‘I know. It’s a real bummer,’ I said lightly. This was a term Alex had brought home from school and I didn’t normally use. He managed a small smile. And of course if all went to plan and Alex was adopted by Gwen and Gareth, he wouldn’t have the disruption or stigma of social worker visits, LAC reviews or any of the other intrusions that are part of a child in care’s life, although I couldn’t tell him that now.
Once home I told Adrian and Paula that Debbie was coming (‘Yes – again’) and I would be spending time with her and Alex in the living room while they played nicely at the table. Alex sat with them, playing with the activities until the doorbell rang.
‘That’ll be Debbie,’ I said. ‘You’ll be able to play again later, after she’s gone.’
I let Debbie in and showed her through to where the children were. She said hello and then Alex took quite a bit of persuading before he stopped playing and came with Debbie and me into the living room, where she sat on the sofa beside him.
‘I’ve had a very special meeting today,’ she began with a big smile. ‘I met two wonderful foster carers called Gwen and Gareth who want to look after you.’ Alex glanced at me and I felt guilty. He knew I’d been to a meeting today, but I hadn’t told him what it was for, and now he’d made the connection. It felt as if I’d been part of a conspiracy against him.
‘Gwen and Gareth live in H—, which isn’t far away,’ Debbie continued enthusiastically. ‘They have three teenage children: two boys and a girl. They also have a dog, a cat and a rabbit. Isn’t that fantastic? They’ve sent some photographs just for you.’ She took the album from her bag. Alex sat impassively, his hands in his lap and his face expressionless. Debbie set the album between them and opened it to the first page. ‘Here they are,’ she said brightly. ‘There’s Gwen and Gareth. That’s Mark, Taylor and Kaylee, and that’s their dog, Rupert.’ The first picture showed them standing at the front of their house with the door open behind them, smiling and ready to welcome Alex in. It was a similar shot to the one at the beginning of Rosemary and Edward’s album – not coincidence; standard guidelines are given when preparing these albums as part of a child’s move to permanency. It crossed my mind that I hadn’t seen Rosemary and Edward’s album since Alex had returned to me. I supposed, not wanting it, he’d left it with them.
‘Here is the living room,’ Debbie continued enthusiastically, turning the pages. ‘The house looks very cosy, doesn’t it? And there’s Mark again. He’s playing on his PlayStation and giving you the thumbs-up sign.’
And so Debbie continued the picture tour of the house. I watched Alex’s expression, just as I had done when I’d shown him Rosemary and Edward’s album. Then he’d been very excited, but now he maintained a passive indifference to the photographs and Debbie’s commentary. His gaze was on the pictures, but he could have been looking at a pile of bricks for all the interest or emotion he showed.
The tour went into their back garden with a photograph of their rabbit, Flopsy, sitting in her hutch. Then back into the house and upstairs, into the bathroom, other bedrooms, and finishing with what should have been the grand finale – Alex’s room.
‘Well, what do you think?’ Debbie asked brightly, the album open at the page showing his bedroom. It wasn’t as large or as lavishly furnished as his room had been at Rosemary and Edward’s, but it was comfortable and decorated appropriately for a boy of seven. ‘It’s a nice house, isn’t it? And they’re a lovely family,’ Debbie said. She paused and looked at him, waiting for feedback.
‘Can I go now?’ he asked sullenly.
‘Alex, Debbie is talking to you,’ I lightly chastised.
‘I know this is difficult,’ Debbie said to him. ‘But they are really lovely people who are so looking forward to meeting you. This is the long-term family I told you we were looking for. I am sure you will be happy with them.’ I half expected him to say, ‘You said that last time,’ but he remained silent, head down and now looking at the carpet.
‘Is there anything you want to ask me?’ Debbie said. Alex shook his head. ‘I know there’s a lot to think about, so when you’re ready and have some questions you can ask Cathy or me. The album is yours. They made it especially for you.’ She placed it squarely on his lap.
‘No, thank you,’ he said, and placed it firmly back on her lap. ‘Can I go now?’
She looked a little disappointed, although I’d have been more surprised if he’d welcomed all of this with the same unbridled enthusiasm he’d shown the last time.
‘Yes, you can go now,’ Debbie said. ‘We’ll talk again soon, and remember to ask Cathy if you have any questions.’
Alex stood and left the room in silence. I heard him go upstairs to his room.
‘He’ll need time to adjust,’ Debbie said.
‘Yes,’ I agreed. ‘I’ll do what I can.’
‘Well, I don’t think there’s anything else. I’ll phone you the day after tomorrow to see how the telephone call tomorrow evening has gone.’
I saw her to the front door, and then after she’d left I checked on Adrian and Paula and then went up to Alex’s room. His door was ajar so I gave a small knock and went in. He was sitting on the edge of his bed cuddling Simba. He wasn’t crying or angry, just sitting there, holding his soft toy and gently rocking. I went over and sat next to him. We were silent for a few moments.
‘Can you tell me what you’re thinking?’ I asked gently. He shrugged. ‘I expect you’re thinking lots of different things and some of them are very confusing. I know I did when I first heard Debbie had found you a new family. One of the thoughts I had was that you’d have to move again, which didn’t seem fair after all the other moves you’ve had already. But then part of me thought the family sounded nice, and different from Edward and Rosemary in many ways. I liked that Gwen and Gareth have been fostering for a long time and the children have stayed with them.’ I hoped that by acknowledging my conflict of feelings and emotions it might help Alex to deal with his, although I purposely didn’t mention that Mark, Taylor and Kaylee had been adopted, and Debbie hadn’t mentioned it either. Adoption was still a very raw subject for Alex. He’d stopped rocking now and had slightly loosened his grip on Simba.
‘I tried to keep an open mind for when I met them,’ I continued. ‘But part of me said I wouldn’t like them. I didn’t want to like them. Yet as soon as I walked into the meeting this morning I knew straight away they were good, kind people. Sometimes you can just tell. Then, when they started talking about their children and that they wanted you to be part of their family, I felt really good about them. I know this is a lot for you to take in and you need time. But when you’re ready we can have a look at the photographs together and I’ll tell you more about them. Is there anything you want to ask now?’ He shook his head. ‘OK, let me know when you think of something, but for now I want you to come downstairs. I don’t want you sitting up here alone, and I need to start making dinner. You can carry on playing with Adrian and Paula.’
We both stood. Alex set Simba on his pillow and then came with me downstairs. He quietly joined Adrian and Paula at the table and continued with the puzzle he’d been doing before Debbie’s visit. About ten minutes later Adrian asked if they could watch some television, and I went with them into the living room where I switched on the television and checked that what was showing was suitable for all three of them. The photograph album was where Debbie had left it on the coffee table. ‘Is that Alex’s?’ Paula asked.
‘Yes,’ I said.
‘Can I look at it?’
‘Not until Alex is ready to show you,’ I said, glancing at Alex. He kept his gaze on the television screen.
‘Can I look at the other one?’ she asked, meaning the one from Edward and Rosemary.
‘I haven’t got it,’ Alex said, without turning. ‘Rosemary kept it. She said I wouldn’t want reminders of them.’ Which was probably true, although something would have to be included in Alex’s Life Story Book; those two weeks couldn’t just be igno
red.
The children watched television, then we ate, and after dinner we went into the living room where I heard Adrian and Alex read. The photograph album remained untouched on the coffee table and did so for the rest of the evening. It seemed to loom at me like a beacon, warning of all that lay ahead. I wasn’t going to mention the album again to Alex – only when he was ready. But neither was I going to put it away. The album was his, and it was the first step in acknowledging his new family and preparing himself for meeting them and eventually moving in.
Chapter Twenty
Not Mum and Dad
The following day, after dinner, I reminded Alex that Gwen and Gareth would be phoning at around 6.30. I hadn’t told him the whole timetable of introduction as I had before, as it would have been too much for him to cope with all at once. I was taking it a stage at a time and had said only that Gwen and Gareth would be telephoning this evening and visiting the following evening. He was still ignoring the photograph album.
‘I’m not talking to them,’ he said with scowl.
‘That’s a pity,’ I said. ‘They’re phoning especially to speak to you.’
‘Don’t care,’ he said with an even bigger scowl. After a restless night, Alex had been ‘a little grumpy’, as his teacher had put it, but she appreciated that he had a lot on his mind and had excused his behaviour.
We were all in the living room at 6.30 when the call came. I was reading Paula a story and the boys, having done their homework, were on the floor assembling a construction kit.
‘I expect that’s Gwen and Gareth,’ I said brightly, and picked up the handset from the corner table. ‘Hello?’
‘Cathy, Gwen here. How are you?’
‘Very well, thanks, and you?’
‘We’ve had a good day. Lovely to see the sun. It’s got real warmth in it.’
‘Yes, it’s been a beautiful day,’ I said. ‘I managed to do a bit of gardening this afternoon.’
We continued chatting generally for a few minutes. As an experienced foster carer Gwen appreciated that it was important for Alex to see us getting along, as it gave her the stamp of approval.
‘How was Alex after Debbie’s visit?’ Gwen asked. ‘Not rushing to meet us, I bet.’
I laughed. ‘Not yet. Alex is just in front of me making a fantastic bridge out of the construction kit.’ Both boys looked over.
‘Great. Does he feel up to talking to me?’
‘I hope so.’ I lowered the handset slightly and said, ‘Alex, Gwen would like to speak to you.’
He shook his head and kept his gaze down. ‘She’s telephoned especially to say hello to you,’ I said.
‘I’m not talking to her,’ he replied grumpily.
‘It would be nice if you could just say hi,’ I said. Gwen could hear what we were saying. ‘Oh well, if you’re not going to talk to her, I will.’
‘Can I talk to Gwen?’ Paula asked. I heard Gwen chuckle.
Strictly, this call was specifically for Alex, but I thought a bit of child psychology wouldn’t go amiss. Children often want what is coveted by other children.
‘Gwen,’ I said, raising the handset to my ear again. ‘Would you like a quick chat with Paula until Alex is ready to talk?’
‘Yes, of course. Put her on.’ I could hear the smile in her voice.
I passed the handset to Paula, who held it a little away from her ear so she could share the call with me. ‘Hello,’ she said in a small, shy voice.
‘Hello, pet. How are you?’
‘I’m fine, thanks,’ Paula said quietly.
‘What have you been doing today?’
‘I’ve been to nursery.’
‘Fantastic. What did you do there?’
‘I painted a picture of Mummy, and we had a drink and sang some songs.’ I saw Alex look over, his interest piqued.
‘That sounds good,’ Gwen said enthusiastically. ‘Can you sing a song for me?’
Shyness got the better of Paula and, after saying a quick goodbye, she returned the phone to me.
Gwen chuckled. ‘She sounds a darling.’
‘She has her moments,’ I said. ‘I wonder who is going to speak to you next … Adrian or Alex?’
I knew Adrian wouldn’t have much desire to make small talk with a grown-up he hadn’t even met, but the suggestion that he might was all that was needed.
‘I will,’ Alex said, standing. ‘It’s my turn.’
‘Well done,’ Gwen said to me down the phone.
Alex came over and sat beside me. I passed him the phone and then I continued quietly looking at a book with Paula. I didn’t want him to feel he was on show.
‘Hello,’ he said in a subdued voice.
I couldn’t hear Gwen, but I knew that with all her fostering experience whatever she said would be right and designed to put Alex at ease. Alex said a few yeses and nos in reply to Gwen’s questions, then she must have asked him about the construction set, as he explained that the bolts needed to be tightened with the spanner in the kit. Then there was a pause and Alex said hello again, so I guessed Gwen had passed the phone to Gareth. Alex answered a few questions about the bridge he was making and then said goodbye.
‘Well done,’ I said as he handed back the phone. He returned to sit on the floor beside Adrian and resumed playing.
‘He did just fine,’ Gwen said as I took up the call. ‘He managed to speak to Gareth as well.’
‘Excellent.’ I could see from Alex’s expression and body language that he was more relaxed now, probably relieved at having overcome the first hurdle. ‘So we’ll see you tomorrow then,’ I said to Gwen.
‘Cathy, before you go would you mind saying hello to Kaylee? She’s beside me now and really wants to talk to you. She’s like a big kid, really,’ Gwen added affectionately.
‘Yes, I’d be happy to.’
There was a pause as Gwen passed the phone to Kaylee and I heard Gwen say, ‘Now, not too long, Cathy has things to do too.’
After a moment a small, measured voice said carefully, ‘Hello, my name Kaylee.’
‘Hello, Kaylee, I’m Cathy. How are you?’
There was another pause before she answered – characteristic of many young people with learning disabilities as she thought of her reply. ‘Well. How are you?’
‘Very well, thank you. What have you been doing?’
‘Playing Flopsy.’
‘You’ve been playing with your rabbit?’
‘Yes. You friend Mummy?’ she asked.
‘Yes, I am.’
People with Down’s syndrome often talk in short ‘telegraphic’ sentences, leaving out conjunctions and prepositions, and relying on nouns and verbs, which can make understanding them difficult. However, I had no problem in understanding what Kaylee told me next and it brought tears to my eyes.
‘I have two mummies,’ she said. ‘Both love me. I live with Mummy Gwen. My other mummy in heaven.’
I swallowed hard. ‘You must have been sad when your first mummy left you, but Mummy Gwen is a wonderful mummy.’
‘Yes. Love her much.’ Stated so simply, but with such warmth and depth that my eyes filled again.
‘I am sure you do, and she loves you very much too. I know she is very proud of you.’ I saw Alex steal a glance at me.
Then I heard Gwen prompt Kaylee – ‘Say goodbye now, love.’
‘Goodbye,’ Kaylee said obediently.
‘Goodbye. It’s been nice talking to you.’
‘Nice talking to you,’ she repeated. Then Gwen came back on the phone.
‘Thanks, Cathy. She’d talk all night given the chance.’
‘She sounds delightful.’
‘Yes, she’s a good kid. She brings us so much happiness. They all do. The boys are very protective of her.’ Which sealed in my mind just what a loving and caring family they were.
We confirmed arrangements for their visit the following evening and said goodbye. As I replaced the handset Alex asked, ‘Who were you talking to?’
&
nbsp; ‘Kaylee, one of Gwen and Gareth’s children. There’s a photograph of her in the album. Shall I show you?’ Alex shook his head.
I finished reading Paula her story and then left the boys playing while I took her up to bed. When I came down again to my surprise and delight Alex and Adrian were sitting side by side on the sofa with the photograph album open on Alex’s lap. He was turning the pages as Adrian read out the captions beneath. I didn’t comment but sat down and picked up a form I’d been meaning to complete all day. When they got to the end Alex closed the album and returned it to the table.
The boys continued playing until it was their bedtime. I took Alex up first as usual, and as he said goodnight to Adrian he picked up the album and tucked it under his arm. He took it up to his room, where he placed it under the bed. A very positive sign, I thought. Once he was in bed and I was tucking him in, I said lightly, ‘If you have any questions about Gwen and Gareth and their family then do ask me.’ That was all I said. I wasn’t going to start telling Alex what a wonderful family they were – he’d heard all that before in respect of Rosemary and Edward, and it would have sounded hollow now. I hoped that in time, once he met them, he would gradually warm to them.
Alex slept well and the following morning I anticipated building on the positive end to the day before. However, when I went into his bedroom to wake him he was already wide awake, sitting up in bed with the photograph album open on his lap. But I knew straight away he wasn’t happy; his face was pinched and white.
‘They’re lying!’ he said, glaring at me. ‘They’re lying like the others did.’
‘What ever do you mean?’ I went over. ‘Who’s lying? About what?’ I perched on the edge of his bed.
‘They are,’ he said, agitatedly flipping over the pages in the album. He was going forwards and backwards as though looking for something. ‘Debbie said they had a cat, but there isn’t a cat here. They’re liars like the others.’
‘You mean because their cat isn’t in the photographs you think they haven’t got one?’ He nodded and brusquely turned another page.