not my birthday. So no presents—except for flowers.”
“Ooo, a corsage.”
“Perfect!”
“Hey.”
Kimberly and Lia looked up, found Olivia standing in the bedroom doorway.
“Daddy says get your butts to the table or no spaghetti and meatballs for you.”
They’d just sat down when Gabriel’s phone rang. “Sorry, ladies. Duty calls. I’ve got a blocked drain to fix. Eat without me. Lia, you can stay?”
“Of course.”
“See you later.”
“Bye, Dad-dee.” Emmy waved from her high chair.
*
Gabriel didn’t get back until after the girls had gone to bed.
“Hey, sorry. I had to change out the pipe, took forever.” He headed for the kitchen sink, washed his hands. “Girls are asleep already?”
“Yes. I gave Emmy and Maddie baths, but Olivia and Kimberly said they’d shower on their own.”
“You’re amazing.” He took the cover off the pot still on the stove, fixed himself a plate and sat down to eat.
“Gabriel, I know what you can do for Kimberly’s birthday.” She joined him at the table, tablet in hand.
He squeezed his eyes shut. “Okay. I’m ready. Tell me how much this is gonna cost me.”
Lia slid over a list.
“Oh, God, there’s a list?”
“Try to keep an open mind.”
He studied the list. “Open mind, huh? Okay. New dress, made to order? Lia, I can’t—”
“Keep reading.”
“Limo. Hair-do. Fancy restaurant. Suit. Corsage. Jeez, she’s thirteen. What’s she gonna want at sixteen, an orchestra?”
“Now, before you say no, take a look at this.” Lia handed him the tablet, showed him a website that makes custom dresses, tapped the one she’d saved. They discussed it for an hour or so and agreed on a plan.
*
Their carefully considered plans were almost derailed by a blizzard that dumped a foot of snow on the city on Kimberly’s birthday, but Gabriel, fearing that a late outing on a school night would impact the whole household, had promised her a big night on Saturday night. While her father had spent most of that day pushing the snow plow to clear the building’s walkways and stairs, Kimberly fretted about earthquakes or blackouts or some other natural calamity that would force him to cancel.
Lia knew nothing could make Gabriel do that. He appeared to be as excited as his daughter. The new dress he’d ordered was wrapped in a fancy box and currently sitting on Lia’s bed. There was a matching corsage waiting in her kitchen. He asked Lia if she would mind styling Kimberly’s hair, since the salon had unexpectedly closed for the storm. Lia had spent hours that morning watching YouTube video instructions for appropriate up-dos and practiced one soft style on her own hair. Gabriel promised to send Kimberly over at four o’clock. That would give her plenty of time to style his daughter’s hair, help her apply her mascara and lip gloss, and let her unwrap the new dress.
Lia rubbed her hands together. This was so exciting. Oh, she’d have melted into a puddle if her father had ever done something so wonderful for her own birthdays. Her mother had tried to make up for it by planning outrageous birthday parties every year. On her thirteenth birthday, her mother had rented a planetarium and invited Lia’s entire eighth grade class.
She’d been popular that year.
Her sixteenth birthday had been the most elaborate by far. Mom had rented a hall, hired a band who’d actually written a song just for Amelia. There was supposed to be a candle-lighting ceremony where Lia had been expected to honor all the people in her life who mattered, only she told her mother she didn’t have sixteen people to name so she hadn’t done it.
The truth was she didn’t want to include her father but couldn’t speak it out loud.
Lia shook off her depressing thoughts and made sure her phone was charged so she could take lots of pictures for Linda and Stuart.
*
At four o’clock on the dot, a knock sounded on her back door and Lia let an excited Kimberly into her kitchen.
“Dad sent me over. He said you can do my hair for me? And he said there was a surprise?”
Or two or three, Lia thought.
“Yes. Come on. Let’s do your hair first.” Lia took Kimberly into the living room, showed her a few photos on her computer and started arranging Kimberly’s long blonde hair into the style she liked best. It took Lia about half an hour.
“Okay. Finished. Ready to see?”
“Yeah!” Kimberly jumped up, ran to the mirror Lia had near her front door. “Oh my gosh. I look…”
“Grown up.”
“Yeah.” With her eyes shining, Kimberly angled her head this way and that to see her hair from all sides.
“Try this.” Lia opened the door to the closet just beside the front door. On the inside of the door hung a full-length mirror. She held the door so that Kimberly could see her reflection in both mirrors. Lia had woven several tiny braids down the length of Kimberly’s hair, pulled up the rest of her hair into coils, then wound the braids loosely around them. “Do you like it, sweetheart?”
“Oh, Lia, I love it! Thank you so much.”
“Good. But we’re not done yet. Come see.” Lia took her back to the sofa and handed her a package of clips she’d bought just for tonight.
“These are for me?” Kimberly asked, her voice high and breathless. “They’re so pretty.”
Lia opened the package of hairpins, each one studded with a sparkling blue rhinestone. She scattered a bunch throughout Kimberly’s hair.
“The blue looks so pretty.”
“Yes, it does.” Lia stretched. Okay. So far, so good. After hair, she helped Kimberly with makeup and took lots of pictures. “Okay, sweetheart. Ready for your surprise?”
“Another one? I thought the clips were my surprise.”
Lia’s heart swelled. This child of Gabriel’s was sweetness itself.
“Come upstairs to my room.”
Kimberly gasped out loud when she saw the large box on Lia’s bed. “Is this…oh, wow. It is. It’s a new dress, isn’t it?” she asked on a squeal.
“Open it.”
Lia switched her phone to video mode and recorded Kimberly’s face when she undid the ribbon and opened the lid. Nestled inside layers of delicate tissue paper, a dress in navy blue waited for her. Crystals and rhinestones caught the light and the chiffon skirt fluttered softly as she lifted it from the box.
“It’s…it’s the most amazing dress I’ve ever seen! I hope it fits. Oh, God. What if it doesn’t fit?” Pure torture crossed her face and Lia assured her it would fit.
“Remember when I measured you? This was why. The dress was made just for you. It’ll fit.”
Kimberly bounced on her toes and kicked off her sneakers. “Can I put it on right now?”
Lia stopped recording and helped Kimberly put on the dress, tying the sash in a large bow in the back. She started recording when the young girl examined herself in Lia’s mirror.
“I look like another me,” she whispered.
Another me, Lia repeated silently and her heart twisted a little. She remembered that feeling. The glimpse of the woman every little girl can’t wait to become. Again, Lia ruthlessly shoved aside sad thoughts and helped Kimberly with her hosiery and finally, accessories.
“These are mine, too?” She ran her fingertips over a small black velvet evening bag and a pair of black velvet pumps with kitten heels. The shoes had little bows on the toes. “Oh my gosh, Lia. This is…is this so awesomely cool and amazing!”
“The little handbag is my gift to you. Everything else is all your dad, Kimberly.”
br /> Her lip wobbled and her eyes began to water.
Lia grabbed some tissues. “Don’t do that. Your mascara will run. Here. Put some in your bag.” She handed her a stack of tissues. “And your lip gloss. Oh, one more thing. Where are you in your cycle? Should we put in a tampon, just in case?”
Kimberly shook her head. “No, I have another week, at least. I’ve been counting, just like you showed me.”
“Good girl.”
Lia’s phone buzzed. “That’s your dad, wondering if you’re ready.” She texted back. “I told him to come on over now.”
“Lia, thank you for watching my sisters tonight. And for all of this. Dad’s not going to believe it’s me.” Kimberly bit her lip for a moment and then rolled her eyes. “He’s probably gonna get all tough when he sees me just like he always does. He thinks nobody’ll see what he really feels inside.”
Wasn’t that some keen insight from a girl hardly thirteen years old? “What do you think he really feels inside?”
“Oh, you know. He’s proud of me. Of all of us, really. And he wishes my mom were here to see us. And he can’t believe how big we’re getting. Stuff like that.”
A knock sounded on the door downstairs. Kimberly leaped up but Lia held her back. “No, no, no. You wait right here. You have to make a grand entrance.”
Giggling, Kimberly agreed.
Downstairs, Lia opened the door and gasped.
Gabriel Ivers was made to wear a suit.
Tall, lean but broad across the shoulders, he stole her breath. He’d shaved, done something to his hair, and smelled absolutely intoxicating. “You…you…oh, wow.”
“Yeah, I know. I look hot.” He stepped inside and grinned. “Olivia’s watching the two wild ones so get over there as soon as you can so I don’t have a heart attack before we get to the restaurant.”
“I will.” She went to the refrigerator, took out the corsage box. “Here you go.”
“Thanks. Does she like the dress?”
“Loves it.”
“Well? Where is she?”
Smiling, Lia again aimed her phone and started recording. “Okay, Kimberly. Your dad is here!” she called.
She kept the phone focused on Gabe’s face while Kimberly slowly walked down the stairs. When his jaw dropped and his eyes went wide, she knew he was pleased. Then he pressed a hand to his mouth and blinked rapidly. That’s when she knew he was showing exactly what he felt.