"Who?"
"My daddy, that's who. Don't vou listen?"
She stared at me, then she drank some more of her whiskey.
"Try it again," she said, offering me the bottle. You have to get used to it first. Go on. You don't want to be a child. Not with your body and stuff. Besides, this is like training. First time I drank something. I got sick as hell because I didn't have any training." She pumped the bottle at me. and I slipped off the chair and took it. "Just do it slower, a little at a time. Go ahead."
I sipped and swallowed. It was still hot in my throat and chest. but I didn't cough. She nodded, happy, and encouraged me to take another drink and another.
"That's it. You got it. See. Go ahead, take one long swallow now."
I did. She was happy and took the bottle back,
"This is some of Granddaddy's finest. He don't know how much he has. Sometimes, I pour a little water in a bottle and he can't tell what I took and what I didn't,"
I sat again. I could feel it bubbling in my stomach. "You like sitting there in that stupid dress?'
"I don't know."
"You don't know? How can you not know? You look stipid. Just take it off. She's asleep and won't care anymore anyway. Here," she said. rising. "I'll help you by undoing these dumb safety pins. I swear, this is the silliest..."
She started to undo them, and the dress began to float around me again. She helped me take it off completely and tossed it on the floor. Then she stared at me. I was wearing an undershirt and panties. I could smell the whiskey on her breath and wondered if it was that strong a smell on mine.
"What's this?" she asked, lifting my locket in her palm.
"Pictures of my parents." I said. She dropped it as if it had been hot.
"Lotta good that does," she muttered, then looked at me hard again and smiled. "You're gain! to have a dynamite figure in no time Boys be drooling around you, When I was your age, all I did was dream about growing."
"My mother was sad that I was going to miss too much."
"Too much of what?" She smirked. "The film starts now. Jordan. You just don't know it yet."
She drank some more of her whiskey and shook her head.
"You want to try some more?" she asked, offering me the bottle again,
"No. thanks."
My head felt strange and my eyelids became heavier and heavier. The churning in my stomach increased, reminding me about the chicken and ice cream I had eaten for dinner. Alanis got up, paced about and kept talking as if she couldn't stop. She didn't even pause for a breath, and she waved her arms and hands as she spoke. Half of what she said I didn't hear. She noticed I wasn't paying attention and stopped in front of me.
"Listen to me so I don't waste my breath. Boys your age are babies. you know. You got to have a boyfriend who's older. I'll help you find the right one. We'll sit together on the school bus, but I won't see you much in school. You're down on the first floor and I'm up on the second and third, but we have lunch the same time, so don't you worry about it. I'll see you whenever I can, and if you have any problems, you come find me. I'll give you my room schedule.'" She started to pace again. "You just look through the window in the doorway and I'll see you and come out."
"Maybe my teacher won't let me out of the classroom."
She stopped walking and turned to me. "Just say you gotta go to the bathroom. She gotta let you out then. Or you can say you got your period. They hate hearing that, and when you tell them, especially the man teachers, they let you do whatever you want. Just to get you away from them. It always works for me. 'Course, you have Mrs. Morgan, but she hates hearing about it as much as men do."
"Oh."
"Yeah. oh. I can see there's lots of stuff you gotta learn," she said. "You've been living too long in some castle."
My eyes widened. That was what Ian thought Grandmother believed the mansion was, a castle. How did Alanis know?
"I've been living too long in a grass hut,' she muttered to herself. She suddenly looked very angry. I was beginning to feel chilled. Even though it was warm upstairs and outside, the basement was dank and cool. I embraced myself and moaned.
"I need to put on something else," I said. She stopped pacing and talking and looked at me. "I'd better go upstairs now."
"Yeah. right, It's getting late anyway."
I started to get up, and she put her hand on my shoulder.
"Before you go up, let me see your boobs, how they're cooking.'
"My boobs?"
"Breasts." She put her fingers at my undershirt and started to lift it. "It's just us, two girls. Don't worry," she said. and I lifted my arms.
She stared at me almost the way I remembered Ian staring, and then she nodded.
"Yep, you're well on your way, girl. Look at those stretch marks." She squinted. "No one tell you to wear a bra?"
I shook my head.
"You don't have to. I hate wearing a bra. Your brother ever see you naked?"
"Uh-huh. I was his Sister Project."
"Sister Project? What's that mean?"
"He was studying me and keeping records. That's why he was so and at Miss Harper. She took his records and showed them to Grandmother Emma."
"I'll bet that made him angry. Tell me about it," she said, getting more excited. "How'd he study you?"
"He measured me and kept records."
"Kept records?" She laughed. "Is that what he called it?"
"Why shouldn't he call it that?"
"Yeah, I want to meet your brother one of these days."
"He can't come here."
"Well," she said, swaying a little, "maybe we'll find out where he is exactly and go see him."
"We will?"
"Why not? We get the money, we can do anything we want. right?"
"I don't know."
"Well. I do, damn it, so stop saying 'I don't know.' You just work on getting us the money."
She let go of my shirt and I rose quickly.
"Trust me. I'm the best friend you gonna ever have," she said. She hugged me and stepped away. "I'm going out this way," she said, nodding at the basement door and turning off the radio. "I'll see you tomorrow. Remember, don't tell your great-aunt about this clubhouse. Don't tell anyone and don't mention it around my mother or my granddaddy, okay?"
"Okay," I said.
"Take that dumb dress up with you in case she asks about it," she called to me.
I returned from the stairway and scooped it into my arms.
"I'll see if I can get Granddaddy to drive us into town tomorrow. We can hang out at the mall or something. Don't you have any money at all?"
'No.' I said.
"Well, ask her for some in the morning. Tell her you need stuff for school like notebooks and pens and things. You do anyway, and if I tell Granddaddy that, he'll be more apt to drive us there, okay?"
"Okay," I said,
"I still want to hear more about that weird brother of yours," she called from the basement door.
"He's not weird. He's smart." I said.
"Same thing to me," she said and left laughing,
As I started up the stairs, my chicken and ice cream dinner, mixed with the whiskey I had drunk, announced itself again in my throat and I gagged before I opened the door and entered the hallway. I felt very dizzy. too. For a moment I just stood there. confused, Then I went to the living room and looked in at Great-aunt Frances,
She had slid down on the sofa so that her head was on the arm and her feet were dangling. I didn't see how she could stay asleep in such an uncomfortable position. The television was still on with the volume as loud as it had been, but she was fast asleep. I wanted to wake her and tell her I wasn't feeling well. but I was too frightened to do it. She would want to know where I'd been, and she might smell the whiskey on my breath. I thought. so I turned and started up the stairway to my room.
Before I got to the top, the food came up again and I had to cover my mouth and hurry down the hallway to the bathroom. I made it to the toilet
just in time and started to heave up everything. I was so loud, crying and vomiting, that I thought Great-aunt Frances would hear me for sure, but when I stopped and sat on the floor, I didn't hear anything but my own moaning.
I was surprised to discover I was still clinging to the big dress. I was hugging it to me, in fact. Finally. I was able to stand and walk. I went to my bedroom and looked for my pajamas. My head was pounding and tears were streaming down my cheeks. but I managed to change and crawl into bed. I was too tired to read Ian's letters, and that made me and at myself.
I realized I had left the light an in the bathroom and the bedroom door open. but I was too sick to get up and go out to turn it off. I just wanted to close my eyes. I embraced the bag of Ian's letters and turned on my side.
Images of the long and troubling day flashed on the insides of my eyelids. I moaned. I called out for Mommy and far Ian and I crunched my legs up against my stomach to make it feel better. Finally, I fell asleep, but I woke up with a start in the middle of the night, confused and lost. It took me a while to realize where I was. It was dark now. I imagined that Great- aunt Frances had finally come up to bed and put out the lights in the bathroom and hallway.
The shades had been drawn down on my windows so that even the moonlight was locked out. My eyes slowly got used to it, and suddenly. I saw someone sitting across from me. My heart stopped and started, and then I shifted and heard. 'How are you feeling, dear?" I realized it was Great-aunt Frances.
"My tummy hurts." I said,
"Yes. I saw what went on in the bathroom. Don't worry. I've taken care of it. It was just too much excitement too fast, coming to a new home, meeting me for the first time, getting used to your new bed. That's what my mother would tell me, and she would be right, of course. Mothers are usually always right. I've been sitting here worrying about you."
She rose and came to the bed to stroke my hair.
"You'll be fine in the morning. You just need to sleep and sleep and sleep. Don't worry about getting up early. Whenever you get up, that's when morning begins in this house. Sometimes. I sleep until noon. No one rings any bells here. Of course, it'll be different when you start school. You'll have to get up and have breakfast and get on the bus. The bus won't wait for you, but on weekends, you can sleep as long as your little heart wants, okay?"
"Okay." I said in a little voice that made me sound even younger than I was.
"We're doing to have so much fun together, but you're going to do well in school. too. I'll help you as much as I can. although I wasn't half as good a student as Emma was. I promise I'll do more and more around the house. We'll think about fixing it up and making it prettier. Maybe new curtains and new carpets and even new furniture, if Emma agrees, of course. But don't worry. We'll make sure you have everything you need. We're going to be our own little family, and we're going to be so happy that Emma will be surprised.
"You know why she'll be surprised?" she asked me.
I couldn't make out her expression that well, but I thought she was smiling.
"No," I said. "Why?"
"Because she sent you here to punish me," she said. She laughed as she adjusted my blanket around me and stroked my hair again. "But we're going to turn the tables on her. You know what that means?"
"No."
"It means she'll have punished herself," she told me, kissed my forehead and walked to the doorway. "Sweet dreams. Melody Ann Pinewood," she said and closed the door softly, laughing to herself in the darkness.
Why would my coming here be a way of punishing her? Why would Grandmother Emma want to do that anyway?
I was too tired to think about it. I curled against the blanket and closed my eves. When I did. I saw my mother's smiling face and heard her singing that soft lullaby she sang to me when I was very little. Like an incoming tide, the visions of her in her coma came rushing in to chase away my happy memories. I felt an ache in my chest and the tears pushing at my eyelids.
"Mama," I whispered, as if I'd only been two or three.
I was grateful for my descent into the darkness of my own deep sleep, but late at night I woke up with a start, forgetting where I was. I sat up, my heart beating hard and fast. After a moment I remembered and started to lower my head to the pillow when all of a sudden. I heard what I was positive sounded like someone sobbing. It was muffled and seemed as if it was coming from faraway, I listened hard and thought the crying was above me. After a few more moments of it, it stopped. I remained awake, listening, and now thought there was the sound of someone shuffling along. Then, even that stopped and the house was quiet again, dark and quiet. I closed my eyes, and soon what I had heard felt more like a dream.
Because the shades didn't quite fit the windows, the morning light slipped in all around me and teased my eyelids until they reluctantly opened and I saw a rag doll sitting up on the chair brought close to the bed. It looked brand new. I reached out for it, and a note fell off, I sat up, then picked up the note.
To Jordan, it read.
Every little girl needs a doll to hold and talk to, especially at nightwhen it's dark and she's all alone.
This belonged to Emma but she never held it once. Now it yours.
Great-Aunt Frances.
6 Lost and Forgotten
. The moment the sunlight woke me. I thought there were two small drums being pounded behind my eyes. I closed them quickly and waited, but it didn't help. The thumping was so loud that I imagined Great-aunt Frances could hear it through the walls, When I sat up, a deep, bass moan came out of my mouth like a hiccup. Then I really did start to hiccup. I hurried to the bathroom to wash my face in cold water and drink some. My hiccups were so loud I was sure I would wake Great-aunt Frances if she wasn't already up. I listened for her and heard nothing, not a sound. I didn't even hear a breeze outside the windows or any creaks in the floors, walls and pipes. as I expected I would in such an old house. I did hear the rooster, but he sounded far away.
Back in Grandmother Emma's mansion, where we'd been forbidden to make unnecessary noise, there had been the sounds of work being done most of the time, either by Nancy somewhere in the house or the grounds people, but from what I had learned about Mae Betty's night job. I didn't expect to see her or hear her over here early. I wondered if I would see her here at all. since Felix had left and wasn't around to threaten her. I thought if he returned today, he would be very upset. She really hadn't done as much as she should have with the upstairs. There were still cobwebs and gobs of dust in the hallway, and except for the repair of the window shades in my room. Nothing looked any better or any different. Lester had fixed the leaks in the bathroom. however.
I returned to my bedroom and got dressed to have breakfast. I wanted to just lie there and begin reading Ian's letters, but my gurgling stomach was telling me I needed good food. I made my bed as quickly as I could, satisfied that I had done a far better job than Great-aunt Frances had. I told myself that maybe I should make it my job to make hers as well every day. I could keep a list of chores the way our minder, Miss Harper, had wanted me to keep. Greataunt Frances would surely appreciate that, and when Grandmother Emma found out, she would be very proud of me.
I hesitated in the hallway, listening for Greataunt Frances. Why wasn't she up and about? I still didn't hear anything. so I went to look in on her. Her bedroom door was open. She was wrapped up in her blanket so tightly that it looked like a giant spider had spun it around her. She slept across the bed as if the bed had turned under her during the night. Her Gone With the Wind costume was in a pile on the floor, and her shoes lay where she had kicked them off. I saw that her hair was down and over her cheeks, the strands so close to her mouth that she could have been chewing on them.
Miss Puss was in the bed with her. The cat opened her eyes to look at me but didn't move. She closed her eyes again, as if she wasn't permitted to wake up before Great-aunt Frances. I shifted my feet and cleared my throat, but she didn't stir. so I left her and went down to the kitchen. I thought I would su
rprise her by making breakfast for both of us.
I explored every cabinet and drawer to learn where everything was, and then I started to make scrambled eggs. There was nearly a dozen in the refrigerator, and they did look recently gathered. There were still smudges of dirt on the shells, but I didn't find any orange or grapefruit juice. There was no fresh fruit. As long as I could remember. I'd had juice or fresh fruit with my breakfast. I had forgotten my vitamins. If Ian had been here, he would have lectured Great-aunt Frances about the basic foods.
The bread I found in the bread box was covered with mold. I wondered why Mae Betty hadn't thrown it out. There was part of another loaf in the
refrigerator, however, and I found the toaster in a cabinet. It was full of old crumbs. I shook them out over the sink, then thought about making Great-aunt Frances coffee. too. Nancy had shown me how. I found the coffeemaker, but I couldn't find any coffee. I found some tea and a can of hot chocolate. I didn't know which to make but decided to do the hot chocolate.
Suddenly. I heard the sound of an engine. I peered out the window and saw Lester Marshall on the tractor. The wheel had been repaired and he was cutting the grass and weeds at the side of the house, working his way toward the barn with his dog. Bones, trailing lazily behind. Neither Alanis nor her mother was anywhere in sight, and the shades on the windows of their house were drawn down.
After I finished making the scrambled eggs and toast. I found some jam and a silver tray. Surely. I thought. Great-aunt Frances would have to be awake by now. I started up the stairs, carrying it all carefully. I had once made breakfast with Nancy and brought it to my mother and father. However, when
Grandmother Emma had found out, she'd warned Nancy to be sure every crumb had been cleaned up in my parents' bedroom. She hadn't been happy about food in either my or Ian's room either, but she'd had no problem with being served in her room whenever she'd been under the weather.
When I returned to Great-aunt Frances's bedroom. I was surprised to see that she still hadn't moved. Miss Puss raised her head, however, and this time stood and stretched. I waited in her room with the tray, not sure what I should do. Finally, my greataunt's eyelids fluttered and she saw me. From the puzzled look on her face. I thought she had forgotten who I was. Then she sat up, ground the sleep out of her eyes and clapped her hands together.