I frantically shook my head. “You don’t understand. I’ve done something terrible and I feel so . . . so guilty. So . . . dirty.”
Her eyes widened in horror. “Wh-what did you do?”
“After I talked to Granddad and quit, I met Mr. Burns for lunch.”
Narrowing her eyes, she asked, “Who is Mr. Burns?”
“Clark. His name is Clark and he is a VP in accounting. He’s about three or four years older than me and he has been flirting with me since I started. We had lunch and I came back to the office and packed up my desk. When I was leaving, I ran into him again and we made plans for dinner.”
Burying my face in my hands, I started crying again while my stomach cramped. Placing her arm around me, my mother held me close to her. “Go on, Taylor.”
I could hear how tense her voice was. “We went to dinner and I asked him back to my apartment and we slept together. I thought if I just had sex with someone else, I’d prove to myself I was over Jase and that I could move on. When he got up and went into the restroom, I cried.”
“Did he force you to do anything you didn’t want to do?”
Gasping, I lifted my head and looked at her. “No! I was the one who asked him to my apartment and flirted endlessly with him. I came on to him and . . . and now . . .” My voice trembled as I wiped my tears away. “And now I’d give anything to have Jase standing in front of me again so I could have a do-over. Oh, Mom. Wh-what did I do? I didn’t want to be with anyone but Jase! Why did I do that? I’m nothing but a whore.”
Her mouth dropped open as she pushed me back at arm’s length. “Do not ever say that again. Please, Taylor. You’re not the first woman to seduce a man and have sex with him. Did you use protection?”
My heart dropped at the idea.
“Yes! Of course I did.”
She closed her eyes and spoke under her breath. “Thank God.”
“What about Jase? I told him to leave when he asked for another chance. He told me he loved me and I never said it back. I’ve lost him forever. And to make matters worse, I went off and slept with another man.”
I’d never felt my heart ache like it was. I was beginning to believe a broken heart was not just a metaphor. The thought of Jase being out of my life forever made me physically sick.
“What you need to do is take a break. You’ve been working too hard and you need some time off to figure out what you want to do. Spend some time with the girls. I know Meagan would love to see you, especially with the twins. Why don’t you go and spend a few days there? I’m sure she could use the help.”
Wiping under my nose, I nodded. “That’s a good idea. I’ve got most of my apartment in Austin packed up and ready to move. A few days with Meagan and the twins is just what I need.”
My mother smiled and nodded. “Everything will be much clearer when you have some time to yourself. You’ll see.”
A part of me instantly felt relieved to have gotten what happened with Jase and Clark off my chest. Being able to share it with my mother and have her offer advice was something I was grateful for. I hoped to have such a relationship like ours someday if I ever had a daughter.
Returning her smile, I agreed. If only I believed everything would be clearer. Nothing would ever be able to erase the memory of Clark’s touch and how I had tried hard not to let it make my skin crawl.
Nothing.
Taylor
I wrapped the blanket closer around me as I watched the sun slowly dip below the horizon. Taking in a deep breath, I let the clean crisp air filter through my nose.
“Arabella and Charlotte are finally both asleep.”
Glancing up, I smiled. “Meg, you’re such an amazing mom.”
“I’m a tired one that’s for sure,” Meagan said as she sank down in the chair next to me. “It’s getting colder out here. The front must be moving in earlier than they thought.”
I nodded and looked back out to the orange and pink sky. “I can’t believe Christmas is in a few days.”
“Yeah, I know. I think we might have gone overboard with presents for the twins. Gray especially.”
I giggled and shook my head. “They’ll never know.”
“So, are we going to make small talk or are you going to tell me what is bothering you. You’ve been in such a funk the last few weeks and I don’t know why.”
“I’m sorry I’m not much company.”
“Tay, if you really think I’m worried about you entertaining me then you are very wrong. I’m worried. The last two days you’ve been walking around like you’ve lost everything.”
My eyes closed as I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I have, Meg.”
“Bullshit. Lauren told me she offered you a job. Why haven’t you taken her up on it, or at the very least gone and talked to her and Scott?”
Inhaling a slow breath through my nose, I opened my eyes. “I told her tonight I’d stop by tomorrow and talk to them.”
“Good. You need to stop pouting. So you quit your job and slept with a guy. It’s not like you cheated on anyone. You think you’re the first person to ever have sex and regret it? My God, I could fill your head with tales.”
Her words slowly started to fade as I got lost in the memory of Jase’s eyes as he said goodbye to me. Every time I’d tried to think of Paris an image of Clark would pop into my mind.
“Are you even listening to me?”
“Yep.”
With a sigh, Meagan asked, “What did I say then?”
“I’m not the only person to have meaningless sex and I need to get over it.”
With a wide smile, she stared at me. “I said a lot more than that. Have you called him? Tried to text him?”
Shrugging, I asked, “What good would it do me? I told him to leave and then I slept with another guy. I’m no better than what I accused him of.”
“Oh, for the love of Pete.” Meagan stood up and glared at me. “Taylor, I never in my life thought I would see the day when you would be sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. You had a brief moment of standing up for yourself and having the balls to live life and now you regret it. Well tough shit. You told him to leave, you sought out another man, fucked him, and woke up the next morning regretting it. Welcome to the real world. Daddy is no longer sheltering you, so get the fuck over it. Now, it’s time to pull those big girl panties up again and stop sulking. You’re either going to call him or you’re going to move on with your life. Either way, you better snap the hell out of it by the time Christmas comes.”
And just like that, she stormed off into the house . . . leaving me sitting there with her words screaming in my head. Turning my attention to the red sky, I slowly shook my head. “Damn her,” I whispered. Knowing she was right.
After taking a horseback ride around the ranch with Lauren, Colt, and Scott, we headed back to the house. Lauren and Colt hadn’t shared their news with anyone yet and I knew they were bursting at the seams to do so.
Walking into the house, Jessie greeted us with a buffet spread of food. “Y’all are back just in time.”
Inhaling the heavenly scent, I moaned. “My goodness that smells good.”
“Take the job and you’ll eat like this every day,” Lauren whispered in my ear.
With a smirk, I looked over to Colt who was totally lost in the sea of food.
“Colt, why don’t you open a bottle of wine and pour each of us a glass,” Jessie said.
I froze, alongside Colt and Lauren. Jessie glanced up and looked at each of us. “Is something wrong?”
Lauren stumbled over her words. “Um . . . well . . . I um . . .”
Clearing my throat, I looked at Lauren and then Jessie. “I’ve stopped drinking . . . wine and beer and all that stuff; you know it’s bad for you and . . . all that stuff.”
Ugh.
I moaned internally. I never was a good liar.
Jessie arched a brow. “Really? Why?”
“Well . . . ah . . . I um . . . I got really drunk and did something stup
id. So I gave it up.”
Crossing her arms over her chest, Jessie peered at me as if she could see through the lies. All the lies that were about to pile up one on top of each other. “I know, hard to believe, but there it is. It was . . . um . . . illegal.”
“Illegal?”
Colt groaned behind me as he sunk down into a chair. “Uh-huh,” I mumbled.
“Wow. This is a whole new side of you, Taylor. I’m not sure about hiring you if you’ve done something illegal.”
Oh damn. I stuck my foot in my mouth.
“Well, I mean it wasn’t really illegal-illegal. It was just . . . you know.”
Scott stood next to Jessie and smiled. “No, I don’t think we know. Why don’t you tell us?”
“Tell you? You mean tell you what I did that wasn’t illegal but was?”
For goodness sakes. Even I thought I sounded crazy.
I could tell Scott was trying to hold back his smile as he and Jessie both attempted to stare me down.
“Well . . . if you’re sure you want to know,” I mumbled as I glanced at Lauren.
“Oh . . . we want to know. Don’t we, Jessie?”
Jessie chuckled. “More than you could imagine.”
Swallowing hard, I tried to think of something. Panic was building and I was about to blurt out I slept with a practical stranger.
“I . . . I slept with—”
“I’m pregnant!” Lauren called out.
Jessie and Scott both turned and looked at her with disbelieving faces. “What did you say?” Jessie asked.
Lauren looked at Colt who stood and made his way over to her where he lovingly placed his hand over her stomach. “We weren’t going to say anything until after Christmas, but Lauren is two months pregnant.”
Jessie quickly made her way over to Lauren and wrapped her in her arms. My heart was bubbling over with happiness while I watched them both start crying. I was so happy for my best friend, yet a small part of me was jealous. I excused myself and headed outside.
Taking in a deep breath, I let the smells of the ranch take over. There was something about the smell of horse manure that I had always loved. I hadn’t realized how much I missed being in the country.
I strolled down to the barn and walked up to a paint horse who was begging for some attention.
“Hey there, beautiful girl.” Running my hand down her strong neck, I closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind. The horse made it clear she wanted something more from me as she nickered. Looking at her, I laughed.
“Do you want to go for a ride, girl?”
“Tay? Is everything okay?”
Glancing over my shoulder, I smiled at Lauren. “Yes. I wanted to give y’all some privacy. Are they happy?”
Lauren chuckled as she nodded. “Very happy.”
“I’m so happy for you both; I hope you know that.”
“I do, but I’d really wish you would tell me what’s wrong. You seem so unhappy.”
With a weak smile, I turned back to the horse and gently stroked her neck. “I’m feeling a bit . . . lost right now.”
She sat down on the hay bale next to me. “Want to talk about it?”
With a quiet voice, I replied, “I sometimes think what happened in Paris with Jase was a dream. Like it never happened.”
“Why?”
My shoulders dropped as I wiped at my nose. “Because for a few hours I felt the happiest I’d ever felt.”
“Maybe you should call Jase.”
Shaking my head, I tried to ignore the ache in my chest. “It’s too late. I told him to leave and then I slept with Clark. That’s such a stupid name. Why in the hell would I have sex with a guy with the name Clark?”
“So what if you slept with him, Taylor? It’s not like you cheated on Jase. Besides, how many girls do you think he’s been with since Paris?”
My eyes snapped down to her. “Thanks, Lauren. That makes me feel so much better.”
Her face fell as she whispered, “I’m sorry.”
“I feel like I’m so lost right now, and that alone throws me off even more. I’ve always had it so together. The one who knew what she wanted in life. I was never going to settle for any guy, and I certainly wasn’t going to have meaningless sex.”
Breaking down, I buried my face in my hands. Lauren jumped up and engulfed me in her arms.
“Taylor, you made a mistake. You thought by sleeping with Clark you’d be able to prove something to yourself and maybe you did.”
I shook my head and pulled back. “What though? I have no clue what I was trying to prove. That I could do it? That I could stand up for myself and leave my job. That I could attract a guy into my bed and hopefully if Jase ever found out he’d be sorry he ever left me that day in Paris.”
“Yes. I believe that last part is exactly what you wanted.”
My shoulders slumped as I let out an exasperated breath. “I’m such an idiot. I gave up everything I wanted in one day.” Lifting my hand, I snapped my fingers. “Just like that. Gone.”
“No, that’s not true. We’re serious about you coming to work here. I really think with your help we can truly get a better handle on the finances. You’d be invaluable with analyzing everything from the supplies we use to the rate we pay for the studs. Think about it, Tay. Daddy was impressed with the suggestions you made earlier just after looking through the inventory of the cleaning supplies!”
With a small chuckle, I nodded. “I think if you looked at all the suppliers, you’d be able to cut the costs by half.”
“See! You could stay in the hunter’s cabin and have a place all to yourself. It’s been remodeled and sits empty.”
With a deep breath in, I slowly blew it out. I knew she was right. This was exactly what I needed. “To starting over?”
Lauren flashed me the biggest grin I’d ever seen. “Oh my glitter! We’re going to work together!”
With a smile of my own, I squeezed her hands and said, “We’re going to work together.”
“And you never know when fate will step in again, Taylor. She seems to do that a lot with you and Jase.”
Trying to stay positive, I nodded and smiled a bit bigger. “Yeah, she does. Here’s hoping she doesn’t let me down.”
Jase
“Jase, I need to take a trip into Mason. You want to go?”
Glancing over my shoulder, I looked at my brother-in-law, Walker. “What for?”
“There’s a breeder there Dad has worked with in the past. I want to look into using him.”
Dropping the brush into the bucket, I stepped out of the stall and wiped my hands on my jeans. “You gonna breed Lady?”
With a bright-eyed smile, he nodded his head. “I think so. There’s something about that horse. I feel like with the right match, we could have a good racehorse on our hands. This Scott guy dabbles in racing as well. He told me he has the perfect stud.
Sighing, I shook my head. “I don’t know. Isn’t your prodigal sister coming in this afternoon?”
“So? My parents are picking Ava up.”
With a short chuckle, I grabbed my cowboy hat and motioned for him to lead the way.
“Did Ava mention if she was coming back for good or just for Christmas?”
Walker laughed. “If I know my sister . . . she’s fixin’ to drop some kind of bombshell that will rock my father’s world.”
“Damn if that ain’t the truth.”
The drive to Mason wasn’t a long one and we sat in silence most of the trip. “You gonna tell me what happened when you went to see that girl?”
“Her name is Taylor, and no . . . I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Fair enough.”
We drove another few miles in silence.
“I don’t understand women at all,” I blurted out.
“Join the club.”
My hand rubbed the back of my neck as I let out a frustrated breath. “I mean . . . I made a mistake and I tried to tell her that. I acted like an asshole and I fully admitt
ed to it. She knows I love her and I know she loves me.”
“But?”
“She’s angry and punishing me.”
Walker let out a roar of laughter. “You think she is punishing you? Why?”
“I asked her for a second chance and she told me to leave. Made it seem like she didn’t love me. Then she tried to prove it to herself.”
Walker turned his attention to me and asked, “How?”
“She slept with some asshole she worked with.”
“Damn. Did she tell you that?”
My body tensed as the memory came back. Fisting my hands, I looked out the window. “No. I waited outside her apartment and saw her coming home with him. He went up and never came back down until late in the middle of the night.”
“How do you know?”
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to admit to Walker I had sat in my truck all night watching Taylor’s place. Swallowing hard, I stared out the passenger window.
“Holy shit. You stalked her.”
My head turned to look at him. “I didn’t stalk her, you dickhead. I sat in my truck all night and just watched her apartment.”
Walker pinched his brows together. “You stalked her.”
“Whatever. Call it what you want. The point is she slept with him and I know she regrets it.”
Walker pulled over to the side of the road and put the truck in park. “And how in the world do you know she regrets it?”
“After the guy left I stayed there for a while. Taylor opened her balcony door and sat out there for a bit and she . . . well . . . she cried the entire time. I wanted so badly to go to her.”
“Dude, why didn’t you?”
With a shrug of my shoulders, I replied, “I don’t know. She told me to leave and the last thing I wanted her to find out was that I had spent the night outside her apartment.”
“Stalking her.”
Clenching my teeth, I rolled my eyes. “I wasn’t stalking her!”
Maybe I was a little.
“Have you called her since?”
“Nah . . . I figured if she really wanted to talk to me she’d call. I’m always the one calling her and it’s clear she wants to move on.”