The next one, sent later that month, had a postmark from England, where Kostos had moved to study at the London School of Economics.
There are five of us in a three-bedroom flat. Karl from Norway, Yusef from Jordan, and a couple of Brits from up north who’ve barely moved in. London is loud and shiny and thrilling. I’ve waited for it for a long time, and still, it’s startling to be here. Classes begin Tuesday. Last night I had a couple of pints (cupla is the term—no matter how many) with Yusef at a pub on our street. I couldn’t help telling him about you. He understood. He has a girl back home.
The next letter was from October. She remembered her surprise at the Greek postmark. It had been written just after Kostos’s grandfather had his heart attack. Kostos had dutifully gone back home to Santorini. Instead of studying macroeconomics with world-famous professors, he was making boat fittings in the archaic family forge. That was the kind of person Kostos was.
Lena, please don’t worry about me. It was my choice to come back. Really. The LSE isn’t going anywhere. I’ve already received a deferment. It was no trouble finding a guy to take over the flat. I’m not sorry about it. My bapi is recovering quickly now. He sat in the forge with me while I worked today. He claims he’ll be back to full schedule by Christmas and I’ll be back in school for the new year, but I don’t need to rush. I’ll take care of Bapi’s business first.
I went swimming in our olive grove the night I got back. I was delirious thinking of you.
He’d originally written making love to you, then crossed it out about a thousand times. But when Lena read the letter from the back in the perfect light, she could read the censored words. And as many times as she read them, their impact never faded. Each word burst like a firework in her brain. Longing. Agony. Bliss. Pain.
Had he made love to this new girlfriend? The thought seared her brain like a hot coal, and she tossed it out as fast as she could.
The next letter she pulled from the pile was from December. The letters from this period still evoked a throb of shame in Lena’s chest. She was only glad she didn’t have possession of her own letters.
Your last letter sounded so distant, Lena. I tried to call you on Monday. Did you get the message? Are you feeling all right? How are your friends? Bee?
I tell myself your spirits were down the day you wrote. You’re fine and we’re fine. I hope it’s true.
Then came fateful January. Whatever courage had bloomed inside her last August had withered in the cold winter. She’d become huddled and impermeable again. She’d written a cowardly letter and he’d responded.
Maybe it’s just too far. The Atlantic Ocean seemed small in September. Now, even the Caldera looms for me like the edge of an uncrossable distance. I have dreams where I swim and swim and I always end up on a different shore of this island. Maybe we’ve been apart too long.
And then she’d broken it off completely, promising herself she would be whole again. But she wasn’t whole again. She was still missing him.
Of course I understand, Lena. I knew this could happen. If I were away in London, working hard in university, it would all feel different to me. Just being here on this island, longing to be somewhere else … I will miss you.
For long nights over many months she imagined that he did miss her. Slowly, stopping and rewinding and stopping again, she played rumbling, narcotic, sometimes X-rated scenarios of what might happen when two people who missed each other that much saw each other at last. No matter that Lena was self-conscious, uninformed, and a virgin many times over. A girl could dream.
But now Kostos had a girlfriend. He’d forgotten her. They’d never see each other again.
The dreams weren’t as pleasing when they had no chance of coming true.
Brian was dressed and sitting patiently at her desk when Tibby woke up the next morning.
She was conscious of how her hair stood up when she first got out of bed. She flattened it with both hands.
“Are you hungry?” he asked her companionably.
She remembered about breakfast. She remembered the IHOP and walking down the highway. She meant to tell Brian about the plan and have him come along. She meant to, but she didn’t.
“I have an early class,” she said.
“Oh.” Brian didn’t bother to hide his disappointment. He didn’t play any of those games where you try to act like you care less than you care.
“Could you meet me for lunch?” she asked. “I’ll get sandwiches from the cafeteria and we can eat ’em by the pond.”
He liked that idea. He did his thing in the bathroom while she dressed. They walked down together. She plotted her getaway. Not that it was so tricky. Brian would never suspect her of being the nasty kid she was.
She pointed across the way to the student union building. “They have Dragon Master in the basement.”
“They do?” Brian looked more interested in college than he ever had before.
“Yeah. I’ll meet you there at noon.” She knew Brian could play for hours on a dollar.
She scuttled toward Masters Hall. Alex’s room was on the first floor. That was where they usually met. He was sitting at his computer with his headphones on. Maura was reading one of his hip-hop magazines on the bed. Neither of them looked up or said anything.
Tibby loitered by the door, knowing they would come when they were ready. She was pleased with the way she had learned their code.
Alex was mixing his soundtrack, she guessed. There were piles of CDs on his desk. Mostly homemade things and obscure labels she only pretended she’d ever heard of. He unplugged the earphones so she and Maura could hear the end of it. There was high-pitched, disturbing reverb and a sort of low, grinding sound underneath. She wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be music or not. Alex looked satisfied. Tibby nodded, wanting it to make sense to her.
“Yo, Tomko. Must have caffeine,” he said, getting up and leading them out the door. Tibby wondered if he had stayed up all night.
They were supposed to sign out when they left campus, but Tibby never brought that up anymore.
They walked for a little less than a mile on the shoulder of the road as cars and trucks whizzed by.
She felt a little sad when the waitress, the gray-haired one with the visor, brought her a huge stack of pancakes. Brian loved pancakes as much as anyone.
Alex was talking about the pimply, chess-playing kid in the room next to his, one of his favorite targets for ridicule.
Tibby thought about Brian, with his Dragon Master T-shirt and his thick, smudgy glasses with their heavy gold frames.
She laughed at something Alex said. Her laugh sounded fake to her own ears.
She wondered. Had she not brought Brian because she was worried about how he would seem to Alex and Maura? Or was it because she worried about how she, Tibby, would seem to Brian?
Bee,
I’m not doing so well with the Pants right now, so I figured I’d just go ahead and send them to you.
Anyway, I’m thinking about you all the time. I was so happy you called last night. Finding Greta right away, it just makes me know you are onto something good.
Go easy on the great state of Alabama, Bee, and remember how much we love you.
Tibby
Life isn’t fair. It’s just fairer than death, that’s all.
—William Goldman
The first few days in Greta’s attic were pure manual labor, pulling boxes down from giant stacks and carrying pieces of furniture and loads of books down to the basement.
The morning of the fifth day, the Traveling Pants appeared in the box Bridget had set up at the post office. She was pleased at first, because the rougher work in the attic was about to start, and she needed them. But the anxiety set in when she got back to her room.
She shuffled around the carpet as she opened the package. With her breath held and every loose part of her sucked in, she began to pull them up. She met resistance at the thighs. She had to stop. She couldn’t keep going with them. What if
she ripped them? How horrible would that be?
She pulled them off fast and pulled on her shorts, breathing hard.
She didn’t want to read too much into this. It didn’t have to mean anything. So she needed to drop a few pounds. She sat down on the bed and rested her head against the wall and tried very hard not to cry.
She held the Pants. She couldn’t just leave them here and ignore them. Maybe the Pants didn’t actually have to be on your person to work their magic. Right? Maybe?
Numbly, Bridget strode from the room, clutching them. She carried them all the way to Greta’s, where she let herself in the side door, as instructed. Greta was in the kitchen, pricking her finger for blood. Quickly Bridget looked away. She’d suspected already that Greta was diabetic. She’d seen the familiar-looking equipment around. Bridget knew about diabetes, because her mother had developed it in the last few years of her life.
“Good morning, Greta,” she said, keeping her eyes down.
“Morning,” Greta replied. “Would you like some breakfast?”
“No, thanks,” Bridget said.
“Orange juice?”
“No. I’ll take some water up with me, if that’s okay.” She went to the refrigerator to get it herself.
Greta was squinting at the Pants. “Are those yours?” she asked.
Bridget nodded.
“Would you like me to wash ’em for you? A little bleach would clean that whole mess right off them.”
Bridget looked aghast. “No! No, thank you.” She cradled them protectively. “I like them how they are.”
Greta clucked and shook her head. “To each her own,” she muttered.
You have no magic in you, Bridget thought.
It was hot in the house, and at least fifteen degrees hotter in the attic. Bridget was already soaked with sweat by the time she got up the stairs.
She had left a pile of boxes in the corner that said MARLY on them in black marker. This was where it got tricky. It was both the part she wanted and the part she dreaded. She perched the pants on a bookshelf and got down to work. Putting her hands on the first box, Bridget didn’t let herself think too much, she just opened it.
Carefully she pulled out some composition books. They were from grade school. Bridget felt a slight ache in her chest at the sight of her mother’s careful cursive. Social Studies, English, Algebra. There was an envelope full of photographs below those. There were birthdays, ice cream outings, a school fair. Her mother seemed to grab Bridget’s eyes in every picture. Her hair glowed and her face never stood still. Bridget had always known she had her mother’s hair.
The box contained many pieces of artwork, mostly on paper plates and crumbling construction paper. Bridget saved what she could and threw the rest in a Hefty bag.
The next box seemed to date from high school. Bridget waded through textbooks and notebooks before she came to the photographs. Marly dancing, Marly cheerleading, Marly posing for cheesecakey shots in her bathing suit, Marly flirting, Marly going to party after party after party with one smug-looking date after another. There were four yearbooks, each filled with photographs of the same sort. Marly-was dramatically overrepresented in each one.
Fourteen yellowed editions of The Huntsville Times contained Marly’s photograph. There were dozens more pictures of her clipped from the local weekly papers. In every one, Marly was magnificent. She was like a movie star, smiling, laughing, shouting, preening. Bridget couldn’t help feeling proud. It wasn’t just her beauty—although that was striking, Bridget mused—but her intensity in every single shot.
Bridget was deeply struck by this girl, but she didn’t feel she knew her personally. This Marly didn’t relate in any obvious way to the woman she had known as her mother. For less than a second Bridget flashed back to her own more recent image of her mother, in the darkened room where she had lain day after day.
“Gilda!”
It was twelve. Greta was calling her down for lunch.
Numbly Bridget went down the stairs. She watched Greta laying out bologna sandwiches and potato chips, her lumpy, arthritic fingers spending an inordinate amount of time folding a paper napkin.
How did she ever come out of you? Bridget found herself wondering.
Carmen spent her afternoon at Lena’s making brownies and M&M cookies and putting them into care packages for Bee and Tibby. Now that it was dinnertime, she was especially glad to be at Lena’s. She didn’t actually love Lena’s dad’s cooking or the overbright halogen lights over the table or the smell of Effie’s quick-dry nail polish that camped out in her nose. But she was glad not to be in her own empty house for the third night in a row.
Tonight her mom and David had gone to a baseball game. Her mother had put her hair back in a ponytail and worn an Orioles cap, which Carmen had found frankly embarrassing.
“This is delicious, Mr. Kaligaris,” Carmen said, sweeping her fork through something that involved spinach.
“Thanks,” he said, nodding.
“So, Carmen,” Effie said, picking up her fork gingerly so she wouldn’t mess up her nails. “I heard that your mom is madly in love.”
Carmen swallowed hard. “Yeah, sort of.” She glared at Lena, searching for signs of disloyalty.
“I didn’t hear it from Lena,” Effie said, picking up on the vibe. “I heard from Melanie Foster. You know her? She’s a hostess at the Ruby Grill. She saw your mom and her boyfriend kissing at the table.”
“Do we need to hear this?” Lena asked.
Carmen felt the spinach thing coming back up.
“Don’t you like the guy?” Effie asked.
“He’s fine,” Carmen said shortly.
Mrs. Kaligaris appeared to be interested, embarrassed, and slightly appalled at the same time. “Nice for your mom that she’s met somebody she really cares for.”
“I guess it’s nice,” Carmen said after a silence. She closed her face off.
Effie, not being an idiot, backed away from the topic.
Carmen glanced at her watch. “Speaking of … she’s supposed to be picking me up in a couple minutes.” She looked around to make sure that everyone was more or less finished with dinner. “I should probably go get my stuff.” She cleared her plate. “Sorry to … you know … eat and run.”
“That’s fine, honey,” Mrs. Kaligaris said. “I’m sorry to be eating so late tonight.”
The Kaligarises always ate late. Carmen figured it was the Greek way.
For the next fifty-five minutes, Lena sat with Carmen in the living room, waiting for Christina.
“She could at least call,” Carmen said. She had said that a few times already. It suddenly occurred to her that it was the kind of thing her mother used to say about her.
Lena yawned. “It takes forever to get out of the stadium. I’m sure she’s stuck in the parking lot or something.”
“She’s too old to go to a baseball game,” Carmen muttered.
Mrs. Kaligaris came down in her bathrobe to get something from the kitchen. Almost all the lights in the house were off. “Carmen, you know you’d be welcome to sleep over if you’d like.”
Carmen nodded. She felt like crying.
At 10:44 a car pulled up outside. David’s car.
Lena, the early riser, was practically asleep on the sofa. She roused herself and touched Carmen on the elbow as Carmen stomped to the door. “It’s okay,” Lena said gently.
“Nena, it was a mad house,” Christina erupted as soon as Carmen opened the car door. “I am so sorry.”
Christina’s face was too happy and excited to look as if she were so sorry or really cared very much at all.
“Carmen, I feel bad. I apologize,” David said earnestly.
Then why are you smiling like that? Carmen felt like asking.
She slammed the car door and sat in silence.
Christina and David whispered things to each other as they pulled up in front of the apartment building. Carmen made no effort to hear what they were saying. She leaped out of t
he car so she didn’t have to watch the good-night kiss.
Carmen didn’t try to hold the elevator doors, so her mother had to run to make it. In the close confines of the elevator car, Carmen perceived with disgust that her mom’s breath smelled of beer.
“Sweetheart, really,” Christina said. “I know we were late, but if you had seen the traffic … The game was sold out, and … well, you’ve never minded having extra time at Lena’s house….”
Her eyes had a bright and tipsy look. She badly wanted Carmen to let this one go and leave her in her happy world.
Carmen walked ahead of her mother down the hall and used her keys to open the door. She wasn’t going to let it go.
“I hate you,” she told her mother, filled with shame and desperation as she stomped off to bed.
That night, Tibby stayed in with Brian. She could have sneaked him into the cafeteria, but she rejected the idea. Instead, they ordered a pizza and had it delivered to the room.
Afterward they both lay on the floor with paper and pens and pencils. Brian had the radio tuned to a classical station.
“What’s that?” he asked, looking at the path of squares she was making over two large sheets of paper.
“It’s kind of a … a storyboard, I guess.”
He nodded, interested.
He too was hard at work. He was drawing a comic, Tibby guessed. His people had large heads and eyes. They weren’t very good. They reminded her of those cheesy shiny-eyed sad-children paintings. He bit the inside of his cheek when he concentrated. He moved his lips around when he shaded with his pencil.
Tibby was considering her frames when she noticed the music. It was some sort of symphony, maybe. She realized that Brian was whistling. The crazy thing was, he was whistling along with the music. Hundreds of notes, and he seemed to hit all of them.