Rabbit’s heart rises in his chest. He cruises the road, surveying the neighboring mailboxes; but Ruth gave him, when he once met her by accident in downtown Brewer a dozen years ago, no clue to her new name, and the girl a month ago refused to write hers in his showroom ledger. All he has to go by, other than Nunemacher’s being his daughter’s neighbor, if she is his daughter, is Ruth’s mentioning that her husband besides being a farmer ran a fleet of school buses. He was older than she and should be dead now, Harry figures. The school buses would be gone. The mailboxes along this length of road say BLANKENBILLER, MUTH, and BYER. It is not easy to match the names with the places, as glimpsed in their hollows, amid their trees, at the end of their lanes of grass and dirt. He feels conspicuous, gliding along in a magenta Caprice, though no other soul emerges from the wide landscape to observe him. The thickwalled houses hold their inhabitants in, this hazy mid-afternoon too `hot for work. Harry drives down a lane at random and stops and backs around in the beaten, rutted space between the buildings while some pigs he passed in their pen set up a commotion of snorting and a fat woman in an apron comes out of a door of the house. She is shorter than Ruth and younger than Ruth would be now, with black hair pulled tight beneath a Mennonite cap. He waves and keeps going. This was the Blankenbillers, he sees by the mailbox as he pulls onto the road again.
The other two places are nearer the road and he thinks he might get closer on foot. He parks on a widened stretch of shoulder, packed earth scored by the herringbone of tractor tire treads. When he gets out of the car, the powerful sweetish stench of the Blankenbillers’ pigsty greets him from a distance, and what had seemed to be silence settles into his ear as a steady dry hum of insects, an undercoat to the landscape. The flowering weeds of mid-summer, daisies and Queen Anne’s lace and chicory, thrive at the side of the road and tap his pants legs as he hops up onto the bank. In his beige summerweight salesman’s suit he prowls behind a hedgerow of sumac and black gum and wild cherry overgrown with poison ivy, shining leaves of it big as valentines and its vines having climbed to the tips of strangled trees. The roughly shaped sandstones of a tumbled old wall lie within this hedgerow, hardly one upon another. At a gap where wheeled vehicles have been driven through he stands surveying the cluster of buildings below him - barn and house, asbestos-sided chicken house and slat-sided corn crib, both disused, and a newish building of cement-block with a roof of corrugated overlapped Fiberglas. Some kind of garage, it looks like. On the house roof has been mounted a copper lightning rod oxidized green and an H-shaped television aerial, very tall to catch the signals out here. Harry means only to survey, to relate this layout to the Nunemacher spread across the next shaggy rise, but a soft clinking arising from somewhere amid the buildings, and the ripples a little runnel makes pouring itself into a small pond perhaps once for ducks, and an innocent clutter of old tractor seats and axles and a rusted iron trough in a neglected patch between the woodpile and the mowed yard lure him downward like a species of music while he chums in his head the story he will tell if approached and challenged. This soft dishevelled farm feels like a woman’s farm, in need of help. An unreasonable expectancy brings his heart up to the pitch of the surrounding insect-hum.
Then he sees it, behind the barn, where the woods are encroaching upon what had once been a cleared space, sumac and cedar in the lead: the tilted yellow shell of a school bus. Its wheels and windows are gone and the snub hood of its cab has been torn away to reveal a hollow space where an engine was cannibalized; but like a sunken galleon it testifies to an empire, a fleet of buses whose proprietor has died, his widow left with an illegitimate daughter to raise. The land under Rabbit seems to move, with the addition of yet another citizen to the subterrain of the dead.
Harry stands in what once had been an orchard, where even now lopsided apple and pear trees send up sprays of new shoots from their gutted trunks. Though the sun burns, wetness at the root of the orchard grass has soaked his suede shoes. If he ventures a few steps farther he will be in the open and liable to be spotted from the house windows. There are voices within the house he can hear now, though they have the dim steady rumble that belongs to voices on radio or television. A few steps farther, he could distinguish these voices. A few steps farther still, he will be on the lawn, beside a plaster birdbath balanced off-center on a pillar of blue-tinted fluting, and then he will be committed to stride up bravely, put his foot on the low cement porch, and knock. The front door, set deep in its socket of stone, needs its green paint refreshed. From the tattered composition shingles of its roof to the dreary roller shades that hang in its windows the house exhales the tired breath of poverty.
What would he say to Ruth if she answered his knock?
Hi. You may not remember me …
Jesus. I wish I didn’t.
No, wait. Don’t close it. Maybe I can help you.
How the hell would you ever help me? Get out. Honest to God, Rabbit, just looking at you makes me sick.
I have money now.
I don’t want it. I don’t want anything that stinks of you. When I did need you, you ran.
O.K., O.K. But let’s look at the present situation. There’s this girl of ours
Girl, she’s a woman. Isn’t she lovely? I’m so proud.
Me too. We should have had lots. Great genes.
Don’t be so fucking cute. I’ve been here for twenty years, where have you been?
It’s true, he could have tried to look her up, he even knew she lived around Galilee. But he hadn’t. He hadn’t wanted to face her, the complicated and accusing reality of her. He wanted to hold her in his mind as just fucked and satisfied, lifting white and naked above him on an elbow. Before he drifted off to sleep she got him a drink of water. He does not know if he loved her or not, but with her he had known love, had experienced that cloudy inflation of self which makes us infants again and tips each moment with a plain excited purpose, as these wands of grass about his knees are tipped with packets of their own fine seeds.
A door down below slams, not on the sides of the house he can see. A voice sounds the high note we use in speaking to pets. Rabbit retreats behind an apple sapling too small to hide him. In his avidity to see, to draw closer to that mysterious branch of his past that has flourished without him, and where lost energy and lost meaning still flow, he has betrayed his big body, made it a target. He crowds so close to the little tree that his lips touch the bark of its crotch, bark smooth as glass save where darker ridges of roughness at intervals ring its gray. The miracle of it: how things grow, always remembering to be themselves. His lips have flinched back from the unintended kiss. Living microscopic red things - mites, aphids, he can see them - will get inside him and multiply.
“Hey!” a voice calls. A woman’s voice, young on the air, frightened and light. Could Ruth’s voice be so young after so many years?
Rather than face who it is, he runs. Up through the heavy orchard grass, dodging among the old fruit trees, breaking through as if a sure lay-up waits on the other side of the ragged hedgerow, onto the red tractor path and back to the Caprice, checking to see if he tore his suit as he trots along, feeling his age. He is panting; the back of his hand is scratched, by raspberries or wild rose. His heart is pounding so wildly he cannot fit the ignition key into the lock. When it does click in, the motor grinds for a few revolutions before catching, overheated from waiting in the sun. The female voice calling “Hey” so lightly hangs in his inner ear as the motor settles to its purr and he listens for pursuing shouts and even the sound of a rifle. These farmers all have guns and think nothing of using them, the years he worked as a typesetter for the Vat hardly a week went by without some rural murder all mixed in with sex and booze and incest.
But the haze of the country around Galilee hangs silent above the sound of his engine. He wonders if his figure had been distinct enough to be recognized, by Ruth who hadn’t seen him since he’d put on all this weight or by the daughter who has seen him once, a month ago. They report this t
o the police and use his name it’ll get back to Janice and she’ll raise hell to hear he’s been snooping after this girl. Won’t wash so good at Rotary either. Back. He must get back. Afraid of getting lost the other way, he dares back around and head back the way he came, past the mailboxes. He decides the mailbox that goes with the farm he spied on down in its little tousled valley with the duck pond is the blue one saying BYER. Fresh sky blue, painted this summer, with a decal flower, the sort of decoration a young woman might apply.
Byer. Ruth Byer. His daughter’s first name Jamie Nunemacher never pronounced, that Rabbit can recall.
He asks Nelson one night, “Where’s Melanie? I thought she was working days this week.”
“She is. She’s gone out with somebody.”
“Really? You mean on a date?”
The Phillies have been rained out tonight and while Janice and her mother are upstairs watching a Waltons rerun he and the kid find themselves in the living room, Harry leafing through the August Consumer Reports that has just come (“Are hair dyes safe?” “Road tests: 6 pickup trucks” “An alternative to the $2000 funeral”) while the boy is looking into a copy of a book he has stolen from Fred Springer’s old office at the lot, which has become Harry’s. He doesn’t look up. “You could call it a date. She just said she was going out.”
“But with somebody.”
“Sure.”
“That’s O.K. with you? Her going out with somebody?”
“Sure. Dad, I’m trying to read.”
The same rain that has postponed the Phils against the Pirates at Three Rivers Stadium has swept east across the Commonwealth and beats on the windows here at 89 Joseph Street, into the lowspreading branches of the copper beech that is the pride of the grounds, and at times thunderously upon the roof and spouting of the front porch roof. “Lemme see the book,” Harry begs, and from within the Barcalounger holds out a long arm. Nelson irritably tosses over the volume, a squat green handbook on automobile dealership written by some crony of old man Springer’s who had an agency in Paoli. Harry has looked into it once or twice: mostly hot air, hotshot stuff geared to the greater volume you can expect in the Philly area. “This tells you,” he tells Nelson, “more than you need to know.”
“I’m trying to understand,” Nelson says, “about the financing.”
“It’s very simple. The bank owns the new cars, the dealer owns the used cars. The bank pays Mid-Atlantic Toyota when the car leaves Maryland; also there’s something called holdback that the manufacturer keeps in case the dealer defaults on parts purchases, but that he rebates annually, and that to be frank about it has the effect of reducing the dealer’s apparent profit in case he gets one of these wiseass customers who takes a great interest in the numbers and figures he can jew you down. Toyota insists we sell everything at their list so there’s not much room for finagling, and that saves you a lot of headaches in my opinion. If they don’t like the price they can come back a month later and find it three hundred bucks higher, the way the yen is going. Another wrinkle about financing, though, is when the customer takes out his loan where we send him - Brewer Trust generally, and though this magazine right here had an article just last month about how you ought to shop around for loans instead of going where the agency recommends it’s a hell of a hassle actually to buck the system, just to save maybe a half of a per cent - the bank keeps back a percentage for our account, supposedly to cover the losses of selling repossessed vehicles, but in fact it amounts to a kickback. Follow me? Why do you care?”
“Just interested.”
“You should have been interested when your granddad Springer was around to be talked to. He ate this crap up. By the time he had sold a car to a customer the poor bozo thought he was robbing old Fred blind when the fact is the deal had angles to it like a spider web. When he wanted Toyota to give him the franchise, he claimed sixty thousand feet of extra service space that was just a patch of weeds, and then got a contractor who owed him a favor to throw down a slab and put up an uninsulated shell. That shop is still impossible to heat in the winter, you should hear ‘Manny bitch.”
Nelson asks, “Did they used to ever chop the clock?”
“Where’d you learn that phrase?”
“From the book.”
“Well. …” This isn’t so bad, Harry thinks, talking to the kid sensibly while the rain drums down. He doesn’t know why it makes him nervous to see the kid read. Like he’s plotting something. They say you should encourage it, reading, but they never say why. “You know chopping the clock is a felony. But maybe in the old days sometimes a mechanic, up in the dashboard anyway, kind of had his screwdriver slip on the odometer. People who buy a used car know it’s a gamble anyway. A car might go twenty thousand miles without trouble or pop a cylinder tomorrow. Who’s to say? I’ve seen some amazing wear on cars that were running like new. Those VW bugs, you couldn’t kill ‘em. The body so rotten with rust the driver can see the road under his feet but the engine still ticking away.” He tosses the chunky green book back. Nelson fumbles the catch. Harry asks him, “How do you feel, about your girlfriend’s going out with somebody else?”
“I’ve told you before, Dad, she’s not my girlfriend, she’s my friend. Can’t you have a friend of the opposite sex?”
“You can try it. How come she settled on moving back here with you then?”
Nelson’s patience is being tried but Harry figures he might as wéll keep pushing, he’s not learning anything playing the silent game. Nelson says, “She needed to blow the scene in Colorado and I was coming east and told her my grandmother’s house had a lot of empty rooms. She’s not been any trouble, has she?”
“No, she’s charmed old Bessie right out of her sneakers. What was the matter with the scene in Colorado, that she needed to blow it?”
“Oh, you know. The wrong guy was putting a move on her, and she wanted to get her head together.”
The rain restates its theme, hard, against the thin windows. Rabbit has always loved that feeling, of being inside when it rains. Shingles in the attic, pieces of glass no thicker than cardboard keeping him dry. Things that touch and yet not.
Delicately Harry asks, “You know the guy she’s out with?”
“Yes, Dad, and so do you.”
“Billy Fosnacht?”
“Guess again. Think older. Think Greek.”
“Oh my God. You’re kidding. That old crock?”
Nelson watches him with an alertness, a stillness of malice. He is not laughing, though the opportunity has been given. He explains, “He called up the Crépe House and asked her, and she thought Why not? It gets pretty boring around here, you have to admit. Just for a meal. She didn’t promise to go to bed with him. The trouble with your generation, Dad, you can only think along certain lines.”
“Charlie Stavros,” Harry says, trying to get a handle on it. The kid seems in a pretty open mood. Rabbit dares go on, “You remember he saw your mother for a while.”
“I remember. But everybody else around here seems to have forgotten. You all seem so cozy now.”
“Times change. You don’t think we should be? Cozy.”
Nelson sneers, sinking lower into the depths of the old sofa. “I don’t give that much of a damn. It’s not my life.”
“It was,” Harry says. “You were right there. I felt sorry for you, Nelson, but I couldn’t think what else to do. That poor girl Jill -“
“Dad -“
“Skeeter’s dead, you know. Killed in a Philadelphia shootout. Somebody sent me a clipping.”
“Mom wrote me that. I’m not surprised. He was crazy.”
“Yeah, and then not. You know he said he’d be dead in ten years. He really did have a certain -“
“Dad. Let’s cool this conversation.”
“O.K. Suits me. Sure.
Rain. So sweet, so solid. In the garden the smallest scabs of earth, beneath the lettuce and lopsided bean leaves perforated by Japanese beetles, are darkening, soaking, the leaves above them gl
istening, dripping, in the widespread vegetable sharing of this secret of the rain. Rabbit returns his eyes to his magazine from studying Nelson’s stubborn clouded face. The best type of fourslice toaster, he reads, is the one that has separate controls for each pair of toast slots. Stavros and Melanie, can you believe? Charlie had kept saying he had liked her style.
As if in apology for having cut his father off when the rain was making him reminiscent, Nelson breaks the silence. “What’s Charlie’s title over there, anyway?”
“Senior Sales Rep. He’s in charge of the used cars and I take care of the new. That’s more or less. In practice, we overlap. Along with Jake and Rudy, of course.” He wants to keep reminding the kid of Jake and Rudy. No rich men’s sons, they give a good day’s work for their dollar.