"Are you serious?" A.A. turned her eyes to the screen. Kandace had a tricky splits-over-a-crevasse maneuver to perform if Adam was going to escape the piranha-infested river with his lycra trousers intact. There! She'd nailed it. "You're the one who's so vain. Thinking everything is about you!"
"Why don't you go find some girls to hang out with?" he sneered, poking her in the back with one foot.
"Don't touch me!" she hissed, twisting away.
"Coming at you, A.A.!" Ned warned her, his mouth half-full of cookies. Jeanine would kill him if she found chocolate chip pieces on the cream-colored armchair, but he was probably counting on Jeanine being distracted right now: She had a new boyfriend in Santa Barbara, some film director who owned a winery, and spent most of her time zipping
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up and down the Pacific coast in his private jet, trying to persuade him to redecorate its interior in blueberry and melon ("colors soothing to the sky").
"Oh crap!" Onscreen, Kandace took a hard blow from a tumbling boulder, leaving Adam to clamber on alone. "Look what you made me do!"
Tri said nothing. Ned had stuffed the rest of the cookies in his mouth and grabbed a joystick: He and Ziggy/Adam were soon soaring up the side of a cliff. A.A. tossed her controller onto the floor and sat back on the sofa, turning her head to glower at Tri. He was such a pill. She didn't understand why Ned let him hang out so often. Who needed a grumpy dwarf spoiling everything? They may as well just buy a garden gnome and stand it in front of the fireplace. At least it wouldn't talk. It certainly wouldn't eat all the pizza.
"Where's Hunter tonight?" Tri glared straight back at her. "Don't tell me he's sick of you already?"
"None of your business," she retorted. It was weak, but she was too mad to think of anything smart to say. Actually, she didn't know what Hunter was up to right now, and she didn't really care. They were still going out, officially, but he didn't text her fifty times a day anymore, and when he did try to reach her, she often just blew him off.
He was nice and all, and he still liked her, as far as she
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knew. But it was hardly the romance of the century. Maybe love and stuff just wasn't going to work out for her. After she kissed Tri at the Seven party, all it did was drive him back into the arms of Ashley anyhow.
"I did warn you about him. Maybe he's just playing you," Tri suggested, his voice low. A.A. could barely speak. How could she ever have liked Tri? She really hated his guts now. His new girlfriend was welcome to him. Actually, A.A. felt sorry for her--she probably had no idea what a dweeb she was dating.
"You total jackass," she hissed back. "You're the player! You totally played me."
Tri looked floored. "What are you talking about?"
"As if you don't know!" She folded her arms, pretending to be interested in the video game still going on, but her eyes couldn't focus. "You say you're about to break up with Ashley, but that was just one big lie. Next thing I know, you're Velcro'd to her side. That's the last time I believe a word you say."
"Look, I ... you have to know what really happened." Tri sat forward, his face crumpling and his voice suddenly hoarse. "It's not what you think."
"I don't think anything," A.A. shot back. Her phone, slung onto the coffee table when she sat down, started trilling and vibrating at the same time. "I know. End of discussion."
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"Man, your phone's loud," complained Ziggy, writhing on the floor.
"Okay, okay." A.A. grabbed it and peered at the screen. It was Ashley. Another person she didn't really feel like speaking to right now. The phone stopped ringing, and then almost immediately started trilling again. Whatever Ashley had to say, it was obviously urgent.
Without a backward glance at Tri, A.A. marched off to her bedroom to answer the phone and find out what was so earth-shatteringly important.
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15 MISSION: MAKEOVER, OR MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE?
I S THIS REALLY NECESSARY?" SADIE LOOKED UP at Lauren from underneath several layers of tinfoil. The smell of hair dye permeated Lauren's bathroom, which had been turned for the day into a full-scale replica of a beauty salon.
Lauren had prescribed major high- and low-lights all over. Platinum on top, honey blond on the bottom, and fat, juicy, buttery streaks everywhere. But for now, Sadie looked like nothing more than a tinsel Christmas tree.
After the showdown at MODs the other day, it had taken all of Lauren's charm to win Sadie's trust back. Still, even though she was still a little peeved, Sadie was a realist. Without Lauren, she had nobody. Plus, she seemed to accept the fact that Lauren was one of the Ashleys now, as long as Lauren made time for her as well.
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Once they'd patched things up over a tedious game of Sorry!, Lauren had gently suggested that Sadie might want to change the way she looked and acted if she wanted to have a better life at Miss Gamble's, and offered all the resources at her disposal, including her hairstylist, personal shopper, and life coach.
If only Sadie would be more appreciative! It had been hell trying to book an at-home visit with Etienne, who was based in New York. Her mother had told her he'd had to bump Maria Shriver and Hayden "Pantywear" to squeeze Lauren in. What Trudy hadn't known was that the appointment was really for Sadie.
"Trust me," Lauren said, leaning on the marble counter. "Or really, trust Etienne."
Sadie sighed so forcefully she rattled several of the tinfoil squares. "Tsk tsk!" Etienne scolded, continuing to brush, wrap, and fold.
Lauren was glad when her phone began to buzz, offering some relief from Sadie's constant agonizing over what Etienne was doing to her hair. You'd think she was getting a root canal instead of a beauty treatment.
Lauren left the room and pulled out her phone. It was a text from Christian. Of her two boyfriends, Christian was probably her favorite. He was so funny and goofy, his dark blond hair always adorably disheveled, his green eyes sparkling at her. She read his message.
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R U HOME?
JUST, she texted back.
COOL. ON MY WAY.
What? Lauren was startled. They hadn't arranged to meet up today. She thought Christian had crew practice on Wednesday afternoons. In fact, she knew he had practice, because her other boyfriend--dark, brooding Alex--was on the crew team at Saint Aloysius and had practice on Thursdays, and Lauren had to be very careful about scheduling her dates with them accordingly. Practice must have been canceled.
SURE, C U SOON, she texted, but there was no reply. She dropped her phone onto the glass-topped vanity.
"What do you think?" asked Sadie, as Etienne unwrapped one square of tinfoil to show Lauren the developing color.
"Nice," said Lauren, as her phone buzzed again. Maybe Christian was here already and wanted her to come outside. Her mother intimidated him, and Lauren thought he might be annoyed by Trudy's occasional habit of calling him "Chrissy." She picked up her phone and checked the message, trying to disregard Sadie's pout.
R U AROUND?
Oh no.
It was Alex.
2, L8-GOING OUT, she texted back frantically. The last
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thing she needed was Alex dropping by while Christian was here. This house was big, but not big enough for two boyfriends wanting her undivided attention. Her mother knew what was going on and was even secretly proud.
Sadie would probably think she was kind of slutty, trying to have two relationships at once. Maybe she was kind of slutty. But there wasn't time to worry about that now!
DEX SEZ UR HERE.
Yikes! Lauren felt her face sizzling. Alex was obviously outside in the driveway, chatting with Dex. Didn't Dex have work to do? Computer work that involved being inside? He'd probably let Alex in the gate and blabbed that she was in there, hanging out with a friend. Christian was going to be here any minute. What was she going to do?
"Lauren!" Her mother's singsong voice rang out on the intercom, a recent addition to her room. Trudy said she was tired of sending t
ext messages to Lauren every time she wanted to tell her something, so now they had a bothersome intercom system. "Christian's at the door, honey."
"Coming," she croaked. This was the worst possible news. How was she going to get out of this disaster?
"Who's Christian?" asked Sadie, looking up from her magazine. Lauren's head was spinning too fast to answer the question.
"Just stay here--I won't be long," she mumbled, racing
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out of her room and along the hallway. She had to get there as quickly as possible, to drag Christian out of sight before Alex arrived. But hang on--wasn't Alex already there, chewing the fat with Dex in the driveway? Lauren's Olympic-speed slowed to a crawl. There wasn't any point in rushing if all she was rushing into was a whole heap of trouble.
Trudy was hovering in the glass-fronted front lobby; Lauren could see her from the end of the second hallway. Her mother looked bemused and excited, the way she always did when Christian or Alex came over, as though she was delighted to have a daughter who was so popular and grownup all of a sudden. Too popular, thought Lauren glumly, dragging herself the final few feet toward the lobby. Trudy's mouth opened and closed; she stared at Lauren and shook her head. What?
Lauren rounded the corner, her heart thudding, into the sun-filled, marble-floored lobby. And there they were.
Christian. And Alex. Chatting. Laughing.
"I'll get chef to bring out some lemonade," Trudy decided, flapping off in the direction of the kitchen. For a split second Lauren thought about grabbing her, begging her to stay. But it was too late. Her mother had gone, and she was alone with her boyfriends. Make that ex-boyfriends. The two of them had figured it out, right?
But what was so funny?
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"Hey, there you are," Christian drawled. "What's up?"
"I just came over to drop off your Latin book--you left it the other day," Alex said, handing over the thick textbook. "Thanks for all the help. I'd stay, but my mom's already annoyed I'm not home in time for her paella. See you, Chris. Later, Lauren." Then he disappeared into the backseat of his parents' Mercedes and drove away.
"I didn't know you knew Alex," Christian said.
"Yeah ... we, uh ... I tutor him in Latin." Lauren shrugged. "How do you know him?" she asked, as her phone started to ring with the thudding beat of 50 Cent's "In Da Club," Ashley's favored ringtone for her birthday-party countdown. Whatever Ashley wanted, it could wait. Lauren forwarded it to voice mail.
"We play in the same lacrosse league," said Christian. "But his team sucks." He grinned.
Lauren nodded. Of course it would make sense that the two of them would know each other. She would have to tread carefully, but it seemed as if her nightmare scenario had not come to pass. They didn't know! They hadn't figured it out! Had she really gotten away with it this time? It appeared so.
"Do you want to come in?"
Christian shook his head. "Nah, I was just in the area and thought I'd say hi." He ruffled her hair. "You look cute in your uniform. But I should go. My dad gets mad when I miss
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his night with us. Anyway, shouldn't you get that?" he asked, meaning her phone, which had begun to ring again. It's your birthday, we gon party... She hit ignore again and sentenced the call to voice mail.
"Bye." Lauren nodded, smiling and stepping into his arms. "You look cute too." She gave Christian a quick kiss, since she could hear Dex out in the graveled driveway, calling to them and laughing. She was going to get teased so badly on the way to school tomorrow. She'd rather catch a bus than listen to one of Dex's lectures about her dental work again.
She waved Christian away as he walked down the hill, feeling more relieved than anything.
"Who was that guy out there?" Sadie asked, when Lauren returned to her bedroom. Étienne was wielding a hair dryer, making final adjustments and fluffing up his masterpiece. Lauren was impressed. Sadie looked like she could be on the cover of a magazine. At least, her hair did.
"What guy?" asked Lauren.
"The dark-haired one? He's a total hottie."
"Oh, that's Alex," Lauren told her, as her phone began to ring again, but Fi'ty didn't sing this time. She held her breath to see if it was Alex, wondering what on earth Christian was doing at her house, or Christian, calling to say he had figured it out and was breaking up with her. But it was
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just Ashley again. Calling from her home line this time.
Sadie looked in the mirror and studied her new look. "Is he your boyfriend?"
Lauren nodded, not bothering to explain the two-guys scenario. "Can you excuse me?" she told Sadie, taking the phone into the other room. She had to take the call. Even though Lauren was plotting the end of her reign, Ashley Spencer was still not someone she could afford to brush off for very long.
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16 THE SCREAM HEARD AROUND THE WORLD
A SHLEY HAD NEWS, AND WHEN ASHLEY HAD news it could not wait. It required an all-i Ashleys conference call, run from the nerve center of the entire operation--her four-poster bed. She'd already wasted ten minutes trying to track everyone down, because apparently everyone was too busy with their own unimportant little lives to help Ashley in her hour of need.
Lili was annoyed because she was about to meet Max to go over last-minute details about their camping trip, A.A. was at home playing video games, and Lauren had yet to pick up the phone--Ashley had spotted her leaving school with Sadie Graham, of all people, but she was too upset right then to deal with that information, because this was a true emergency.
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In fact, this was the worst crisis in her entire almost thirteen years of life--much worse than the cancellation of Preteen Queen, and much worse than getting dumped by Tri. The first she could pretend she didn't care about, and the second she could lie about. But not this!
This was going to go public. There was no way this could be covered up. Ashley flung herself on the bed, speed-dialing each number over and over. The Ashleys had to be the first to know.
"What is it?" Lili demanded. "Max just told me not to forget to buy something called 'deet.' Does anyone even know what that is?"
"It's bug spray. Anyway, Ash, if this is about your party, can it wait until tomorrow?" A.A. moaned. "I'm kind of not in the mood."
"Hello?" Lauren had picked up finally! 'What's up? Make it fast, because Etienne gets annoyed when I answer the phone--"
"WILL YOU ALL PLEASE LISTEN!" Ashley shrieked. It was always me, me, me with these girls. "I have some terrible news."
"The party's off?" Lili asked, shocked. "No!"
"You can't get the StripHall Queens? Bummer." That was A.A., of course. "No!"
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"Your parents won't let you invite the whole grade?" asked Lauren. "Maybe I could come talk to them and explain how--"
"BE QUIET!" Ashley roared. "It's not about the party, okay? It's about me. Me and my parents!"
"They're getting divorced! cried Lili, and then there was a clunk like she'd dropped the phone.
"They are so not getting divorced, thank you very much!" Ashley was indignant.
"But your dad's left? Is that it?" A.A. sounded distracted. "Don't worry about it. My dad left, and it's more fun. Plus, he feels so guilty he buys the best Christmas presents. And sometimes Ned's dad sends us random things out of the blue, like that guitar signed by all the members of Linkin Park. Although sometimes the presents aren't that great, like one time he sent us an Ab Roller and we had to give it to the maid."
"Daddy isn't going anywhere," Ashley fumed. "Would you please all stop talking and listen?"
"Sorry, Ashley," said Lauren. That was more like it. Ashley sat up on the bed, legs crossed, phone gripped in trembling fingers.
"My mother," she began, not sure she had the strength to go on. She swallowed. "My mother ..."
"Has cancer?"
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"Is having an affair?"
"Isn't your real mother?"
"MY MOTHER
IS PREGNANT!" Ashley shrieked. There was total silence from the other Ashleys. At last, some respect! "My parents just told me. They're all ecstatic about it. They think it's the greatest thing ever!"
"Well," said Lauren slowly, "it could be worse."
"My little sisters are really cute," Lili chimed in. "They let me dress them up like dolls. And your parents'll get a nanny, so it's not like you'll have to clean up after them."
"Are you even listening?" This was not the sympathy Ashley was expecting. Her friends weren't focusing on the key issue: What would people say when they heard this embarrassing news? Wasn't her mother way too old?
This new baby meant that her life as she knew it was essentially over. Ashley loved being an only child. Loved it. If--when--her mother had another child, how could she still get all the adoration, affection, and attention she was used to? How would her mother have any energy left to focus on Ashley's needs--her clothes, her social life, her birthday parties--when there was a crying baby in the house?
"Is your party still on?" Lauren seemed anxious.
"It better be," muttered Ashley, pulling a down-filled pillow over her face. She'd only just managed to get her party reinstated to its grand heights of fabulosity after her parents
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saw the new guest list, and Ashley told them it had to be huge because Miss Gamble's practically dictated it. Her parents better not even think of trying cancellation part deux. This baby was already wreaking havoc on her life!
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17 THE GIRL WHO CRIED BEAR
L ILI LAY ON THE COLD, HARD GROUND LISTENING to the rain pattering on the tent and--even worse-- listening to Jezebel and Cassandra giggling about a trick they were planning to play on the boys in the morning. She wasn't really paying attention, but apparently it involved slopping mud into their boots. Real mature. If this was camping heaven, then Lili would rather be in hell.